


What remains

by Vandariel



Series: Natalia Trevelyan [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adventures, Artworks, Avvar, Avvar Cullen, Cameos, Caring Relationship, Conflict, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Cullen Smut, Developing Romance, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Dominant, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Inquisition, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, Explicit Smut, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Hidden Relationship, Illustration, Kissing, Romance, Secret Relationship, Secret Wedding, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Soft bondage, Spontaneous sex, Sweet Cullen Rutherford, Teasing, Wedding, blowjob, dom avvar cullen, explicit - Freeform, from enemies to lovers, love reveal, petting, smut with plot, soft smut, supressing feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 108,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vandariel/pseuds/Vandariel
Summary: After the catastrophe in the conclave, Natalia Trevelyan was on her way to the temple with the Seeker and the other companions to close the breach. On the way there she met someone she had seen before - Cullen Rutherford. But the meeting did not go well for her.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan
Series: Natalia Trevelyan [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738369
Comments: 15
Kudos: 75





	1. I will prove it to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the catastrophe in the conclave, Natalia Trevelyan was on her way to the temple with the Seeker and the other companions to close the breach. On the way there she met someone she had seen before - Cullen Rutherford. But the meeting did not go well for her.

  
_Artwork by Wolf of Ferelden_

"What do you think we should do?" Cassandra asked, gazing at Natalia who stood there with folded arms with a snapped expression on her face.

"Wait, you're asking me for my opinion? Five minutes ago, I was an enemy for you - a prisoner!" She raised confusedly. Cassandra understood her wonder all too well: A woman who appears from nowhere, has a glowing hand and will be taken as a prisoner without even knowing what she had done. She believed Natalia that she really doesn’t remember any details of what happened at the conclave but Cassandra knew that she would be able to close the breach.

"I understand your appal, but maybe your opinion will save you the way to the gallows," Varric said firmly while tucking his sleeves of his leather coat. Natalia sighed in agreement and looked up at the snowy mountain path which already gave her shivers running down her spine; It could be a risk but as a former soldier she knew that it was necessary to save everyone as good as possible.

"I think we should take the mountain path, we might need every single soldier to get to the temple."

"Then so shall it be." Cassandra nodded and with a gesture she led the troop to the march. Chancellor Roderick watched her in appal and frustratedly slapped a book on the planning table gritting his teeth. "The consequences are at your expense, Seeker," he snarled.

The four walked up the long, icy mountain path stomping through the thick layer of snow. The wind was strong and Natalia shielded her eyes from the oncoming almost rainy snow with the back of her hand. Her chestnut brown hair was coated with a thin layer of snowflakes, flying and twirling around through the wind; her cheeks and nose reddened from the icy wind.

"Shit, I hope your decision was the right one."

"And I thought I grumbled too much. Varric - you've outdone me."

she mocked sarcastically hinting a mischievous smile as she stomped through the snow. A slight chuckle overcame the dwarf walking beside the human - He liked her, trusted her even. Arriving at the gate she saw helpers hiding corpses in cloths and ropes. An unpleasant feeling overcame her as she felt a cold shiver running down her spine reminding her of past days; many soldiers died in Ostwick - too many. Even her comrades and almost her uncle, the governor of the Ostwick army, even. After the incident she was unable to fight for several years. Bitterly in remembrance she bit her lips - these people died because of her, because they cleared the way for Natalia. Suddenly she heard the sound of metal in front of her and turned around quickly in it's direction.

"Damn it!" she shouted as she drew her sword while running. A rift had opened up on the battlefield and with several blows she and the others and the others cut down the monsters. Blood stained her breastplate, she gasped for air, slightly exhausted, as she was about to knock down the rage demon. For a short second she watched a man in front of her who was fighting with a sword and shield against a monster. His clean strokes, his flexible action of his shield made Natalia stare at him for a moment and she watched him. He kept the shield covered, but she caught sight of the blond, slightly curly hair sticking out of the shield. He sank the shield and stabbed the monster with a clean cut. The blood stained his puffy bear fur coat, which made him look majestic, menacing. He wiped his face clean from the sweat and blood as he glanced over to the prisoner. His amber eyes shone almost threateningly but also with exhaustion, his warm and heavy breath faded in the cold air; in her chest it felt as if her heart was falling into a deep, endless ravine - Yes, she knew his face, back then in Kirkwall. The man also watched Natalia for a moment as the battlefield became quieter. The first thing he noticed were her striking green eyes that shone like her anchor, her chestnut brown hair that ran down to her chest and was dishevelled by the battle. Her eyes grew wide in surprise.

"Behind you!" she cried out to the man as she saw another monster lurking behind him. Quickly he turned attentively and carried out further sword strokes. But Natalia did not forget her mission - she too turned around and stretched out her hand, closing the rift upon her. Her hand pulsated and glowed greenish, almost as if it was going up in flames. A tickling feeling, almost electric, flooded through her fingertips. A magical force surrounded her as she suddenly closed the crack and her hand cooled quickly.

"You have closed this one as well as the last one. So slowly you are getting practice." praised Solas as he ran towards her. "Let's hope it works for the big one," Varric added and patted Natalia on the shoulder with relief and a pride smile. A little smile was visible on Natalia's face as well - she was happy whenever she could help, especially now. But her own mission was to survive for now and not get killed. The man approached the group, his eyes fixated on Cassandra while he spoke.

"Lady Cassandra! You managed to close the rift, good work."

"Don't thank me but the prisoner. She managed to close the rift," Cassandra corrected and pointed at Natalia with a slight nod of her head. He did not expect that she was actually the prisoner. His gaze quickly changed to dismay and mistrust. He was not a man of big words; his gestures betrayed his rejection of her as he pinched his brows together and crossed his arms.

"Commander Cullen - this is Lady Natalia Trevelyan." Introduced Cassandra and Natalia stepped forward with an unsecure smile.

Cullen - Cullen Rutherford. Finally she had a name. Already some years ago she saw the former Templar in Kirkwall at Commander Meredith's side, when she visited Kirkwall with her parents because of an important conference. She wondered if he remembered her? Rather unlikely. When she saw him, he was in the middle of a discussion with a magician. All she remembers about this magician was that he had tied his strawberry-blond hair in a ponytail and wore a kind of coat of feathers around his shoulders. But that scar on Cullen’s upper lip, she can't remember having him this one back then. And he had more curly hairs when she saw him in Kirkwall. Now, his hair is straightened at the sides, slight waves formed. The top coat neatly brushed smooth to the back, the tips slightly tousled from the fight.

"Oh really? I hope what they say about you is true. Because of you, we have lost many soldiers." he hoisted while folding his arms in defense and his threatening look immediately caught Natalia's eye again. She knew that she was still a threat to all these people, even if Varric's casual tone said otherwise.

"I do what I can, Commander. I just want to close this breach."

He examined her quickly. She was a head shorter than him, the clothing very loosen up covered with blood stains but still he saw a bit of her curves. Her expression was slightly worn out - not because of her current situation. She is in fact a soldier, she saw too much horror, he thought. But still a little smile caught his attention. She wanted to help but he couldn’t trust her - not for now.

"I cannot ask for more of a prisoner than to stand accountable for her actions. Just do your job," he replied subtly pejorative. He turned away from her and talked a little more with Cassandra. In Natalia rage was boiling inside her as she clenched her left fist behind her, her smile fading to sullen pursed lips.

_"Pff..Who does he think he is? I know that I am innocent. But it seems he likes to rub salt in other people's wounds,"_ she thought. Cassandra and Cullen returned to the group that was already waiting to move on.

"We should hurry before it's too late."

"Indeed, I don't want to bring any more dismay to anybody," nagged Natalia and gave the Commander an indifferent but subtly attacking look, even a slight wry and spiteful smile for free.

"I hope she gets her punishment soon enough, first this and now getting cheeky," he thought to himself as he also answered with a quiet smack. He glanced for a moment at Cassandra who hadn't noticed anything about the exchange.  
"May the Maker watch over you," he said seriously to Cassandra, but his eyes turned to the prisoner. As they passed each other, Cullen gazed into her emerald green eyes that flickered almost like flames - her gaze spoke volumes. You’re in the wrong, she thought. It was almost a threat on her part not to meet her again. Cullen wasn't impressed by this on the outside and didn't make a face. Still, it would not have taken much for the two to go for each other's throats.

"Now I will try even more to close this damn breach." Natalia mumbled quietly and ran ahead. Arriving at the temple Natalia looked at the huge,poison-green shimmering rift that hovered above her. She was afraid - afraid to fail or even not survive this moment. She did not have much time. Every step she took was like a prayer to the Maker.

"Andraste stands by me."  
__________________________________________________  
The inhabitants of Haven felt the vibration of the rift. Like a cold, crushing wave, the rift caused the mountain path to shake slightly. The sun was blood-red and was slowly coming to an end. Natalia did not manage to close the rift, but it did cause weakness - even if only for a short period of time. She was brought to the village on a stretcher. Weakened and covered in blankets she was carried by two mercenaries into a wooden hut while the inhabitants watched her, some in mistrust but most in concern about her well being. Cullen and Josephine stood at the entrance gate and observed the former prisoner.

"So this is her? I hope the breach was closed. A slight glimmer is still visible," noted Josephine dejectedly and looked anxiously as she glanced at the breach, which only gleamed faintly through the milky clouds passing by. "I hope for her sake that this was not in vain. Actually, she should not have been carried at all but brought back to the cell. She still remains a threat to Thedas." Cullen defied and crossed his arms. She looked over at him outraged, Josephine had never seen such a grouchy commander before, she almost dropped her pen in shock. "She is only human, Commander, and I think she did her best. We should no longer treat her like a prisoner. She risked her life and that shows cooperation," she explained glancing sternly at Cullen.

There was a brief silence before he gave a soft sigh and grabbed his forehead in understandment. Suddenly both of them saw Leliana coming toward them - with less good news. Cullen and Josephine already looked at her expectantly with curious eyes.

"The breach still exists, but the veil is very weak. We will probably have to try again as soon as Lady Trevelyan is back on her feet. Josy? I hear some nobles from Orlais have arrived?"  
Josephine gasped after she almost forgot that fact.

"Then we shouldn't keep them waiting. Pardon me" she said goodbye to Cullen and they both ran to Haven's church.

Cullen saw the crowd also slowly disappearing around the little hut. Unnoticed, he walked past it and peered out the window from a short angle. How she was lying there - powerless, almost dead, her skin pale as chalk surrounded by scratches and bloodstains. Pharmacist Adan was worried about her wounds, but was also surprised that her hand didn’t have any burning marks, it looked too perfect. The scene he observed for a fraction of a second triggered a heaviness in him - a feeling of remorse.

_"Perhaps Josephine is right, I was too harsh with her. What on earth drove me to do it,"_ he asked repentantly, rubbing his neck in bad conscience as he walked by and took care of his recruits afterwards. He wanted to trust her, but after everything that had happened in Kirkwall he had doubts. She can be anything, she can be a threat - anything was possible.

"The commander doesn't seem to like our new member very much," Josephine remarked as they were on their way to church.

"I heard from Cassandra that he was quite condescending to her. Actually, he's not, quite the opposite."

Leliana stopped just outside the church.

"These are difficult times and we are all tense. Lady Trevelyan is still being accused but I have strong doubts about her guilt. Cullen in particular should know that too fast verdicts can be fatal," Leliana added. Both heard an impatient throat clearer fleeing the church.

"Oh right, we shouldn't keep the count waiting - let's see what he has to sit out this time. whispered Josephine.

"If necessary, we'll get rid of him."

"Leliana!" she said indignantly and Leliana shrugged her shoulders mischievously.

Meanwhile, Adan noticed a heavy, painful groan as he crushed Elf Root and Embrium with a mortar. Surprised, he turned to the bed and a relieved smile came over him. "Oh, you’re awake already? That was quick, I haven't even been able to treat your wounds properly!" he remarked and chuckled to himself quietly. "What...where am I? Am I in Haven?" Natalia asked, disoriented and looked around. She smelled different herbs, couldn't identify which one exactly. The hut was ransacked, but luckily the blankets and skins did their job. She slowly sat up and felt her ribs ache with every breath she took, as if she was being torn apart inside. Before she wanted to get up, Adaan came and pressed her gently back to the bed with a discreet gesture.

"By the Maker are you mad? Don't get up, you almost closed the rift just a few hours ago!" - "Almost?" she questioned skeptically arching up her right brow.

"As far as I know, the breach is still open, but you have weakened it."

"Shit. I actually wanted to go back to Ostwick - I guess I can bend that for now." she grumbled and crossed her arms annoyed. Adan smiled briefly when he saw her disappointed look and sat down with her. He drank some compresses in a tincture and put them on Natalia's shoulders. "Too bad you don't like Haven." 

Natalia rose briefly, gritting her teeth when she felt the poultice leave a burning pull on her skin, but Adan's humor made her smile anyway.

"Well, if you're seen as a threat, you might enjoy your stay here less."

"Oh, that has changed, believe me. Take a look out the window, people are already waiting for you to come out. They call you the "Herald Andrastes"", he commented and Natalia rolled her eyes in annoyance, shook her head in disbelief.

"Maker, even better. I preferred the unsympathetic, grumpy commander to a swarm of people.

"Commander Rutherford? Him and grumpy? He can come across very stern at times but-" Adan wondered and put on another compress. "-Actually, the Commander is very competent and open, he takes good care of the soldiers," he added. Natalia didn't answer, she didn't feel like having this conversation and let Adan do his job.

"He regularly asks me about the state of supplies, even gets the ointments for the recruits himself. Most Commanders leave this kind of work to others like me," he added with a smile. She didn't want to hear anything else from him, Cullen here - Rutherford there - he almost followed her mind. Adan heard only an indifferent "U-huh." which fell silent from Natalia's lips. From the window, she watched as Cullen was on his way to the training field, followed by a somewhat awkward, frightened soldier. The only thing she heard was a slightly shaky "C-Commander," and Cullen didn't react at all.  


_"Open and competent - that's clear,"_ she thought while she left a quiet, incredulous smack.

__________________________________________________  
Natalia rested the whole next day and recovered through the deep sleep. Slowly she opened her eyes and supported herself with her elbows. It was the middle of the night, she had completely lost her sense of time. Nevertheless, Adan's healing potions and wound compresses worked wonders - the man has a very good hand for this, you have to give him credit for that. Natalia straightened up before she wanted to change her clothes. Still her wounds left an uncomfortable pull on her shoulder, but it felt less painful than a few hours ago. Even though the healer advised her not to get up - she could not help herself. The smell of the herbs buzzed in her skull, making her grouchy.

"I think some fresh air will do good." She thought and put on a red cotton cape, which hung on the doorknob. Carefully she opened the door a crack wide and observed the setting, all but the guards were already in their huts or tents. She quietly sneaked out of the hut and took a short walk to the shore. The lake was completely frozen over, how she would love to go skating. But the ice had deep cracks - not exactly optimal for her wish. She sat down at the footbridge and let her legs dangle in the air, watching the stars in the night sky, clearing her head. Many things circled through her mind - the breach, the conclave - Cullen.

"Cullen? No pff" she raised to herself and shook her head.

Like a puzzle she tried to put her thoughts together - What happened at the conclave? Where was she before she got prisoned? She took a deep breath, trying to solve the confusion somehow but in vain. "Damn it." she grumbled and propped herself up when she looked up at the starry sky again. She heard footsteps, the crumbling bridge gave a soft creak. Slightly startled, she turned around and saw the man she had least expected.

"Forgive me," Cullen apologized calmly as he saw her slightly startled look. Natalia thought she would go insane. This man was really everywhere, as if she would summon him to her.

"What do you want?" she asked quickly.

He stood beside her, bent over to her "May I?"

She shrugged her shoulders, but didn't give him a look, not even a glimpse. Cullen sat with her - both were alone.

"I saw you sneak out."

"Hmm. Will you chain me now on a post or will I get back to my cell?" she asked with a slightly angry undertone.

"Listen, about what happened at the peak... how I treated you - I'm sorry. I should have known better."

She remained silent when she heard those words - she just didn't have the strength to argue with the Commander. There was an uneasy silence.  
She glanced over to him, her eyes full with anger, disappointment but they also gave a weird feeling of comfort. Her rosy lips slightly open, almost ready to talk. He remembered her awkward smile at the peak.  
"That's not why you are here - I suppose you rather suspected I was going to flee?" she confronted him seriously and glanced at the lake. His silence confirmed her suspicions only too much. "You do not trust me. I understand it. For you and for many others, I remain a threat."

Cullen sighed - she could read his mind and it hurt him that she now knew the truth. In the end, she was a woman who had not chosen her fate. Natalia stood up and walked a few steps away from the Commander. He turned halfway towards her and watched the red cape move in the calm wind, her hair flowing with the air, revealing her profile while looking down to him. Her green eyes sparkled - was she smiling? Maybe, just very slightly. As she spoke her words so gently, he felt a short, electrifying throb in his chest.

"You can trust me - I will prove it to you."


	2. Morning Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since she came back from the fade Natalia struggled with her coordination and trained to get rid of this issue. The Commander watches her und tries to help her with her problem.

  
_Artwork by Levikra_

Preparations have been underway in Haven for several days and Natalia recovered after the failed attempt to close the breach. She got up early to do her daily training -This was her little morning ritual, which she had performed every morning since her soldier training in Ostwick. She put on her training gown; Even though it looked very thin, it kept her warm. It was a simple cotton gambeson with a petrol blue undershirt. In addition she wore maroon leather pants. She then picked up her sword out of its holder made out of leather and opened the wooden door quietly. Most of Haven's residents were still asleep; It was just before dawn and Natalia ran over to the training dummies at the frozen lake. The snow glittered slightly and the fresh air kept Natalia awake while her warm breath evaporated in the air and her cheeks and nose became slightly rosy. Before each training session she warmed herself up with stretching exercises stretching out her arms and taking a deep breath.

"Here we go." she said to herself in excitement and stretched her neck from side to side.

She hit the training dummy with some simple attacks first. Natalia had difficulties with her coordination for days since she returned from the fade and tried to focus more on her goal. She tried to hit the upper part of the dummy's body while turning. Due to the snow she suddenly slipped slightly during the turn and lost her balance; She tried to hit the doll with her last strength but missed her target and fell to the ground. Frustrated, she grabbed her head and murmured while clenching her left fist.

"Damn it!"  
"You should watch your breathing while turning." shouted a deep manly voice from behind. Questioningly she turned around and saw the Commander standing in front of her leaning on a brick wall observing her.  
"Excuse me, but I know what I am doing. I do not require any advice." she replied dryly while picking up her sword.  
"Well, I just wanted to help you-"  
"I appreciate it, thank you very much. But what are you doing up so early, if you don't mind me asking?"  
"The Inquisition and it's preparations take longer than expected. That's why I start earlier than usual."  
"For you to hold such a high position is admirable." she replied resentful.

He pulled his eyebrows together angrily for a brief moment but then understood that Natalia was acting sarcastically - She and Cullen did not have the best start and she tried to avoid him as best she could. To her, the Commander was nothing but a man resting in his position. Natalia looked at the dummy nibbling her lower lip in frustration because she knew that Cullen might be right - but would not admit it, she is just too proud to. To let up now would not be her character at all. She bit her lower lip again- looking briefly at him and stammered.

"So you think if I can breathe, I can turn around?" she asked mumbling.  
"Oh, now you want my advice? From a pretentious Commander?" he asked sarcastically, folding his arms smirking slightly towards her.  
"You can still try. I think you're wrong, Commander. I'll prove it to you, just tell me how."  
"As you lunge, take as deep a breath as you can. This will increase your focus on the spin and then you can exhale."  
“Alright.” she prepared herself for the attack again. Cullen distanced himself a bit from the dummy and watched past her.

 _"What a stubborn woman. She is not in the position to treat me bossy like that...but you're fierce, Trevelyan."_ To him Natalia caused chaos to all of Thedas,so he would be practically blamed if she broke something and that would be more than inconvenient for him. Natalia gazed over at him with a threatening, slightly annoyed look and growled quietly.  
"I will show you that you're wrong." She swung out and made the turn while paying attention to her breathing - Still she slipped and lost her balance again. She started to sway; Cullen reacted instinctively, reached quickly out to Natalia and caught her - His arms grabbed her upper body and Natalia felt how tightly he clung her around her, looking deep into her eyes for a moment, slightly shockingly. His warm breath touching her skin, his fur coat tickling her neck while he smelled a comforting scent of lillies and amber, both flushed in embarrassment.

 _"I...I'm in the Commander's arms?!"_ she realized and suddenly felt a pleasant, tickling feeling in her stomach. Natalia blinked up a few times and stood up hastily, tapping her thighs clean from the snow. Cullen glanced over at her feeling his cheeks still flushing and straightened his hair in embarrassment .

"Forgive me! I didn't make it again...But, as you can see, it didn't work out." she explained frowning.  
"Sorry I caught you, I-"  
"I know you did it just out of reflex. Still... thanks for catching me. Your reflexes are very good - I'll give you that." she interrupted and nodded in understanding and left a slight smirk.  
"But for the beginning it was very good. The swordplay was cleaner this time but I guess your shoes are the real problem." he explained pointing with his eyes at her brown leather boots.  
"I think so, too. Thanks for your advice, though, Commander."

Natalia thanked him with a slight smile and watched him in shame. There was a brief embarrassing silence. Cullen sheepishly put his hand on his neck and glanced to the side; For a brief moment she tried to sort out her excitement and feelings before she would say anything to fill the silence, the Commander beat her to it. His redness on his cheeks was not yet completely gone and he tried to make eye contact without attracting attention.

"Well... we still have some time. Perhaps you'd like to join me at the tavern with a warm drink?"  
"Yes... I'd love to. It's a little fresher than usual.I think it would do no harm." she chuckled slightly.  
__________________________________________________  
He watched at her purposefully - smiling slightly as well and both went to the tavern. As they opened the door the cozy warm air spreaded out and the smell of old wood and herbs tickled their noses. Both saw that there was nobody there except the innkeeper and the fireplace had just been lit and it was only getting a little warmer.

"Greetings Commander! The usual?" the innkeeper asked with an empathic voice.  
"Good morning! Yes, thank you very much. Would you like some tea Lady Trevelyan?"  
"I'd love to." she nodded smiling.

Both sat at a window and glanced sheepishly past each other from the previous incident. Natalia looked out the window, almost lost in thought watching as the sun slowly rose and the snow on the roofs and the frozen lake began to glisten. Cullen looked over at the fire in the fireplace - how the fire gently played with the wood and crackled. He glanced back at her and tried to somehow mask the renewed embarrassing silence.

"Where are you from, may I ask?"  
"From Ostwick. From the noble house of Trevelyan."  
"Ostwick? I was there a few years ago. It was very nice there. And though you come from a noble family, you are a soldier? Did you make this decision freely?" he asked in surprise.

The innkeeper gave them both their cups of warm tea which smelled of cinnamon and apples. She peeked at Cullen with a brief smile and carefully embraced the hot cup with her hands while he gazed and listened to her carefully.  
"Yes, is that a problem, Commander? It's not unusual for women to begin soldiering training?" she questioned him suspiciously.

"Th-that's not what I meant! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!" He stuttered in apology while Natalia stared at him raising one brow skeptical and blew her tea cooler. She left a slight chuckle and took it with humor and saw how clumsy he gazed at her not noticing it. She watched over at him with a sly look while Cullen took a sip of his tea.

"I know. In fact, the women of the nobility are rather averse to it and prefer banquets and beautiful dresses. My uncle, who is the governor in Ostwick saw a soldier in me back then and offered training in his division. But I see you work this early every morning?" she pointed out taking a small sip of the tea. "Yes, I'm out all day, there's no time for a break so I always come here in the morning before the recruits return to their duties and have a cup of tea. It's the only time I actually have for myself actually." he explained while Natalia took a sip of tea again. She was quite surprised when she tasted it and her eyes became surprisingly big.

"The blend is really delicious. It warms my heart right up!" she chuckled in amazement. From her green eyes manifested in thoughts he patterned every look from her.  
"Mine too." he added unconsciously quiet.  
"Excuse me?" he added dreamy.  
"I-I meant that the tea keeps me nice and warm!" he replied hastily switching his look from the tea to the window.

She blushed and took a sip out of embarrassment. Both spent some time in the tavern and told about their adventures from back then. Day broke and the tavern brightened - Cullen watched over at the window where some recruits were on their way to the dummies.

"Well, looks like I'll have to say goodbye for now, unfortunately. It's been a pleasure, we should do this again sometime."  
"I'd love to, but then you can tell me the story of how you got your scar." Natalia laughed and peeked obviously at his scar. Cullen hid it shamefully with his hand and smiled gently.  
"Maybe some other time. I'll... see you around." he chuckled slightly embarrassed while she nodded watching him leaving the tavern.

Later, Natalia watched into her cup, which was still filled with some tea. Lost in thought, she remembered the incident during the training - again felt this queasy, comfortable feeling in her stomach. After a long time she felt a pleasant comfort, something that brings her a feeling of safety, couldn't explain it to herself and tried to get rid of this thought and glanced over to the window again. Natalia did not think about it any further and left the tavern to start with her today's duties.  
__________________________________________________  
Several hours passed and Natalia talked to Cassandra in the tent in front of the church. She had the task to collect some elf roots around the quarter for the production of medicine. She held her basket with the surprisingly rich yield in her hand.

"Oh...that's a good yield, Trevelyan! I thought we'd exhausted all the ressources." Cassandra said in a cagey surprise.  
"Yes, I was surprised as well. I know I shouldn't move away from the quarter too much, but on the other side there are quite a few. I will take them to our alchemists now, this number should be enough for the next missions."  
"Thank you for your trouble. I know I've been asking a lot of you lately, but I received a scroll from a mercenary. I have some unfinished business, however, could you-" Cassandra asked while Natalia interrupted her.  
"Of course, Cassandra. I'll take the scroll to the Commander."  
"How do you know the report has to go to Cullen?" she asked suspiciously.  
"Oh, um, I just guessed. I'd like to leave the basket here for a while, if that's fine."

Natalia replied with an insecure laughter and took the scroll hastily. She placed the basket with the elf roots on a table and nodded over to Cassandra, walking to the small church directly to Cullen's office. Carefully she knocked on the door and then opened it. His office was very not much cleaned up, some books were laying on the ground and the scrolls flooded the chair in the right corner of the room but still you could see some organization. The Commander sat on his desk and made the rosters for the recruits. He looked up at the door and grinned slightly of joy when he saw Natalia with the scroll and put the feather down.

"Lady Trevelyan, good to see you again."  
"Greetings, Commander. I have here a report from one of your soldiers. Cassandra has a lot of work to do so I came here to bring it over to you."

He seemed more relaxed and less tired than usual and stood up reaching for the scroll. As she handed it to him, he unwittingly took her hand - She remained in brief rigor and felt his soft fingertips on the back of her hand. Natalia tried to keep her composure as she felt this renewed pounding in her heart; It was only a few seconds but for both of them the moment felt like an eternity. His eyes sparkled and his lips trembled slightly with excitement as he switched his eyes from the scroll over to her eyes ,blinked and accepted the report without further ado clearing his throat quietly .

"Thank you, I'll-I'll take care of it." he added with a slight stammer. Natalia embarrassingly slowly took her hand back and placed it on her upper arm.  
"Y-yes. You're welcome. See you later perhaps." she turned her tautly around and took a step forward while colliding with the chair next to her.

With flushed cheeks, she straightened the chair and left the office in a swift gangway. He was startled for a moment inside, sweetly wallowing Natalia's clumsiness and watching her close the door slightly hectically.  
_"Sweet...she is indeed sweet when she is clumsy like that."_ he thought but woke himself up with a sudden shake. _" 'Sweet' ? No...what am I thinking again?"_

For a moment Natalia leaned against the wall next to the door and looked up at herself frustratedly towards the ceiling and rubbed her forehead. "By the Maker. You can't embarrass yourself any more than that?!" she murmured to herself quietly.  
__________________________________________________

Natalia had been agitated all day - It just wasn't gonna be her day. She wondered all the time why the Commander was looking at her like that while he was touching her hand. _"His eyes..so worried but yet so beautifully sparkling...No Natty, stop it!"_ she thought embarrassed, shook her head and tried to distract herself by training again. It was just before dusk and the soldiers were at the fireplaces resting from their duties. Outside at the training field Natalia tried it several times and failed again and again. Angrily, she looked at her sword and puffed with rage.

"Damn it! Natalia stopped thinking about it so much!" she said to herself and tried the attack again. This time she succeeded and she felt good. Finally she managed the attack.  
"Once more." she whispered, smirking at the dummy.

She carried out the attack again - with success. Natalia practiced until dusk and perfected her leadership although her execution was not yet perfect as she had expected, but unlike this morning she was satisfied with her progress. Cullen had been watching her from a distance for several minutes leaning relaxed against a wall with folded arms and a proud smile.

"Very good. One more time." she whispered quietly to herself in ambition again and carried out the attack one last time.  
"YES! Perfect!" she chuckled and jumped lightly with joy . Natalia glanced to the side and was suddenly startled - Cullen ran towards her with a satisfied look.

"How long has he been standing there? Oh no, how pathetic of me!" she asked herself, blushing.  
"Very good! I'm surprised you managed it in one day. Sorry if I scared you."  
"Yes and don't worry, it was just the breathing and the shoes. Thanks again, Commander. I should apologize for my behavior this morning - it was inappropriate. Sometimes I can be very stubborn and it... was not my intention to make you mad."  
"Oh, that's all right - sometimes you want to make it on your own, don't you? Would you like to try one last time before you finish your training?"  
"All right, for you." she grinned slyly.

Natalia was full of ambition, but she had a different plan. She wanted to test him - and herself, once and for all; wondering if what happened today was just a coincidence. She began another swing and breathed deeply. Suddenly Natalia turned and dropped the sword and herself - Cullens eyes grew big and he quickly caught her like he did this morning and picked her up by her back and thighs. She gazed him slyly in the eyes as he looked at her in shock. She felt Cullen started to tremble when he realized where he was actually touching her. His hard yet gentle grip on her waist and thighs aroused a pleasant and appealing feeling in her stomach while his eyes hypnotized her again and she froze in secret yet unconscious pleasure.

"And that was on purpose. Your reflexes have improved, too. And I think I can trust you." she smirked.

He blushed and was confused at the same time. Natalia got up picking up her sword and ran towards the hut. For a moment she turned around to him smiling.

"Will I see you tomorrow over a cup of tea?"  
"Y-yes...gladly."  
"Fine, just don't work too long Commander. I don't like to wait."

she said goodbye waving her hand slightly while he stared at Natalia sheepishly. Cullen also turned around and went back to his office with a mischievous but embarrassingly touched look.

"Interesting tactics, Lady Trevelyan."


	3. Just a tool

After Alexios had given up and the troops returned to Haven, Natalia was in her hut unwrapping her remaining supplies. An unpleasant feeling twirled in her stomach since she returned to Haven with the troops. The icy, disappointed glance of the Commander as she walked past him did not go unnoticed - She was aware that Cullen was far from delighted with the decision to support the mages, but she still felt his disappointment towards her. Since Natalia's arrival he didn't exchange a word with her and retreated directly to his quarters.Thoughtfully she put her supplies on the table and continued to unpack her dirty clothes from the cloth bag.

"He can't blame me for that. The Inquisition decided by majority - I'll have to talk to him later, this is nonsense."

she shook her head and broke off. She needed some fresh air and in utter frustration, she almost ripped the door open stomping through the village. She tried to make no eye contact and retreated to a secluded spot by the lake. Worried, she later sat down on the shore and watched over the frozen lake. Over and over again she remembered Cullen's cold gaze, how upset he was and felt her heart skip a beat. Natalia was optimistic about them working better together since both had a more private and less duty-like conversation a few days back. She sighed lightly in desperation and observed her warm breath dissolving in the air.

"You shouldn't pout so. It will give you wrinkles, and that won't look so good at the celebration tonight." said a manly, theatrallic voice.  
"Dorian Pavus? I'm not pouting! What are you talking about?! And above all: Why are you following me - can't you see that I want to be alone at the moment?" she turned hastily hissing at him.  
"Excuse me, but even a Golem would notice your sulking; You have to learn to control your emotions if you want to be unseen. The way you stomped out there - it was more than obvious that something was stomping on your mind!"

he replied and sat down next to Natalia, who silently and frowningly rested her head on her hands. She tried not to stare at him - She knew Dorian was actually right. Nevertheless, she peered over briefly, which didn't go unnoticed by the Tevinteran. He smirked to her.

"Now you see I was right, don't you, Trevelyan?"

he asked again impishly. Quickly and embarrassed she switched back looking at the icy lake. Dorian left a quiet giggle and supported himself with his hands behind his back. Both sat on the lake shore - alone - as the sun set and the ice glittered.

"Two people, alone by the lake - With a magnificent sunset. How romantic! Is this the moment when you look deep into each other's eyes and tell each other corny sentimentalities?" he asked sarcastically looking at her.  
"Oh yes Mr. Pavus ‘This’ is the moment I have longed for since I saw you." she responded dryly sarcastic with a quick chuckle.

He glanced at her again and breathed out impatiently knowing that there was something on her mind.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"You don't even know me. What do you care what's bothering me?"  
"Well, now would be the perfect time to get to know each other properly, don't you think? Let me guess - you pissed somebody off?"

Natalia sighed softly and sat up straight. She knew she couldn't outrun Dorian - not any more.

"A member of the Inquisition didn't like our decision to support the mages and he made me feel that. He's not very sympathetic to the magicians, you know."  
"Ah...the Commander?"   
"Yes, how did you know that?" she wondered.  
"Was that a rhetorical question?” Dorian chuckled quietly.  
“As soon as the word 'magician' comes up, he turns up his nose. But nevertheless, perhaps you should speak with him again."  
"Oh thank you, I've thought of that." she replied sarcastically while he shrugged his shoulders smiling in agreement.

Both glanced at each other briefly during the quiet atmosphere and laughed; For no reason - it just happened. Natalia felt somehow comfortable with Dorian, although they had only known each other for a few days - even if only fleetingly. It was as if they had known each other for a longer time, she then stood up cheerfully.

"Thank you Mr. Pavus. I think I will speak to the Commander about this right away. We should have a pitcher together later - my treat." she suggested and made a light, yet rather boyish curtsey.  
"I won't say no to that. I will stay a little longer. If you like, you can tell me later how it ended. But...you can call me Dorian, we don't need the formalities." he replied grinning while he twirled his moustache.

She nodded and ran towards the church. Dorian looked after her and chuckled softly for a moment. "I can't wait to see what you two will become." he mumbled to himself as he looked back at the lake.  
__________________________________________________  
Cullen was sitting at his desk reading through the reports; He held Natalia's report in his hand again - for the third time. Her handwriting was very clean but still with ornate flourishes. He read it through again and felt an inexplicable rage. He clenched his other hand even though he almost crumpled up her report.

"Why did she do this? It could have been even-"

he broke off his thought when there was a slight knock at the door. He sighed shortly to calm down, clearing his throat in preparation. "Yes?" he asked the person determined to enter. The door carefully opened; It was Natalia - inwardly surprised, he tried to keep his feelings in check and his expression was serious and indifferent - his heart, however, beat in a slight panic - he put the report aside.

"Commander... do you have a moment or am I interrupting?" she asked cautiously.  
"No. What is it?" he answered briefly.  
"I wanted to ask if everything is alright? I know you were more eager to help the Templars...but we haven't made those decisions and..."

She did not dare to continue and tucked her fingertips nervously while her heart pounded heavily like an earthquake. Natalia's fear of escalating a fight was too great. Cullen crossed his arms and saw her insecurity - unfamiliar to him. He squinted his eyes expectantly and ominously at the same time.

"Go on." he said in a dominant, rough tone. She felt his melodic attack in her chest as her heart slipped into her boots. For a short second she had an arousing feeling in her stomach which made her even more insecure.  
"Excuse me if I get too personal, but I'm not alone in this decision. I know you are not good at talking to mages and I don't need to know the reasons for that, but I for one thought it was the easier and safest decision to ally with them. I noticed your disapproval of me today and...I just think we should accept that the decision is irreversible and we should work together."  
"You don't understand, Natalia." Cullen thought, shaking slightly his head in incomprehension.

Artificially he raised his left eyebrow in surprise and stood up. Cullen took Natalia's report and held it up to her. She gave him a brief, unsuspecting, questioning look and shrugged her shoulders. Without comprehension he shook his head in disbelief and put the report back on the table turning his head with an angry expression towards her.

"Are you out of your senses, Trevelyan? You trusted this magician. It was too great a risk travelling with him. What would have happened if you hadn't come back?! This is not what we agreed. You were meant to go to the future! That was not your task, Soldier!" he said in an angry tone.  
"Did I have any choice? Commander, I was aware of the risk, and with Mr. Pavus and I were able to prevent a greater catastrophe! I know that only I can close the rifts. And I also know..."  
Natalia broke off and her unsettled gaze suddenly changed decisively - almost severely;For the people she was no herald, no heroine - but rather a tool. And Cullen's words confirmed this to her. Her gaze spoke volumes, as if green flames were shining in her eyes.  
"I also know that you just see me as a tool. Only I can close these rifts - if not close the breach again! I have decided this way because it was the only way to save Thedas. Yes, I could have died - but that did not happen because I knew I would return! No matter what comes!" she yelled. 

Cullen's heart stood still quickly while feeling how it slipped into his boots and gazed startled over at her. At that one moment he was fascinated by her - A petite woman, who seemed insecure at first, changed from one second to the other to the complete opposite like a lioness.

"No...that's not what I meant, I-" he cleared his throat insecurely in explanation. She shook her head only slightly and understood that this discussion would lead nowhere.  
"I understand, Commander. I'm not here to play hero, I only fulfill my duties. I'm only here because I have no choice but accept that we made this decision together to support the mages. And accept that I am not as weak and insecure as I usually seem."  
she repeated, turned to the door without further ado and slammed it behind her in anger. "I...I didn't think about that." Cullen realized how he treated her and sighed in shame.  
__________________________________________________  
Natalia ran out of the church with clenched fists and a serious walk to her hut. Dorian watched her from a distance and crossed his arms.

"Oh great. Do I want to know how it ended?" he asked in front of him what Varric didn't miss.  
"Oh a fight within the inner circle? Shit."  
"Indeed." Dorian added, and they both continued watching her until she disappeared behind the cabin.

She came out of it shortly with an axe in her hand, walking around the corner to the woodcut behind her hut and set up a log - Natalia reached out and tried to split it in half.

"You are so stupid Natalia. The training from a few days ago - what were you thinking?! That man doesn't see you as a woman, you're blind by your stupid thoughts! No man in the world is worth this! Not Cullen, not Jorah - nobody." she muttered.  
"The herald Andraste's - The Shit I am! I'm just the one who closes the breach. No one will thank me! I didn't mean for any of this to happen. What a fucking mess!"

Meanwhile, Cullen walked across the office, rethinking about what he said. ...feeling a little queasy in his stomach. His regret grew stronger as he thought about what Natalia had said. Angry at himself, he slammed his fist against the table. Cullen realized that to him she wasn’t a soldier, she was a member of the inner circle - But he didn’t really treat her as such. "She's right...and I... I made that even clearer to her. She is not a tool, she is...By the Maker..." he sighed quietly and looked at her report.  
 _"This circle...this damn circle. What they did to my comrades - they didn't have any control over themselves...all the blood...the bodies. How I treated the mages in Kirkwall back then...I was so blind, driven by anger."_ he thought. Cullen was ashamed of his past life and didn't like to talk about his mistakes and about the circle of magi - But sooner or later he has to face it and open up, even in front of Natalia. "A tool ... I know how it is ... I, I have to talk to her." he determinedly stated and opened the door walking fast to her hut. On the way to Natalia, a soldier approached him.

"Commander the magicians will arrive tomorrow-" - "Please talk to Threnn about the accommodations and supplies, I have something to do." he interrupted Jim and went on without further ado.

"Well... look at this Varric. I wonder where the Commander wants to go?" Dorian asked with an rhetorical undertone and looked at him slyly. Varric shook his head and waved his hand back and forth. He knew already that this could end in another argument. "By Andraste’s tits, this can be cheerful. Do you think Natty did something wrong?"  
"Could she? Or maybe the Commander? Wanna bet?" he suggested sheepishly and pulled out a bag of coppers. Varric's eyes flashed and he too pulled out a sack of coppers.  
"Okay, you want to bet Natalia gives in?"  
"You're on, dwarf. You'll be surprised." he laughed and both shook their hands.  
__________________________________________________  
Natalia cut up the trunks one by one. The effort was so great that drops of sweat were dripping from her forehead. She had this one moment to let herself go completely - without anyone noticing - except for Cullen who stood not far away gazing at her quietly. He took a deep breath preparing himself and walked slowly towards her. Natalia heard the crunchy steps in the snow and turned around. Surprised but skeptical, she rammed the axe into the tree stump and crossed her arms in expectation.

"What do you want?" she asked curtly.  
"I want to apologize for my words. I didn't mean it that way but -"  
"No, it's all right, Commander. I have resigned myself to it. At least we have more fuel now for the fire. No one else cares."  
"I was worried about you, Natalia."

Cullen said in a softly, caring voice. His amber eyes sparkling to her worriedly. Natalia's heart pounded as she heard her name softly from his lips the first time. 

_“ ‘Natalia’...not ‘Soldier”...”_ she thought while her eyes grew in wonder.

Yet she tried to glance at him indifferently and looked away again; she wanted no debate - no exchange of words. For her, the matter was already done and Cullen sensed that while biting his lip in remorse.

"I don't know how to explain it better but...I - **We** would've been losing someone important. Not because you're the Herald Andrastes, but because you've done a lot for the Inquisition. You voice your concerns, try to be objective and bring us consultants back to the bottom of the matter. I think I should tell you at times why my distrust of mages has developed in this way."

Natalia glanced at him again and tried to struggle against his puppy eyes, but she felt his remorse and breathed out slightly and understood that the relationship could not go well in the long run and ran towards him.

"Thank you Commander, I appreciate it. I think I should apologize as well. I took it the wrong way and my reaction was foolish, I apologize."

She left a little grin as she glanced at him. A weight has fallen from his shoulders as he smiled at her, too. Now they were both standing at the woodcut - no further conversation. Natalia didn't miss that Cullen had corrected himself earlier when it came to her loss. She chuckled briefly while having a giggle feeling in her heart what made him feel insecure raising his eyebrows in surprise and glanced at Natalia questioningly.

"It’s all good, I just had to think about something for a moment. But it looks like you've done your work for the day, Commander."  
"Yes, there were slightly fewer reports to read today than usual."

Natalia went to the wooden beams she broke earlier and straightened some up. She then turned briefly to Cullen and looked over at him with a sly face.

"Well... would you like to practice again? ”

Cullen hastily remembered the last training session - imagined the moment he caught her - and felt his face glowing in arousal.

"I'd appreciate it. We gotta get ready."  
"All right, but first-"

Natalia broke off and took the axe, which she then handed over to Cullen with a smile.

"- we should end this, right? We need more fuel."  
Cullen smirked and shook his head slyly and worked together to finish the rest of the logs. 

Dorian and Varric watched the spectacle from afar. Hissing, Varric gave Dorian the bag of 50 copper coins. "Ehrgh you have won, Pavus." - "Thank you, Mr. Tethras. I knew Trevelyan would not back down - that's right." he laughed triumphantly.


	4. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were safe - for now. But after the catastrophe in Haven, people were worried about Natalia. She stopped Corypheus and prevented worse. But where was she? Was she still alive? Cullen couldn't stand the uncertainty and went looking for her.

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

"Let us pray to the Maker that she survives." 

Leliana knelt on the icy, snow covered ground in front of the campfire and squeezed her hands together for her prayer to the Maker. Natalia's survival was the last glimpse of hope for her and the otherwise cold spy had to chase away the sobbing through prayers. Cullen watched her and like many others he felt a queasy feeling in his stomach. But his panicky worry was of a different nature - His constant inquiries, the nervous running back and forth - he just wanted Natalia to be safe. Impatient and in desperation, he tossed his hair to keep his mind clear.

"We must look for her."

"Cullen we can't" Cassandra soothed the former Templar.

"Damn it Cassandra, look around you! People don't know where to go, Leliana prays desperately and with tears to the Maker. We have to find her, maybe she's hurt," he argued furiously.

"Cullen, if we march through this blizzard now, we are just as dead!"

" _Dead_? So you think..." 

His aghast look, his disgusted nose - Cullen did not want to believe that Natalia might have been killed. He approached the Seeker with eyes narrowed in fury.

"Even you have given up hope. I don't know you like this, Cassandra."

She felt his wrath reflecting through his amber eyes, how disappointed he was in her. He slowly distanced himself from her and turned away.

"I go alone."

"Cullen by Andraste, listen to yourself! It's suicide to walk back down the trail now!"

He stopped listening to Cassandra and left the temporary camp. Slowly he stomped through the snow and saw the storm raging not far away. “Andraste protect her-” he whispered to the stormy sky. He held one hand in front of his face to ward off the stroking snow. How many meters he walked, how long had he been on the road? Half an hour? His legs continued to move uncontrollably, but he slowly felt his body getting numb. The snow formed lumps on his fur coat, his lips slightly purple - but he didn't give up. 

"She can't be dead. She won't be. Natalia-" he sighed in exertion and lowered his hand when he saw a figure approaching him in the distance. She limped with powerlessness, a slight green glint was visible. Natalia also lowered her hand and could not believe her eyes. 

"Cullen..." she realized quietly to herself. Her heart was beating rapidly and she felt that she could still make it to him with her last strength. 

**"CULLEN!"** she whimpered and limped faster through the snow. 

**"NATALIA!"** he cried out like a lion and ran towards her. With her last strength she made the last meters to him and fell into his arms. Cullen picked her up carefully and knelt down with her in the snow. 

"I can't believe it...you're alive...you're alive..." he wailed in relief and pressed her firmly to himself. His firm grip, the warm but still wet fur which she clung to. She held his hand, just squeezing gently as she glanced up at him. Her grass green eyes, whose colors almost faded and became milky. Her purple chapped lip, the slight scratch on her cheek.

 _"And yet you are beautiful,"_ he thought and stroked the snow from her face. Without further words, he carefully lifted her up and carried her to the camp. Her hands buried themselves in his fur, her head resting on his neck; He felt her still slightly warm breath on his skin, which gave him hope to continue walking - He had to bring her to safety. All the way along he thought about what he actually wanted to tell her.

_"She is so beautiful, why am I only realizing it now? No...Cullen that is foolish. But why can't I get rid of this feeling? I want her to be safe."_

The rapid heartbeat when he thinks of her, the warm blood rushing into his veins as he carries Natalia. His stubbornness to save her. That beautiful feeling of having her near him - Damn, it was foolish indeed he thought.

"I...think I can walk the last few meters," she whispered weakend, but Cullen remained silent. He didn't want to take any chances and carried her to the camp, even though he was exhausted with all his strength. But he saw a soft light, the camp. A few people stood before him restlessly - The Iron Bull and Cassandra waited full with worry for the two of them. 

"By the Maker! You are alive!" Cassandra cried out in relief and ran towards them. Cullen felt his legs start to wane and he too fell to the ground. "Cullen, I can carry her to the camp," Bulle suggested, but a refusing wave of his hand was answer enough.

"No, I can carry her to the camp" he gasped and felt Natalia moving and standing up. A weary smile came over her lips and she reached out her hand to the Commander. 

"We walk together," she said and Cullen stood up. Both of them, arm in arm, supported each other until the camp. He risked his life for her, and Natalia also wanted her Commander to reach the camp unharmed. 

__

Natalia sat on the edge of the camp - alone and full of thoughts. The discussion about how to proceed has been resolved for the time being, but this was not their more important problem. She propped her head on her hands, her fingers buried in her hair. Unnoticed, she began to sob softly to herself. She was fine, she had no serious injuries, she was just hypothermic.

"Those thoughts, all the people ... shit, I couldn't save them all." she grumbled angrily and bared her teeth doggedly. Inside her heart there was a restlessness, a memory that failed before and how many people gave their lives. She unconsciously rocked her upper body back and forth, almost in panic. "Damn .." she whimpered. Cullen watched them inconspicuously while the night watch sat by the campfire and talked about the disaster.

He has never seen her in such a state, never has he felt in this state. The need to be there for someone - to be there for her. To calm her down, to hug her.

“Would it be noticeable if I went to her? Would it be good for me if I go to her? " he asked himself and thought of an excuse to go to her anyway. No, he didn't have to think of an excuse. Without further hesitation, he got up and walked away from the camp. Natalia heard his steps and turned to him.

"Cullen, forgive me for-"

"Do you want to talk?"

his smooth, low voice gave her an inner calm. Her heart skipped a pounding heartbeat when she saw his attempted smile. She nodded without further words and Cullen sat down next to her.

"I failed, Cullen." she sighed.

“You didn’t. You saved us, Natalia. "

"How come? By distracting this Corypheus for a moment? Corypheus ... I've never seen anything like this before. His eyes were so full of anger. And that dragon ... I've never seen a dragon before. But the worst part was seeing all the soldiers. To know that they sacrificed their lives and that I couldn't save them. ”

Cullen shook his head and looked over at her seriously.

“Listen to me - You risked your life, Trevelyan. For so many people. You have not failed. "

She humped in agreement and looked at the ground. There was silence for a brief moment, but Cullen heard her soft sobs. She looked up into the dark distance.

“Why are you back? I mean ... Why were you looking for me? It was too risky. "

Cullen blushed slightly and glanced away, clearing his throat. Natalia leaned forward curiously to focus his eyes on her again.

“I-I...well. I was worried. I didn't want to give up hope and didn't want to wait any longer. "

Natalia felt something seething inside her, a pleasant glow in her chest. Her face turned red and her surprised look was more than clear.

 _"Was he worried about me?"_ she made sure to herself. Suddenly Cullen chuckled to himself and stood up.

“Sorry, that was foolish of me. I ... I think I better go now. We have to leave again tomorrow." he stuttered, impishly, and slowly turned back to the camp. Before he could turn, Natalia came before him and he looked surprised when he felt her arms tight around his waist, her head pressed against his chest. Who would’ve thought that this will happen, that Natalia gets so emotional to the Commander?

“Thank you for saving me. I wouldn't have made it anymore. " she thanked quietly. Overstrained and overwhelmed by his feelings, the commander froze for the time being, but Natalia also felt his arms cling to her. Slowly they broke up but both didn't want this moment to end. Inwardly, they wanted to linger like that. The night watch didn't get any of this so deeply they were in conversation.

"I'm just glad you're alive, Natalia." he smiled and they both walked back to the camp. There was an embarrassing silence between the two of them, but somehow they also enjoyed this moment. For Cullen it was a relief that despite this tragic event, he and Natalia could finally smooth their waves. Inwardly he felt joy that he could help her. Secretly he peeped over to her now and then, but she beat him with a smile.

They stood in front of the tents, alone. The blizzard slowly calmed down and Natalia opened the tent. Before she disappeared into it, she gave an embarrassed, shy nod. Thoughtfully, she quietly took off her armor so as not to wake the other women in the tent.

_“He was worried. He risked his life for mine, but why? I am subordinate to him. Nothing should develop there. "_

Natalia undid the tie and thought about the long, intimate hug. Her heart sank when she heard his deep, soothing voice in her head.

 _"No. Natalia stop imagining this."_ she mentally shook her head. She pulled on a linen shirt and lay down on the makeshift bed made of furs and sacks and tried to sleep.

Meanwhile, Cullen was also lying in his tent and loitering to himself. His left leg bent, his right hand on the back of his head. As hard as he tried, as hard as he forced himself to do, he couldn't make Natalia disappear from his thoughts.

"I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if I had stayed in the camp" he mumbled quietly to himself.

"This can’t go more than it should.." he repeated several times - until he fell asleep powerless.

__

The next morning everyone got ready to leave. Nobody knew where to go, let alone how long the march would take. Natalia hadn't been able to close an eye last night and, overtired, she roared when she opened the tent and the broad rays of the sun shone in her face.

"Argh ... damn ..." she yelped softly and got a bucket of water standing next to her tent. Dorian was already awake and despite the fact that the morale and mood were more than depressing, he tried to cheer up his beloved Ostwickan.

"And there is the heroine of the night!"

Natalia forced a smile feeling very uncomfortable about that sort of title.

"Dorian, please."

“Well, well then my dearest Ostwick Lady! I hope you found some sleep? "

he asked, slightly worried, but the answer was a lighthearted laugh.

"Unfortunately not, but I just wanted to freshen up." she continued laughing and saw Dorian Cullen saddling the horse behind. Dorian noticed her slightly frozen gaze and turned in that direction.

"Yes, we're leaving in a moment, Natalia - you just recognized that co-" Dorian interrupted himself when he understood that it wasn't about leaving and laughed mischievously.

“Oh yeah, Cullen brought you here. Have you already thanked you? "

"Yes?"

Dorian nudged her shoulder lightly and winked at her. “Also like thanking a knight? With a kiss? "

"DORIAN!" she hissed angrily and sprinkled his face with the cold water. He chuckled and protected himself from the ice-cold water with his hands, but Natalia's embarrassed, reddened cheeks were not hidden from him.

"I'm about to tip the bucket on you if you continue!" she threatened with a wicked grin.

“Alright, alright - Maker, my poor hair didn’t deserve this. You really haven't slept but the blush suits you. " he provoked. Natalia only gave a slight hobble and ran on without further words. She couldn't be mad at the Tevinteran, and Dorian knew that all too well. In such a short time, the two got closer and got along brilliantly, almost as if they had been friends since childhood.

Cullen saw Natalia walk past him. Unsure whether he should say hello, both remained in simple, shy smiling eye contact and nodded. He turned around and pretended to groom the horse. But in reality he was curious about what Natalia was doing with the bucket. She ran around the corner where hardly anyone could see her. Cullen leaned back discreetly and watched her.

She was only wearing her linen shirt and trousers. Natalia looked tired, but also looked very tense when she held up the bucket.

 _“Don't think about it much. Don't think about him. "_ she repeated mentally. She felt like this moment, this bucket of icy water will bring her back to reality. She needs to stay focused, washing away all the feelings, the good and the bad ones.

She held her breath and tipped the bucket of ice cold water over her body. Cullen was more than surprised that she wasn't making a sound. Not a scream, not a sound. Soaked and with the empty bucket in hand, she went back to the tent. Cullen saw almost everything about her. Her wet, long hair which covered her breasts under the almost transparent linen shirt.

“Makers breath-” he whispered quietly to himself and quickly looked away in embarrassment and continued grooming the horse with quick movements.

 _"By Andraste - does she know that I- does she tease me with this?"_ he thought in panic as his heart started pumping fast. He carefully listened to Natalia who was running up to Dorian chuckling, handing him the bucket. He was also surprised that Natalia can take something like that in this cold.

"Now I am awake."

she laughed happily and slipped back into the tent to change. Dorian looked into the bucket in amazement - there wasn't a drop left in it. He glanced over at Cullen and caught him gawking. Embarrassed, he quickly looked away and pretended he hadn't seen anything.

"Interesting," he chuckled inwardly and shook his head.


	5. New Home

  
_Artwork by Ambellina Leander_

The events in Haven did not remain unscathed - The troops were tired and exhausted and the long march to Skyhold tore at every nerve. After many days of marching, they finally arrived at their new home. The soldiers could spare their legs and the injured were treated. Days passed and their new Inquisitor - Natalia Trevelyan - had enough time to regain her strength.

_"They really spared no effort"_

She thought as she looked more closely at her quarters. Her headquarters were decorated in shades of blue and gold and the curtains were decorated in a royal blue brocade. Many plants embellished the quarters and the mural painting reminded her of her home in Ostwick. Natalia ran to the small wooden chest of drawers and fetched her fresh clothes. She looked upset over at the desk; Suddenly holding the position of the Inquisitor was more than unpleasant for her. Actually, Natalia was used to receiving instructions instead of giving them - Who would’ve thought that she will be a leader especially in that matter to stop Corypheus from destroying Thedas? She sighed and looked up pondering at the window.

"Wow, I am really standing here - as the Inquisitor. I don't know if I can do this - There is too much at stake and I do not want to fail. When mother and father hear about this... by the holy Andraste... it can be cheerful. What did uncle Travis mean back then? First get to know your people and your environment? Yes, I think that's what he meant. Maybe I should look around."

She shook her head smiling, left her quarters and walked to the main hall. Natalia dressed up and looked around the main hall - Curiously she wants to explore her new home more closely. During the last days many repairs were made and the hall was supported by wooden scaffolding and boxes. From the beginning on she noticed a door that was on the same way to the council room. Natalia was walking through the main hall when she suddenly saw the Commander coming towards her. 

"Commander! The council meeting doesn't start until tomorrow." she pointed out in surprise folding her hands with a smirk on her face. Cullen gazed at her slightly embarrassed.Since the catastrophe in Haven, he always had a pleasant but also an uncomfortable feeling when he stood before the Inquisitor. Especially because he had helped her through the snowstorm to the new camp. Since today was also his day off, he actually wanted to invite her to a game of chess.

"I am aware of that, Lady Inquisitor. I wanted to see you because of...another matter." he stuttered sheepishly.

„What is it?" she asked curiously, smiling.

Cullen froze when he noticed her in her new clothes - Natalia was of medium, slightly trained stature. A petrol blue jacket with golden buttons and tight dark brown leather pants with laces emphasized especially her hips. His eyes widened, He had a blackout and couldn't remember why he actually wanted to see her. Slightly nervous he glanced over to that door, which Natalia wanted to explore more closely.

"I-I wanted to discover the main hall with you, Yes! We haven't yet listed everything on the map and I-I thought, as we both have a day off today -"

"Can you read my mind, Commander? That's exactly what I had in mind today! I would be happy if the Commander would join me." she grinned.

"So then..."

Natalia smiled,her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. Both opened the door and went down the long stairs. Cullen looked at her slightly dreamy while she was lost in thought. These long stairways made a hypnotic impression on her.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes... well - no. I was appointed Inquisitor overnight. I don't know if I can do it."

"I'm not worried about that. You proved yourself more than worthy in Haven. When I got my promotion back then, I felt the same way. I know you're used to receiving instructions. But I think it's good that you're checking out Skyhold for now."

"Ha ha, yes, my uncle Travis was a general officer at Ostwick. He taught me many things back then - among other things, that one should inspect one's surroundings closely."

She chuckled slightly and remembered the time with her uncle back in Ostwick. As a mercenary Natalia had a hard time at that time but her uncle always gave her encouragement.

"May I ask you a question?" Cullen stuttered insecurely.

"Of course.“

„You said you have family in Ostwick-" Cullen pointed out bashfully.

He didn't dare to ask that question, although she had already asked him a similar question in Haven. She gazed at him with a smirking questioning look, already having a clue what he was asking and chuckled to herself.

" ‘Do you also have a lover? A husband?' No. A few years ago I had a partner, but we broke up in a bad way. I don't really like to talk about it."

„Oh I didn't want to - I'm sorry if I got too close to you" he apologized hastily.

"Don't worry, I didn't take it badly." she responded and smiled calmly.

Arriving at the bottom, the two were in a large, dark hall. They lit the torches on the pillars and saw a large painting of Skyhold; It was a very old one and the surface was almost cracked by the colors - Old, dusty red curtains covered some paintings.

"Beautiful - this room would make a good gallery. Who knows who will have a portrait here someday." Natalia examined and looked around by amazement.

She saw another door on her right; curiously, she went towards it. Cullen quickly caught up with her and opened the door for her. "How charming. Thank you, Commander." she thanked and Cullen nodded leaving a soft smile on his lips. Both went down more stairs and were in a small room with lots of bookshelves. In the middle of the room was a desk and an open, dust covered, book. The room was not used for years, if not centuries. The books and shelves were full of dust and cobwebs. But Natalia's eyes were shining and she was fascinated by this room.

"There's something magical about this room... and just look at all the books! What stories are told there? And what kind of book is that?"

She said with fascination and took an old book from the bookshelf. Cullen noticed that she was in her own little world. He leaned against the door frame and watched Natalia's astonished smile - feeling his heart rising with her joy.

"I didn't even know you were interested in history?" he pointed out curiously.

„I spent my free time in libraries during training. I love history but also books where strategies and fighting techniques are described. Do you know the books of Genetivi? He usually writes historical books about Thedas but I recently read a book where he describes the living in the nevarran military and about their soldiers. It's really interesting to know how the techniques vary in each land and..oh I'm sorry, I digress. I think it's boring to talk about such books isn't it? "

"No, it's not boring, actually I never heard him write such literature, interesting. I have saved a little collection of books from Haven if you wish to read them, I guess you would like them. I even have a rare copy of "Bloodstained Sword of Rivain" . The described tactics were pretty new to me, especially because the people fought against the Qunari using not only swords but also ropes!"

"Ropes? During a fight? I think I will come back to you later...I'm indeed interested now."

Natalia said impishly while putting a book back to the book shelf.

Cullen raised his eyebrows in amazement. A woman who was not only beautiful, but also well-read and thirsty for knowledge. He also went to a bookshelf and read the titles of some books while secretly peeping to her.

"I've never met a woman like you before."

"What do you mean exactly? Because as a woman I read such books instead of being interested in dresses?"

"Kind of...I mean how did you have the time to gain so much knowledge being a soldier, daily at the mission?"

Natalia struggled a bit telling Cullen what happened during her duty as a soldier. She also didn't want to ruin the conversation with that tragic backstory.

"I...had an accident a few years back so I used the time of recovery for reading." she kept shortly.

"Oh I understand but still...you're different. In a good way I mean."

„Oh, you're just saying that now, Commander! I am a former soldier and also not the only female one. Actually the women in Orlais are more interesting for men like you I guess. At least they’re not so...angry as I am from time to time" she chuckled.

"I prefer women who know what they really want and don't hide behind masks." he said determinedly. Natalia's heart beat faster and she felt a gentle warmth flowing through her body while listening to his deep, arousing voice. Even though she faced the reality that the Commander showed no interest in her she somewhat felt a good tension between them and guessed it was just a little flirt with colleagues. Hastily she tried to keep her emotions in check and distracted herself with a book with a dusty and faded cover, which she opened and read.

"I can't decipher this writing. Perhaps we should inform Leliana. She knows how to deal with such writings. I don't want to steal more of your time any more, let's go back.“

"You don't waste my time, Inquisitor. I enjoyed this little trip. But you're right, we should inform Leliana about this."

Cullen didn't want to leave; He wanted to stay here even longer - Alone with her.

_“Maybe...maybe I should ask her”_ he thought while staring at her emerald green eyes. Natalia also glanced into his beautiful amber eyes. She noticed that the longer she looked at him the redder his face became from sheer embarrassment. Neither of them noticed how they slowly approached each other unconsciously - a warm, electric feeling flowed through their veins, their hearts racing and their thoughts confused.

Suddenly Natalia lost her balance and stumbled slightly. Instinctively he supported her shoulder and looked surprised.

"Are you all right?"

_"No, I think I have fallen in love with you, Commander,"_ she thought to herself. Instead, she laughed insecurely and grabbed her head.

"I think the air here is not so good for me in the long run. Maybe we should go back up."

Cullen nodded smiling. Natalia went ahead and Cullen blushed at the sight - He caught her smell of white lilies and amber. Cullen couldn't take his eyes off her. He scrutinized her body, her curves - shook his head and tried not to stare at her any further and watched at the steps instead. Both were silent, not a single sound came over their lips - awkward. Back in the main hall, they both met Josephine. She was sitting on her desk and was busy with writing letters to some nobles. She looked up and smiled towards both.

"Lady Inquisitor! Commander! I thought you had a day off?"

„Hello, Lady Jospehine. Yes, we thought we'd explore the corridors in Skyhold. We found a room that would be great for a gallery; Oh! And a small library. I wanted to go to Leliana later, because some fonts are not legible for us. Maybe they could be of use to us."

"Fantastic! A gallery would benefit the nobility. There we could record our successes with pictures and statues. I don't want to bother you any longer. Have a good rest, Lady Inquisitor! Commander -"

Josephine remarked that Cullen was embarrassed and blushed - He was standing right behind the Inquisitor and tried to look seriously but that worked only moderately.. Natalia and Cullen left the Office and went back to the main hall while Josephine chuckled quietly to herself about the Commander. Leaving the ambassadors office Natalia glanced over at Cullen with slight worry; He seemed visibly nervous.

"Are you all right?"

"Y-Yes, everything's fine. I think I should get to work too."

"But you have your day off today, don't you? Just enjoy it, take a walk or just rest? I got a little tired from this little adventure. See you tonight in the tavern? The bard has prepared some new ballads to lift the mood a little" she asked and put her hand on his shoulder. "Yes, gladly."

Cullen replied quickly. She nodded determined and went back to her quarters. Cullen glanced at her slyly and secretly grabbed his shoulder remembering the gentle pressure of her hand and went towards the courtyard. 

When he arrived at his office, he closed the door behind him and snorted briefly while leaning it against the wooden door.

"Damn. So close." he whispered and shook the thought away.

He sat down at his desk and expanded the plan of Skyhold. While he wrote everything down on paper, Cullen thought about Natalia's words in the Library earlier. 

"You are no longer a soldier - you are the Inquisitor. And that's why I have to hold back my feelings. It would be foolish of me to think that there's more to us." he sighed quietly to himself.

_“But that before... there was something. I felt it. And so did she. I don't know how it can go on like this. My head is so confused - I have to put my actions before my feelings. Cullen, don't be a fool.”_

He faced himself in thoughts. Trying to find some distraction he continued adding more information on the Map.


	6. The Book

Several weeks passed and the Adamant Fortress was successfully reconquered and the troops recovered from the successful battle on Skyhold. Natalia and the others retreated but not only because they physically entered the Fade but also because they had to deal with the loss of Warden Stroud. The group was worn out, traumatized and exhausted - without the Inquisitor's quick response and the selfless deed of the Grey Warden, they would all be dead. Natalia had opened the rift at the last moment - this mark was both a blessing and a curse.

Natalia sat alone on her bed, looking pensive at her mark - baring her teeth. The fade absorbed all her energy, she felt hollow - almost drained, like an empty vessel. Light green lightnings flickered around her fingertips as she thought again about how she opened the crack to the fade at the last moment.

"You are like a pact with the devil. I never wanted you. But you saved me and took me to hell. Why not go home or someplace more quiet? I want my normal life back. I can't do this any more."

she sighed and began to cry in agony. She clawed angrily at the sheet and whimpered in mourning. This pain, this suffering, the high expectations of her - Natalia never had time to process all this. She just wanted her normal life back. Her tears slipped down her face and she bit her lower lip bitterly. This fate was a burden to her. 

"I'm the last person in the world who would be right for you! I am weak! I cannot trust myself! Why me?!" she bellowed as she looked at the mark again. Determined, she stood up and ran to the bookcase, grabbed the next best book and threw it out of the window in a rage. Relieved, she breathed out - as if all her rage was dissolved for a brief moment in heaven. 

"Oh... that felt good." she sighed with contentment and returned to her quarters. With every step she took, however, she realized that this was ill-considered and foolish. _"What if someone was hurt? Or..."_ she thought and quickly returned to the balcony. Concerned, she leaned slightly over the railing and watched over the yard. Everything seemed normal and it looked as if no one was harmed. Again she breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed her hands on the railing. On closer inspection, however, she saw Cullen picking something up. Astonished, he first glanced at the book and his gaze turned to Natalia much by chance. For a short moment she froze with embarrassment and hastily returned to her quarters. "This can't be true now? Did I seriously hit the Commander with the book?!" she wiped the tears from her face in panic and ran all over the room to get rid of her blush by fan the air by hand. A few minutes later there was a knock at her door. "Come in?" Natalia stuttered slightly and quickly straightened her hair and clothes - she knew it had to be Cullen.

"Inquisitor, I'm sorry to disturb you. I just saw a book out your window -"

"Are you hurt?! I'm sorry, I was in a fury - I didn't mean to!"

she apologized in a stampede and instinctively clawed at his fur collar. Both stared into each other's eyes for a moment - his surprised amber eyes flashed as he studied her worried look more closely.

_"By the Maker Natalia, are you serious? Control yourself!"_ said her subconscious.

Embarrassed, her hands slowly detached from his fur collar and she touched the back of his head in shame. 

"Makers Breath! I am sorry about **that** !

"Is everything alright?" 

"Excuse me, it's just...what happened at the fortress Adamant - I just can't control myself right now".

she confessed in embarrassment as she nervously tugged at her fingertips. Cullen looked at her sympathetically, but still - on the one hand he wanted to hold her in his arms and give her comfort but on the other hand he knew that as commander, he had to keep a certain gap - especially when it came to the Inquisitor. He shook its head anxiously and grabbed her gently by her narrow shoulders, trying to calm her down with his words.

"I would never have forgiven myself if I had lost you, Inquisitor."

he answered. His brown eyes almost sparkled and created an inner calm in her. Slowly he turned worried and frowned.

_"If I had lost you..."_ she repeated his words in her mind and her eyes widened hopefully. She rapidly shook off the hopeful thought and looked over to him.

"The Inquisition can be proud to have such a courageous leader but perhaps you would like to talk about it? About the Fade I mean?" Cullen demanded with his soft, reassuring voice, for he saw a great concern in Natalia's eyes.

"I don't want to go there again. Knowing what really happened to the Divine Justinia is horrible. But it happened and it feels like the puzzle inside me is now complete. This place...is like I imagine the hell, I don't even have the strength to explain how it was there. All the hate, the sorrow and the fear... all in one place. It was cold and suffocating - the air I breathed there felt more like pure poison that was eating me up inside. But worst of all, we left Stroud there to die. I can't forgive myself for that. He was a good man." she said sadly, watching the ground with a guilty conscience.

"Warden Stroud made a great contribution to the Inquisition and paved the way for you. We will honour him, I promise you. You are the inquisitor and he knew the risks." Cullen answered determinedly and looked at Natalia. Slowly she turned away from the commander and peered over to the balcony while she crossed her arms reproachfully.

"Just because I have this anchor? Because I have closed the breach? Is that what you want to tell me?"

she asked, turning her head to the side. Cullen ran towards her and once more grabbed her shoulder gently and softly with the silent request to turn to him.

"No. You have the special will to go on, no matter how many hurdles you have to overcome. And since Haven, you have changed - you have become stronger and you consistently enforce your will. I admire you for that." he explained, putting his hand behind his neck with a sheepish look. Natalia's face blushed when she heard his words but tried not to let this compliment get to her. 

"You have advised me against lyrium and your will is staining. Sometimes I have days when the demand for lyrium is almost unbearable. But I remember your actions, our work here at Skyhold. I cannot give up. You do many things, Inquisitor, even if you are not aware of it. Since Haven, people have been calling you not only Inquisitor, but also Haven's Savior, Andrastes' helper." he explained and approached her slowly.

"How I would love to kiss you, to hold you in my arms." 

he thought to himself as he gazed at her green eyes and again noticed the scent of lilies and amber which set him slightly aflutter; he exhaled briefly.

"I must thank you, Inquisitor. You are the right leader for the Inquisition, and I don't say that just out of courtesy." - "Without your strategic planning, we never would have made it to the fort in the first place, Cullen. I have you to thank as well." she added with a smile. Cullen gave her back a little grin and they both stood very close together; quickly, both looked away embarrassed and cleared their throat. He held the book in his hand the whole time and handed it over to Natalia. "I actually wanted to give you the book back. Don't worry, it didn't hit me." he explained with a slight burst of laughter and turned towards the exit with a nod of his head. "Thanks Cullen." she replied slightly surprised.

Curious, she took a closer look at the book, which was covered with dents and wiped dirt - Cullen tried to return the book as clean as possible." The Lion of Ferelden" she muttered the title softly to herself and glanced over to Cullen, who turned to her again briefly, smirked and closed the door behind him. Many would probably dispose of such a book, but Natalia decided to put it back on the bookshelf despite its condition and turned back to her duties. "A little distraction wouldn't hurt." she thought and left the quarters slightly cheerfully over to the herb garden. 

__________________________________________________

On the way there, she saw the Commander leave the main hall and possibly join the recruits. She had to be careful not to fall into pining looks - that would only make for more conversation.

"He struggles in his thoughts - searching for his counterpart. Desperately holding back his feelings, he feels a burning in his chest." Cole said as he suddenly stood beside Natalia. "What do you mean?" she asked in wonder and looked over at him in confusion. "Desperate. He needs help - his feelings are torn, split. He doesn't know if it would be foolish." he added while Natalia tried to make sense of his enigmatic words. "Cole I don't know what you're talking about exactly. We've spoken before about how you can help people, as long as it doesn't cost them their lives. So just do it." she declared resolutely, her arms tightly crossed. "I don't think I can help there - as much as I would like to." he answered and suddenly disappeared. She blinked up and turned around - no sign of Cole. She ran to the garden, shrugging her shoulders and tending the herbs. As she watered the vines and the elfroot, she thought about Cole's words. Natalia couldn't lie to herself - she knew exactly who was meant. "No...that can't be. Cullen has more important things to do at the moment and the one from before..." she broke off her thought, shaking her head and continued to water the plants with herbs. Meanwhile, Cullen was in the yard, planning the assignments with the recruits.

__________________________________________________

"Scout Jim, please see that the new recruits from Kirkwall have enough tents. We also need to make sure we have enough weapons." - "Will do, Sir!" Jim replied optimistically, turning to the war-chamber while Cullen sorted the plans and papers on the wooden table. Varric secretly watched the scenario from before as the commander entered Natalia's quarters hoping to gather some piquant information. Cullen saw him coming towards him and he rolled his eyes briefly annoyed.

"Curly! Busy working again, huh?"

"Varric... I can see from afar you need something. I have enough work that you-"

"No, no, no, no. I'm not here about work."

Varric interrupted hastily and burst out laughing. Questioningly, Cullen peered over at him and supported his hand on the wooden table.

"What is it then?"

"How's Natty? She hadn't been out for several days and I saw you go to her quarters and-" Varric continued whispering with a mischievous wink while Cullen looked at him in disgust and turned red since his face turned red. Although Varric is much more subtle and elegant when it comes to gaining information, he loved to tease the commander, the temptation was just too great every time.

"Um... well... No! I...brought the Inquisitor a book and-" he explained with a hasty stutter and interrupted when Varric showed with a gesture that he didn't want to upset the commander. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. But while we're at it...you and Natty-" he continued mischievously. "There's nothing going on, if you must know. The Inquisitor and I sympathise and on a friendly and collegial level. And to respond to your previous request, she is feeling a bit better." he made clear to Varric - or at least tried to. He knew that from his point of view more could develop but that this would be simply foolish and unwise. Cullen wanted to keep up appearances not only for himself but also for Natalia and the Inquisition. "Too bad. Well, there's nothing to be done about it but I'm glad that she's already feeling better. Adamant was pure shit, I knew Stroud... poor guy... but we gotta be able to deal with that now. Good luck with it, Curly." he replied with a shrug of his shoulders and turned away towards the stables. Cullen shook his head in dismay and turned back to his work. 

"How dare he ask me that? Is it really so obvious? I may have to send my recruits out soon to talk to Nat- with the Inquisitor." Cullen pondered quietly. "You always were bad at lying, Cullen. I will keep an eye on you - this is getting interesting." Varric muttered impishly on the way to the stallion.

Late that night in his office, Cullen filed the latest reports. "At last." he sighed with contentment and climbed up the ladder to his bedroom. He took off his linen shirt, boots and pants - stretched out one last time - and went to his bed. He laid his hand relaxed on the back of his head and watched the stars from his broken roof. He thought about what happened today and played thoughtfully with his fingers on his sheet. 

"If only I had hugged you... I don't know if you would have liked that, Natalia. Where do I stand with you I wonder? Where do we both stand? I feel there's something there, but is it perhaps just my imagination?" 

he was thinking while trying to find constellations in the sky. He was tormented by the thought of having to suppress his feelings, because he had never felt anything like that in his whole life. That heart pounding when he sees her, or how he catches himself smiling when he thinks of her. She gave him something that he had been missing for the last years, something he longed for. A kind of serenity, security, peace... if not satisfaction. Although he had shared a bed with a woman from time to time in the last years, he never felt that love could develop out of it. 

"Just the idea with you..." he continued to think and only caught himself developing more feelings for her - imagining fantasies that must not happen.

"Oh Natalia ... it's better not to think about you. I can't do this anymore," he sighed up determinedly and closed his eyes.


	7. A nightwalk through the battlements

  
_Artwork by Pooky_

"Here are my reports Leliana"

"Thank you Inquisitor, now I have almost all the reports I need to make the necessary arrangements. Our scouts will continue to monitor the storm coast. The entrance to the Deep Roads should be visible soon."

Leliana explained, put the reports on the table and glanced to Natalia.

"Our supplies of skins and metals are running low. I propose to send soldiers to the Hinterlands. We could discuss this at our next council meeting."

she added. But caught in her thoughts Natalia meanwhile peered out of the window behind Leliana to the opposite tower where Commander Cullen had his office.

"Inquisitor?"

"Leliana..."

she sighed slightly tetched and looked back at Leliana. "We've been through so much together... why don't you just call me Natalia?" Leliana looked at her in wonderment and left a soft grin.

"Actually, I'm not allowed to call you that."

"Says who?" asked Natalia laughing and shrugged her shoulders. Leliana pondered briefly and agreed with a nod of her head. "All right. If that's what you want... but you haven't thought about it now or about the supplies, have you?" Natalia was caught by surprise and blushed slightly - The master spy didn't miss anything, she knew exactly who it was about.

"W-What...oh, I was just thinking about..."

"...something else? I see." Leliana added mischievously and nodded her head towards the window. "A-Ah that...well, I thought I could solve our material problem a little faster and talk directly to the Commander! Maybe he could tell us if we are able to send some soldiers. And that's what I'm going to do now - asking him, excuse me!" Natalia said goodbye, restlessly embarrassed and walked in a quick step towards the stairs. "Of course, Natalia. Of course you thought about the supplies." she smiled impishly as she crossed her arms and followed the Inquisitor.

__________________________________________________

Visibly nervous, Natalia ran down the stairs directly to the battlements. The sky was clear and the sun was shining over Skyhold and there were more people in the courtyard than usual. She approached the door to Cullen's office and after each step her heart beat faster and her breathing became shallower. Should she continue walking or wait? Or should she turn around? Is it even a good idea? "By the Maker what am I doing? I better turn back!" she murmured quietly to herself and went back towards the main hall. "Inquisitor!" said a gentle yet determined voice behind her. She stopped immediately with a slight startle and pulled her face as if she had just done something bad. _"Oh no...too late. Natalia you're really stupid! Now better have a plan B."_ she thought when she heard his voice. Slowly she turned around and tried to look at him calmly. Commander Cullen came up to her with a report - his hair was slightly tousled and he tried to straighten it back with his hand in one go.

"I was just coming over to see you. I thought we might -"

"Send soldiers to the Hinterlands? Yes! Great idea!" she interrupted the commander enthusiastically with an awkward smile. Cullen stared at her in surprise with raised eyebrows, asking. 

_"Just great. Awkward."_ she thought.

"B-Because the supplies! Leliana said we need metals and skins." Natalia explained with a slight stutter as he looked deep into her eyes and noticed that she was visibly nervous - even her usual tugging at her gloves betrayed her. Cullen himself did not let this be noticed. "Y-yeah... I was gonna suggest that, too. I will prepare everything necessary. Excuse me." he replied and returned to the office. She saw an expression of despair in the last corner as he closed the door behind him.

_"Was there something else he wanted to tell me? Or was I too hasty? Too rude? Damn."_

__________________________________________________

Natalia was at headquarters all afternoon and evening, racking her brains over that incident in the battlements. Frustrated and in her thoughts she couldn't fall asleep and was tossing and turning in bed - the thoughts, the feelings...everything was bubbling inside her. _"What did he wanted to ask me? I know that it wasn't about the supplies. He looked so upset...did I have sent him false signals? That's not a question to debate over...I am just simply stupid."_ She got up unnerved, went to the balcony and checked out the starry sky, which was slightly covered by clouds. Cullen worked that night on his reports from the days before - He tried anyhow.

"Why didn't I just ask her? I'm a fool." he muttered to himself in disappointment and left the tower. Cullen needed some fresh air to clear his mind from all the thoughts because in the last weeks he kept on torturing himself with suppressing his feelings about the Inquisitor. From day to day it became more and more difficult and he wanted to talk to her about it - he needed certainty. Cullen opened the door and stood outside for a while, the courtyard and the battlements were empty - everyone was asleep, only the torches still lit the last flames. Natalia bent slightly over the balcony railing and peered over to Cullen's office and noticed that he was standing outside. She flushed quickly and went back inside. 

"He is awake? I told him not to work overnight! Or maybe he cant sleep as well? I have to get out. Even though he is standing there. Maybe he'll just take a short break and be back in the office as soon as I get ther." she concluded and walked quietly down the stairs, crept into the main hall. Natalia preferred to be out at night and took a closer look at the main hall. All the figures from Ferelden adorned the hall; the main hall was decorated with paintings and banners of the Inquisition - the fireplaces were out, but Natalia felt a gentle warmth of embers as she passed by. Carefully she sneaked on to the large entrance door and peered whether the commander was still standing in front of the tower. He was not to be seen, but the candle lights still shone in the tower. "So he IS working...oh you wait..." she muttered quietly angrily and walked with collected courage to Cullen's office without considering that she was wearing her sleeping robe. It was a short, light, long-sleeved, dark blue silk dress, decorated with golden embroidery. She knocked on the door, but there was no response.

_"Is it rude to just open the door? No, there's no turning back now."_ she thought and firmly decided to slowly open the door. She had to find out that Cullen was not in the room - On his table was a stack of reports and messages from the soldiers; the candles were half burnt out and the wax was slowly dripping to the floor. Dismayed, she left the room - tied up in her thoughts where he could have been. As she took another step towards the door, she suddenly bumped into someone and felt a firm breast and a soft warmth like the fireplaces - the smell of leather and moss quickly gave her a pleasant feeling in her stomach. She blinked up in bewilderment and looked up - it was the commander who stood there motionless and examined Natalia from head to toe. Embarrassed, he noticed her unusual clothing and cleared his throat in shame as his pulse rose and his heartbeat increased. He himself was wearing light clothes - long brown trousers and a white linen shirt.

"Makers breath! Forgive me Inquisitor! I-I..." he tried to excuse himself but he couldn't take his eyes off her. _"Her chestnut brown hair...and her eyes...oh..maker.."_

"C-Commander! I...I saw that your light was on and wanted to check on you. How many times have I told you that-" she explained in a serious tone, but got lost a few times. Natalia saw how Cullen was flushed red in the face. In surprise, she lowered her head and examined what was keeping his gaze fixed on her until she noticed her robe."I'm sorry! I forgot to change my clothes! By the holy...I-I-I better go! But please take a break or even better: go to sleep. You can't work all night!" she said in panic and scratched her head in shame. Ashamed, she ran past Cullen, opened the door and continued on back to headquarters. Frozen, he stood in the middle of the room and saw Natalia already running back on the battlements. _"We are alone, I need to ask her.."_ It was his chance to finally get things right and he quickly ran after her. "Do you want to..." he asked quietly and stopped the question abruptly. _"No, that's ridiculous."_ he thought with a groan and turned to the office, shaking his head in frustration. Natalia stopped as she heard him and turned to Cullen. "Excuse me?" she asked and his eyes grew large. His heart was beating faster and he forgot what he wanted to ask - he didn't expect that Natalia would still hear him. "I... I wanted to ask if you'd like to go for a walk with me? It looks like you can't sleep either." he asked jitterily while Natalia gave him a nod of approval. She noticed how her awkward embarrassment faded and a hint of relief appeared. "Sure, I could use some company! But then really go to sleep" she replied with a chuckle and headed for Cullen.

__________________________________________________

On the battlements there was stillness - embarrassed, neither of them uttered a word and tried not to look at each other, without success. Cullen noticed that Natalia was slightly cold when she put her hands around her upper arms. "Just a minute." he said and ran to the tower. Cullen quickly grabbed his fur coat, came back and put it on her. She was surprised and glanced at him with surprisedly shining eyes. His coat was so cozy and warm, smelled a bit like oakmoss. "I've always wondered if your fur coat looks so heavy. Thank you very much." she thanked laughing and Cullen smiled sheepishly seeing her in his coat. _"She looks like a little grizzly bear...it's..cute."_ he thought and tilted his head to the side. Her smile faded as she thought about the fact that nothing would come of her and Cullen and she tried to understand his nice gesture colleague. Unconsciously she bit her lower lip.

"I know it's not my position as advisor, but since it's just the two of us, is there something on your mind, Inquisitor? You've seemed very distracted for the past few days." he asked worriedly while Natalia sat down on the ground in front of the wall and looked up at the starry sky. With a gesture, she asked Cullen to join her and he sat down and leaned against the wall. She was not only worried about her feelings but also about whats ahead.

"Sometimes it's hard to deal with that responsibility. Some days I'd like to be free - free of all that obligation. This anchor - I never wanted it. Many people look up to me and expect salvation. It reminds me of my training as a soldier; I was one of the worst recruits there at first. I worked on myself every day and got better at combat. As a result, some of my comrades wanted to get rid of me sooner. This pressure was too great for me at that time and I often fell into self-doubt. Back then in Ostwick I always liked to be out in the woods or on the coast. The silence, the soft breeze... I miss it. In that moment I could just be myself without anyone expecting me. But most of all I miss it-" she broke off quietly tired and gazed at Cullen. Both looked deep into each other's eyes and slowly approached each other. His heart was racing and his longing for a kiss was growing - the scent of lily enveloped him and he saw Natalia leaning against his chest slowly and worn out.

Slowly she closed her eyes and fell asleep on his warm chest, almost snuggling on him. He reddened and did not know how to deal with it and waited awkwardly for a moment. _"I can't... I can't just leave her lying here... should I take her to my - No, that would be foolish. I'd better take her to her quarters. But should I wake her? She... looks so peaceful and beautiful when she sleeps."_ he noted in his thoughts and scrutinized her more closely. To see Lady Trevelyan, usually so lively and sometimes effervescent, asleep peacefully - and then especially leaning against him - was a moment for Cullen that he did not want to miss for a few minutes. After a while Cullen carefully carried Natalia on both hands and decided to take her to her quarters. Slowly and quietly he carried her across the yard to the main hall. Natalia hugged him tighter; he gazed at her and humbly cleared his throat. When he arrived at the quarters, he lay Natalia carefully in bed and picked up the coat. He covered her up and closed the balcony doors. Before he went back into the tower, he sat with her for a while to make sure she was fast asleep. "You're so beautiful my lady. I hope you have sweet dreams." he whispered calmly, stood up smiling, left the quarters quietly and headed back to the tower. When the door closed quietly, Natalia slowly opened her eyes and straightened up. She peered over, half asleep and disoriented at the door and murmured the sentence she hadn't managed to say before "But most of all I miss having you by my side...even though this has never happened before."

__________________________________________________

The next morning Natalia woke up well rested and noticed the smell of the fur coat on her sleeping robe. "Ugh...How long have I slept? Wait...I'm here? Did he bring me here?!" she wondered and looked over at the window, got up and opened the balcony door. She was awakened by the fresh, crisp air and the cool dew. She felt refreshed, turned to the tower and smiled contentedly. "Oh no...the council meeting!" She returned and made herself ready, as the council meeting was soon to take place. Meanwhile, Cullen straightened up and could not stop thinking about Natalia. He put on the coat and recognized the scent of lilies. Again he remembered carrying her to the quarters and feeling her breath on his neck. _"It was so wonderful but - I hope she was deep asleep. It would be awkward if she noticed it. But maybe it could also be a good sign?"_ he mused and went to the council room where Leliana and Josephine were already awaiting him.

"Good morning Commander." greeted Josephine. Leliana couldn't take her eyes off the commander and examined slyly at him. "Slept well?" she then asked sarcastically. "Yes." Cullen replied briefly and succinctly. "That seems unusual to me, Commander-" Leliana answered and stared at him. Cullen sensed that she knew something, but didn't react further. Despite all his efforts, the Commander blushed and Leliana again looked cunningly to the side while suddenly the door opened. "Good morning." Natalia greeted joyfully, glanced over at Cullen and saw how flushed his face was. Distracted by him, she tried to wake up from her thoughts with a quick blink and hastily started the meeting.

"Then let us begin. As I have already discussed with Leliana, we will send scouts to the storm coast. The deep roads must be cleared. However, we will also need to send scouts to the Emprise du Lion as well. Lady Josephine, could we ask our allies for scouts? Our capacities here at Skyhold should not be fully utilized." 

she inquired and Josephine checked the documents on her clipboard and nodded.

"We could ask Lord Arden for it. He has very good scouts and has debts to pay us. It should not be a problem."

"Very well. Our supplies of hides and metals are running low. Leliana has suggested sending soldiers into the rear. Commander, is it possible that..." Natalia broke off questioningly and looked over at Cullen.

"I will take all the necessary precautions, Inquisitor." he replied hastily determined.

After the meeting, Josephine and the Inquisitor left the council room. Cullen collected his papers and reports from the table. Meanwhile Leliana peered at him and shook her head slyly.

"You were up late though, Commander. How could you possibly have gotten a better night's sleep from that?"

"Pardon? " he asked astonished.

"I heard footsteps at night and saw you leaving the main hall."

"I-I stretched my legs. I didn't sleep too well at first. I was in the garden thinking." he explained lying, placing his hand embarrassingly on the back of his neck. Leliana raised her left eyebrow and crossed her arms. He knew he could not fool her and gave in with a groan.

"I... I met the inquisitor and we walked the walkways. Then I brought the Inquisitor to her quarters because she could barely stand on her feet."

"I know. Nothing escapes me, Commander." she laughed mischievously and left the council chamber.


	8. Under the moon

  
_Artwork by FlixiaArt_

Cullen and Natalia avoided each other for a few days, because meeting again on the battlements would only attract attention on Skyhold. Both had a lot on their minds during the last days and had to concentrate on the tasks at the Inquisition for the time being. The negotiations with the nobility kept Natalia busy all day long, so that she needed a little time out in her headquarters in the evening. Sitting at her desk, she carried out the last swing with her feather and finished today's report with a relieved sigh. Relaxed, she leaned against her chair and looked up at the ceiling and let her thoughts run free.

"Nobility can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, thank the Maker I have Josephine." she brooded and closed her eyes for a moment. She was overcome by a dry throat, a thirst for a freshly tapped beer, noticing how little she cared about herself and at the same time longed for company, perhaps even just togetherness. For a brief moment she remembered the evening on the battlements and quickly shook off this thought. _"No...I have to get out of here,or else I'm going to go crazy. Let's see if the others are in the tavern today; I need a beer...or wine?"_ she questioned in her mind, stood up and made her way to the tavern. When she arrived in the courtyard, Natalia could already hear the cheerful events and the familiar warmth brought a satisfied smile to her face.

Slowly she opened the door and observed the events with curiosity. The candles created a cosy, warm and familiar atmosphere, some of the tavern guests were already in the mood for leaving or too cheerful to even get up. The iron bull measured himself with Krem at arm wrestling; bets were taken. Even if you think that the Iron Bull is a stocky, strong Qunari, Krem had his special techniques to win even against the bull himself.

Natalia continued to look around and was amazed when she saw Dorian and walked towards him with open arms and surprising looks.

"Dorian! I least expected to see you here tonight!"

"Natalia! Great to see you. I thought I'd treat myself to a glass or two. Literature amuses me, but I too need a variety. Our library should last me a while longer, until I've read it all. Join me."

he chuckled and invited her to his table with a gesture. She sat down and was handed a beaker of beer by the innkeeper. "Well then! To literature!" she laughed and toasted them both. That was exactly what Natalia needed - a cold beer and good company after lame deliberations and nerve-wracking reports. Since the two had got to know each other better in Haven, the bond between the two had become stronger. Dorian was Natalia's best friend and sensed that something was wrong - her worn out and pensive look as she looked deep into her beer mug. Gently, Dorian put his hand on her shoulder as she slowly glanced up at him in question.

"What's bothering you?"

he asked with concern as she sighed hopelessly.

"I don't think hiding it would do you any good. I'm...I'm a little rattled right now, that's all." she said softly to herself looking back at her beaker.

"Let me guess... it's about that mark. No! Hmm...that look of yours - It's about a certain man!" he concluded sarcastically in a slightly louder voice while Natalia took a good sip from her beer mug and almost swallowed it.

"Psht! Not so loud, Dorian! Makers breath but... Yes, you're right.

"I knew it all along. It's wonderful that my assumptions are always proven correct. But what exactly is bothering you?" he curiously asked her again and put his jug aside. Through the loud laughter and rumbling he moved closer to her and pressed her closer to himself. Natalia blushed briefly as she noticed the smell of cedar and raspberry on him.

"I don't know if he is attracted to me. We had met by chance a few days ago at night and talked a lot; became closer but I did not have the feeling that he wanted to take the next step. Stupidly enough I fell asleep, embarrassing right? Maybe it sounds paranoid now but I think he also brought me to my room or I made it on my own feet. Since we are here on Skyhold I feel that we both get closer and closer to each other and get along much better than in Haven but I think I am just too naive and it would only get us into trouble. I wanted to go to him that day and ask him if we would like to go to the storm coast together - alone. But I got cold feet."

Natalia flushed with shame and took another, bigger sip of beer. "Cullen?" Dorian asked rhetorically and she snapped as she placed the jug on the table.

"I don't have much in common with the Commander myself, but I have noticed a change in him. In your presence he seems serene but also a bit unsettled and you are more clumsy than usual. I think it would do you both good to go on a mission alone, maybe you can talk about it better. You need to take more initiative, and I know you can do it too."

"Clumsy?! You're joking. But I know this relationship is just gonna be more talkative, I don't know if it's a good idea."

"You always worry too much, Natalia. Just let it come to you, and if people think they're going to gossip about you, they already do."

he laughed softly. She couldn't pretend to be clueless - Natalia knew there were already rumours going around. 

"You are right Dorian; I will try - Oh! the jug has to be refilled, will you stay for another drink?" she asked smiling and waved the jug back and forth.

"You know I couldn't refuse you this offer, but I have a little something to do. Madame de Fer is planning to buy new clothes in Orlais and I'll travel with her; I have some packing to do."

"Oh well, have fun, you two. You deserve a little time off. But please don't bring a full cart, will you?" she said ironically and Dorian winked at her with approval. He left the tavern while Natalia was still sitting there and brooding. "Just let it go...if only it were that simple, Dorian." she murmured in frustration and stared thoughtfully out the window.

__________________________________________________

On the way to his sleeping place Dorian made a small detour to the Commander's tower. The light in his office shone as usual even in the middle of the night - the sky was starry and there was a full moon. Dorian saw the last soldiers heading back to their tents and ran up the stairs. When he reached the tower, he peered carefully through the window and could hardly believe his eyes and ears as he listened carefully. 

"Inquisitor I have something to tell you...no...um..Natalia me...no...damn it!"

Cullen clenched his hand into a fist and slammed it in frustration on the table, which dropped some papers on the floor. He sat down and unnervedly propped his head on the table with his hands. "By Andraste, why is it so difficult? This woman is driving me crazy." he murmured in a broken voice while his tousled hair lay between his fingers. Dorian smiled impishly and wondered if he should just barge in.

"No, I won't interfere with that. Otherwise it would be me - the evil evil magician - who would be responsible for everything. But the temptation is just too great." he thought aloud to himself as he twirled thoughtfully at his moustache. He went on to his sleeping place and after a few steps he quickly turned around and suddenly opened the door without knocking.

"If I were you, I'd take her out of Skyhold, if I'm honest." he said with a lightly dancing steps while Cullen stood up in horror.

"Tevinteran! You eavesdropping?!"

"Granted, yes! And rightly so. You two really don't make it easy, do you? This woman wants to be free, she's had more on her plate lately than our esteemed diplomat - Allow her that, just for a moment. I can't stand by and watch her suffer in her thoughts of you, by the Maker! Trust me for one time." Dorian proposed and left again without answering back while Cullen stood in front of his desk, still perplexed by Dorian's sudden appearance and reminded himself of the conversation a few nights ago.

"He is right. Dorian is damn right." 

he admitted to himself and turned to the open door - he couldn't stand it any longer. He longed for her, missed her sorely. The kiss they almost gave each other, her smell, her green flickering eyes - He wanted to hold her in his arms again. Cullen quickly blew out the candles, pulled on his fur coat and walked to the main hall. He knew Leliana was probably observing him but he didn't care at that moment. Arriving in the main hall he ran up the steps in hope that Natalia would still be awake . At the top he looked around briefly - the fireplace was out, the embers weren't even warm. Despite this, he ran to Natalia's headquarters and was now standing in front of the last door and thinking. _"She's probably asleep already...I think I'll talk to her tomorrow - how foolish of me to think that..."_ he interrupted his thoughts and returned to the main hall. As he opened the door quietly, Cullen watched Natalia sobbing as she headed toward the garden. It was his only chance and he didn't hesitate because he knew he had to be there for her and he knew he had to be there for her right now.

Visibly worried, Natalia ran across the garden and sat down on the bench under the pavilion.

"This is ridiculous. He's a commander. He has no eyes for me, let alone time." pondered Natalia. _"So she really has feelings for me.."_ Cullen couldn't stand watching any longer and walked up to Natalia. She looked surprised as he slowly walked towards her from the shadows - as if he had heard her wish to see him and stood up.

"Cullen-"

"Please come with me."

he said with a sheepish smirk and offered her his hand. Natalia took his warm, gentle hand and they both secretly left Skyhold.

__________________________________________________

For an hour they exchanged no words or glances, walking through the snow-covered forest - the sky still clear, the air very fresh. Cullen knew exactly where to take them. Near the Skyhold there is a small hidden lake, surrounded by trees and snow bells. The lake was frozen and the frost shimmered in the moonlight. Once there, she was astonished and felt a pleasant, almost magical energy surrounding her.

"I thought you might need a little time off." he explained shyly and put his hand on his neck. "Commander I... Thank you... I really needed that right now. But for me to hear you say that...that word 'break' is very unusual." she laughed.

"Cullen. You don't have to call me by my title." he said as she glanced approvingly over at him. They both sat down on an elongated, flat rock near the lake and watched the stars.

"It's beautiful here, how did you know about this place?"

"When we scouted the area a few weeks ago, I came across it by chance." he explained, pining away at Natalia.

"I kept this to myself because there's something special about this place. I wanted to share it with someone when the time was right." he continued and Natalia blushed.

"Cullen, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you these days. I'm just confused. After our conversation in the battlements, I didn't know how to handle it."

"I feel the same way. I haven't felt this warmth and familiarity in a long time. I enjoy your company, Inquisitor...uh..Natalia." he interrupted briefly and tried to find a clear thought again. 

"And that one night on the battlements...just don't get out of my head - you don't get out of my head. And I don't want you to leave.." he confessed, touched with embarrassment and peered deep into Natalia's eyes. He took off his fur coat and laid it carefully on her shoulders like in the night at the battlements. To hear these words from him was the only thing she longed and her heart was beating ever more wildly. She slowly nestled up against him and touched his face gently with her hand. The moon reflected in her eyes, they shimmered green.

"I missed you." she whispered and approached his lips as her heart pounded with excitement. "I missed you too." he said smoothly, touching her trembling lips lightly with his. It felt as if little sparks tickled their lips and she pressed herself closer to Cullen's body. He had to control his ecstasy but couldn't resist putting his hand on her waist and pushing her further towards him. His hand wandered up to her hair that clasped around his fingers - the smell of lily and amber enveloped him. He groaned briefly and his warm breath touched her cold, reddish cheeks. Both demanded more, couldn't keep their fingers to themselves. She carefully felt his honey-blond hair running through her fingers, his face - his scar touching on her upper lip; Their lips slowly loosened and looked at each other again, smiling impishly. 

"I would never have thought it possible for me to share this place with you." Cullen admitted and pulled her closer. She leaned her head against his chest as he brushed through her hair.

"That's it? I wouldn't have thought to kiss my commander!" she chuckled, snuggling more to him.

"Haha you're right. To kiss the Inquisitor is even more unbelievable." he laughed as well and they both lingered until they left for Skyhold.

The morning dawned and both had already arrived at the courtyard. Cautiously they looked around, but none of the servants were to be found on the courtyard. In front of the gate the two gazed deeply into each other's eyes and Natalia smirked.

"Thank you for this beautiful night, Cullen. I'm... I'm gonna get going." she said goodbye meekly and put her hand on the back of her head, embarrassed. He would much rather have her with him now, when they are both in bed together and she is falling asleep in his arms, but he kept this thought to himself and nodded in agreement.


	9. Snowball effect

"Then what?"

"We-we just said good-bye and-"

"Without a goodbye kiss?" Dorian asked slightly indignant as she looked embarrassed at the floor.

"No."

"Oh, come on! There was nobody in sight! You could have come to meet them!" said Dorian in anger and shook his head bewildered. That very morning she woke the Tevinteran up in excitement to tell him about the latest events. Natalia got up and stood by the fireplace in her room while she nervously tugged at her shirt. "It was...nice to have him close by and be alone, but the Inquisition -"

"Oh no, Natalia, don't give me that. He kept this place to himself for a reason. Don't just brush him off. It doesn't matter what others think of you and there is never a good time for a relationship." he interrupted with a serious look and approached Natalia. Dorian was right - Cullen and Natalia have to let the inquisition take second place for a moment. It was a kiss - more than that, even. Encouraged, she nodded and led Dorian to the exit.

"Well, then I'll go to him right away and sort this out...it's still early, maybe we can discuss this before we leave but please keep this to yourself for now."

"Of course, what do you think of me? I'll wait outside the stables with the troupe later. I'll meet you there." he suggested and left the quarters. Still tired from last night, she quietly closed the door and ran to the bathroom to get ready. She dipped her hands in the fresh water and washed her face to wake up. Shortly thereafter, she changed her clothes and combed her hair, thinking about what she wanted to tell Cullen. 

"Cullen I know, the Inquisition comes first...No..Cullen I have something important to tell you about us - No that sounds like I'm already turning him down. Fuck."

She murmured to herself as she was on her way to see the Commander shortly thereafter. The courtyard was still empty, most of the crew was still sleeping - Only a few soldiers prepared for the journey to the Emprise du Lion and packed their provisions. The sun glowed blood-red and a very fresh wind was blowing; the leaves on the trees were coated with a thin layer of frost. Neither of them felt as if it had been freezing cold the previous night. 

Natalia stood unsettled in front of his office and wondered if the Commander was sleeping but she wanted to have a word with him - she couldn't wait as they might see each other some time later in the emerald graves and yet she knocked cautiously. 

_"Hm...maybe I knocked too gently? Or he's not there?"_ she thought to herself and opened the door carefully anyway. She checked around but Cullen wasn't sitting at his desk. Natalia glanced up to the upper floor questioningly, hoping that the Commander might be upstairs.

"Cullen? It's Natalia -" she spoke uncertainly and was interrupted directly. "Not now! I'll come later. Please tell Scout Jim to pass on the last report to Lady Montilyet." he muttered in an agitated voice from above. Natalia blinked her eyes in a snapped-up state as she continued to stare up the ladder.

 _"Is he serious?! I knew it. "_ she thought in dismay, stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind her. The angry impact dropped some candles and even the papers on the desk shifted slightly. 

Furious and with clenched fists she trampled down the stairs to the courtyard. Recruit Jim was already awake and preparing for the next mission. "Inquisitor!" he greeted in surprise as she approached him; he stood at attention, gazing at her angry look, which froze his veins.

"The Commander wishes me to tell you to give the last report to Lady Josephine." she said briefly as he nodded his head in agreement without speaking - she turned away from him. "Oh, and if I were you, I would rather avoid the Commander today." she added with a cold undertone as she turned briefly to Jim again. Jim was on the verge of questioning what exactly was going on, but he didn't want to upset the Inquisitor and held himself back by silently nodding. Her eyes literally glowed and she pulled her eyebrows together in rage. Jim puzzled why the Inquisitor of all people had received an order from the Commander. "Yes, Inquisitor!" he replied and Natalia continued to walk to the stables without mentioning another word. 

Dorian already watched Natalia from a distance and guessed that this wouldn't be a pleasant journey and shaked his head slightly desperate. Blackwall and Sera also sensed something was wrong and observed her angry walk to the stables from afar.

"Good Maker, what happened to Natalia? As if she was a fire-breathing dragon." Blackwall questioned and looked over at Sera. "Hehe she must be having her period again. You can see that because her breasts look bigger than usual hehehe!" Sera giggled. Dorian agreed with a nod while Blackwall flushed and turned away in shame. "So you agree, Blackwall?" Sera asked slyly and patted him on the shoulder.

"Good morning Natalia!" Dorian greeted her enthusiastically and smirked at her, hoping to cheer her up a bit. "Let's go, we have a mission to accomplish." she replied coldly, and without further words, got on one of the already saddled horses; the four of them set off towards the Emprise du Lion.

Meanwhile, Cullen lay in bed until noon and woke up in fright. "What time is it?!" he asked himself in shock and stared up at the broken roof. Suddenly he recalled the last night together - the little walk with Natalia, the kiss. Relaxed he leaned back for a brief moment and breathed out contentedly. Then he stood up, stretched, quickly put on his clothes and boots and climbed down the ladder. 

"I would never have thought it possible that she also has feelings for me but...is it serious? I must speak to her." he mused and felt a slight pain in his chest. Knowing that she is leaving for the mission today and that they can't see each other for the time being hurt him deeply.

He ran to his desk and took the fur coat. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Cullen asked the person to come to him before the person entered. "Commander!" greeted Jim in a broken voice and jitterily held a scroll in his hand. "Greetings Scout, I accept a new report?" Cullen asked and unconsciously beamed a smile at him. Jim seemed to be confused because according to the Inquisitor the Commander didn't seem to be in the best of moods - But in front of him stood a relaxed and serene man who couldn't stop grinning - creepily unusual even for Jim.

"Y-Yes, Commander. Here." Jim stammered out his report and quickly left the tower. "So...let's see," Cullen murmured softly; sat down at his desk for a moment and read the report. 

_"The preparations for Operation Hinterland Material Retrieval are finished. The mounts are equipped and the provisions are already stowed away. Inquisitor Trevelyan passed on an order from the Commander. The order was to give the last report to Lady Montilyet. Inquisitor Trevelyan gave the advice to contact the Commander later in the day. The report of the previous day was passed on to Lady Montilyet..."_

Perplexed, he let the third and fourth sentence pass several times and blinked a few times. His heart was racing and his pulse rose - he froze nervously and felt an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. Suddenly he remembered and his eyes widened in alarm - it was not a recruit but the Inquisitor herself who paid him an early morning visit. He hadn't heard her name earlier because he was so weary, so he grabbed his head in dismay.

"Makers breath! It can't be true..." he said in horrified disbelief and put the report aside. Cullen dropped everything and ran out of the room to the yard while the servants and recruits stared at him from the side, confused and questioning. Without noticing the others, he continued to walk quickly to the main hall. Arriving there he glanced around but Natalia was missing. Cullen felt his heart beating quicker and the discomfort in him grew, but he also noticed how people looked at him strangely and quickly recovered. He picked himself up and put on a stern face to Montilyet's office. Josephine heard how the door was almost ripped open with a deliberate force and looked stunned as the commander ran towards her. 

"Lady Josephine! I must speak to the Inquisitor. Do you know where she is?" Cullen asked seriously. Josephine was taken aback by this question and was wondering why the Commander didn't knock on the door as usual and examined his gaze which seemed earnest but also desperate.

"You will have to be patient. Lady Inquisitor has already left for Emprise du Lion. The mission will take some time. Is it something important? We could send a messenger?"

"No, never mind. I-I'll meet them at the emerald graves - there's no rush. Thank you very much." Cullen replied worriedly, gazing disappointedly back at his office. On the way there he ran towards Varric who didn't miss the spectacle.

"What a performance Commander! Are you in a hurry? You look very concerned." Varric stated with concern. The Commander stopped for a moment - He was paler than a corpse. "I...I have some business to attend to, excuse me." Cullen said silently and went on. Varric sensed something was wrong and followed him.

"Hihihi Blackwall look! That cloud over there...what does it remind you of?" Sera asked chuckling. Blackwall glanced at the sky and discovered a cloud of extraordinary shape. He didn't really want to say anything frivolous about it since the Inquisitor is present.

"Eh...they look like...hmm..."

"Like breasts." Natalia added dryly and rode ahead.

"By Andrastes bells, what's wrong with her? I've never seen her like this!" Sera whispered to Blackwall who remained silent and continued to listen to her. "Well...she said breasts - Blackwall, what form of..." Sera continued to distract. Dorian could no longer put up with Natalia's bad mood and caught up with her on his horse. "So, now you'll finally tell me what happened! You seem different! I guess the conversation didn't go well?" he questioned and glanced over to Natalia. "I was wrong, Dorian. I don't need to say any more." she said coldly, but her dejected look, the attempt to hold her tears, the nervous chewing on her lower lip spoke volumes.

Dorian was silent, nodded disappointedly and rode on next to Natalia without saying a word. Arriving at the camp, the troop made a rest. "I have to stretch my legs after the long ride. I'll be around here, don't worry. I just need some time alone." Natalia said, tired and dejected and left the troop. "She really doesn't look good." commented Blackwall and sharpened his sword. "Yes, she's been quite upset these last few days and it's getting on my nerves. I think she needs distraction right now." Sera replied bothered and bit into her apple.

Natalia breathed the fresh air deeply and was immersed in trees and glittering snow. The evening dawned and she observed, lost in thought, the river before which she sat down for a moment. 

"I knew all along that he was just playing with me as if I were a chess piece on his board. He is like 'him'. I don't want to trust anyone anymore, I don't want to be used." she reflected and wiped the tears from her face. Natalia didn't knew how to feel - furious, upset or determined - she was tired of being used by others. 

Sera observed her from a distance, leaning against a tree and took the last bite of her apple. "Inky! Hey! I can't see you like this. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. But I have a great idea that will cheer you up, hehehe!" she sniggered maliciously. Natalia turned around and shrugged her shoulders questioningly while she looked at Sera. That grin - Sera has something evil in mind. Natalia smiled mischievously to her, gave a gentle gasp and turned back to the river. Suddenly she felt a push, she was pelted with something - it was snow.

"A snowball fight? Sera...we have a mission..." Natalia commented and left a little grin. 

"I have a mission, too. We can't see it if you're so grouchy! Go!"

"Alright, Sera!" she answered defiantly and stood up.

They threw snowballs at each other and laughed. For Sera this was a home match - on the one hand she could let off steam, on the other hand the Inquisitor was in a better mood again. 

"Well? Are you feeling better?" 

"Yes... Thanks, Sera. I didn't think I needed exactly 'that'." Natalia laughed and they both walked back to camp satisfied.

Dorian saw them come back in a good mood and was wondering how Sera managed this. "Alright...let's go!" Natalia said fully motivated and the troop moved on. Out of curiosity, Dorian sneaked up on Sera without attracting attention.

"I only heard a giggling and cackling. Sera how did you manage it?" he asked silently.

"With a good snowball fight, Dorian! The easiest thing in the world!" she laughed and ran to Natalia while he grinned in disbelief.

Suddenly a muffled noise sounded and Sera turned around quickly. "Eh!"she cried out loud and patted the snow from her clothes. Blackwall has ears of a bat and allowed himself a little fun and threw a snowball at Sera. "Who was that?! I swear on the herald, I'll steal your trousers!" she asked giftedly. Dorian and Blackwall glanced at each other and grinned. Natalia burst into tears of laughter and clasped her stomach convulsively. 

"Sera your face! I can't stop laughing!"

"Natty was that you?!" Sera asked indignantly

"How could I have been when I'm standing right next to you?" she replied and laughed on.

"Oh..right...well wait, I'll steal both your pants! Pah! That's what you get!" Sera threatened and chuckled while she rubbed her hands viciously. 

"Oh Sera, I'm so scared!" Dorian cried theatrically and put the back of his hand on his forehead.

"All pants."

"Great. Thank you Dorian." Blackwall dryly shook his head and Dorian swallowed briefly as he realised he had packed his favourite trousers for the journey. His eyes grew wide in fear and silence fell. 

"Oh...you really are the best." Natalia sighed up joyfully and giggled on the way. Mission successfully completed.


	10. Occupied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer, soft smutty, Chapter than usual but I hope you will like

_Artwork by me_

Varric diligently wrote his new chapter "Swords and Shields" - Cassandra was very eager to see the new volume and urged Varric to work on it. He sat by the fireplace, dunking his pen in the ink, trying to put words on paper but had to constantly remember the scenery with the Commander at Skyhold. That hopeless, dreaded look and the beads of sweat on his forehead, his hectic walk through the main hall - Varric didn't let it rest and pondered thoughtfully as the ink slowly dripped from the tip of his pen. "I wonder what happened." he kept brooding, scratching his chin. "Varric!" echoed a stern, male voice through the hall - It was Cullen.

"Curly! What a surprise, I just wanted to talk to you!" he greeted the Commander with open arms, happily grinning about his surprising visit.

"Regarding the incident today-” Cullen hesitated.

“You haven’t seen anything." he added in earnesty, folding his arms in defense. Varric raised his right eyebrow in wonder and put his pen into the inkwell.

"What have I seen?" he asked cheekily.

"That I barged in like that earlier-” Cullen stopped.

“Oh, very funny." he snarled, shaking his head.

"Now you have to tell me what happened, Curly." Varric asked him curiously. Annoyed by Varrics picking he grabbed his forehead in disbelief. 

"Not here, come with me."

Both walked towards his office. Varric noticed the hole in the roof which still existed and shook his head in dismay.

“When are you going to fix your roof? It’s a wonder that you haven’t catched a cold yet."- "It's no problem for me as long as it doesn't rain. We must use the resources wisely." Cullen replied determinedly. He opened the door, walked nervously to the desk and turned to Varric who was watching the slightly helpless, desperate look of the Commander.

"How would you apologize to someone who..." Cullen stammered helplessly. - "...loves you?" Varric guessed and smirked over both ears.

In wonder Cullen raised his eyebrows about the unexpected comment of the dwarf and turned quickly to the window in sheer shame. He bit his lip briefly - Varric was absolutely right but how did he know? Was it just coincidence? Cullen continued.

"N-no...someone in a more important position than yourself."

The dwarf crossed his arms, shaking his head with a slightly questioning gaze.

"What are you up at? Did you upset the Inquisitor again?" - "You could say so." Cullen admitted quietly, ashamed and leaned against the desk with a light sigh. Varric rubbed his forehead and empathized with the Commander.

"Shit. A woman and then of all people the Inquisitor herself - again. I won't ask any further. Well, if you're gonna run around Skyhold in a panic like if you have seen some Darkspawn dancing, it must be serious. A few words won't be enough. Natty is vindictive, it's one of her weaknesses. But she cares a lot about her fellow people and gets a bad conscience very quickly." Varric explained and scratched his chin again thinking about how to help the desperate Commander out of his misery.

"I know. I'll have to go to the emerald graves tomorrow, maybe I can explain everything to her there. Shouldn't you be preparing as well?" - "Bianca and I are ready but I see, I see - I am already gone! See you later, Curly!" he waved in goodbye.

"One moment." Cullen stopped him before the dwarf even opened the door. Varric turned with curious eyes towards him and saw the Commander's face turn red.

"Not a word about this." he murmured.

"But...But...Me? My lips are sealed!" the dwarf said goodbye with a smirk, leaving Cullen alone.

He felt like a fool, if only he had listened better or had actually asked her to come to him the other day - lying arm in arm until he left tomorrow, but presumably it would have been too hasty. During the day Cullen distracted himself with his work and trained with the recruits, trying not to get even more crazy about Natalia's thoughts about him. Late in the evening, freshly showered and worn out from his duties, Cullen went back to his office, climbed up the ladder to set the day to an end. At the top, he thoughtfully drove himself through the still damp curls, whose drops of water fell on his well-defined shoulders. He lay down in bed, pondering about tomorrow's departure.

“She will be mad- Fucking mad. She will ignore me, I’m more than sure…” he murmured.

The march to the emerald graves would take two days so he had enough time to think of something. Suddenly he had a flash of an idea when he glanced over to the branch hanging above the broken ceiling that carried golden brown leaves. "Of course! I think I know how I can solve the issue!" he said to himself in amazement, smiling full with hope while his golden eyes flashed.

\--------------------------

Natalia and the troops moved on to the emerald graves after their successful mission in Emprise du Lion. She was in the best company and at that moment she briefly forgot what happened a few days ago at Skyhold. Alone however, she felt frustrated, her heart was broken. After two days' march the troops arrived at the emerald graves and set up the tents - The mission there would take longer and the negotiations with Fairbanks required more resources than usual. The midday sun shone through the lush green leaves and bushes and the Inquisitor was finally able to rest for a moment before continuing the next day. She sat down by a fireplace and felt the pressure and swelling on her legs slowly subside. Pulling off her boots and gloves she then rested her elbows on her thighs feeling the swellings and her blood pulsating through her weary, bruised legs. 

"I wonder why you're not complaining yet!" Dorian mocked laughing and walked out to her.

"When have I ever complained? You're the one who prefers to sit on a truck instead of a horse!" she replied cunningly with a sweet wink.

"Come with me, I think I know how to get rid of these swellings faster! I promise you'll feel better in no time!" Dorian invited her to join him.

Curiously, she stood up and followed him barefoot. Every step felt painful but also refreshing - the cool grass, the smooth gravel was like a beneficial treatment for her. Both were not far from the camp and stood in front of a small river - without further hesitation Natalia stepped into the ankle-high water, feeling the pain dissolve her on its own. Full of contentment she left a relaxed gasp and sat down on the river bank with her legs in the cool water.

"This is exactly what I need! Thank you Dorian, you were absolutely right" She checked Dorian's look - something was wrong. He didn't look at her worried - rather with a reserved determination. Tilting her head to the side she waited for his answer.

"You know the Commander is arriving tomorrow?"

Natalia smacked in disbelief.

"You sly fox. Lure me out of the camp to talk about it first. I should have known at once." she raised her head briefly and felt her heart beat faster for a moment when she thought about Cullen.

"Well, you know me, I’m always here for the gossip. How do you feel?" - "How are you supposed to feel when you kiss the person you're in love with the night before and get yelled at the next day hm?" she asked him rhetorically while he nodded his consent.

"I've been lied to and cheated on so many times and I'm so sick of it, Dorian. He was playing with me and I knew it somehow from the beginning. I will treat him like the others - nothing more. It would be foolish to act like a brat." she explained succinctly. Dorian knew that she was lying. She was disappointed inside, hurt, not only with Cullen but with herself as well. Natalia was too naive and good-natured even though some people think that she can get very heated easily - for valid reasons.  
Gently he put his arm around her shoulder and led her chin charmingly towards him. "Don't worry about a thing. I think you're getting too involved, focus on yourself. You've neglected yourselves too much these past few days." he encouraged her and his blue eyes brought peace to Natalia. Without answering back she embraced him thankfully and both stayed a little longer at the river.

A short time later they heard a commotion not far away. Curious, both turned around and on closer inspection she spotted Cullen, who tied his horse to a pole.

"Oh, great." she rolled her eyes in agony, leaving a smack.

“So, will it get awkward or...awkward?” - “Dorian-” she scowled, smirking afterwards.

She put on her boots and walked back to camp with the Tevinteran. The closer she got to the camp, the more discomfort she felt, her heart racing, the knot in her stomach getting tighter - but she had to put on her poker face. "He's probably going to pretend this never happened, so fine." she thought and ran towards him with a serious face.

"So did you have a good journey, Commander?" she asked curtly and crossed her arms behind her back. Cullen scrutinized her and his heart began to race, that subliminal furious tone, her slightly insulted look - at that very moment he sensed that the incident had not gone well for her. Uncertain, he looked at her and extended his hand discreetly to her.

"Let’s go.” Natalia answered coldly and frowned dismissively at his hand. His fear got to him, his pulse rose in fear yet anger as well leading the Inquisitor to the main tent of the camp. There was no one inside, and they both had a moment to themselves after so many days. Full of remorse he glanced at her and gently touched her shoulder lightly.

"I'm sorry, Natalia, I..." he broke off and held himself briefly while she continued to look at him reproachfully.

"The night a few days ago was beautiful and I didn't want to upset you the next morning. I didn't know that it was you that morning!" he explained to apologize and groped his hair nervously, looking directly at her while she turned around with a scowling gaze.

"Oh, so you're not used to my name then, are you? Is that how you treat your loved ones? With such a rough tone?" she asked him reproachfully, taking a step back.

"What? No! I-" he stuttered.

"Forget it. I'm sick of these constant excuses. You are all the same." she exclaimed indifferently and waved him away with her hand.

Cullen remembered back to Haven when the two had a similar conflict and noticed a certain pattern in Natalia. He wanted to turn the tables on her because he had apologized but she didn't give him the chance to justify himself or even believe him.  
Crossing his arms in defense with a sincere countenance.

"Oh...you are shearing me with your past ones without giving me the opportunity to show you that you are wrong? All right." he replied and walked out of the tent for a moment. Snapped, Natalia glanced after him and saw that he was hiding something from her - something wrapped in a piece of linen cloth. He approached her and revealed a bouquet of lilies, which he pressed slightly angrily into her hand without comment. Perplexed, she glanced up at him and noticed her own foolishness - Dorian was correct. She got too involved and condemned Cullen for something he was not guilty of.

"Cullen l-" - "No, Inquisitor. It's all right, I won't bother you anymore. Excuse my harsh tone a few days ago I was still half asleep that morning and didn't hear your name." he repeated his apology monotonously and left the tent without another glance.  
Now she stood there alone - with a bunch of white lilies. With a bad conscience she sat down briefly and sobbed silently in desperation. "I am so stupid. Natalia, why don't you think before you say anything?! Dorian was damn right!" she thought fully ashamed.

In fact, she rarely judged too quickly but her suspicion allowed her to believe that the man she was in love with might remain just her advisor forever. Until dawn Natalia was in the tent and tried to calm herself down with some distraction so she packed the lilies in a jug of water and wrote her report from the previous days. But after only a few sentences she broke off in frustration, clashing her hands on the table, and left the tent.

Outside the soldiers sat around the campfire or ate their meal. Sera and Blackwall sat together around the campfire and drank a beer together. "Eh there she comes out of that tent at last ya?! What has she been doing there for so long?" the cheeky elf asked curiously and took a sip of beer. They both watched leaving the Inquisitor her tent with a bag and a towel on her way to the waterfall not far away from the camp. But there was one problem - No one told her that the waterfall is currently occupied.  
"Um...It's not someone else now-" Blackwall inquired perplexed and turned to Sera, looking puzzled. Both heard a mischievous chuckle from the side.

"Let her have a go. I want to know how it ends!" a voice resounded from the background - Dorian joined the two and leaned against the tree trunk. "Right now comes our little reward for cheering her up my friends!" he added maliciously slyly while Serah already started sniggering.

\----------------------------

Natalia went off to the waterfall without exchanging glances with the others. The waterfall was well covered with trees and bushes. She looked around briefly, disappeared in one of the bushes and unknowingly took off her clothes. Her naked body wrapped around with a towel she carefully pushed the bushes aside and continued walking forward. She could already hear the sound of the water and a cool breeze enveloped her bare shoulders. Suddenly, she stopped in shock.

"Makers breath!" she snapped quietly and felt her head getting hot from pushiness, her cheeks getting crimson red in embarrassment.

Cullen stood under the waterfall with his back to Natalia and washed his arms and neck with a sponge. She froze, couldn't move her legs and tried not to stare but it was hard not to admire Cullen's well-trained body. It was foolish, yet she felt a pleasant, tickling feeling glow in her body. “Fuck, Maker why are you doing this to me?” she asked in thoughts, the only sentence she could actually clearly think in that moment.

Water dripped from the tips of his hair down to his face, moistening his lips and scar. The cool water made his skin glisten and his well-trained back muscles were even more defined. Thin, branch-like water lines formed around his muscles and single drops adorned his shoulders. The light scars from past fights graced his upper body. His well-trained arms covered a part of his face as he looked to the side. Slowly he ran his fingertips coated in water through his hair. Cullen didn't give a sight of knowing that he was being watched, the loud rushing of the waterfall distracted him and he almost forgot the surroundings around him. He pressed the sponge onto his neck and the water flowed down to his fingertips next to his prominent vein on his upper arm. He wrung the sponge out neatly and took off the towel that hung next to him from a thick branch. Her gaze wandered slowly down but quickly blinked,shook her head and woke up from her trance.

"Andraste forgive me, it was foolish." she apologized embarrassed and tried to turn away from him quickly and unnoticed.

Rapidly she walked back to the bushes and took her clothes. She tried to let the flush on her face disappear with a waving hand but this image of the Commander just wouldn't leave her mind. "I can't go back to camp like this. I have to think of something else, maybe there is another water place nearby - No...that would only be noticed if I was gone that long. Damn it, Rutherford!" she bit her lips, hiding behind a tree and hastily put on her clothes. "Did he spot me? He turned around for a moment...no..I don't think so..did he?!" she asked herself quietly confused as she tied her trousers and ran back to the camp.

In the camp Varric also accompanied his comrades with a mug of beer and was wondering why Sera was giggling all the time.

"What in Andraste's name did you take? Elfroot? Or something else?" - "Hehe no! Oh, this is gonna be fun! Prepare your feather, dwarf!"

"What do you mean?!" he asked intrusively leaning in with curiosity.

"Varric, does Natalia know someone's occupying the waterfall?" Dorian asked impishly.

"No?” Varric paused taking a sip of his beer.

“Oh...Oh shit." he realized in shock, and took off his mug. Quickly, snickering, he took out his feather and a parchment and prepared to write everything down.

"I knew she'd come back in a flash," Dorian commented with a broad grin on his precious face and the four watched as Natalia quickly disappeared into her tent - Her flushed red face, her embarrassed look and her quick stride revealed everything. When she disappeared into the tent the four of them laughed and could not hold on anymore. Suddenly the Commander appeared in his casual clothes, a linen Shirt and cotton trousers, and looked at the group questioningly.  
"What is there to laugh about?" he asked grumpy.

There was soon an embarrassing silence but Sera just couldn't stop sniggering. "Oh, nothing Curly! We're just enjoying the wonderful being together!" Varric continued and Cullen turned back to his tent with raised eyebrows and a clueless expression. On the way there, Natalia suddenly appeared from her tent, with new clothes, and walked towards her.

“Fuck. Contenance Natalia, contenance.” she thought.

He glanced at her just briefly, looked into her insecure eyes and saw how ashamed she became red again. In embarrassment she continued walking to the campfire avoiding his gaze. He briefly turned to himself and checked down at his arms. "Is there something in my hair that you are staring at me like that?!" he asked angry and Natalia's heart froze. She slowly turned over to him and couldn't make a coherent sentence except a short stammer.  
Before she almost managed to form a sentence he interrupted her with an annoyed growl and turned back to his tent. Natalia didn't really know what to say and glanced over at Dorian who couldn't stop bursting out in laughter.   
"You...you didn't tell me on purpose...just you wait!" she thought and her shame turned into a mischievous, vengeful look. Dorian immediately fell silent and watched as she did not go into her tent but stood in front of the Commander's tent.

"What now?! What's happening now?" Varric asked puzzled as the ink stained his parchment and turned to Dorian.

"I...I have no idea but I think I should exile myself as soon as possible." he replied dryly and the four of them looked eagerly at the tent.

When they saw that Natalia just walked in they couldn't believe their eyes and flushed this unbelievable scenery down with a big sip of beer.

“Oh Andraste-” Blackwall sighed, filling up a new mug with beer.

Cullen was getting ready for sleep when he heard a slight rustling. He turned around and there was Natalia, gently smiling and standing insecurely in front of the tent.

"Can I help you?" he asked coldly, crossing his arms. Natalia stepped slowly into his tent and draped the curtain so no one could peek.

"Cullen I wanted to apologize. I...I was too hasty and accused you of something that wasn't your fault. I felt like I was just a momentary pleasure to you and-" - "How could you think such a thing of me, Natalia?" he asked hurt.

"I haven't always had an easy time with men but...the important thing is that I misjudged you and I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm too hot-headed..." she murmured softly and looked at him with remorse.

"Like before?" he asked slyly, smirking. Natalia glanced at him in wonder for a moment and reddened again as she turned her eyes away from him in embarrassment.

"Oh that... I... I didn't know that-" - "Oh then it was you?" he asked rhetorically and approached her with a soft humm.

"It was not my intention! I swear by Andraste! Th-The others didn't warn me and-" she stuttered in explanation . Cullen raised her chin with his fingers and looked into her eyes.

He couldn't be mad at her and enjoyed this moment of her fumbling, leaving a gentle chuckle and kissing her lips gently. Amazed at his sudden kiss, she eased and almost went into a sedation.

“I love it when you’re so...confused.” he whispered skittishly.

His hands moved up to her reddened cheeks, his gentle pressure on her temples while his fingers dug into her hair. Feeling the warm touch of her lips that made his body even more aroused, longing for more and kissed her even more deeply while she clung to him fiercely. Her hands wandered under his shirt as she delicately palpated his scars, his ribs and had a light film of sweat on her fingers. Cullen growled like an animal, longing for his lioness.  
Her hot breath tickled his scar while their tongues twirled playfully. Feeling her cheeks getting hotter and her legs getting weaker. How much she would give to be with him now under this waterfall - alone. Slowly Natalia opened her eyes and smiled at him with content. Cullen also left a smile and kissed her forehead caringly. Their hands met and branched as they looked deep into each other's eyes. His eyes getting large, Cullen suddenly remembered that he still had something for Natalia and his eyes widened. "Wait here a moment." he ordered. Curiously she looked at Cullen, slightly leaning forward to peer at what he was up to.. He'd dig something out of a little cloth bag and came back to her.

"I know it might be a bit early for this but...you told me you had a brother and I've been carrying this with me since Haven..." he explained shyly and slowly pulled out a knotted bracelet with a little onyx attached. She couldn't believe her eyes and glanced at him with wide, sparkling eyes. He put the simple bracelet on her and smirked proudly.

"How do you know onyx is my favourite stone?" she wondered.

"Commander Cory Gregor told me. When you were in Redcliffe, the Commander was in Haven and I mentioned you. He told me a lot about you - and Gerrick." he explained, and saw her eyes slowly getting filled with beads of tears.  
“Cullen this is...I don’t even have words...thank you.” she thanked in a happy stutter.

"But - You met Cory and didn't tell me? I hope he comes to visit me sometime, I haven't seen him in a while but- That you made this for me really means a lot to me - you really mean a lot to me." she replied and her eyes glowed as her heart beat wildly with serotonin. She couldn't take it and kissed Cullen again, and again, and again and again.

"I'm glad we got rid of our quarrel quickly." he laughed and gently brushed across her cheek. "So am I... but... what is it with us now? Is this officially a relationship?" she asked uncertainty but Cullen tilted his head thinking.

"I guess so...but do you want to make it official?" - " I think it would be best to keep up pretences for now. Let's take it slow, even if I'd like to share my tent with you today." she replied, smirking.

"Well if you would ask me I wouldn't refuse but yes,you're right- Sleep well my love." he replied and she kissed him in agreement. Her hands touched each other one last time before she left his tent, struggling with letting go.

Outside, on the way to her tent, she wiped a tear of joy from her face, which did not go unnoticed by the group. Dorian grabbed his head bewildered while Varric depressedly rolled up the parchment.

"Well, we can prepare ourselves for some unpleasant arguments between the two of them - shit. Thanks Dorian." Varric said quietly and glanced reproachfully over at the Tevinteran.

“Oh Maker, you could’ve told her that as well!” - “But you didn’t wanted this!” Varric argued.

Natalia spotted the scene from her tent and sniggered softly to herself. "You're not going to bother me with this for now. Perfect."


	11. Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my dear friend Halla for being the Beta reader for this chapter! She really helped me a lot with grammar and expression <3

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

The troops returned to Skyhold after more than a week later. Natalia had already been on the road for several weeks by then and was happy that she could finally take a break for a few days - Emprise du Lion was now safe and the rest of the troops were still looking for bandits in the Emerald Graves. She carried the bouquet of lilies hidden in a piece of cloth and crept quietly away from her group to the main hall. Natalia greeted the nobles with a discreet nod of her head as she walked the corridor to Josephine's office, turning midway to go down the stairs and eventually reaching the library in the basement. This was “their spot” and also Natalia's refuge if she wanted to be alone for a moment. The slightly musty scent of books, the smell of candle wax and the cold air… Right next to books from all over Thedas, it was where she felt the most comfortable. Carefully she unrolled the fabric, took the dried but still radiant lilies and placed them in a silver vase with floral ornaments and then lit the candles on the candlestick. Still a little worn out from the journey, she sat down at her desk and dreamily rested her elbows on the table. She took off the bracelet at her wrist and looked at it more closely.

"You know me better than I thought."

She said quietly to herself and smiled. This simple yet beautiful bracelet sparkled slightly by the candlelight. For Natalia, this was not only a beautiful gift but also a reminder of her older brother. Lost in thought she looked at the vase and thought of her brother. "Oh Gerrick, at last I have a part of you with me. I miss you. Cullen has brought you to me, it's a pity you'll never meet." she murmured softly to herself and continued to dwell in her memories of her time with her brother in Ostwick.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Meanwhile, Cullen laid down his gear in his office. Thoughtfully, he looked at his desk and shook his head. "I think I'll continue tomorrow." he decided and smiled unconsciously as he thought of Natalia for a second. That one moment in the tent - alone and yet as familiar as the time in the battlements a few weeks ago. His heart beat faster for a moment and he imagined what it would have been like if the Inquisitor had been standing at the waterfall in his place. Cullen closed his eyes for a brief moment and imagined her body. Her narrow shoulders and broad hips adorned with drops of water that slid down from the tips of her hair, her embarrassed look as she looked over at him as she combed her hair to the side with her fingers. His face flushed and he felt his manhood pressing against his trousers. "Maker’s breath..." he was quietly embarrassed and ashamed, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Cullen clumsily sat down at his desk and gathered some reports in the middle of the table so it looked like he was working.

"C-come in?" he stammered and grabbed a piece of paper in his hand to hide his blush.

"Cullen! Natalia looked very happy when she entered the main hall. Good work, I'm impressed. " greeted Varric enthusiastically, walking towards the desk. He gave poor Cullen a mischievous smile and clapped his hands. Cullen didn't expect Varric to drop by at this time of all times and looked sideways slightly embarrassed. 

"Y-yes, I never thought she'd accept the peace gift."

"And that's what worries me."

"…What do you mean?"

"I remember the night Natty... well, you know. She burst into her tent in tears. It didn't look like you'd made up. And even the days after that you avoided each other - not a word, not a peep! I was watching you earlier, your little "exchange". That smile... very suspicious, Curly! Something did happen!"

"I think you got it wrong, Varric. We've talked and cleared up misunderstandings. I think the Inquisitor was only overwhelmed by her feelings that night." Cullen declared resolutely and put the paper aside. Varric was very curious and leaned in front of Cullen's desk and looked him inquisitively in the eye. 

"What have you given the Inquisitor? I saw Natty carrying something wrapped when she was in the main hall." 

"Is this an interrogation?"

Cullen asked back, slightly annoyed and looked at him nervously with drawn-up eyebrows. Varric grinned mischievously, he wanted to know everything down to the smallest detail. Both stared at each other and it didn't take long before Cullen, unnerved, gave in with a sigh and leaned against the chair.

"Lilies...and a bracelet." he hesitated and stroked the back of his head, awkwardly. "I was expecting the lilies, but a bracelet? You never cease to amaze me. I didn't know our Inquisitor liked jewellery? Thank you very much, now I can continue my story!" Varic said laughing and strutted towards the exit. Cullen was confused for a moment and once he realised what Varric meant he leaped from his chair.

"Just a moment. A story? You don't mean to write our-"

"Our what? Ha! I knew there was more to it. Thanks for the approval, Curly!"

Varric replied impishly and rubbed his hands discreetly in triumph. Cullen noticed that he messed up again and muttered a curse under his breath. He quickly ran after Varric and stood with a serious expression on his face in front of the door.

"Not a word, dwarf. I mean it."

He stared threatening, as right now would not be a good time for that kind of information to get out. The dwarf waved his left hand in acknowledgment and went his way without saying another word, while Cullen let him finally pass the doorway. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it stumped.

"Just great, Cullen."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
Hours went by, and Cullen by now had accepted earlier events. He knows that Varric can be discreet and wouldn't risk his neck. Despite wanting to take a day off today, he went through the paperwork pilling up in his desk anyway. He thoughtfully dipped his pen into the inkwell. As he finished his report and was about to reach for the next piece of paper, he felt his eyes become tired and his head began to pound. He tried to resist the fatigue, but it was difficult. Instinctively he looked at the small wooden box that was deliberately hidden in the corner next to the bookcase. His fingers trembled and he felt the urge to take Lyrium. Realising he was caught in a trance, he suddenly snapped and tried fighting the urge. But already his heart was beating heavy and his breathing had accelerated. He dropped the pen he held in his hand on the table and ran to the box. Cullen felt a pull in his chest and his sight was getting more and more strained with exhaustion.

"No... I can do it." he mumbled softly to himself and clenched his fist. For a short moment he felt weak but when thought about Natalia, about her smile - would she ever accept this darker side of him? His daily struggles against this part of his past?  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dusk was falling and there was an unusual silence in the barracks and courtyard. In the tavern, however, the lights were bright, and voices and laughter could be heard. A familiar warm atmosphere surrounded the tavern. "Another tankard! To the Inquisitor! Emprise du Lion is now in good hands! The weeks of marching have paid off!" Blackwall toasted in a loud, confident, if slightly tipsy, baritone. The group sat eagerly at their tables and raised their beakers with joy. Natalia looked at them proudly, stood up and added: "To us all! You have done a great job! To the Inquisition!". Everyone cheered and drank from their mugs as if there was no tomorrow.

Both the marching group and the advisors were in the tavern - there was singing, laughing and dancing. The bard played her best songs and the servants danced with joy in front of the fireplace. Stories and adventures were told, cards were played. The mood lifted little by little - the festivities over that victory were long awaited. Everyone's efforts were finally rewarded and this should be celebrated.

"My Lady, thank you for allowing me to be a part of this mission." Blackwall thanked me and nodded his head slightly. "Thank you, Blackwall. Without your support we would not have been able to take the fortress so quickly. Every one of us has contributed somehow - including you. I'm glad you're all right. Have you settled in well in the meantime?" Natalia asked and held her jug in a relaxed fashion. 

"Absolutely. I usually don't like to be in such a large company, but I feel at ease here. Thank you very much." he replied and took a sip of beer. 

"I'm glad, Blackwall. If there's anything you ever need, you know you can always come to us." 

"Yes, I do know that. But with such good company, one forgets one's troubles for a moment. It's very refreshing." 

Natalia smiled, patted Blackwall's shoulder proudly and looked over at Dorian. He leaned against the door frame and smiled while pointing with his head at the exit. Natalia understood immediately what it meant. Dorian wanted to know everything again. "Excuse me, but I have to get some fresh air. Have fun, Blackwall" Natalia apologized and stood up. Blackwall nodded and took another sip of his beer.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked coolly. On her way back Natalia avoided Dorian after he had fooled her so much.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened at the camp. I thought it would be a good idea if I brought you and Cullen closer together - alone."

"I don't know if that's how you solve problems in Tevinter, but... Well, I forgive you. I had some fun, too."

"Fun"? You ran out of the tent in tears!"

"Must tears always have something to do with grief? Believe it or not, but I can act well sometimes!" she told him and laughed briefly.

"You little fox! So... have you made up? What happened in the tent?" he asked curiously and they both walked around the courtyard for a while.

"Well...we'll try to keep it quiet for now. It's better in the present situation and it would be really helpful if you didn't tattle about us to others. The mission of the Inquisition comes first." she continued firmly but could not hide her red cheeks. He saw her smile fade and she nervously looked to the side.

"Well, it's a start. But I can see that something is bothering you in that respect." Dorian replied with a serious expression and crossed his arms.

"Dorian, this man has been through too much already. I don't know what happens after the Inquisition. I don't want to disappoint him, he deserves the best." she said, looking up at the stars. 

"So do you."

"Pfft!"

Natalia slapped him lightly on the upper arm and they both chuckled. Dorian still felt concern behind Natalia's laughter and gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about something that is still far away. Live in the here and now. And while we’re at it, let's go back, the barrel must be emptied today!"

"You are right my friend, let's go back inside. I just worry too much." she said and suddenly hugged Dorian. 

"Oh a personal hug from the Inquisitor? To what do I owe this honour?" 

"Because you're my best friend, Dorian. I just want to show you my gratitude." she explained with a crooked smile.  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
Time flew by and now it was late into the night. The mood in the tavern was still exuberant, but some had already said their goodnights. Josephine, Vivienne and Leliana talked about the upcoming Halamshiral Ball and the current fashion in Orlais. Blackwall and Varric were betting on the results of the upcoming Tournaments, while Cassandra was writing down the bets. Sera and The Iron Bull drank one tankard after another - sometimes even two at a time. Natalia glanced at her people in relief, she was happy - the people closest to her deserved a small break after all the adventuring and weeks of combat. But, she couldn’t help to keet looking eagerly for a certain person. Cullen had actually wanted to join, but until now, in this late hour, he still hadn’t shown up. Natalia didn't want to wait any longer and was upset that Cullen had likely thrown himself into his work again - in the middle of the night no less.

She left the tavern unnoticed and looked over to the tower - the candles in Cullen's office were lit. She shook her head - Instead of celebrating victory with, Cullen worked as she had feared. "Cullen, I told you not to work. Not today." she growled and ran up to the tower, slightly miffed. When she got there, she first try to listen in leaning her head against the door- there was no movement. Gently and quietly Natalia opened the door. He was not sitting at his desk, the documents were all scattered on the floor. "Cullen?" she asked anxiously.  
"Yes?" she heard a broken, almost inaudible voice from above. Natalia looked up at the ladder and climbed it.

"I thought you were working, that's why I'm here. Why aren't you at Tavern with the others? I've been waiting for you there -" she asked slightly worried and saw Cullen holding a box in his hand - the one that contained the lyrium kit. Her heart almost stopped as she looked at Cullen more closely. He sat by the bed and looked desperate - almost drained even; his hair was tousled and his eyes dull. "Cullen, you don't want to-" she asked in shock as he clutched the box closer to him. 

"I... have no strength, I'm better off taking lyrium. It's the only way I can function properly." he whispered broken and his eyes began to glisten slightly.  
Natalia knew that Cullen was going through withdrawal right now, which was one of the most difficult phases of the process of ending drug addiction. She sat down with him and with her hand turned his face towards her own. "Cullen, you don't need this. You know as well as I do that lyrium isn't going to make you stronger. You've come this far, don't let it be for nothing. I'm asking you to stop taking it."  
"I won't gonna be able to give you my all in this fight if I don't take Lyrium - I would be a fool otherwise! How can I help the Inquisition in a state like that?!" he asked desperately, opening the box. Natalia reacted instinctively and snatched the box - Cullen didn't even resist and looked up at her tired and hopeless. His eyes reminded her of a forest on fire - she was angry and didn't want to watch this happen anymore - she didn't want to see Cullen like that, in such a sorry mental and physical state. She quickly got up, ran to the nearest open window and threw the box out of the tower with full force. Angered, she turned around and walked purposefully towards Cullen.

"WAKE UP! You'll be a fool if you keep taking this stuff! You've come this far and that shows true strength!" she yelled to him and shook his shoulders. Cullen froze and when he looked up he saw Natalia holding back her tears in desperation. "You are so important to me, and one of the reasons for that is because you never give up and fight for what is important to you, and for that I love you! You don't need lyrium to "function"!" she added, freezing in shock after her words. Natalia realized that she had just confessed her love to Cullen for the first time and embarrassedly bit her lip. His eyes became big, his body filled with warmth. Her words were a wake-up call - he doesn't need lyrium to be of help to her, quite the contrary. "I... I should go. Excuse me. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." said Natalia, stammering softly and climbing down the ladder in a flurry. 

"Natalia, I-" he called and ran after her, but she was long gone. He stood outside the tower’s door and let himself think over her words again. He turned around, closed the door behind him and leaned thoughtfully against it while he stroked his hair in frustration.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dawn was breaking. Plagued by headaches and confusing thoughts, Cullen stood up with a painful grunt. During last night he hardly got a wink of sleep thinking about Natalia's words. He straightened up and looked over to the torn roof, where gentle rays of sunlight shone through the ingrown branches.

"Argh my head... I am a fool. She's right. I've come this far, I can't give up now." he murmured to himself and looked over at the window. Cullen replayed in his head Natalia throwing the box out the window and felt his body quickly relax - as if the weight on his shoulders had faded. He felt lighter and more at ease, leaving a soft, calm smile on his face. Suddenly he heard the door creaking open on the lower floor and someone climbing up the ladder. Curious, he peered down and saw Natalia. With a smile, a small teapot in her hand and a cloth bag around her shoulder she greeted the commander. 

"Good morning! I hope I didn't wake you up? How are you?" she asked and placed the items on a wooden barrel. Curious, he looked over at what Natalia was going to do with these objects and scratched his head.

"No… no you didn't. I just... haven't been sleeping very well."

"I suppose because of yesterday?"

"Yes, I..."

"No, no! We're not going to talk about this in the early morning, especially if that's why you're so tired. I suspected that you didn't sleep very well because of that-" Natalia interrupted and took the items out of the bag. Inside were two cups, a knife, a wooden board, a few apples, buns and a piece of ham.

"The cook will not be pleased to hear that a piece of his best ham has been stolen, I even brought tea, after all we have to continue our tradition," she said proudly and poured Cullen tea. They each took a roll and put a slice of ham in between.

"I-I don't know what to say. I'm supposed to be the one to bring you breakfast in bed."

"Try this ham sandwich! It's really delicious!" she quipped and watched Cullen curiously bite a bit off the bun. His expression said it all - not only that he had hardly eaten anything since yesterday but also how tender and delicious the ham was. 

"Am I not right?" she asked with joy and both continued to enjoy their breakfast. Cullen was still a bit preoccupied and watched Natalia who looked at him questioningly while she peeled the apples.

"You are right. I thought a lot yesterday about the lyrium. It's getting harder and harder to fight it every day, but it's worth it." he explained and stroked the back of Natalia's hand. She blushed slightly and smiled. 

"I'm glad that I could help a little, even if I got out of hand yesterday."

"Thank you, Natalia." he smiled and put the knife and apple by her side. He stood up, brushed her maroon hair and kissed her gently. Surprised at the sudden kiss, she was happy to give the commander a treat with her little surprise.


	12. The scroll, the sash and the seeker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia teases the commander with an ambiguous letter but Cullen simply turns the tables on a suitable opportunity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets a bit smutty in here so you have been warned ;) Thanks to my friends (I won't name them bc idk if they wish to haha) for helping me rewriting this chapter and for being beta readers <3

Cullen has been feeling much better for a few days after talking to Natalia - He could concentrate better on his tasks, trained a lot with the soldiers and slept much better. Every now and again it might not be so easy for him, because he longed for his beloved desperately. One noon he sat at his desk and planned the next missions of his soldiers; A map of Thedas lay on his desk and again and again he repositioned small figures and took notes, leaving impatient groans and smacks on his lips.

"Commander-" sounded a confident voice into the room while the door was open a little.

Recruit Jaina opened the door and held a red wax sealed scroll in her hand. Cullen saw her walk toward him and she handed the scroll to him.  
"From the Inquisitor-" she answered briefly and said goodbye with a slight bow without any further exchange of words.

As Jaina closed the door behind her, Cullen looked perplexed at the scroll and broke the seal carefully in curiosity before sitting on his chair. He leaned back and noticed a floral, familiar scent which gave him a relaxing but yet excited feeling in his stomach- the letter was sprinkled with Natalia's perfume.

“Oh my dear,” he chuckled briefly and read the letter in his mind.

_"Dear Commander,  
I haven't seen you for a few days and I'm concerned about your well-being. I hope you take my prescribed breaks seriously. If not,well...I'll have to come and re-instruct you in person-" _

Cullen heard in his thoughts how Natalia would say these words to him; her soft, melodic but also seductive-sounding voice - how she would slyly approach him gazing to him with her tempting sparkling green eyes.  
"By the Maker-" he sighed heavily and felt how these thoughts appealed to him, how his cheeks flushed crimson red and his heart slipped into his boots. Touched by these fantasies he tried to read the letter further.

_"But I have come for another matter, for I miss your company very much. We haven't trained for a long time and I watched you in the courtyard training with the other soldiers. To be honest I am a bit, well...jealous. How about this evening? The others are in the tavern today and the courtyard would be for us - we should maybe put our actual morning ritual on the evening as well, don't you think? We haven’t continued it since weeks.That way we can be - undisturbed. Maybe later we could discuss the further procedure in my quarters, if you know what I mean. Love, Natty. Ps: I really tried. "_

"I can see you winking at me just for those lines, Natalia. Typical for a cheeky little fox like you." he grinned softly to himself and stroked his hair bashfully. His fantasies overcame him again and he imagined sparring together. His beloved in light clothes, her high cheekbones and lips gleaming from the sweat; and later in her bedroom...or maybe somewhere else; perhaps in his office. On the table. Hearing her moaning, panting - begging for more. He put the letter for a moment on his lap and looked up to the ceiling, slowly closing his eyes.

"Goodness..." he panted briefly. His impulses led his fingers slowly to his crotch, which already reached the vault. Lost in his fantasy, Cullen subconsciously untied the lacing on his trousers. Oh Maker as he imagined his beloved Inquisitor would do the job for him. “Maker!” woke up in embarrassment, noticing how his craving made him lose control over himself and quickly let go. For weeks he has been trying to suppress his craving and lust as he was waiting for the right moment but Natalia made it harder and harder to resist him from day to day. She could be a little, cheeky devil from time to time teasing her Commander that way. "She does it on purpose..." he noticed and shook his head impishly picking himself up, grabbing a piece of paper and his feather and wrote her an answer.

"This time we play the game my way, Trevelyan." he whispered wickedly and smiled. Only a few minutes passed until he finished his lines and sealed the scroll with red wax. He got up, left the office and looked around the battlements. Scout Jaina stood there with the other soldiers on patrol and noticed that the Commander was holding his reply in his hand. "Scout Jaina, would you like-" - "Of course. To the Inquisitor?" she asked briefly. "Yes, thank you." He answered firmly and gave her the scroll. Before she sprinted to the Inquisitor she noticed that the Commander wanted to add something.

“It’s urgent.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jaina immediately went to the main hall to find Natalia.  
\----------------------------------------------------------

Varric sat by the fireplace and continued writing his book. Of course, he noticed that Scout Jaina was looking for someone and examined her searching expression.

"I suppose you are looking for someone?"

"Yes, I must deliver a letter from the Commander to the Inquisitor. It’s urgent."

"Oh, Natty's in the council room with Leliana right now but I guess you can knock there."

He chuckled, pointing out to the door leading to the council room. Jaina thanked him with a subtle nod and went to the council room. She walked towards the big,wooden door and hesitated to knock first. It was not Natalia who frightened Jaina but rather the master spy who she admired since Haven. Gently she knocked and opened the door - Natalia and Leliana also planned the scout's missions and both smiled over to Jaina while she entered the council room.

"Lady Herald, I have a message for you." Jaina stuttered slightly.

"Thank you, Scout Jaina."

Natalia thanked her with a comforting smile but noticed that this short visit was obviously inconvenient for Jaina. Every now and then she peered to Leliana who was collecting the documents. Without further words she left the hall and closed the door behind her. 

"Leliana?" Natalia asked and gazed at Leliana reproachfully.

"What? I haven't done anything! I noticed Jaina's behaviour as well." - "We both know she'd make a good spy and we both know she'd like to be trained. Why don't you just walk up to her?"

"You're right... well, I'll try to catch her." Leliana sighed softly in agreement and ran after Jaina. Natalia knew who the scroll was from and could hardly wait to open it. Now, alone and undisturbed, the curiosity written on her lips, she broke the seal and read the letter of the commander leaning her hips against the war table.

_"Dear Inquisitor,_

_I appreciate your concern, but you can be assured. I take the breaks when they are necessary - especially when my thoughts wander and I have to think of you. For days - no, weeks - I've been longing for you and I don't want to turn down your offer. Which training do you prefer? Sword art or perhaps sparring? As your advisor I can say that you are now very good with the sword - so the use of physical contact would be more appropriate, don't you think? I think that I can teach you certain "holds".”_

“holds” she repeated while her heart slipped into her boots - a warm, tickling feeling flowed through her body. “Oh Maker,” She continued to read the last lines of the letter.

_“I'll wait for you at dusk on the battlements - without armor, of course. - Commander Cullen Rutherford."_

“Uhm...okay that was very, formal?” Dumbfounded and somewhat disappointed, she examined the scroll more closely. His last, dry words brought her back down to earth. Without comment she rolled up the scroll, humming slightly and ran to her office.

"I think I wasn't clear enough. Damn it, my plan didn't really work out well." she reasoned frustratedly when she arrived in her bedroom.

She hid Cullen's scroll in her desk drawer and got ready for training. Natalia dressed in her most comfortable clothes - simple brown cloth pants and a loose white shirt, which she wrapped around her waist with a red sash for more stability. She left her sword and shield in the chamber and tied her hair into a loose bun with a leather cord on the way. Without further hesitation she walked through the main hall and noticed that the others were already on their way to the tavern. She walked along the battlements and saw Cullen already waiting for her with a joyful yet cheeky smile.

"Good to see you again... Cullen." she greeted softly, stroking a strand of hair behind her ear. He looked around shortly if both were undisturbed.

"My Lady-" he greeted and kissed Natalia tenderly on the forehead. Both walked down the next stairs to the stables. Natalia let herself be led and surprised when she turned around.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The stables?"

"I think we're a bit more _intimate_ here, don't you think?" he asked with a seductive undertone, rolling up his sleeves while Natalia flushed. She nodded awkwardly, leaving a crooked smile as they both got ready for training. 

"Just attack when you're ready. I'd see what you can do first." he said resolutely and took up his starting position. Uncertain, she also took the starting position and grabbed Cullen's arms without any hesitation. She knew that she was technically inferior to him and tried to bring him down with nimble and flexible movements. The tension was there and Natalia tried to find stability by pushing back hard. He smacked cheeky.

Cullen already suspected that she would like to push his shoulders down from behind and therefore has to support herself to get to the right height by trying to climb over him. Quickly he took a step back and continued to hold her tight, forcing her to half turn with force and pressing her tighter against his chest. He quickly approached her ear; Overwhelmed by this sudden embrace, her breath briefly stopped as she felt his hot breath on her neck. His dominant scent of oakmoss and elfroot tickled in her nose.

"I have longed for you, Trevelyan. For your body, your wonderful voice, your beautiful brown hair-you can be a little devil by writing me such a teasing letter you know?"

he moaned with his deep, husky voice lustfully into her ear as she felt her body getting aroused and for a short moment she was completely elsewhere with her thoughts. Overwhelmed, Confused, Turned on. However, she quickly regained her composure and turned her out of his embrace with strength, leaving a little exerted groan. Cullen was astonished when he noticed that she was able to keep her composure and both gave a challenging smile to each other - Both were bad losers.

Natalia didn't let up and tried to attack Cullen, which he didn't allow and again grabbed both of her arms - he felt a stronger resistance and saw that Natalia's effort was flickering in her eyes, baring her teeth wickedly. She deliberately slid a little further towards him and gripped him by the shoulders trying to push him down again but this time she looked down to prevent Cullen from distracting her again - without success.

"How I would love to tear your clothes off now, as bitter and revolting as you are." he said softly with exertion. Natalia's knees softened as she imagined, for a single moment, her Commander tearing the clothes off her body like a beast. She tried with all her strength to pull herself together. Cullen was like a different person, more dominant, more determined - Maker, he really knows how to weaken her.

"This is unfair." she bared her teeth in exertion and her heels dug into the ground through the resistance. Suddenly she noticed how she slipped with her legs and almost lost her balance - this was her chance she thought. She gave way intentionally and turned the tables by pushing him aside. Cullen suddenly slipped and lost control of the force and fell to the ground - with Natalia on top of him. With one flick of the wrist, she stroked the strands of hair backwards , panting slightly, smirking to him impishly.

“You see, Commander?” her voice broke off in exhaustion.

She thought she had won but Cullen didn't give up so quickly. His hands grabbed her back,pushing her towards him as he rolled around on the muddy ground. For a quick moment both exchanged a gaze - She completely unexpected and him smirking in triumph. As Natalia lay on the ground, Cullen stood up breathing heavily and offered her a hand. A little frustrated she accepted and he pulled her towards him and slowly approached her ear again.

"I want you... every bloody day...I want you now." he whispered to her and gently kissed her neck while his hands trailed down to her waist with a gentle grip. Natalia's eyes widened in delight and she could hardly feel her legs again and a slight moan left her lips . Both forgot for a moment the worry that someone might be observing them both. His strong grip on her waist and hips as he pressed her against his hot, lightly sweated body she felt his manhood against her crotch made her sweat and her head boiling. She didn't want to wait any longer either - The two had to hold back for too long before they could finally tear off their clothes and enjoy each other.

"You're mean Commander...how dare you?" she moaned weakly and tried to get a hold of herself again. Cullen smirked at her and then glanced in surprise as she suddenly took his hand and quickly pulled him to his office.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Once in the tower, Cullen devoted himself entirely to his beloved. He smashed the door behind him and couldn’t wait any longer to finally fuck his beloved Inquisitor. Cullen approached her, leading her backwards to the next free wall and stroked her cheek tenderly while their tongues twirled in passion and longing for more. Natalia felt how one hand is tangled in her hand, his body pressing hers against the wall, feeling his longing against her breech. Cullens hot breath tickling her lips, his soft moan making her weak. He untied her sash with the other hand and threw it on the floor without letting go of her lips. Her lips parted and she looked ardently at Cullen. She reached for the laces on his shirt and led him to the ladder with a seductive glance. Both climbed up quickly and continued their cat and mouse play on his bed. Cullen was so full of desire that he could hardly be tamed and he quickly took off his shirt. Every muscle, his broad shoulders and chest gleamed slightly from the sweat of their training earlier. “Finally,” he moaned and pushed Natalia on his bed with a nudge and unbuttoned her shirt afterwards.

His fingers gently brushed through her hair and kissed her eagerly.Their tongues played around fervently, the saliva slowly dripping out of the corners of their mouths. He left a deep pant, demanding more, hardly predictable. 

“Fuck...I have waited too long..” he panted in desire.

Cullen kissed her further down her neck with his delicate lips, down to the cleavage. Natalia gasped uncontrolled, whispering his name and stroked him with her fingers from his temples over to the back of his head. His tender lips ran further across her soft chest over to her small breast, which he gently played around with his tongue. His soft kisses, the pleasant pressure when sucking her nipple made her claw at the bed sheets, howling for more.

"Cullen?" asked a stern female voice - it was Cassandra. “Fuck.” Natalia muttered.

"Yes?" Cullen replied firmly as he massaged Natalia's breast with his hand.

"I can't believe you’re doing this right now." she whispered as low as possible to him while he replied with a cheeky grin before continuing. 

"Have you seen the Inquisitor anywhere?"

"No? I don't know where she is, probably in her quarters?" he asked erroneously, unsuspectingly, while he untied the lacing on her trousers with his teeth. Natalia flushed quickly and bit her finger as she clung to the sheet with her other hand.

"No, I've looked there too, but she has disappeared."

"Maybe she's in the tavern? Tonight is Wicked Grace evening, she is usually there."

Cullen lied briefly and took off her pants quickly. For a second he examined his weakened, almost naked Inquisitor as he quickly untied his pants which couldn’t hide his hard cock underneath it. He saw her about to moan loudly so he leaned forward to her and kissed her tenderly instead, pressing her wrists against the bed with both hands.

“Not a single moan.” he whispered forcefully to her as she whimpered quietly.

“Cullen?” Cassandra yelled impatiently.

“What?” he replied back annoyed.

"She is not there either, and most people are already drunk. Can you help me find her?" Cassandra stammered. 

“I came back from my training, Cassandra. I need a little break.” his head turned back to Natalia, trying not to care about the Seeker. “She will let go.” he chuckled quietly. Again, Natalia felt his lips touching her ear, sucking on her earlobe.

“I can’t wait to finally enter you.” he murmured with his deep, husky tone to her while his fingers pushed her panties aside. He suppressed his bawling when he felt how moist she was between her legs. _"Shit, she is so beautiful and warm"_ he thought as his fingers slowly slid into her with ease, slowly pumping into her.

“Fuck..” she whimpered and immediately felt Cullens hand to keep her mouth shut.

Impatiently, Cassandra groped her foot and yet she curiously looked up the ladder. She understood a painful, strained groin and walked to the ladder. “Cullen is everything okay? I will climb up.” she said worriedly.

“No wait there! ” he shouted startled and his fingers quickly left Natalias temple, covered with her juice. Both heard the creaking of the wooden ladder and Cullen rolled his eyes in annoyance. He glanced briefly at the ladder, then at Natalia, who shrugged her shoulders, grinning mischievously.

"All right, please give me a moment I have to change myself." he replied in an annoyed undertone and moved away from Natalia. Before her eyes, he licked his fingers clean, giving her a demanding yet satisfying glance. He took the shirt off the floor and quickly put it and waited awkwardly until his hardness eased. Meanwhile Natalia buttoned her blouse up and saw Cullen approaching her while tucking his shirt into his pants.

“You taste so delicious, love.” he whispered cheekily.

Before he went to the ladder he felt a firm grip and how she pulled him towards her. Her soft lips touched his ear.

"We will repeat this, Commander. We'll meet in the tavern in a moment." she mumbled to him mischievously and gave him a quick kiss. Cullen nodded with a crooked, confident smile and climbed down the ladder.

Cassandra stood at his desk already impatient and slightly worried. “Finally. Sure everything is alright?” - “Yes, Cassandra, let’s go.” 

They both headed for the battlements when Cassandra suddenly noticed the red sash on the floor. She stood abruptly in front of it and picked it up.  
"A red sash?" she asked in wonder and looked questioningly at Cullen.

"A-Ah, it must be from Sera! She's always playing some kind of trick!" he lied, slightly stuttering. "Then it was a strange joke. All right, I'll leave these here, maybe she'll come and get it." Cassandra commented and put the sash unknowingly on Cullen's desk. He took a short, discreet breath of relief and they both left the tower. All Natalia heard was a strange mumbling and that the click of the closed door. She also descended the ladder, took the red sash around her waist and headed for the tavern.

\----------------------------------------------

"Well, here she is at last! Natty you're just in time!" Varric greeted while the others were already preparing for the next game of Wicked Grace.

"Yes, I apologize that I'm so late! What is the score?" - "The Iron Bull is leading by three points at the moment." he briefed, and Bull tapped himself proudly on the shoulder.

"Just you wait, I'll catch up with you, Bull!" she said defiantly and sat down at the big table. The Iron Bull didn't need to be told the same challenge twice, so he hit the table with a laugh.

"You'll have to catch up with Dorian first. Ha ha!" Dorian slyly handed out the cards and winked at Natalia in a challenging fashion. The group played several rounds and there was cheating and laughing but also many a copper flew through the room in frustration. After a few rounds Cassandra and Cullen also showed up in the tavern.

"Natalia, there you are - where have you been?" Cassandra asked slightly perplexed and saw Natalia get up and approach her. "I've been here for a while - is something wrong?" she asked slightly concerned. Cassandra noticed Natalia's red sash and tried not to make a shocking face, but instinctively looked over to Cullen who was already in the middle of the game.

"No, it's nothing. I was gonna tell you about the Wicked Grace evening, that's all." - "Really?"

"Yes." Cassandra replied in her usual determined tone and sat down over there with the others. Natalia felt that something was wrong - did Cassandra find out? Were both too loud?

"Natty are you coming now? The next round is about to start." Dorian asked impatiently as he shuffled the cards again. She shook herself briefly inside and turned to the others.

"Y-Yes! Let's get started."


	13. Darius' offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia receives an unexpected visit from her parents who spontaneously announced at Skyhold. Josephine organized a dinner for the Trevelyans. Darius - Natalia's father - has an offer to make during the dinner...

"Then the session would end for today. Commander, we need to talk about the soldiers at the Emprise du Lion.Do you have the list of requirements with you?" Natalia asked and rolled up a scroll in the meantime. "Yes, our soldiers have collected some materials and supplies - Although the inhabitants cannot be fully supplied with them yet, I am optimistic that we will be able to complete the supply in time." he reported. Cullen spreaded some lists on the war table. Natalia approached to him looking over the papers.

"I would take care of our messengers and brief Leliana about our meeting today, excuse me," Josephine said goodbye with a nodding smile, left the council room and quietly closed the door behind her. Cullen and Natalia pretended to be looking for documents and they took a closer look at the lists and inconspicuously peered over to the door. When the door closed, they both looked mischievously at each other and pushed the papers with a wipe aside. He lifted Natalia up by her hip and placed her on the council table. Both sniggered softly and enjoyed the adrenaline, the temptation and the danger of not being caught. The small figures partly fell over and the map shifted a little but both didn’t cared about that. Natalia gently stroked slowly through Cullen's golden blond, soft hair and smiled seductively to him.

"Well... how are the wounded, Commander?" she asked. 

"They're well cared for, don't worry about that, Inquisitor."

Cullen slyly chuckled, bent over and passionately kissed her soft rosy lips. His warm breath tickled Natalia's skin and she moaned softly with relish. Her lips touched gently and her tongues played passionately around each other. With both hands he pulled her pelvis closer and lifted her thighs with a good grip. Natalia slowly laid onto the table while Cullen leaned over to her and supported himself with his elbows on the table.

"Will the soldiers need more supplies?"

she asked further mischievously, gripping his coat tightly and pulling him more towards her. Their eyes met, hungry for more - for each other.

"No, I've already taken care of that, Lady Inquisitor," he replied, smiling wryly. Her kisses became more intense and Natalia's fingers dug again into his hair. Both breathed heavily while nibble each others lips. A slight echo could be heard and both stopped for a second, trying to pull themselves together and grinning at each other carefree. Cullen leaned forward.

"However, there's one thing the Commander urgently needs." Cullen whispered into her ear.

"What does my Commander need?"

"l..."

Just as he was about to whisper his desire into her ear, there was a knock at the door. Both startled and got up quickly - Cullen straightened his hair with hectic movements and grunted silently while Natalia silently panicked and tugged her shirt.

"Come in?" she said.

"Lady Herold, forgive the intrusion, but we've had an unannounced visit from outside Skyhold. They have registered as the Trevelyans."

Josephine reported, holding her clipboard tightly against her chest, slightly jittery. Natalia glanced over to Cullen and Josephine in surprise. 

"My parents? They are here? Excuse me."

Natalia left the council room beaming with joy and excitement and ran quickly towards the court. Cullen stood there stunned and put shyly his hand on the back of his neck. Josephine peered at the war table noticing that some of the figures on the map had fallen over and glanced questioningly over at Cullen, who turned red with shame and cleared his throat.

"The map has slipped. We wanted the figures-" he reasoned in a stutter.

"Just straighten up? A strand of hair hangs down on your face Commander."

Josephine added mischievously and also left the room. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The Trevelyans had been separated for too long and Natalia has not seen her family for more than two years. When she reached the courtyard, she looked over to the gate with joy and saw two people standing next to a carriage - a man with a long, well-kept brown full beard and glasses. His hair was shorn short and had a receding hairline. His stature was muscular and he wore a dark green velvet doublet with golden ornaments and round, golden buttons. The woman next to him was of very delicate, almost elven statue. Her auburn hair was braided together and pinned up at the back of her head. She wore a discreet golden headband with floral decorations. Her garment was a long-sleeved, dark blue dress with also golden floral decorations. Both looked relatively young, probably in their mid-40's. The lady looked over to Natalia and her sky-blue eyes shone in all their glory.

"Natalia my child! At last we meet again!"

"Mother! Father! How lovely to see you! I hadn't expected you," greeted Natalia in surprise and gave her mother a big hug. The joy and the long awaited reunion overwhelmed her emotions and both tried to hold back their tears. 

"I like the way you wear your hair, my child. Long hair flatters you." her mother said in excitement.

"Oh mother-"

Natalia sighed embarrassed and rolled her eyes sarcastically with a wry smile. Slowly she turned to her father and ran joyfully to her to him, who embraced her tightly and stroked the back of her head.

"My child...we are so incredibly proud of you. I have missed you so much." 

Natalia couldn't control herself any longer and sobbed like a little girl - just like Darius saw his daughter and pressed his little one closer to her. For Natalia, Darius was a very special person - not only because he is her father, but also because he set a good example and made the Trevelyans' reputation better with his down-to-earth and honesty. 

Josephine joined them and watched the Trevelyans' reunion with happiness. Cullen watched this from a distance and was also very happy for Natalia - to see her so happy, this smile and her positive nature made his heart beat faster. Natalia wiped the tears from her face and turned to Josephine, who was already waiting expectantly and joyfully for the announcement.

"Lady Josephine - These are my parents: Darius Trevelyan and Georgia Trevelyan."

Georgia and Darius looked at Josephine and nodded with a gentle smile. The ambassador made a slight curtsey and introduced herself as well.

"Josephine Montilyet, ambassador of the Inquisitor Natalia Trevelyan. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

"Lady Josephine Montilyet? At last we see you in person. The pleasure is all ours!"

Darius replied, bowing slightly. As he straightened up, he noticed Cullen in the distance and smiled, shaking his head slightly to his direction. Cullen nodded and slowly walked towards the group. Natalia's heart was racing faster and faster as Cullen approached the group.

"May I introduce Commander Cullen my Lo-"

Natalia interrupted abruptly rattled. Darius looked over to her while Georgia peered over to Cullen questiongly.

_"Was I about to say "My Love"?! Maker I'm officially stupid!?"_

she thought in a panicky way and her cheeks flushed red. 

" - loyal advisor and former Templar in the circle of Magi. It's an honor to meet you."

Cullen introduced charmingly, bowing to Natalia's parents. Just in the last second he saved this fiasco with bravura and Natalia breathed secretly a sigh of relief. Darius approached to him and gave him a strong handshake.

"Commander Rutherford - it is nice to meet you here in person as well. The constant correspondence by paper can sometimes be very tedious," jokingly remarked Darius and adjusted his glasses with his index finger.

"Commander Cullen, it's an honor for me as well," Georgia replied with her soft, reassuringly melodic voice. 

"Well, then I suggest I take you to your rooms right away. You must be worn out. How was your trip?"

Natalia took a part of the luggage and Cullen didn't hesitate to help her and also took some pieces with her.

"The journey was long and sometimes we had stormy weather. But we made a good journey despite the current circumstances." reported Darius.

The family walked towards the main hall and both Natalia and Cullen helped them with their luggage. Meanwhile Josephine took care of the Trevelyans' soldiers and arranged a dinner for the family. She set up her clipboard and pen and took some notes.

“Commander, may I -” she asked and Cullen went shortly back to her.

Natalia and her parents were already walking a little ahead and Darius secretly listened to the conversation between the ambassador and the commander. 

"Would you like to join the Trevelyans for dinner, Commander?"

"N-no, I think the f-family should be alone for now. I'm sure they have a lot to talk about."

"You're right, I think so too. What a pity," Josephine replied, shrugging her shoulders and smiling, looking at a slightly suppressed awkwardness in Cullen's eyes as he scratched his neck in embarrassment. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Arriving in the guest room, the Trevelyans and the Commander put down their luggage. He patted his hands off.

“I think I will leave you alone and return to my duties.” Cullen said in goodbye and left with a soft smile.

“Thank you Cullen,” Natalia said softly and closed the door behind him. Georgia looked around and was quite astonished, so she admired the beautiful stained glass windows and the decoration in the guest room.

"You've done a very good job in setting up the Skyhold. We were here many years ago and so much has changed."

"Yes, it was more of a refuge at first, but now it's become my home. No offense, but Ostw-"

Natalia explained and quickly fell silent when Darius looked at her with a serious expression of concern. He walked towards her and seized her shoulders anxiously.

"You have put yourself in danger, my child, are you alright? We thought we misheard it when we learned that you are the herald of Andraste. We thought you would be d-"

"Yes, I am fine, don't worry so much Father - I have everything under control. In the beginning it was very...unexpected but...I didn't choose to be, but people believe in what I stand for. I do all this because it's the right thing to do." 

she explained confidently and grinned at him, which took his worries off his shoulders for a moment. Georgia smiled with pride and gave her daughter a big hug.

"By the Maker we are just happy you're all right and safe, Natalia.", she said

"Well, I'll let you get to it, then. Lady Josephine has arranged for a small dinner before dusk."

Natalia mentioned to her parents when she turned to the door and her hand was already touching the handle.

“Natalia?”

Georgia glanced at her and shook her head demandingly while she gestured rebuking with her index finger.

"But please dress in matching robes, Natalia. What you are wearing is not appropriate!"

"You know I don't like wearing robes. But since you're here, I'll wear one tonight for once." she gave in with a laughing sigh.

"Very well! Will your counselors be joining us for dinner?"

"If you wish, I can--"

"I would be pleased if only the commander would eat with us at table," Darius interrupted and looked briefly at his wife who nodded her approval with a slight sign of confusion. Natalia's eyes became large and she blushed slightly with surprise.

"W-Why only the commander father?"

"I would like to talk about his troops. He's also been of service to Ostwick these past few months. I think a dinner together would be a suitable opportunity to discuss further matters," Darius explained, polishing his glasses with an embroidered cotton cloth. Although his emphasis was relaxed as usual, Natalia heard an intimidating severity that made her feel insecure.

"Y-yes of course, I will do everything necessary. And now...Excuse me!" she agreed with a slight stammer and left the guest room.  
\---------------------------------------------------------

This is going too fast. She is not yet officially in a relationship with Cullen, her parents already want to get to know the Commander better.

_"Should I tell them that Cullen and I-- no, better not. But I can't invite him now either. Damn it, maybe they already suspected something?! No... no, this is bullshit."_

She racked her brain with these thoughts as she walked through the main hall to the courtyard. Lost in thought, she ran towards the stairs, not looking at the steps. 

"Natalia!"

shouted a manly voice and Natalia woke up from her sleep. She realized immediately that she was about to fall and almost missed the next step, but Cullen reacted in time and caught her. His firm, strong hold quickly took the shock away from her and she looked at him in shock as she stood up.

"Are you alright? You almost fell down the stairs!"

"Y-Yes. I'm sorry that you had to react because of my clumsiness. I should have been more careful."

"You do indeed seem very distracted. Can I help you? Do you need anything?"

Cullen asked worriedly and they both slowly walked down the stairs to the courtyard. Natalia played nervously with a strand of hair and stroked it behind her ear.

"I think we have a little problem..." she murmured.

"We have?"

"Actually...well..kind of? I should ask you if you'd like to have dinner with us? I know you're very busy but my father would love to talk to you."

she explained in a stutter, Cullen saw that Natalia was visibly uncomfortable with the whole thing. Flattered, he glanced briefly to the side and then smiled slightly at her.

"If your father would like, I'd be happy to join you for dinner."

“Wait you - you would?”

“Of course.”

Both walked a little further into a less crowded corner of the courtyard.

"To be honest, I feel uncomfortable because we...you know...I don't know if I should tell my parents now," she stuttered whisperingly - he knew what she meant immediately and put his hand on her shoulder with understanding and reassured Natalia.

"If you don't want to announce this openly yet, we'll just wait. I even think it's good if we take our time. In the meantime we will just play as usual." 

Natalia took a load off her mind and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Cullen. I hope the conversations are not too private, but there is one more request...", she said mysteriously and tugged her glove nervously. Cullen arched his eyebrows questioningly and crossed his arms. 

"My mother is eager for us to dress formally - in Ostwick this is common practice. I'll meet you in the dining room tonight," she explained whisperingly and held herself together.

"All right, I'll look forward to seeing you," Cullen said, who actually wanted to kiss her goodbye on the way. She suspected his intentions and looked around briefly - unfortunately there were too many people in the courtyard, it would be too suspicious and risky. She smiled mischievously at him and whispered something in a low voice before she went back to her quarters.

"Perhaps later, Commander."

\-------------------------------------------------------

Shortly before dawn Natalia straightened up in her headquarters. Her mother insisted that she dressed and did her hair like the Ostwick ladies - Natalia did not like such occasions and rebelled against them since childhood. She left her hair open, but wore the hair ornament of silver roses, which she had received from her great-grandmother at that time. She had bought a robe a few weeks ago together with Leliana in Val Royeaux. It was a long, grey-blue dress with a square, not too low neckline, which was trimmed with a silver floral trimming. The back of the dress was decorated with a lacing of silver cord and the sleeves were close to the skin.

_"Hope she doesn't grumble this time."_

she thought to herself and, slightly annoyed, tweaked her dress. Natalia deliberately did not use any make-up, because she felt most comfortable in her skin except for her eyes, which she liked to emphasize with a discreet black-grey eye shadow. She then left the quarters and ran to the dining room. Meanwhile Cullen was already waiting there in secret anticipation for his sweetheart in his black and red doublet. It was a relatively simple Ferellian doublet with few golden decorations.

"Commander Rutherford! How pleasant that you will dine with us." Georgia greeted him and set up her bracelet. Darius gave Cullen a hearty handshake.

"The honor is all mine. I look forward to dining with you this evening."

Cullen answered, opening the pantry door in good manners, bowing slightly. While the Trevelyans sat down, Cullen waited in excitement for Natalia. He had never seen her in formal attire before and his heart was racing from minute to minute. He heard soft, slow steps echoing to his right - it was her.

"Makers breath..." Cullen said unconsciously quietly and caught himself with a harrumph- he gazed at Natalia and could hardly believe his eyes to finally see her in formal attire - especially in a dress.

"I-Inquisitor. You look enchanting. It's an honor to dine with you and your family," he said charmingly and bowed. bashfully embarrassed Natalia looked away for a moment and looked surprised when she saw Cullen in his doublet. She liked his usual, simple style of dress but tonight he looked like a prince, a fereldan noble.

"Good evening, Commander, the pleasure is all mine. I'm glad you could make it. You look very noble in your doublet," she replied, curtseying slightly and looking up at him with a mischievous glance. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both sat down opposite the Trevelyans, which was very awkward for both of them - it was an unusual, but also a thrilling feeling to finally sit next to your loved one, even if you had to keep your feelings in check at first. The table was already set and dinner was served. There was a light vegetable soup and tea. Darius began the conversation.

"Commander. First of all I would like to thank you for your commitment in Ostwick. Your soldiers have done a fine job. I look forward to our future cooperation. Besides, did they mention you were a member of the Circle of Magi at the time?"

"Yes, in Ferelden. I finished my training as a Templar and was initially deployed there." Cullen told and took a spoon of the soup in a well-mannered fashion. Darius noticed that Natalia sat up more often on her chair and looked at her slightly concerned.

"Natalia, how's your spine?"

"Fine, Father. Everything's alright."

she replied succinctly. Cullen gave her a questioningly surprised look.

"Oh, you don't know that, Commander? Our daughter had earlier -"

"Mother, this is a subject I'm reluctant to bring up here. Everything is fine." 

Natalia interrupted in earnest. Georgia sighed slightly uncomprehendingly and continued to eat her soup. Cullen glanced over to Natalia who shook her head slightly in bewilderment.

"May I ask you a personal question Commander?" Darius asked seriously and put the spoon down. He propped his elbows against the table and pressed his palms together with clasped fingers. Cullen nodded and lightheartedly took another spoon from the soup.

"Will you, in return for your service, take my daughter to be your bride?"

Cullen choked in shock and gasped for breath. Natalia dropped the cutlery in disbelief.

"Father! I beg you, stop joking around!"

"Darius! You can't embarrass the commander like that. The days of arranged marriages are long gone!"

Natalia and Georgia warned. Natalia grabbed Cullens shoulder worriedly as he slowly calmed down.

"Is everything all right?! I apologize for my father, he-"

"I - I'll take it as a compliment to my work- all good." Cullen cleared his throat. Natalia and looked him deep into the eyes for a moment to make sure he had really calmed down.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to offend you! I didn't know you might already have a life partner." 

"I don't have a partner, my Lord. The present circumstances do not allow it," Cullen lied convincingly and settled down at the table with the cutlery.

Georgia noticed how unpleasantly awkward this incident was for everyone involved and changed the subject.

"Natalia, what's your next step?"

"We are currently preparing for the upcoming halamshiral." she answered briefly.

"How wonderful! You will see your uncle again. I'm glad about that," Georgia replied with euphoric enthusiasm and the four of them finished their soups and got up after a short while. Cullen thankfully bowed to the Trevelyans.

"Thank you for letting me spend the evening with you tonight."

" We're glad you could join us Commander. I'm going to bed, Georgia?-" Darius asked and Georgia nodded in agreement. "It was a pleasure as well. We'll see you tomorrow commander," she also said goodbye and went to her room with her husband. 

Cullen and Natalia both stood in front of the dining room and watched the silhouettes disappear. She seemed quite agitated and grabbed her head in bewilderment.

"Excuse my parents. I was expecting everything - except this question. I'm ashamed of it."

Cullen saw how ashamed Natalia was and blushed, avoided eye contact with him. He took her hand, raised his other hand gently to her chin and looked at her dreamily.

"It’s all fine, my dear. You look enchanting - you have enchanted me today. Such moments are quickly forgotten." he whispered softly and stroked her cheek.

"The doublet suits you very well, commander. I didn't expect you to have such good taste," Natalia replied seductively and gave him a light kiss.

“Well...to be honest..Dorian helped me. He wanted to give me something more...eye-catching.” he chuckled.

Both walked from the dining room back to their rooms and held hands until before the turn-off. The corridors and the main hall were deserted. They thought - Darius and Georgia peered from a column over to Natalia and Cullen.

"I'm not surprised," Darius whispered to his wife. "Me neither. I only hope that Natalia has finally found her happiness," she whispered back and smiled. "This reminds me of the time when we first kept our love secret, doesn't it, Darius?" she whispered again and Darius agreed with a kiss on her forehead.


	14. No time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia's parents said goodbye to her short visit to Skyhold. But before they leave, Darius has a word with his daughter. Not only that her parents had to leave her again, Natalia could not cope with the fact that Cullen also had to prepare for tomorrow's departure to the Emerald Graves.

  
_Artwork by Pooky_

The next morning the Trevelyans prepared for their departure. They stood before the gate of Skyhold and their servants loaded the carriage with their belongings. Natalia watched in a gloomy mood, not wanting her parents to leave. Georgia saw how her daughter was suffering inside.

"Natalia, it was really very beautiful here. I know we haven't been here long but we don't want to be a burden. Besides, we still have some things to do in Ostwick," Georgia explained, holding her daughter tightly. "We could never be prouder of our daughter. Your uncle was always right, you are someone special. We love you," she added and a tear slowly curled down her face. 

"Thank you, Mother. I'll try to visit you sometime."

Darius stood longingly beside Georgia waiting to say goodbye to his daughter. When she turned to him she ran wordlessly towards him and both embraced each other firmly. She tried to stay strong and suppress her tears.

"Father... I'm going to miss you terribly."

"We'll miss you, too. But you will master this. Look what you have already achieved. However, we must have a little chat before we leave. Alone." he said earnestly, walking Natalia a few meters from the carriage. Georgia knew what Darius was up to and took care of the loading of the carriage.

"What is wrong, father?"

"Natalia, forgive me for yesterday, it was foolish. I should have chosen my words better," he apologized and scratched the back of his head guiltily. Natalia shrugged and smiled serenely.

"Oh, don't worry, Father. The Commander took it with humor. I spoke to him yesterday."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Natalia, if you have feelings for each other, don't hide them. I know right now in your position it would be improper to have a relationship. But you have to think about yourself, not only about the Inquisition."

Darius smiled and put his hands on her shoulders as Natalia blushed from awkwardness but was still surprised.

"You knew?" 

"Yes of course! Parents notice these things. We don't want to stand in your way. I think the Commander is a very good choice. I, for one, would be delighted if he would be a part of the Trevelyans. Just please give yourselves time. You know how it ended then and I couldn't forgive myself a second time," Darius explained and frowned angrily as he thought back to the events of that time. Natalia's mood quickly turned to vengeance. She clenched her fists and her eyes were terrifying.

"I have survived, and I will not let it happen again. Don't worry. Skyhold is well guarded and I trust my Commander. "

"Well, if he can't behave himself, I'll come over there myself. I swear by the Maker,"Darius replied. 

Both went back to the carriage and hugged each other one last time. The Trevelyans entered the carriage and looked out of the window to Natalia. "Take care!" cried Natalia and staggered after the carriage.

 _"You’ll see Father Cullen's not like him"_ , she thought determined and made her way to Josephine's office.  
\------------------------------------------

Natalia opened the door to Josephine's office and saw her writing at her desk.

"Lady Natalia, good morning. I hope the dinner yesterday was all right?" Josephine asked happily and put down the feather for a moment.

"Yes, the dinner was delicious. Thank you so much for arranging dinner on such short notice. My parents have just left. Am I expecting any other guests?"

"Not at the moment, but we should be heading to Val Royeaux soon. The nobility wish to continue negotiations as soon as possible.”

"I will prepare the final reports. I'll let you know when I'm ready to leave. Thank you again," Natalia thanked with a friendly smile and returned to her quarters to carry out her duties. 

Cullen, too, prepared for his upcoming mission. Despite the good defense and progress in the Emerald Graves, the Commander also has to pay personal visits. Natalia did not miss this and set off for the tower in the early afternoon.

 _"So, the reports are finally ready. Let's see if Cullen is still in the preparation stage,"_ she thought to herself and walked through the courtyard, where she saw Scout Harding and greeted her with a polite nod. She ran up the stairs and knocked at the door in excitement.

"Come in," Cullen said succinctly and watched Natalia enter. He had that comforting feeling in his stomach again and did not want to hide his happy, carefree smile. She came towards him and greeted him with a kiss. 

"Natalia, how nice to see you -"

"Hello, Cullen. I didn't want to interrupt your preparations. Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm just about done. We'll be leaving tomorrow early. To tell you the truth, I don't like to leave you alone," he said sorrowfully and his smile faded.

"I know, I don't want to leave you alone either - but duty calls. So much the nicer when you come back, isn't it?" she asked eloquently and brushed gently through his hair. Her fingertips tickled his temples pleasantly and left a relaxed smile and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"I hope your parents had a nice stay?"

"Yes, quite. It was nice to see them again after such a long time, even if only for a short time," Natalia explained somewhat saddened. Not only did her parents have to leave her; now Cullen also had to leave the Inquisitor alone. For both of them, this was a painful moment. His eyes turned pale and he frowned aside with a guilty conscience. His expression spoke volumes, but Natalia understood that she couldn’t just release him from his duties.

"I will wait." She smiled.

"I'll try to be back as soon as possible.”

"No-" she interrupted him and held his warm hands while she glanced up at him.

"I don't want you to stress yourself. I want you to get there safe, no matter how long it takes you to march."

She kissed his soft scar and brushed his cheek gently. It was painful to realize that Cullen had to leave the next day. 

"I hate to say this, but I'm afraid I'm about to walk into a meeting with Josephine. I would rather spend the day with you instead ..." she added and played with the cords of his shirt. For a moment it was quiet between the two of them, but she was more than concerned about Cullen. 

"How are you doing?"

"Pardon?" he asked in surprise, tilting his head slightly to one side. She turned her head over to the bookcase and looked obviously at the lowest shelf where the Lyrium Kit once was. He turned to follow her gaze and sighed.

"I'm... I'm fine. The pain hasn't been that bad lately."

"But you still have it... and what about your sleep?"

"It..." he paused and hesitated. Cullen could sleep better knowing that he didn’t have to master this fight completely alone, but for days he had been longing for Natalia's nearness - especially at night when the two of them could finally be together. 

"Cullen?"

"Oh, no, it's... it's better now. Excuse me." He woke up out of his thoughts.

"Something's bothering you." 

"It's all right, don't worry, really."

He reassured her and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead before returning to his desk. Behind his back she glanced sceptically at him and squinted her eyes into question. 

"Well...then...I'll get on with my duties, excuse me," she said goodbye in a worried tone and quietly left his office. On the way to Josephine, Natalia thought and stopped just before the tavern. She leaned against its wall and looked thoughtfully over to the main building. 

_"Do you trust me so little Cullen? Have I done something wrong? I just want what's best for you."_  
\-----------------------------------------------

Towards evening, Natalia put on her nightgown and chose a book from the bookshelf. 

Hmm...what do we read next...She thought and noticed a striking red book she hadn't seen before. Curiously she took it out of the bookcase and marveled at the title. She opened the book and saw a little note written down. 

" _’Swords and Shields’_... the new book? Hmm... _‘Enjoy reading it! PS: Don't tell Cassandra, she hasn't read the book yet. - Varric’_ well, that's an honour..."

She laughed briefly and went to her bed full of curiosity. Snuggled in, she opened the first pages and moved the candlelight to read the writing better. She read some pages and forgot that she would need a new supply of candles soon. Once the candle had gone out she noticed it and looked over angrily. 

"Maker, just when things were getting exciting." she muttered and got up. She was about to make her way to the basement closet when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Surprised, she squinted her eyes, reached carefully for the door handle and pressed it down. When she opened the door, Cullen stood before her eyes. She examined his hungry gaze, his faltering breath and slightly shaking hands.

"Cullen? I-"

"I can't wait…” he whispered, "I don't want to wait... I want you - now, here.."

His amber eyes sparkled through the stained glass window in the moonlight. His hot breath tickled lightly on her neck feeling her body surrender to his deep, sensual whisper.

His smile, so gentle and pure - but also seductive and full of hunger for Natalia's body. Gently he laid his warm hands on her temples and kissed her with his tender soft lips. His scent of elfroot, leather and oakmoss made her body shiver for excitement, his soft touches made her leave a light gasp while her cheeks flushed. 

Natalia could hardly feel her legs anymore - a pleasant tingling sensation enveloped her body and she did not want to let go of her commander. Further she clawed at his linen shirt and both continued to kiss each other fervently. With her lips she explored the tender skin of his lips and kissed his scar which pleasantly tickled her lower lip. Effortlessly and without wasting a single kiss, both of them walked step by step to the bed.

Cullen slowly stripped off her dark red silk coat, which slid down from her shoulder and fell to the ground. With her fingers she grabbed his blond, soft hair and slid tenderly over his arms down to his cotton shirt and pulled it off. Her delicate fingertips stroked his ribs examining his scars and imperfections. He recognized her curiosity as her eyes grew wide and sparkled.

“These..these were from my earlier battles…”

She approached his ear and nibbled softly on his ear lobe. He felt her hot breath and heard her seductive, caring whisper.

“ I want to kiss every scar of yours...every...single...one..”

“Oh Maker…” 

He moaned holding her jaw gently and kissing her as he felt his longing for her growing - he wanted to tear off her clothes immediately but he tried to tame himself - for her.

Arriving at the bed, he opened the front lacing on her dress and pulled it off, but Natalia hesitated for a moment.

"Was I too fast? I'm sorry-"

"No no...it's not that I...I just like to take my clothes off myself," she lied. Cullen continued to look at her with concern as she smiled at him. She didn't want this "blemish" on her to become an issue - especially not now. She quickly took off the dress herself and approached her commander.

"You needn't worry... I feel comfortable with you."

"Do you really?"

"I do," she replied with another smile and her longing looks manifested themselves. Gently he kissed her neck and shoulder with his lips, sucking them gently. Natalia felt his hot breath and his moist lips - she gave herself to him completely and moaned heavily with delight. 

"You make me weak when you moan like this, my love..." he whispered and lifted her up while she clasped his waist with her legs and held on to his shoulder. To finally feel her warm, soft skin was something Cullen had never felt with a woman before, even though he had some experience with Natalia, but it was a very special feeling. With a little push Natalia fell on the bed and Cullen crawled over to her. He moved passionately and slowly with his lips over her neck down to her cleavage like in his tower back then. He moistened her chest and nipple with his wet mouth and looked up at her impishly as she was about to completely lose control of her body. 

"You...me..."

"I'm glad...you enjoy this...and can relax my dear.." 

He hummed softly and let out a slight chuckle. Her body was boiling inside and she moaned heavily as he slid his lips further down to her navel. He glanced at her again and stood up slowly, using his teeth to pull her underpants off and kissed her hips afterwards. After he took off her linen panties and his shorts she used this short moment to overpower him. Quickly she stood up and gently pushed him onto the bed pressing his wrist against the mattress. Her long hair was on her face and with a quick movement of her head she wiped it to the side. 

Cullen was surprised for a moment, but he liked it - very much. His hands trembled with excitement and he was turned on by how tightly Natalia held his wrists. 

"Damn...you have a really good grip..." he moaned and enjoyed the pleasant pain. 

"Comes from our sword training," she chuckled mischievously and let go of his wrists slowly.

She gazed at him with dreamy eyes and stroked his chest with her hand in a circular motion. She ran her index finger over his scars - enumerating them in her mind - A slight tickle came over him as she stroked his waist. He glanced at her eagerly, demanding a kiss. She leaned forward and gently groped her lips across his scar towards his lips. He couldn't resist and bit softly on her lower lip which he kissed again.

As she straightened up, Cullen used the seconds to overcome her this time. He grabbed her shoulder, kissed Natalia in a gentle twist and pressed her gently onto the bed. Natalia also liked the cat-and-mouse game very much and she smirked playfully. As he lay on top of her, Natalia noticed Cullen's uncertain hesitation. Although they were longing for each other, his eyes spoke another language - fear, concern. His gaze drifted away from her and he slackened, letting go of her hands.

"Is something wrong?"

"I...wanted to wait - for the right time, I mean...I'm not sure I can-"

"It's the right time Cullen, here and now. Don't worry, I love you and I long for you... every damn day. If you want to, we can-" Natalia said before she was interrupted by his sudden kiss. Their tongues touched with passion and Cullen roared softly. He gently shifted her hips with both hands and inserted his hard shaft into her. She felt him entering into her and took a short breath. 

"Fuck...by the Maker..."

Cullen moaned as his hard shaft felt her pleasant warm center and how deeply he entered her. Natalia gently gripped his hair and gasped for air while Cullens thrust against her in a regular rhythm, gently massaging her breast with his hand and feeling his body getting warmer. Cullen leaned in front of her and pressed Natalia tightly against him while she clawed at his back with her nails. 

"Does it feel good, my lady?"

"Y-Yes."

She moaned broken and clung even tighter to him. Although she had almost no control over her body, her hands wandered down to his back cross and Maker - his movements were so intense and smooth yet full of effort and passion. He only wanted the best for her and enjoyed every single tone of her moans and calls. The way she panted for air and how she began to sweat and flush red on her cheeks. For a brief moment he forgot himself, devoted himself completely to his beloved Inquisitor and dug his face into her neck. His thrusts became faster as she arched her back hearing his broken groaning in her ear.

“ How long have I waited to finally fuck you my dear…”

“ Too..long..I think I-”

“Cum for me...,”he whispered while his pushes were faster. 

She groaned loudly and gasped for air - several times she repeated his name - ever louder, ever faster. Cullen leaned in front of her and saw her try to control herself. Natalia's face was adorned with light beads of sweat and beautifully red cheeks. She smiled pleasurably to him and clawed his hair. Cullen almost reached the climax, left a light smile as well and got faster. She continued to moan, shouting his name, getting louder and louder and grabbing his shoulders, scratching them. 

"Fuck! Fuck! Maker..."

Cullen felt her intensity pulsate her sheath, leaving a gentle chuckle. It was too intense; he felt a slight strain but he couldn't stop - he didn't want to. 

He hugged her tightly and listened to her continuing moaning. Cullen shouted out and bit her lightly on the neck and came to a close. Worn out, he still wouldn't let go of his beloved and his trembling, slightly delighted voice resounded in her ear. Both felt their bodies calm and the rhythm slow down. They gazed deeply into each other's eyes and kissed. Slowly he slid out and both laid on the bed. She snuggled against his chest and caressed his face.

"This was... really nice..." Natalia said quietly, worn out and trying to regulate her breathes. He stroked her cheek leaving a slight crooked grin.

"I've loved you ever since I saw you in Haven, Natalia. I love you more than anything..my Inquisitor-" 

"I love you, too...my Commander-" whispered Natalia back and kissed him one last time before they slept.

\-----------------------------------------------

The morning dawned and Natalia slowly opened her eyes. Only now did she realize what had happened last night - no dream at all. She turned and saw that Cullen was in a deep sleep. 

To finally see him so rested... so protected and calm... she thought to herself and gently brushed the strands of hair from his face. Silently, she pushed the blanket aside and walked to her mirror. Sex with Cullen was breathtaking and almost magical, but one thing bothered her - about herself. Worried, she turned her torso and examined her back in the mirror.

It wasn't the moles that bothered her but the big, deep scar on the left side of her ribs. Nervously she bit her lips and covered her breasts with her arms in shame. Her gaze was captivated by this scar, she remembered the past years which she wanted to forget forever - but Natalia has to accept what happened. 

"Is something wrong, my darling?" a soft voice came from behind and Natalia woke up from her thoughts. Quickly she blinked and turned to him hectically.

"No! Everything's fine... sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't, I-"

Cullen broke off when he saw Natalia trying to hide her back from him and noticed the scar for a second. He grinned at the mirror and then over to her.

"Is this about yesterday? The dress, I mean." he asked. 

She couldn't resist his slightly sleepy look and sighed softly.

"Yes... I don't like it."

"You're still beautiful, you know?"

"Wait... you don't want to know where I got it?” she asked in surprise, blinking her eyes.

"I don't want to push you into something you don't want to tell me yet. When you're ready, I'm here... I only care about you," he said while clasping his hands with hers.

Such a strange kind of understanding was unknown to Natalia. She was a little speechless, but smiled and kissed him on the cheek as a thank you.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Both stood for a moment in silence, enjoying how their hands touched and caressed each other. Cullen stroked the back of Natalia's hand with his thumb in circular movements and bit his lips in a determined manner.

"I'm sorry I have to go..."

"I know... I hate to let you go…,"she softly said and accompanied him to the door. On the way there, they gathered their clothes and got dressed quickly. While they both got dressed, Natalia straightened his shirt and collar and his eyes shone with love.

"Is something wrong?"

"I... I like that..."

"What exactly?"

"This moment here - how you take care of me and prepare me... I don't know anything like that."

"Then, dear Commander, get used to it." 

She chuckled and kissed him one last time. As their lips parted, Cullen left the room with a sly smile. Natalia carefully locked the door behind her and leaned against it. Slowly she squatted down on the floor.

"I don't want you to leave..."

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Later, Cullen and his troops gathered and left Skyhold. Natalia stood leaning against the big wooden door that led to the main hall - she didn't want to make the farewell conspicuously in front of the entire crew, so she kept her distance.

"Leliana, I now leave you in command. If anything happens, send a messenger." 

Cullen addressed Leliana who nodded in agreement. The big gates of Skyhold opened and the troops marched out. Cullen turned to Natalia briefly and smiled inconspicuously to her. She waved to him discreetly and smiled as well. Although these goodbyes were routine even before their romance, both felt an inexplicable pain in their chests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to redlizard_rambles for doing the beta reading for this chapter! You're the best! <3
> 
> Also thanks to all the people who read this fic so far! I'm so glad that you like it!


	15. Between the reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are several small short stories combined in one chapter. After Cullen had left Skyhold, Natalia made an unusual discovery and is also confronted by Cassandra. 
> 
> In the Emerald Graves, Cullen sees a familiar face from Haven again, which will stir up the Skyhold a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is perhaps less exciting for some people but I thought that these little scenes should definitely be published. If you want to know what the "Extraordinary Guest" and Natalia have in common you can read the first part of this series called "Backfire".

**Brother and Sister**

Since the troops left for the Emerald Graves today, it has been very quiet on Skyhold and the day was already drawing to a close. The others sat in the tavern and enjoyed the last hours of the evening - Natalia wasn't in the mood for a beer today, instead she found herself in the garden and continued reading the latest chapter of "Swords and Shields" which she had to discard due to "certain circumstances". She was alone and the wind was quiet, all you could hear was the rustling of the leaves and the smell of the herbs that started to sprout in the garden a few days ago. Natalia sat on a bench next to the small fountain and was completely immersed in the story. Curious, she turned the next page and held the book tautly.

_"...he racked his mind for days over how to present his beloved soldier with a gift. "Oh, that's right" he suddenly said, and it occurred to him that Nora loved a certain kind of flower. She always had a vase of delicate white lilies in her office -"_

Natalia checked again and blinked in disbelief.

"Wait a minute-"

She continued the next line suspiciously and could not trust her eyes.

_"...she jumped into his arms with delight. "But I have a little something for you, my love..." he whispered and took a bracelet with a tiny knotted onyx stone from his pocket and put it around her delicate wrist."_

Natalia was astonished and let the lines pass several times.

"By the Maker, Varric! I never knew I was Nora in "Sword and Shields"! Oh you little..."

Puzzled, she wondered if she should be honored or if she should chase Varric through Skyhold - Curiously, she let the chapter continue anyway.

" ... "Oh thank you my darling! You don't know how happy you make me!" she said cheerfully and gave him a kiss. But it did not stop at a kiss - the Commander asked for more. He continued to kiss her snugly and felt a pleasant tension. Slowly he took off her doublet and-"

"Wait, that didn't happen, Varric! But how did he know about the arm-" she muttered.

"So it's true?"

Natalia heard a stern voice from the garden. Confused, she turned around and saw a figure standing next to the column, which was running towards her - the silhouette became more and more clear.

"Cassandra?" Natalia wondered and put the book aside.

"So you have a relationship with the Commander? "Excuse me, I didn't want to eavesdrop."

"It's fine, Cassandra. I'm a little bit surprised to be in Varric's books right now. But to answer your question: Well... yes. The Commander and I are together - inofficially, more or less..." Natalia explained and embarrassingly looked away. Cassandra sat down with Natalia and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"I understand- I guessed that Varric meant you in the book. To be honest, I wasn't very impressed at first and thought that Varric was just making up the details. But your red sash actually gave you away." Cassandra explained and grinned impishly as Natalia shook her head in wonder. 

"My red sash?"

"Remember Wicked Grace night? You wore it there. I found this earlier in Cullen's office."

"Oh." Natalia flushed with embarrassment.

"He thought Sera was playing a joke. I believed him for a moment, but he avoided me at the tavern all night, and I put one and one together."

"Cullen doesn't seem like the best of liars. I think that's why my parents knew it, as well." Natalia laughed and scratched her head in embarrassment. 

"It's not the best time for a partnership - But you two have been through a lot together and I had a hunch there was more to it." Cassandra added and glanced over to the fountain, which had some leaves floating on the surface.

"Are you disappointed? Do you think this is foolish?" Natalia asked in a ashamed silent tone.

"And if it were? Would you reverse your decision? Natalia, I know I haven't always been on your side and we had our difficulties at first. But after all the events and struggles, I consider you a good friend and this decision you both made for each other is the best one. Cullen deserves you and you deserve Cullen," she explained to Natalia and smiled softly over to her.

"Thank you, Cassandra, that means a lot to me and I also consider you a good friend. I was so unsure, the Inquisition comes first, and..."

"Of course, I understand. But sometimes there's no such thing as a perfect moment. Everything happens for a reason, remember that. You should probably tell Varric to change his story, though. I don't need to know everything, although I must say that your secretiveness is already very exciting to read," Cassandra mentioned and began to chuckle.

"Yes, you are right. I think I'll bring it up with him in the next few days. But some thing aren't really happened like that I have to say!"

"Either way, I'm going to grill him about it. I can't believe he didn't tell me about the latest volume. Meanwhile he is complaining that I should read his works before publication." she whined ironically and both chuckled. The laughter slowly faded as Cassandra spotted Natalia's bracelet and was reluctant.

"But I had one question, though. Does the bracelet have a special meaning? I mean you wear it every day - even during training." she asked and her eyes grew large with curiosity. Unfortunately she hit an unpleasant nerve in Natalia - she glanced sadly at her bracelet because her brother is a topic she doesn't like to talk about with others.

"I...don't like to talk about it but that sometimes it helps me I guess. I had an older brother named Gerrick. We both liked to sneak out of our parents' house when we were young and explore the caves in the woods. One night we decided to visit a cave on the coast...It was breathtakingly beautiful - an almost magical cave. We had a feeling of familiarity and as if we had been there more often than we should have. When we lit the torches everything glittered and shone in green and blue colours. We continued walking until we reached a pit. It was not very deep, but deep enough to hurt ourselves. We heard a loud bang and Gerrick lost his balance in shock and fell into the pit."

"Oh no, how horrible! What happened then? I hope Gerrick wasn't seriously hurt?!", Cassandra asked worriedly and folded her hands in tension.

"I didn't know what to do at that moment. Should I stay or inform our guards? The night was our refuge, our freedom. I didn't want to risk it and I stayed. I used my scarf as rope and climbed down to Gerrick. Thank the Maker for not breaking anything that night. Still we were afraid. That bang was a rock that came loose from the wall. We went there carefully and found pieces of jewels. Onyxes, more precisely. We took two pieces as souvenirs and left the cave with scratches and bruises. In front of the cave stood our guard - and our parents. We got a night patrol for a longer time and were not allowed to leave. But the stones reminded us of this adventure and that we could rely on each other," said Natalia and smiled lightheartedly. 

"What has become of your brother?" Cassandra asked cautiously and held her hands tautly together. Bitterly, Natalia lowered her head and clasped her thighs. 

"Unfortunately my brother died during the Fifth Blight in Denerim. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him, so I do not like to remember it. My brother and I were like peas and carrots. I wanted to fight at his side and that is why I started the training as a soldier. After my training, however, I found out about his death. It was a very hard time for my parents and since then they worry about me - more than they should. I miss him...very much.." 

"My condolences...I lost my brother as well but I agree with you - It's a burden when you can't say goodbye properly, I know it all too well. Are you going there at some point? To Denerim?"

"Yes, but when this is over. My brother would want me to finish my mission. I want to tell him about it, about everything! About our adventures, about all the wonderful people who fought with me against Corypheus- Cullen gave me something I had lost for years and I can't thank him enough for it," she said and proudly showed the delicate bracelet, which Cassandra examined once more. 

"But how did Cullen know about it? I guess you didn't told him-"

Natalia laughed briefly when she thought about her best friend and her eyes were shining.

"Do you remember Commander Gregor? During my absence he had paid a visit to Haven - without telling me anything! The chatterbox told Cullen about it. I look forward to his visit to Skyhold - then I'll turn the tables on him!" 

"Yes, I saw him back then. You seem to be very good friends with Commander Gregor," she concluded curiously. Back then in Haven she met him only briefly, but she seemed to be visibly taken with him. 

"Yes, indeed. We've been through a lot together and I owe him my life too. But that's another story," answered Natalia and smiled carefree. There was a short silence and they both looked again over to the well where meanwhile birds were buzzing around and sipping from the well.

"Cullen can be hard to read, but I noticed he had his eye on you back in Haven."

"Well, I-"

"I know, and it was hard to miss." Cassandra interrupted Cassandra's giggles and tapped her gently on the shoulder.

**Two Commanders**

"Scout Jim, I demand a report."

Jim handed Cullen a pamphlet of reports from the past few weeks and nervously scratched his forearm while the commander reviewed the report closely.

"The bandits are now retreating from the forests and the roads have been secured." Jim stuttered.  
"How are our new recruits doing?" Cullen asked and glanced at him with a serious expression.

"Th-The new recruits have performed well! There were no problems at all."

"Very well, then our job would be done. Tell the recruits we'll be leaving the day after tomorrow. I would like to secure the area one last time before we leave for Skyhold."

Cullen ordered and put the report on the temporary wooden table. Jim saluted and returned to his comrades. While the others sat around the campfire and celebrated the successful mission with a beer, Cullen worked relentlessly on the next plans. It was already late, deep in the night but Cullen could not concentrate despite the silence in the tent. He relaxed his hand on the table, sighed and thoughtfully ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Natalia... I miss you. I can't wait to see you again..." 

Cullen whispered. He thought about their last days together and had to smile as he imagined her awkwardly caressed face. Suddenly, he caught someone gently sliding the tent door to one side with his hand. A young man in Cullen's age - maybe two years younger - with reddish, curly, tousled hair and crystal blue eyes peered through the tent and smiled.

"You don't know when you're off duty either, do you?"

"Commander Gregor! What a surprise, what are you doing here?" Cullen asked in surprise and walked up to the Commander and gave him a strong handshake. 

"Call me Cory, we're colleagues somewhere-" he winked at Cullen jokingly. "I've heard from your wonderful ambassador that you're going to stop some bandits here, and since we're on our way back to Ostwick from the Exalted Plains, we've already planned to rest here," he continued. Cory was a laid-back, humorous man, but over the past few years in his position as commander he has developed a sensitivity to be flexible in his demeanor. He was always strict with his soldiers, but he knew when it was possible to be a bit casual with them. Well, he tried to be serious. With Cullen he only had contact since Haven but he knew that he had to lure Cullen out of the reserve to make him a little more relaxed.

"But isn't that a detour for you?" Cullen asked and lifted an eyebrow questioningly. Cory laughed and shook his head. 

"But no! I have already short-circuited with Mrs. Montilyet and I will accompany you to Skyhold." 

"And your troops?"

"I'm turning command over to the deputy commander. I'm on official leave starting tomorrow." he smirked on. "Vacation"... a word Cullen never heard before. He don't know what it's like to rest, not even for two days in a row. He looked at Cory confused and a little bit uncomprehending and crossed his arms. 

"Isn't Natty giving you a vacation? Pff-" he said sarcastically. For a second it got quiet and he noticed Cullen nervously passing him. His Adam's apple visibly moved by the heavy swallowing.

"Is she really "so" severe? Maker... even her uncle's a little more relaxed."

"No..No she is great! A-as Inquisitor, I mean! She is very attentive when it comes to our troops and always has a good sense when it comes to ordering people to take breaks. " Cullen reeled up and nervously put his hand on his neck. Cory was surprised to hear these words from Cullen. With a gesture, he asked Cullen to step outside and they both walked a little. Cullen hesitated a moment because he wanted to finish his work. 

"The work ain't gonna run out on you. I don't want to know how long you've been sitting here," Cory remarked slightly annoyed and both finally left the tent and spent the rest of the evening together with a beer.

**Time for a break**

Natalia returned from Val Royeaux after a few days; she and Josephine discussed the details of the forthcoming Halamshiral in the evening. Both talked about the current situation of Empress Celene while they walked to the court. It came quite unexpectedly that they raised the gates of Skyhold and both saw the troops return. When Cullen entered the courtyard Skyhold, he saw his beloved Inquisitor. He would love to take her in his arms now and press her tightly against him, but instead there was a slight nod. Natalia's heart was beating wildly and she walked bridled to the troops. Cullen always kept eye contact with her and couldn't hide his smirk. 

"Welcome back...Commander. I see you were successful?" she asked slightly shyly. 

"Yes, the emerald graves are safe. I brought someone with me, though." he said mysteriously and turned to the side. Natalia could not believe her eyes when she finally saw her good old friend Cory again. She called out his name with joy and squeezed him tightly.

"I can't believe you're here! But why?" she asked in wonder.

"Unfortunately, your uncle can't be present at the Halamshiral, so I thought I'd come with you. This is more or less my well-earned holiday!" he explained and laughed. 

"So quite by accident, Travis chose you?" she concluded sarcastically and Cory nodded proudly. 

"Well, I'm glad you're here, anyway. It's about time! Come on, I'll show you to your guest room!" Natalia suggested when she happened to see Cassandra out of the corner of her eye and quickly changed her mind. It could be her moment to be with Cullen alone after all these days.

"Oh, I remember I have to discuss something very urgent with the Commander...Cassandra! Could you show Commander Gregor his room?"

"What? Me? Follow me." stammered Cassandra but secretly she was somewhat excited. Just before Cory followed Cassandra, he whispered something into Natalia's ear in a hurry. 

"Please order the commander to take a break. He's been working for the last few days." 

Cullen and Natalia watched as the crowd dispersed rapidly and both felt a tingling sensation in their hearts. The joy was too great and both could no longer bear to jump into each other's arms. Quickly they ran to Cullen's office and closed the doors behind them. 

He bit his lips seductively when he saw Natalia and lifted her up without any hint of warning. She first gently stroked his scar with her thumb over his high cheekbones and kissed him full of longing. Cullen smiled and kissed her soft lips over and over again. Both felt light and weightlessly overwhelmed by the joy of seeing her again. 

"I'm so glad you're all right. Maker, I have longed for you every day." she whispered seductively and kissed his forehead as he pressed her closer and she clung to him with her legs. 

"I have heard, however, that you have been very ambitious in the last days concerning the mission...maybe a little too ambitious. Cullen, you know you need some sleep..." she said worriedly and gazed deep into his brown, tired eyes. Cullen gave off a gentle grumble and Natalia chuckled carefree. 

"I think we still have some time before supper with the others," she said impishly and took off his coat before he got rid of his armor. When Natalia hung up his fur coat she peered at purple pressure marks on his shoulders - Only the maker knows how long he wore the armour. When he stretched, she heard a slight painful hissing sound. She couldn't watch it and shook her head. Natalia took his hand and they both crept to the washing chamber.

\------------------------------------

"Someone will see us."

"No, they won't. We'll just lock up, it's as simple as that." 

Whispered Natalia and took one last look around the corner. Inconspicuously they both sneaked on to the next tower where the washing chamber was. Despite the fact that the two want to keep their relationship secret it was still exciting not to get caught. Natalia closed up behind her and ran directly to an engineered source and filled a small bucket with water.

"Natalia it's not tragic, I didn't break anything" Cullen grumbled and crossed his arms.

"You'll take a break now and I'll make sure you stay that way. By the maker, it's bad enough that you don't sleep, now you're going to wear the armor for days on end.

Cullen heard her calling out. After a few minutes, she came to him with a bucket of water, a cloth, and a little container that she always had with her. Her eyes spoke volumes and Cullen obeyed her silent command to take off his shirt. Natalia did not let this moment pass by and for a moment she examined Cullen's well defined body. Still, she felt pity for the commander when she saw all the scars and bruises. Cullen defiantly sat down on a stool. Natalia drank the cloth into the cool water and then wrung it out properly, Carefully she laid the cloth on his shoulders and heard Cullen sigh with relief and let his shoulders hang. 

"Not that bad to take a break right?" she chuckled. 

They both enjoyed the peaceful moment together and Natalia lovingly took care of her Commander by gently spreading the balm on his shoulders and gently massaging him. 

"Was Cory reasonably manageable?"

"Well... I guess he's more of a bard than a commander. He likes to talk. A lot." Cullen replied with a slight chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I know he can be pretty rambunctious sometimes." she apologized.

Gently and carefully, she continued to massage his stiff shoulders and every groan that Cullen gave, a foolish surge of excitement was released in her. His moans reminded her of the other night when he caressed her and gave herselfto him completely. Ashamed of these dirty thoughts she chewed her lips and tried to get rid of the thought.

"But what about you? You must have been traveling a lot as well," he asked concernedly and turned slightly to the side to gaze at Natalia's emerald green eyes for a second. His slightly worried but still tempting look made her even more excited.

"Oh all g-good Cullen! Don't worry about me!" she replied nervously and felt Cullen slowly stand up and turn to her. Gently, he led her chin to him and kissed her passionately. "Thank you...I will return the favor..." he said seductively and kissed her again. They couldn't stay for longer even though both would like to. They knew the game, first Cullen left the washroom and a short time later Natalia. Before he turned towards the exit he left a sweet crooked smile. When Natalia was now alone she took a deep breath and fanned herself with her hand. 

"Andraste preserve me."


	16. We love orlaisian balls

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

"Here we are! The Winter Palace! Simply breathtaking," Dorian raved as he admired the pompous statues and its facade. 

"I'll give you that, Mr Pavus, the Winter Palace is really one of the most stunning and detailed palaces I've ever seen in Thedas! Would you like some wine as well?" Cory suggested slightly theatrically. Dorian didn't have to ask twice and followed the commander from Ostwick, grinning broadly, to the next butler, who held a tray of filled wine glasses and offered them to the guests.

"Well, I see we have a match made in heaven." commented Cassandra in a slightly peeved tone, rolling her eyes. 

"Jealous?" Natalia asked sarcastically.

"By Andraste no! I beg you!" she quickly left in a slight stutter but Natalia could not resist a quiet snigger. 

"I'll go ahead and talk to Josephine about the plan, I'll see you inside," Cassandra stammered and quickly turned to the entrance of the palace, slightly touched. 

"Tststs" Natalia shook her head with a smirk and took this short moment to marvel at the Winter Palace as well. Already now she was dreading to be here, her eyes were already fixed on her in the courtyard. Every step, every expression, no matter how small, is scrutinized. The nobles already gossiped and made no secret that they were talking about the herald Andrastes.

 _"This is why I hate balls,"_ she thought, slightly grossed out, and gave an quiet annoyed sigh. Just before the main entrance to the palace, she took a deep breath. The advisors had already arrived shortly before her to secure possible weak points that could possibly be Natalia's undoing. The palace was teeming with masked nobles, who watched Natalia's walk at every turn. She tried to keep her mask upright by strutting through the corridor resolutely and with a self-confident attitude. Every now and then she nodded politely to one or the other guest. 

_"So it begins. Now is no time for insecure Natalia, the game doesn't allow it."_ she said to herself inwardly.

__________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Cullen observed every single guest in the ballroom for any conspicuous features. Tense and strained like a soldier, he stood there and concentrated on the mission. Yet he was also excited - about her. 

_"Maker, Love where are you? That you make me wait here impatiently for you...you really tease me, I wonder what you're wearing today?"_

he thought to himself and smirked briefly.

 _"I pray that today will not end in a catastrophe, I don't want anything to happen to you."_ he thought on and his smile faded and he frowned worriedly. Suddenly he felt a small push on his shoulder and turned to the side.

"Tsk, Now don't pull such a face Commander! Enjoy the Halamshiral!" Dorian remarked and sipped his glass of wine with relish. Cullen leaned slowly against Dorian's ear.

"I hate balls, the nobility asks me every few minutes whether I want to marry their daughters or sons. I could swear I have someone...well." he whispered to him angrily complaining.

"But...take it as a compliment! You really need to loosen up. Maybe a glass of wine?"

"No." he replied unnerved and stared intently at the front door. Dorian caught another short smile, a sparkle in Cullen's eyes and smiled.

"She's coming soon, if you were a Mabari you would hear the panting for miles. And I can also imagine the joyful tail wagging."

Cullen smacked annoyed and tried to ignore Dorian further. He was very excited and just the idea of dancing with her brought a pleasant gleam in his chest. Both turned around as they heard a carefree, hearty laugh in the background.

"Well? Are you enjoying the ball? I must say, the General is missing a lot here!" Cory said amusingly. 

"Not much has happened yet, but what hasn't happened yet can happen, can't it, Commander?" Dorian teased and winked at Cullen while he tried to ignore Dorian's remarks without further words. Cory glanced at them both questioningly and blinked in bewilderment. Out of the corner of his eye, Dorian could sense Cullen's threat not to talk. He had already had some wine and had to control himself. With a theatrical laugh, Dorian drowned out the short silence and patted Cory on the shoulders. 

"Cory, did you know that such events are perfect opportunities to find a partner? I guess you haven't had time to deal with that yet, have you? Let's take a stroll through the palace," Dorian proposed, practically forcing Cory to come along. Confused, he watched Cullen with a shrug of the shoulders and a smile as Cory was already a victim of Dorian's matchmaking attempts.

Suddenly they heard Natalia being called to the banquet. Slowly and tactfully she glided across the ballroom in her dress - all eyes fixed on her. The dress was dark red and showed a lot of back. She felt a little uncomfortable as her scar was not covered, but she trusted Josephine and Leliana in choosing the dress and still felt that it was comfortable to wear. Her hair was always open and even if it did not fit into the overall picture, she wore her bracelet that Cullen had given her as a gift. 

"Inquisitor Natalia Trevelyan of Trevelyan Manor in Ostwick. Former soldier in the guard of Ostwick, Herald Andrastes." the speaker shouted across the room while the violin music continued in the background. Natalia curtsied slightly before Empress Celene and gave a gentle smile. Both talked briefly until Natalia left the dance floor and joined the others.

_"You look gorgeous..."_

Cullen raved inside and his heart raced as he watched her approach him from afar. For one, she was stopped by Dorian and Cory who were already on their way to the gardens during the announcement.

"Now that was an elegant entrance Natalia! You should wear dresses more often, it flatters you."

"Thank you, Dorian. I hope you enjoy your evening?"

"Of course we are! There's wine, the music is lovely and Cory is a swell fellow!" he laughed.

"Oh, Dorian, you flatter me now," Cory laughed, embarrassingly touched. Dorian peeked how Cullen couldn't keep his eyes off Natalia and felt Natalia's impatience when she looked over to him . 

"We won't keep you any longer because we have to find a partner for this funny guy here! And in the gardens are countless lovely ladies." 

"But Dorian I-"

"No, no, you'll find someone here, I promise you that," Dorian chuckled and tapped Cory on the shoulder, hooked his crook of the arm and they both continued to strut. Natalia turned around for a moment and watched the two of them with a mischievous grin and then moved on. She mustered Cullens appearance - he wore a black doublet with gold embroidery. He loosened his hands behind his back and nervously tugged his glove. His hair was neatly tucked back as usual and he wore a little more beard than usual today. His carefree, dreamy smile did not escape her attention and she blushed with delight. For a short moment there was an ambivalent silence. He approached her ear and smelled her scent of lilies and amber.

"You look lovely again... and it takes my breath away." 

"You look also very... appealing my dear Commander."

she whispered seductively as she felt his warm breath and got goosebumps from his deep, intense whisper. Both loved the secrecy but that evening they had to be more than careful. Cullen cleared his throat and saw that natalia was also touched. 

"H-How is the situation? Do we have everything under control, Commander? How do you like the ball?" Natalia asked slightly stuttering.

"At the moment we haven't noticed any abnormalities. As for the ball...I'm not a fan of masked balls and the superficial nobility. I'd rather be somewhere else right now."

"Such as where? I would follow you."

she asked and smirked mischievously.

 _"...preferably alone, where we can be undisturbed,"_ he thought, looking at her lucious lips. Cullen cleared his throat and loosened his collar a little bit with a pull and glanced awkwardly through the room. Natalia giggled briefly, she enjoyed teasing her commander from time to time. Cullen loved it when she was laughing, her laughter was so gentle and light-hearted and he continued to gaze at her with a slightly dreamy look. This moment did not last for long and both knew that duty comes first. Natalia's smile faded and both came back to the ground when they heard the musicians changing the song.

"Well, I have to go. I hope everything will go well," she said slightly concerned. He looked at her with his amber eyes and gently touched her on her upper arm.

"I'll be here to make sure nothing happens to you." 

"Thanks, Cullen," she said to calm her conscience and turned back to the lobby. Cullen only noticed her lower back neckline now and his face blushed as he examined her curves and elegant gait more closely. 

"Phew...Andraste preserve me," he whispered to himself and blinked.

__________________________________________________

While Natalia goes off with Dorian and Blackwall in search of more clues, Cory observes Cassandra leaning against a column, bored. This was his chance to distract her and maybe change her mind to dance after all. 

"How nice to see you again," he said dreamily. His soft, yet lively voice made Cassandra's heart skip a beat. Fake, she sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not in the mood to dance, Commander."

"Call me Cory, forgive me for being so intrusive," he said, bowing as he took her hand and breathed on this light one. Cassandra liked it inwardly, especially that Cory is such a romantic she never expected. Not far away from both of them, Cullen continued to stand in his position and tried to ward off the nobility with short answers. Cory sighed with pity and shook his head.

"Oh, the poor man. He is really suffering. Look at how insecure he is, Cullen just wants his peace. I think if he had a partner, the Orlaisians would leave him alone." 

Cassandra quietly swallowed nervously and nodded.

"Well, something is not yet can still become, right? Just imagine if he would be together with Natty - I think it would have hit him even worse!" he joked sarcastically and giggled while Cassandra laughed along insecurely.

"Yes, that would be c-crazy, wouldn't it? The Inquisitor and the Commander..." she said in a high voice and looked aside slightly flustered. There was an awkward silence for a moment and Cory realized that Cassandra had something to hide. He watched her restrained in every detail, looked her in the eyes for a moment and leaned against the column as well. 

"I think you're hiding something from me. I've been watching them both and Natalia seems exceptionally calm in the presence of the Commander. Very unusual to me,"

Cassandra didn't answer but when she glanced into Cory's crystal blue puppy eyes her heart softened and she sighed in agreement. Actually, the Winter Palace is the perfect moment for Cullen and Natalia to finally reveal their relationship in public. But Cassandra wasn't very good at giving them a push in the right direction - Cory could - she shrugged her shoulder with a smile.

"I already suspected it. Just the way Cullen had been looking at her earlier. He didn't flinch. It was kinda sweet."

"Tell.it. Nobody."

"Only if you dance with me."

Indignant, Cassandra shook her head and they both suddenly heard the bells ringing for the dance. Cory bowed again and made his puppy-eyed tapes speak volumes. 

"argh...All right," Cassandra said in an indifferent tone, rejoicing in secret.

"You won't regret it, I'm a good dancer, you know," he said cunningly and carefully took her hand and they both walked to the dance floor. Cullen watched the scenery from afar and couldn't believe his eyes at first that Cory had actually made it to convinve Cassandra for a dance.

_"Actually I should ask Natalia for a dance as well, only I wouldn't be so miserable in it. Would she accept?"_

he mused as he watched Natalia chatting with Duchess Florianne and they both went to the dance floor. Cullen has missed the chance, he figured and bit his lips bitterly. He observed her dancing and was astonished that despite her aversion to balls, she floated so softly and easily over the dance floor. Cory and Cassandra also danced and Cullen smirked as he watched Cassandra try to dance gracefully but occasionally get out of step. Cory was very attentive and gave her the feeling that she was in his hands and that she would not embarrass herself in front of the audience. 

"You'd like to dance with her, wouldn't you?" Dorian questioned, who had sneaked up on Cullen before.

"If I weren't so bad at it then yes."

"Just look at Cassandra, she tries very hard too, although she didn't really want to dance. You know why?"

Cullen glanced at him suspiciously while Dorian smiled impishly. 

"You really missed it?" he asked rhetorically. "Ah" Cullen replied in wonder. The guests in the background applauded and the dance floor filled up further. Natalia however returned to Cullen. 

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone again. I have to check on Cassandra, not that she broke both her legs," joked Dorian and took another glass of wine on the way and gave Natalia a smirky nod.

"Would you like to go out for a while? You look very pale," she asked concernedly and both walked to the balcony opposite the hall. For a moment she leaned against the marble wall and left a sigh.

"I'll be glad when we get out of here."

"You don't have to tell me twice," said Cullen and smiled. He glanced briefly at the auditorium to make sure that no one was looking at them. Cullen slowly approached Natalia, held her hand and stared deeply into her eyes. 

"You asked me before where I'd rather be. "

Natalia nodded with a quizzing look and followed to Cullen's soft, deep voice.

"I'd much rather be alone with you now... anywhere, as long as it's just the two of us." 

Her body began to tingle with his seductive voice and words and caught herself breathing heavily. She stroked his hand and squinted her eyes mischievously. 

"I'd like that very much... I must confess that I'm a little jealous to see you with your suitors."

"I don't care about them, I only have eyes for you my love-" he whispered and approached her lips gently. How he would like to kiss her now, but the danger is just too great. They felt a tickling sensations of adrenaline flowing through their bodies but both caught each other and cleared their throat. 

"I'm afraid I have to leave again...Empress Celene's advisor has given us the key to the royal court...I have to follow up but I'll try to hurry. I know you don't feel very well here," she said worried and stroked his scar gently and smiled wryly. Cullens arched his eyebrows in concern and frowned.

"Please take care of yourselves."

"I'll be careful. she reassured him with another smile and slowly unclasped her hand from his.

__________________________________________________

After the successful mission to save Empress Celene from death, Natalia stood worn out but also relieved on the balcony of the Winter Palace and leaned in front of the railing. _"Maker, that went well again"_ , she murmured and stroked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Cullen slowly approached Natalia and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "The Empress is safe for now, good work. I am just relieved that nothing happened to you. Are you all right?", he asked slightly concerned. "Yes, it's been a long day. But we made it. I'm just relieved that the situation has not got out of hand," she replied and looked thoughtfully into the distance. 

"If I had known what had happened in the royal court...Maker...I can't forgive myself for having let you down," he replied in bad conscience and bit his lips bitterly. Natalia looked over at him and shook her head in deny.

"But you didn't."

"I wanted to protect you. I should have gone with you."

"Cullen... I'm flattered, but I can take care of myself. You made sure the ball was well guarded. Without your coordination, there might have been a bloodbath. It would have been a disaster. Please don't worry so much, I'm here - Safe and sound," she explained, tilting her head to one side with a joyful smile.

"This is why I hate balls. Especially balls like this. It wouldn't be normal to not get stabbed during a pompous ball, would it?" he murmured.

"Haha I didn't know you could be so sarcastic!" she giggled and clung to his arm. He also hummed a chuckle and laid her head gently on his chest while he caressed her head and both looked into the distance in relief.

"We will be leaving shortly, but you should enjoy the rest of the ball." he whispered and slowly detached himself from her while Natalia watched him with a slightly surprised look.

"I may never have another opportunity like this, so I ask you -" Cullen and bowed before the Inquisitor and glanced impishly into her eyes. "Will you give me this dance, my lady?" surprised and delighted, she took his hand and smirked at him. "I thought you didn't dance?" - "For you it's worth a try," he replied and they both danced slowly. 

Both stared deeply into each other's eyes and could not stop grinning. Cullen clutched at her waist and pushed her closer. His hand wasn't too tight at her waist, she felt a comfortable grip and her belly was swarming with butterflies. She took both hands and rested them around his neck and the dance steps became slower as the music in the background also became slower. 

"Is this how you dance at balls?"

"Not usually, but I find it much more pleasant to have you so close to me." she whispered lustfully in his ear and he felt his cheeks burning. Slowly his other hand wandered down to her waist. They slowly stopped dancing and just continued to look deeper into each other's eyes - forgetting all the hustle and bustle and the Halamshiral around them. _"It's such a nice feeling to see him so relaxed, so...full of joy and satisfaction. He has such a beautiful smile."_ she raved inside and couldn't stop grinning.

"Have you ever noticed how we always have the best moments together at night, Commander?"

"Yes, and I like it. Very much so," he said sheepishly and slowly approached her lips and kissed them fervently. They were like in a trance, the slow music in the background, the slightly pleasant breeze that enveloped her skin, his warm hands on her cheeks and his tender lips, which made her weightless again and again. Cullen brushed her cheek down her upper arm, walking to her fingertips, holding her hand.

"I suppose it's official now?" he asked bashfully.

"I suppose so," she replied, shrugging a shoulder and smirk, and they continued their slow dance with a broad grin.

They enjoyed this moment alone under the starry sky before they went back to the celestial festival. Even if it was only minutes, this moment felt like an eternity for both of them - as if time stood still. Dorian, Cassandra and Cory peered carefully through the window and could not stop smiling. "Maker, at last! I couldn't keep this secret to myself any longer," Cassandra remarked and watches the two lovebirds in a heartrending manner.

"You knew?" Dorian asked confusedly and sipped his wine.

"Of course!"

"How? Did Natalia told you that?"

"Not quite... I just say "swords and shields"."

"Ha! Why didn't I think of that before?! The clues were so clear!" Corry slapped his fist on the palm of his hand while Cassandra glanced at him in astonishment.

"You read "Swords and Shields"?"

"Of course! It's my favorite series of Mr. Tethras books!" he said enthusiastically, and saw Cassandra's eyes shining with amazement.

 _"Well, great...I guess we have a match."_ Dorian thought and smiled slyly and a _"Tsk"_ and took a big sip from the wine glass.


	17. Mutual comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty Chapter Warning! 
> 
> Also thanks to your feedback and Kudos <3

_Artwork by me_

After the strenuous but nevertheless successful march back to Skyhold, Natalia took a warm bath in her wooden tub. She was eager to take off her clothes and carefully entered the hot bath. The steam rose fast and she felt her muscles slowly loosening. Although some parts of her body were burning for a moment due to the scratches she had gotten on the Halamshiral she briefly bared her teeth. Thoughtfully relieved she glanced over to the candleholder next to the door.

"It's official now...kind of a relief that it's finally out. Although I found this secrecy very thrilling," she giggled silently. On their return, you could sense that it was quite unusual for the two of them to be gossiped about by members of the Inquisition as well as the nobility and to stare at them with a broad grin of approval. She took her soap, which smelled of lilies and sandalwood, and continued to lather herself, lost in thought. "I know it was no mistake to make the relationship so public but...I hope this whispering will stop soon. It's making me jittery already," she continued and rinsed herself off.  
Slowly she got out of the tub, took a large towel and wrapped it around her torso. Another towel was lying on a stool, which she also took and dried her hair while walking towards the dresser. 

There was a brief knock at the door and the handle was pushed down. Not surprised, she smiled and looked over, put the towel aside and combed her hair with her fingertips. Cullen walked towards her and checked her still damp body. 

"Did you enjoyed your bath?" he asked with a smirk and carefully wiped the drops of water from her cheeks. "Yes, it was very nice, although I think I would have enjoyed it even more with you," she answered slyly and winked at him cheekily. His eyes wandered from her green eyes down to her wet shoulders and cleavage. "I'm sorry...I wasn't really allowed to see you like this..." he stuttered on bashfully. 

"But why not?After all,we are together officially now..." she whispered fervently and played around with the towel knot, which was about to unravel. _"She is so beautiful and tempting, but... damn no... she is not a-"_ he thought to himself and his look wandered confusedly to the side. Cullen's hands trembled and his breath grew heavier.

"Cullen?" Natalia worried and tilted her head to one side, questioning. She took his surprisingly cold hands and warmed them. He glanced up at her in a slight state of panic, trying to explain everything to her but he couldn't find the right words. She led Cullen to the chaise longue and gently pressed him against the backrest. "Wait here a moment, I'll get dressed quickly," she said softly and made a quick stop at her tea set. She swiftly placed a small kettle of water next to the fireplace and walked over to the laundry room. She slipped on a loose linen blouse and dark brown suede trousers and put on her brown cloth boots. Cullen watched as she carefully lifted the small kettle with a cloth and poured the hot water into a teapot and then put a bag of tea in it. she sat down next to him and again gently held his cold hands.

"Did I say or do something wrong?"

"No..no actually not, it's just..." he hesitated but Natalia did not push him. A few silent seconds passed and she did not stop caressing his hand gently. He left a gloomy sigh. 

"Well...I have not told you everything that happened in the circle - what happened to me. When I saw you earlier...so well..." he broke off for a moment and looked over at the window. 

"Revealing?"

"Yes...it's just something from back then just came up again. I'm worried that this could be a problem for us. The night with you a few days ago was wonderful...very pleasant even. I felt very comfortable and it felt right. But I can't control myself," he explained, ashamed. She didn't quite understand what Cullen was getting at and she stroked the back of his head, concerned.

"I mean, if it's going too fast or I'm too pushy, we don't have to hurry."

"No... that ain't the point. I don't know how to explain it. Back in the Circle, a demon of desire took possession of me and...it left its mark. I know it's ridiculous..."

"No, it's not quite the opposite, I understand things better now. I'm glad you told me that, I can imagine it wasn't easy. I won't do anything to remind you." she whispered half-loud and snuggled up to him.

"I wish I could give you more," he said bitterly and bit his lips.

"You have given me so much, so much love and affection. I just want you to feel comfortable, nothing more," she replied and gazed up at him with a beautiful smile. Natalia blinked her eyes slightly startled, got up and ran to the tea service. She filled two cups with the tea and handed one to Cullen. 

"I completely forgot the tea! Your hands are very cold I thought maybe this would help. she smiled and Cullen took a sip with joy. 

"Apple and cinnamon..."

"Yes, I know it's a bit wintry and inappropriate for this time of year but-" Natalia chuckled and took a sip. 

"We drank this one together back then...in Haven." Cullen revelled in memory and smiled at her. They both drank their tea without further ado and watched the small fire in the fireplace - they enjoyed this one moment alone together. Natalia cuddled up to him carefully and laid her head on his chest.

"You know I am here for you, no matter what it is about. You don't have to go through this alone." 

"I know..." he said softly and kissed her head. He felt a weight fall from his shoulders but he still wants to offer her more. More love, more affection. _"That's in the past... Natalia is a wonderful person and not a demon... Cullen get that out of your damn head,"_ he thought to himself.

__________________________________________________

Around noon, Cullen and Natalia continued their work at their own. Nevertheless, Natalia was also preoccupied with Cullen's concerns. She was just at the courtyard and trained her sword skills. _"I feel sorry for him...I don't think he's ever really experienced what it's like to be in a loving relationship...well...neither have I,"_ she thought and attacked the training dummy. "What can I do to make him feel better...to let him go completely?" she brooded and rubbed the sweat from her forehead. She made one last blow before she finished her training and headed for the armoury. 

Thoughtfully she laid her sword on the rack and sat down on the stool for a moment and rested in thoughts. She saw someone sitting next to her - it was Cole. Cole always knew the perfect timing for his time.

"Cole? May I ask you a question?"

"He would like to give you more than he can, but his past will not rest. Trapped behind a wall of obstructions, fear and helplessness also surround him, the pressure of air crushing his lungs.

"Hm..I understand..somehow," she mumbled to herself and continued to brood. As quickly as Cole appeared, as quickly he disappeared again. She racked her head for a moment until something occurred to her. _"He's afraid of losing control...I think that's his problem. Maybe he needs to show him that he can trust me completely,"_ she continued, pulling a small scroll out of her pocket and writing something down. She ran straight into Cullen's office. 

"Natalia, how beautiful-" his joyous smile suddenly changed to questionableness as she quickly handed him the scroll without a word and vanished again quickly. "Is this another one of those filthy letters, my dear?" he mused and unrolled the scroll in surprise and false expectation. 

"I'll come to you at ten o'clock this evening. Trust me." 

he pulled up his eyebrow sceptically and muttered to himself as he saw her from the corner of his eye in the distance. _" What are you up to, Trevelyan?"_ he asked himself quietly and stowed the scroll in his drawer.

__________________________________________________

As described in the mysterious message, Cullen completed his tasks unusually early and waited in anticipation at the desk until he heard Natalia enter.

"Perfect! Nice that you stopped a little earlier for once," she said proudly, holding a small basket with her. 

"I don't understand-"

"Don't frown in wonder, we have to go up."

"Up?" he asked perplexed and glanced briefly at the ladder while she agreed with a nod. Without further questions both climbed up the ladder and Cullen looked around irritated. 

" Sit down on the stool, and don't cheat!" she ordered him full of anticipation and he sat down. Curious he tried to lough but Natalia reminded him with a "Tsk,uh-uh". He heard how she took something out of the basket and put it on the barrel behind him. He felt her approaching him and gently brushing over his shoulders. Natalia approached his ear and he felt her soft warm breath. 

"I want you to tell me what you feel...what is going on in your head. Just relax and trust me. If I go too far, let me know and I'll stop," she whispered gently and started caressing the back of his head. Cullen smelled a pleasant, subtle herbal scent that soothed him.

"I...I feel something heavy...something suffocating in my head. I had this feeling before, pressing, numb.

She laid her hands on his sides with light pressure and moved his head in slow circling movements. He felt how mesmerizing it was, as if he was in a trance.  
"How does she do that...she is not a magician but I still feel something, something light."

His tension was slowly dragging and sagging with relaxation. For the first time after an eternity he let himself go, trusted someone. As if he was floating through a calm river. After a while she released her hands from his head and he opened his eyes slowly and completely relaxed and looked around while natalia smiled at him calmly.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm fine. W-what happened?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was drifting. I think that best describes it."

"That's good, I think you needed that once, didn't you? Just let your mind wander."  
she said. Still perplexed he hesitated with his answer.

"But from where? How? It felt like magic?"

"My brother had problems with migraines back then. We had a healer who showed us some exercises. I thought maybe that would help."

"It did...thanks but...why so suddenly? And why does it smell like lavender?" he asked, further perplexed. Natalia giggled softly and sat down on his bed. 

"I have applied lavender oil to your temples. Lavender has a calming effect on the body. I did all this because I want to show you that you are not only important to me but also that you can trust me, I want to give you a feeling of security," she said shyly and looked away awkwardly. 

Cullen laughed briefly and asked her to stand up by reaching out his hand. She glanced at him questioningly and arched a brow. "You really thought about what I have told you today? That's...really sweet..." - "I just wanted you to relax!" she stammered and looked sheepishly aside. 

"Natalia...that demon... that was a long time ago. I've learned to live with it. Sometimes my thoughts catch up with me for a moment but it's not your fault, please understand that," he said sensitively and directed her chin towards him. cullen left a soft, sweet smile and took Natalia firmly in his arms. He hugged her and buried his head in her neck. She didn't understood why but she let him and placed her hands gently on his back. Both of them stayed like that for a moment before Natalia gazed up at him and then packed her things. Cullen observed her and hesitated a bit nervously. With a slightly shy smile Natalia walked to the ladder and put one foot on the rung.

"Natalia?"

"Yes?

"Stay here," he said jittery and his eyes gleamed with hope. Surprised by this sudden statement she climbed back up the ladder and approached him.

"You want me to sleep with you tonight?"

"Well... only if you want to, I -"

"I would love to." she responded with a contented smile. Cullen was overwhelmed by his feelings, happy to finally have her with him for a night. He straightened the bed and shook the sheets and he noticed for a moment that Natalia looked around the room in nervousness.

"Have you changed your mind?"

"No. Maker, no. No, it's just... I don't have anything to wear."

"Oh,"

"Yes... "Oh"..." she said awkwardly and laughed heartily. Cullen scratched his head ponderfully and looked around as well.

_"My shirts are all still on the clothesline and what I've got on now I can't give her...it's sweaty. I don't usually sleep with my shirt on either,"_ he continued to brood until he thought of something and smirked at her. 

"I know it's not really my fashion but-" he whispered faintly and took off his shirt while Natalia had inner heating feelings and her cheeks turned red at the sight of his well-trained and defined body. She believed Cullen was handing her the shirt, but instead he threw it in the corner and approached her. 

" What if we both have nothing to wear?" he asked, trying to sound seductive. Natalia was surprised by Cullen's flirtation attempt and smirmed mischievously. 

"Well...then we'll just have to make do with what we have, right?" she replied seductively and unbuttoned her blouse. Cullen looked down at her cleavage and was visibly seduced by how smoothly and sexy she took off her clothes and kept looking at him. He slowly pulled her blouse off and palpated each of her ribs. When he glanced at her face under her shirt he kissed her briefly as his fingers slowly wandered down to the lacing of her trousers. With a jerk he took off her pants and carried her the few meters to the bed, but Natalia didn't let go and Cullen suspected her thoughts. 

He laid on top of her and tenderly touched her lips with his. His hands traveled from her fingertips over her arms to her temples, buried in her soft hair. He breathed a smile on her lips. She glanced at his scar which only made his smile even more captivating. _" Damn, his smirk only makes him hotter,"_ she raved inwardly as she breathed heavily. His warm breath drifted from the corner of her mouth down to the décolleté. Cullen stroked his lips over her breastbone down to her belly, feeling her slight twitch with excitement. He slipped the piece of cloth down her underwear and kissed her mound. 

"Damn" she hoisted and bit her finger to suppress her panting. He scoffed, gently stroking her hips with his fingers. "Y-you don't have to if..." she moaned and turned to him but Cullen didn't respond. Slowly he pulled her pants down and stroked her thighs with his fingertips. "I want you to feel safe here with me, my lady." - "pff.. copycat..." she giggled impishly and stroked through his hair and he nibbled her inner thigh teasingly. 

Slowly he crept deeper between her thighs and kissed her temple. His warm, soft lips pressed themselves gently against her delicate skin. He moistened them with his saliva, his warm breath made them smoulder. She clawed at the bed sheet and panting for air. _"How does he do that...I don't know that...that feeling."_ she asked herself as she looked over at him and buried her hands in her hair. He sucked lightly on her lips, played around the tip of his tongue as he clasped her hips. 

"Maker..." she pantled slightly and felt a breathy chuckle underneath. He kissed her pearl and massaged her sheath with his index and middle finger. "I want more of you..you are so wet my love..." he moaned and slowly entered her with his fingers. She sighed heavily and arched her back. Quickly he pushed his hand behind her back and supported her while his fingers circled and went deeper into her. With her right arm she held on to his neck and her left hand gently stroked over his scar. 

"You are so wonderful, even though you almost lose control." he whispered faintly and her face became hotter. Cullen pulled his hand out for a moment, tasted her essence with a wicked, greedy look and slipped three fingers into her while his thumb circled her clit. 

"Maker please..." she pleaded with delight and slowly let herself fall back onto the bed. His rhythm became faster and quicker as she lost control, her orientation and clawed at the next pillow. He lowered his head between her legs and continued to lick her, his fingers moved swifter and stronger and he felt how tight she was getting. Natalia wiped the sweat from her forehead and breathed shallower, faster. Cullen saw how big her eyes grew, how soft and relieved she smiled and how she pulsed inside. She cried out briefly and panted worn out after reaching the beautiful climax. Her legs twitched in ecstasy as she relaxed her cramped hands while Cullen slowed down and carefully pulled his fingers out. Completely worn-out she lay on the bed and hummed with satisfaction. He licked his fingers cleanly and looked at her cunningly.

"Did you enjoyed that?"

"It...it was incredible! I..I don't know where to put my thoughts..I am..."

"Beautiful when you climax," he added and kissed her forehead gently. Weary out she lay down next to him, her hot skin on his cool breast. Relaxed and satisfied she couldn't take her eyes off him, he hummed and stroked her hair until after a while they both slowly fell asleep.


	18. Escape

Natalia had been working together closely with Leliana the last few days and had drawn up a plan for the scouts. She leaned down at the council table and left a tired, worried sigh.

"Hopefully this will work out the way we want to, Leliana." 

"Don't worry, if the plan doesn't work out during the execution, my scouts will go to plan B. I am confident that they will succeed anyway, there should be no complications."

Leliana remarked confidently but still with a serious tone of voice. She watched Natalia's blank look. During the meeting she seemed very absent and unfocused. Her eyes were sallow and her dark circles shimmered slightly bluish with fatigue.

"You've been working a lot the last few days, Natalia. Have you ever rested during that time? You look exhausted."

"Oh, Leliana, all is well. I've really had a lot to do the last few days, but-" she grinned convulsively and swayed her hand back and forth evasively, as if she didn't want to go into this any further.

"I suppose you haven't seen the Commander in a few days?"

"You're especially direct today."

Natalia wondered and laughed. Before Leliana wanted to apologize, Natalia made a gesture that she did not resent her and smiled over to her.

"It's still unusual for both of us, I mean it's just like before I just miss him. I already noticed from Varric that we are THE topic at the party. People gossip as soon as they see me in Cullen's office, so we somehow subconsciously decided to stay out of each other's way for the time being. I thought it would be easier and to be honest, I don't know how to deal with all this," Natalia admitted, rubbing her eyes in weariness.

"But that's not necessary here. These are things I have to do outside of work. I also have to stop asking Varric to write about our relationship in the future, it will only feed the others pointlessly," she added. 

"I know it is not my place to snoop around in your private matters. But in spite of the Inquisition you can't be left out. Sometimes you have to get a bit more private at work. People have been gossiping this for months if you haven't noticed, but yes, I admit it has become more noticeable in the last few days. But people will stop at some point as soon as everything has settled down. Why don't you take some time off for today? You are very pale in the face. You worry too much."

"Leliana, I can't just-"

"We have everything under control and so far our plans are going better than expected. If Josy sees you so sluggish she will force you to take a break anyway. And you can take Cullen with you." Leliana reassured her and took a bunch of papers and transcripts.

"Maker, you sound almost like me when I tell Cullen to take his breaks," Natalia said and admittedly grasped her head while Leliana giggled briefly.

"All right, then I'll listen to my advisor. If there is anything else, please don't hesitate."

__________________________________________________

Natalia spent some time sitting in the garden and pondered the words of Leliana. Slowly she leaned back and stared at the sky which was slowly passing by clouds. She felt an inner restlessness pressing on her chest but also her head throbbing with pain.

_"Actually I want to separate the private from the professional..but Leliana is right. Cullen and I haven't seen each other for a while - maybe a week?"_

She watched dark clouds approach from afar. Unconsciously she played with her bracelet.

_Why didn't the Maker grant me an easier life? But I should definitely visit Cullen and get him out of his office, I would be surprised if he ate something._

she pondered and after a short while she got up and made her way to his office. On the way there, Natalia's headaches got worse and her anchor started to get warmer too. Nerved she tried to shake off the glowing and unpleasant draught somehow.

"I can use that even less if you make stupid now too." she hoisted quietly in pain.

Arriving at the office, she knocked on his door, waited a moment and then entered.

"Inquisi- Natalia! Glad you're here," Cullen corrected himself in surprise as he stood by a bookshelf, just about to pick out a book, and smiled wearily. He made a worn out and slightly exhausted impression. She leaned casually against the wall and looked slyly over at him, trying to suppress her own exhaustion and headaches.

"Have you ever slept?" 

"Yes, though my nights were not particularly restful, but-" he broke off and cleared his throat. She ran over to him and touched his shoulder serious looks.

"Cullen, you need to take a break, you really need it. For us, but especially for you and your health. At least get enough sleep and a warm meal. "

Cullen glanced over at her without understanding and narrowed her eyebrows.

"I know when I need to take a break. You don't have to keep telling me that. What do you mean, "I need it" ?" he asked peeved.

"Well, you look exhausted, I just want you to take a day off. You've been working non-stop for months and I'm worried," she continued and took his hand. She watched his eyes and tried to calm him down with a gentle smile. 

"We haven't seen each other for days and I miss your company. I don't know if I can disturb you, if I can take you on a little trip-"

"The Inquisition has prio-", he said monotonously, and abruptly broke off the sentence until it finally realized that the Inquisition had actually gone over his head and even forgot that Natalia was there too. She crossed her arms and looked up at him in dismay.

"You mean to tell me that the Inquisition comes first?"

"N-No I... I didn't mean it that way. I only mean that-"

"Yes, the Inquisition is of great importance, I agree with you. But do not forget the people around you. And above all you! But if you think that I'm not keeping you any longer. Excuse me." she interrupted and looked at him sincerely. Without further words she turned to the door and left the office disappointed. "Natalia! Oh, damn it," he shouted desperately and clenched his hand into a fist. _"Damn it...damn it!"_

Natalia stomped furiously to her quarters. Her headaches got worse and she bawled softly. _"I can't believe what he just said. It's not selfless anymore, it's just dangerous if he keeps this up."_

She walked on through the main hall and met Josephine, who already opened her lips to report something.

"I am sorry Josephine, I will retire to the quarters today. I still have some things to do, excuse me." she interrupted directly and continued walking through the main hall. Josephine looked concerned and already suspected what had happened. For a brief moment she saw in Natalia's eyes not only anger but also vulnerability, as if her heart had been torn out of her.

__________________________________________________

Towards evening Cullen continued to work tirelessly on the plans and tried to distract himself. Nevertheless, today's incident kept him distracted and his mind drifted. 

"I have to talk to her...it's not so easy at the moment," he said quietly to himself and, giving in and looking frustrated, put the plans aside. For today was definitely over, his head ached and he felt an unpleasant pull in his heart. All this stress was more than he had expected, especially since this is one of the effects of his lyricism withdrawal. He bared his teeth in pain and grabbed his chest, "Damn it, that's what I get for this." he whispered with a shallow breath and tried to regulate it with regular deep breaths. He heard someone knocking at his door. Hoping it could be Natalia, he suppressed the pain and sat upright - but he was disappointed. It was Josephine.

" Forgive me for disturbing you so late, but could you spare a moment?"

"Of course, what is it about?"

Josephine looked aside in shame and hesitated a little. She nervously pressed the clipboard to herself and looked at Cullen. 

"It's not for me to ask you anything private, but do you know what's going on with the lnquisitor?"

He groaned and guiltily looked to the side. "We had a little argument. I said something that was... well, rash. She was just worried about me and..."

"I understand, Commander, and the concern is quite justified. I just wanted to tell you that we are all worried about you because you are so withdrawn. I'm sure Natalia is not angry with you," she explained reassuringly and saw Cullen's guilty conscience bothering him in his tone of voice today.

"Don't worry, Commander. Try to talk to her tomorrow when you are both rested. Under such circumstances, it will only get worse, believe me." 

"Thank you Josephine" Cullen thanked and Josephine said goodbye with a gentle nod of her head.

Natalia worked late into the night on some personal letters that she wanted to send to some of the soldiers' families as a symbol of gratitude. She had neither the time nor the desire for letters of nobility. She much preferred to devote herself to the people who really support her. She herself knows what it is like to fight for something and to let her family stand, so she felt it was important to give the families the recognition they deserve. She interrupted the letter, which she had almost finished writing, and sighed to herself.

"There are more letters than I expected, I need a little break but what do I do now?"

After a short nap in the late afternoon Natalia was wide awake and well rested. Her head was not quite clear yet but at least the unpleasant pulling of the anchor had abated. Thoughtfully she looked at her bracelet and did not think long and packed a bag with some utensils. A notebook, a pen and some fruits and vegetables as provisions. She also put on a dark red old cape. 

_"I just want to get away from here. I don't feel like it anymore. I want to be free. Away, from the Inquisition, from the heavenly feast, from Cullen - at least for this one night,"_

she thought to herself on the way and pressed the bag to herself. Quietly she crept through the main hall over to the courtyard and was on her way to the stables.

"Let's see if Grumpy beard is asleep yet..." she whispered and carefully looked around. Most slept or spent the night in the tavern. Carefully she stalked into the stables and looked around.

_"Well, he doesn't seem to be there."_

Relieved, she left a sigh and went to the horses. Quickly she took a saddle, saddled the next best horse and rode out of Skyhold. Just before the gates she saw Blackwall and she swiftly hid her face under the hood. "Shit," she mused and galloped in the hope that he would not recognize her. Blackwall glanced after her in surprise and suspected nothing good. He quickly ran to the stables and searched them for clues.

__________________________________________________

Natalia rode along a mountain path and enjoyed the solitude. "So...just the two of us? I don't think we two know each other yet." she told her horse and patted it. He was a maroon stallion of Fereldan origin. His mane was black and very short, his eyes bright brown, almost amber. "What do I call you? Hmmm, you are a stallion so...how about..Akan? I think he suits you quite well," she suggested and Akan whinnyed softly. Both of them rode on until they reached a river that drew them through the horizon. There were hardly any stones or rocks on the way. The ground was soft with some green grass spots - perfect for a race track.

"I don't think you've had much exercise...do you want to gallop a little?" she remarked and called for a gallop. Akan galloped at a speed that overwhelmed Natalia for the time being and kept the bridle tighter in her hand. She didn't expect him to be able to gallop at such a tempo. But despite the cold, she enjoyed every second of it. The cold air flowed through her hair and the dew left a light, shiny film on her skin. She instructed Akan to slow down when she noticed an old ruin. "A ruin? Here? Interesting..." she rode curiously to the ruin and noticed a cave-like entrance and descended.

"Akan, I'll be right back. I'm sorry, but I have to tie you up here. I hope you won't take it amiss - look! I brought some apples and carrots with me," she said and laid them on the floor before entering the ruins.

Natalia felt that she had returned to her youth. At last she could explore nature and its treasures on her own. She felt free, free from any obligations. The ruin looked less elfish, rather built by humans. "Was this once a temple? The architecture is...unusual. But beautiful," she mentioned in passing and wrote some things down in her notebook. The broken, angular, rotten window arches, wooden steps and spiral columns are the first things that catch her eye. A few steps further she noticed a passageway and continued her expedition there.

"Damn, I can hardly see anything here... too bad I don't have a torch to light it. But I could..." she thought loudly and used her mark as light source. "That's much better, at least you're good for it. she laughed contentedly and ran further into the dark. After a few meters she noticed her hand glowing again and she had to stop. "That's it...well, I guess I have no choice but to play the blind mole," she joked.

Only a few shadows pointed the way to her and she carefully continued to grope her way. Suddenly she slipped into an abyss and fell through the debris with a shriek. For a moment she did not move until the shock slowly subsided, but after a while she regained consciousness.

"Damn it! My head...how deep did I fall?" she pleaded and looked up to the point of the collapse, it was about 4 meters. Natalia tried to get up and climb up the precipice, but the injury on her shoulder put a damper on her plans. Painfully she untethered her teeth and bawled briefly, her body gave way. She remembered that time. Back then, when she was in a cave with Gerrick at night. The oppressive feeling of fear stung her chest again and she supported herself with one hand on a rock face. "Gerrick, where are you?" she asked herself quietly exhausted. 

She discovered a small exit which shimmered slightly brightly. The crystals in the rock wall glowed amber brown. "How beautiful," she said and her eyes glowed with fascination. She continued to follow the light rather than arrive in a kind of hall that resembled the ruins on the surface. She felt a comforting warmth, although there was no fireplace anywhere. She stayed for a while and studied the corridors and wrote everything down in her notebook and collected small pieces of jewelry, like small gems.

"This actually once seemed to have been a temple. There are still some offerings on the altar," she noted, describing what lay on the altar - a human skull, dried up herbs, and a silver chalice whose contents had already dried up. In another hall she saw a statue. A stone young woman holding a sword in her hand. Natalia marveled at the sword. It was probably made of silverite, decorated with runes and a ruby red handle.

"Strange that the sword is not also made of stone. As if it did not fit in there..." she remarked. She hesitated and finally took the sword. The moment she slowly detached the sword from the statue, she was overwhelmed by a powerful magic and slammed her back against a rock wall and did not move from unconsciousness. Akan heard the debris coming from the ruins and was shocked to break away from the pole and galloped towards the valley.

__________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Cullen tried to sleep but his thoughts just wouldn't stop. Slowly he walked to the window and looked over to Natalia's balcony.

"Josephine is right. I should talk to her, maybe she's still awake,"

he thought when he saw that Natalia's lights were still on. He got dressed and quickly left the office and ran to the courtyard until a recruit suddenly got in his way. 

"Commander! We found one of our horses outside of Skyhold. He seemed visibly nervous. Our patrol heard a loud bang from afar."

"Take care of it. Look where that bang came from and secure the area. I have something else to take care of," Cullen ordered resolutely and continued his walk to the main hall. Blackwall overheard the conversation and recognized the horse. Without hesitation, Blackwall stopped him by gently grabbing his shoulder.

"I think you should go too, Commander. I saw someone riding out with this horse. I thought it was one of your recruits but this recruit was acting suspiciously. He rode off at a gallop as if he wants to escape from something. I couldn't recognize the face."

"Thank you for your information, Sir Blackwall. Pass this along to the soldiers, I really must insist."

"Commander, we have a problem," Josephine interrupted in panic and shivered all over her body.

"Lady Trevelyan is not in her quarters. I saw the light on and wanted to ask her if they were resting -" 

"By Andraste..." Cullen interrupted them and felt his heart racing and his body cooling and shaking with shock. Without further ado he ran to the stables and took his black stallion. Josephine and Blackwall ran after him unsuspectingly, but Blackwall already suspected what might have happened.

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?!" she asked irritated while Cullen saddled the horse and took the next best sword.

"Josephine, make sure that no one else hears about this. I'll tell you all about it later. Sir Blackwall, that goes for you too."

"Shall I come with you?" Blackwall asked, but Cullen already mounted Akan and rode out of the fortress at a gallop.


	19. Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Slight Blood and injury descriptions!

"I cannot forgive myself if something happened to her! Nothing must happen! Natalia, where the Maker are you?!"

Cullen rode at a gallop with a bad feeling in his stomach and did not spare Akan, every second counted for him. Beads of desperated sweat formed on his forehead and had only Natalia in focus. His heart raced through the valley as fast as the horse. Not too far away, he saw a soft glow flickering in the distance. The closer he approached this light, the clearer the silhouettes of the soldiers of the Inquisition were, who spotted Cullen from afar and ran towards him. Cullen dismounted from Akan and took off his gloves, sweating wet with nervousness. 

"Sir Kenton, bring me into the picture."

"Commander! The ruin is not known to us and was not on our map. The blast came from that direction." Kenton reported, pointing to the woods behind him, where behind the ruin could be seen.

"We suspect that either the ruin has collapsed there or that enemies are there and may be planning an attack on Skyhold." he reported further. Cullen tied Akan to a pole and the two of them ran on to the ruin. As he approached the dark entrance, Cullen could already see the point of collapse.

"I will investigate the ruin by myself. Hold your positions should enemies approach. The ruin is in a critical condition, I don't want you to expose yourself to this danger. " Cullen ordered and carefully climbed down the burglary site. He sensed that Natalia was there. "She has to be here... she just has to be." he muttered.

__________________________________________________

Natalia opened her eyes and groaned in pain. Disoriented, she turned around and grabbed her shoulder. "Damn it! I should not have pulled out that sword." she admitted to herself bitterly and tried to stand up slowly, gnashing her teeth in pain. Every movement ached and her shoulder had a pulsating pain that stretched to the back of her neck. She took the sword in her hand and examined it more closely. It did not glow, there were no magic sparks or anything like that - it looked like an ordinary sword. Suddenly her mark lit up and her hand burned with pain inside.

"Argh! No! Stop it!" she hoisted and tried to get her mark under control. She felt an unpleasant glow, as if her hand was burning inside. Her pain was almost unbearable and she cried silently in pain. The burning became weaker and cooled down slowly. She shivered softly and noticed how a small drop of blood landed on the palm of her hand and palpated her face carefully. She felt a short burning on her lower lip and wiped the blood away with the back of her palm and then looked around again and was not surprised that the walls behind her collapsed completely. She was silent because every breath, every word was painful. Natalia discovered a passage to her left that she had not explored before. She slowly walked there and carefully supported herself on the crumbling walls.

The passage was long and dark and she felt a frightening aura that was more easily crushing her. "Is the air getting scarcer here or am I about to pass out?" she asked herself as she walked down the passage. After a while she noticed how the green shimmer became brighter and brighter and continued to illuminate the passage through the reflecting crystals. It was a large, partially collapsed hall and on the other side was another passageway. All around were crumbling walls and rocks on the stone floor. As she slowly approached the hall she stopped in horror and held her breath. Suddenly she felt how cold blood flowed in her veins and a shiver ran down her spine from her fingertips to her neck. Natalia's eyes were filled with fear and her lips did not stop trembling with fear.

"Maker, protect me," she whispered softly to herself as she saw the female silhouette of a ghost floating before her. Her aura was very oppressive, almost filled with rage and hatred. 

"You have freed me. Thank you. However, this place is soiled, cursed - by Me. My curse tells that whoever steals the sword from my hand must die by my spirit so I get my salvation."

"But why? I do not understand. You were made of stone?!"

Natalia knew she couldn't win this battle - not alone.

__________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Cullen cleared the crumbling debris aside and entered the hall where Natalia had previously pulled the sword from the statue. Cullen checked around and noticed a red, dirty cape. "Shit...Natalia!" he shouted and ran to that cape and his hands trembled in horror as he took the cape. To his left he also discovered a leather bag which Natalia had lost in the blast and left behind. Cullen's shock was deep, he could not form a clear thought and saw dried drops of blood on the floor. He took Natalia's clothes and got up.

"Damn it, what happened here?! Natalia?!" he called and searched the rubble, but every time he didn't find Natalia in the rubble his heart became lighter for a short moment. "She...survived.." he whispered broken. Cullen discovered the passage that Natalia also entered and ran through without hesitation. 

"Maker, let her live. Don't let me be there too late," he prayed and ran on tirelessly. He too felt the air becoming thinner and thinner and his breath heavier and heavier.

__________________________________________________

Without warning, the ghost attacked Natalia with tremendous speed and threw her against a wall with its magic. She cried out like hell when she hit the wall and tried to get up slowly. Her shoulder pulsed more and more painfully - the pain felt like a knife had been stabbed into her back several times. She leaned weakly against a column and saw the spirit transform into a werewolf-like figure and slowly walked towards her gracefully. 

"You are weak. You will die by my claws, human." said the figure, grabbed Natalia by the collar and pulled her towards her. Her eyes were frightening, almost thirsty after death. Natalia had the feeling of vanishing soon, she couldn't go on. The pain was too strong.

"I am Reyes the Sharpclaw. A traitor. Once I was tribal leader of my Avvar clan and betrayed it. This is my redemption. For all the sacrifices, for my people. I have put the sword above my people. My greed blinded me," she stated and threw Natalia with enormous force against an unstable wall, causing the impact of some bricks to fall to the ground.

"A sorcerer could no longer watch the fate of the clan and turned me to stone. He betrayed me to protect the clan. Before I knew that he would enchant me, I had already turned to stone. It was a painful death, but I deserved it. I have killed too many of my people to protect our relic. This sword made me obsessed. The curse says that I must kill the new owner to find redemption and mercy," Reyes the Sharpclaw continued.

Natalia couldn't even bring herself to cry in pain or even make a sound. She was too weak and felt her back getting soggy. Carefully, she felt her lower ribs and in pain, she brushed her teeth. There was blood on her fingers. _"Shit...the scar is torn open...it's my end."_ , she thought hopelessly at first and remembered the events in Haven. How many people have sacrificed themselves for the Inquisitor? Was this sacrifice worth it? Natalia already sensed her imminent death. This was her last fight. Adrenaline flowed in her, she did not want to die - not under these circumstances. 

"Ridiculous." she muttered quietly.

Cullen arrived from the other side and stopped in sheer shock. The green glow of the aura was spread throughout the cave. "By Andraste-" he said almost speechlessly, and at first glance he saw Natalia and Reyes, who were surrounded by a shimmering green glow. Natalia was lying on the floor all worn out and covered with scratches, dirt and blood - exulting for air.

"Natalia! No," he yelled, drew his sword and ran towards the werewolf. He couldn't let that monster do anything to his beloved but Reyes didn't pay any attention to Cullen. She only wanted one thing - to give the coup de grace to Natalia, the thief in her eyes. "Cullen, don't!" Natalia screamed back in tears and roared the pain from her soul. He stopped and looked at her enraged.

"You cannot defeat her! The Sword! Cullen I need the sword!" she yelled further and pointed to the sword that lay not far from Cullen. He picked it up quickly and threw it flat over the ground to her. For a fraction, Natalia no longer felt her pain as if the adrenaline was overflowing her. 

"I am not going to die. Not before him! You will die by your blade!" yelled Natalia fearlessly threatening and stood up. Her eyes blazed up in flames. Without hesitation, she tightened her grip on her sword, drew back and ran towards Reyes. Every step, every breath was painful. The scream freed her from all her suffering for a few seconds. But she couldn't help it, she had no choice - she didn't want to die in front of Cullen's eyes. She swung the sword and roared louder. Reyes dodged to her side. "Ridiculous." Reyes said unimpressed, but Natalia turned around and suddenly used her mark to weaken Reyes. She felt the anchor pull her to the ground. As if iron chains were tying her up and crushing her to the ground. Reyes howled in suffering and tried to break free with quick motions. Natalia slowly limped towards her and did not hesitate to raise her sword.

"Die!"

she screamed out and thrust her sword into Reyes. A long, suffering scream echoed through the hall. At that moment, as the ghost disintegrated into small, glittering particles, a magical force overwhelmed them again and both Natalia and Cullen fell to the ground due to the imbalance. He wiped the dirt off his face and glanced at Natalia, who lay panting on the floor, trying to pick herself up with his last ounce of strength. "Natalia!" Cullen screamed in fear and worry and ran to her.

__________________________________________________

"All good. There's nothing-" she breathed with exhaustion and looked into Cullen's eyes, which were filled with fear and sorrow. Carefully he embraced her and laid her head on his fur, which lay on his shoulders. He could no longer suppress his feelings and his eyes streamed with relief. Her body trembled, but she let herself fall gently into his arms and she too wept softly from exhaustion.

"Makers breath! I am glad that you are well...how could you put yourself in such danger?! Please...please never do that again..." he sobbed softly and stroked her hair. She glanced up at him with an overwrought look. Her tears left a light film, the scratches and her split lip swollen her face a little. Natalia's eyes were empty, powerless and full of regret.

"I...wanted to be free for a moment. That was the price. I didn't wanted to-" she explained in a broken tone of voice and closed her eyes. Cullen could feel her slowly sinking into herself. He then carefully put his ear to her chest. Her breathing was very shallow and her heart was beating very weakly. She lay in his arms for a moment and Cullen gently brushed the strands of hair from her face. 

"You have fought to the bitter end, my love...you deserve a rest," he whispered and felt a cool breeze against his skin. Instinctively, he looked towards the exit, but the breeze came from another direction. A slight shiver came over him.

"We'd better not linger here any longer...something's wrong here," he continued, laying Natalia briefly on the ground and running to her bag, which he put around his shoulder and fastened the swords to his belt. He took her red cape and dressed her in it. "I don't want you to freeze,love..." 

Cullen lifted her gently with both hands through the cave. All the way, he looked at her, who remained unconscious in his arms and breathing faintly. " And again I'll carry you, just like back then on the battlements," he remarked and smiled somewhat. He carried Natalia further through the long walk and step by step he noticed how the moonlight showed more the exit. When they arrived at the exit, Leliana and Josephine were already awaiting them. They watched how Cullen carried the Inquisitor out of the cave with scratches. "Commander! Inquisitor! By the Maker what happened?! Is she conscious?!" Josephine asked in shock and rushed to the two. 

" No...she collapsed shortly after the fight. I'll take her to the Skyhold. Please ride ahead and prepare everything necessary. Natalia- uh...I mean the Inquisitor may have suffered some fractures. I'll tell you all about it later," Cullen exclaimed and looked concernedly at Natalia, who he continued to hold tightly in his arms. "All right. May the Maker watch over her." Leliana replied, folding her hands in apprehension. Josephine and Leliana then rode ahead at a gallop. There was no time to lose, who knows how severe the pain is. Cullen carefully laid Natalia on Akan, took off his coat and covered Natalia with it and led the horse to the Skyhold.

__________________________________________________

Some servants and soldiers were already waiting worriedly in the courtyard on Skyhold. Dorian and Solas observed how the Commander rode to the courtyard with Natalia and carefully took her in his arms. 

"What happened?" Dorian asked concernedly and held his hand in front of his mouth in shock. 

"I'll tell you later. Solas, I need your help. Natalia was attacked by a ghost, I don't know what effect this has on her." 

"Of course." Solas agrees and they both took Natalia to their headquarters. Dorian watched the three and shook his head. He felt a gentle pressure on his shoulder and turned to the side.

"It'll be okay, don't worry. Natalia is pretty tough," Leliana remarked and led Dorian to the library.

Arriving at headquarters, he first laid Natalia on her bed and opened her cape. She seemed stable for the time being and Cullen had a brief chat with Solas. Worried, he stared over at him and tried to explain what actually happened in the cave.

"We were in a ruin not far from Skyhold. However, it was not shown on the map. I don't know what it was...but Natalia was fighting a ghost...or a werewolf, I can't explain it exactly. I only have the name "Reyes" in my head...and Natalia pushed this ghost to the ground with her mark. I felt this energy pulling me down as well. And then she killed that ghost, demon, whatever it was and collapsed."

" "Reyes the Sharpclaw"? I heard about an old story about a tribal leader of the Avvar..but I would have to research this more closely," Solas commented and placed a bucket of warm water by the bed. Cullen's eyes grew large in remembrance for a moment and he pulled the sword from his belt and handed it to Solas. 

"This sword was probably connected to this spirit, perhaps it will help you."

"Thank you very much, I'll take a closer look at it later. But first we must tend to Natalia's wounds."

He examined Natalia by placing his hand on her forehead and casting a spell. Her forehead felt very cold and her lips were slightly lilac. Her breathing was very quiet, almost non-existent but Solas felt that she was simply at the end of her rope. "Her mind showed no abnormalities whatsoever. It could have been that the spirit could have taken possession of her in some way. Her wounds, however, were only partially caused by the fight. I take care of her wounds-" he analyzed and opened a bag with bandages and ointments. Cullen didn't like that at all and intervened with a cautious gesture. He did not want another man to touch Natalia.

"I'd like to take over." he said determinedly and glanced over at Solas with a serious look. Solas looked at him critically but with understanding and put his bag next to Natalia . "You are a man who has already seen such wounds in war. I trust you. Should you need help, let me know. Take this ointment, it prevents further infections at the wounds." Cullen nodded and Solas left the room.

__________________________________________________

Cullen carefully undressed Natalia. He slowly unlaced her blouse, stained with dirt and blood. 

He felt guilty for Natalia's escape and wanted to take care of her as good as possible. His heart ached when he saw how her delicate, pale skin was covered with scratches, deep wounds and bruises. Cullen took the rag from the bucket of warm water and wrung it out. 

"I hope it doesn't hurt too much, I'm sorry." he whispered.

Carefully he cleaned her wounds and tried to get a grip on his tears, biting his lips guiltily.

"I should not have listened to you. I should have attacked that monster directly," he whispered to her and cleaned her further. Gently he straightened her up and saw her back which was almost completely blue with bruises. The burst scar continued to bleed slightly. He leaned her upper body against himself while he drank the rag into the water again and squeezed it out with one hand. Slowly he stroked the wound and heard Natalia grumbling and sighing in pain.

"Forgive me."

he whispered and then took some of the healing ointment on his fingertips and applied it to the scar. Again he heard a painful hissing and sobbing from her. Cullen took the bandages and tried to wrap them slowly and carefully around her waist. With a hug he held her upright and tied the bandage and laid her carefully on the bed. He saw Natalia slowly regain consciousness and blinked her eyes.

"C-Cullen...I..where-" she groaned. Cullen put his finger on her lips and stroked her head. "You have to take it easy, please don't say anything. I'll take care of your shoulder if I can," he replied gently and Natalia hummed in agreement.

"Your scar has burst open, I just took care of it, sorry if I hurt you."

"It's...alright, I got it in a fight. Nothing dramatic, it will heal again." she explained weakened and tried to straighten up slowly. "Thanks for taking care of me, I was stupid. Actually it shouldn't be your job." Cullen carefully cleaned her shoulder without further words. Natalia felt a stabbing pain and started baring her teeth. 

"Hhh damn!" she continued to hoist.

"Forgive me."

"Are others hurt?"

"That's not important for now. More important is that you rest and your injuries get cleaned." he said further concerned and took some of the balm. He applied it carefully with his warm hands on her shoulder with gentle, circular movements. Natalia gasped heavily and tried to suppress the pain convulsively, clutching her sheet in pain. He felt even more guilty because he could not protect her. Later, Cullen took the bandages and applied them to her open wounds. 

"I should have intervened," he said bitterly.

"It would have been of no use. But if you hadn't been there, I would probably have bled to death there. You helped me. And I can't thank you enough for that." she reassured him and smiled gently. 

"Where is Akan?"

"Who?"

"Akan, my horse. Is he all right?"

"You mean the brown stallion? He carried you here. Blackwall is taking care of him," Cullen explained and saw Natalia's relief shine in her eyes. 

"It's my fault. I should not have upset you. I--"

"Cullen. It wasn't your fault, I am the one to blame. I wanted to be alone for a moment and that was my price, my fault. My curiosity became my undoing. And my death would not be your burden but mine. Rather, I should have simply come to you last night," she commented.

"I rode to you immediately. It was foolish of me to claim that the Inquisition came first. I just don't know... how to deal with all this - with us, I mean. Of course, you come first, it's just...unusual," Cullen admitted. 

"I understand you and I'm no different," she said and kissed him gently on the cheek.  
He looked at her with relief and gently stroked her hand. "Do you need anything, my love?" 

Natalia responded with a smile and pulled him to her, laying on the bed and putting his arms around her waist while she cuddled up with her back before his chest. She needed nothing right now, only Cullen. He smiled and gently pushed her closer and covered them both with a blanket. It was a very exhausting night for both of them and they more than deserved a moment of rest. 

"Natalia?" he whispered.

"Yes?" she said and turned slowly to him. He gently stroked her hair and watched her crystal green eyes. 

"Please don't leave me alone. I love you. ” 

she smiled guiltily and dug her head into his chest and cried lightly. He embraced her and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, too."


	20. Apple pie and Trebuchet

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

Natalia was still in bed for a few days, weakened. For days she was haunted by the bad conscience of having let down her troop and wanted to start the next missions. Sometimes she even snuck out to go on a little reconnaissance tour, but Cullen was always alert, even though she kept him on his toes with her escape attempts.

One day, early in the morning, she toyed with the thought of getting up again and preparing for "the mission" . She pulled the blanket off and slowly stood up, but as she got up she still felt a dragging pain in her shoulder and lightly bared her teeth. "Ahh..damn you shoulder!" she grumbled and secured it with her hand while standing up. She walked to the mirror and wanted to take a closer look at her injuries. She slowly unlaced her robe and let it slide slowly to the ground. 

"Ugh...I have the feeling it looks worse than before."

Her chest and décolleté were covered with slight bruises, her arms were stained with greenish spots and the scars scarred well, leaving subtle white lines on her skin. She made a half turn and pulled something on the bandage to see the ribs.

"Even though you have risen for the second time, you really look a lot better," she said in surprise as she examined her deep scar under her ribs. Her eyes wandered up to her shoulder, which was still purple.

"That I didn't break anything serious is a miracle..."I will not die before him. I will not die before him"..." she thought and looked deep into her reflection in the mirror. Lost in thought about what happened to her and Cullen a few days ago, she didn't notice the warm touch and the tender, hot house on her neck.

"You are beautiful, my lady. You worry too much."

Natalia heard a soft voice whisper. Cullen stood behind her with a beautiful, relaxed smile and covered her shoulder and neck with his gentle kisses. He stroked her neck, her hair - his warm fingertips wandered lightly and carefree over her arms down to her hands and clasped them. He also glanced at her in the mirror image while he stood behind her. 

"Cullen!" she woke up from her little dream world when she saw his reflection and blushed from embarrassment. Quickly she turned to him and twitched briefly as she felt the pain in her shoulder. "Are you all right?" he asked anxiously and instinctively held her gently by her upper arms. "Y-Yes. I turned around too quickly, everything's fine." she replied, smiling apologetically. 

"No escape attempt today?" he asked cunningly and brushed the strand of hair behind her ear.

"I could try but I already know how it ends." she laughed carefree.

"I told you I wouldn't leave your side, Trevelyan." he laughed and held her hand. 

Natalia knew exactly what day it was and what mission she has to accomplish - Cullen's birthday. Actually she had something special planned for him but he was like a bodyguard all the time not knowing that Leliana had told Natalia about his birthday a few weeks back. 

_"I hate to say it, but I have to get rid of him for today somehow."_ she thought and masked her brooding with a broad grin. 

"What are you actually up to now? Besides babysitting me, which really wouldn't be necessary at all."

"Well...I've taken the time for you, so-" he replied slightly insecurely.

 _"Or not? I mean, there's a reason why he doesn't celebrate his birthday. I think I have an idea."_ she continued thinking. Cullen examined her pensive look and his eyes flashed suspiciously.

"What are you up to now?"

"Nothing! Oh nothing Cullen! I thought maybe we could try something 'new'" she replied and winked at him teasingly.

"But your injury?! We can't-" he said, awkwardly touched and his face blushed. Natalia giggled. 

"Ha ha 'that' is not what I meant at all! I would like to get out. Follow me!" she said full of anticipation and they both left the headquarters. 

_"She loves to tease me, I can tell. Or was that meant seriously? I really can't figure her out sometimes,"_ he thought as he followed Natalia and gulped.

__________________________________________________

"So! Here we are!" she said enthusiastically and grinned over both ears.

"The kitchen? What are we doing here?" he asked bewildered and was anything but enthusiastic when he saw all the utensils in this eerily dark chamber. 

"Oh, now don't pull such a face, Commander! You don't know what we're going to do yet," she said impishly and pinched his cheek slightly. 

"Very well. So what are we doing here?"

"Baking! We're baking something today!"

"Are you sure?" he asked dryly sarcastically. Natalia nodded and took a wicker basket from the corner, which was filled with apples and placed it energetically on the wooden table. 

"Apple pie! And why apple pie? Because I know for sure that you like apple pie! And it would be too bad if these apples go bad," she continued and could not get out of her grin. 

"Well then? I mean it wouldn't hurt to try something new," he continued and smiled over to her. Inwardly, Natalia was more than astonished that her little plan to prepare his birthday together with Cullen had worked out - her look spoke volumes. She shook her head and walked to the ingredients shelf. 

"Alright...we need flour, water, sugar, cinnamon, butter and some salt..." she murmured and took the ingredients from the shelf and placed them on the wooden table.

 _"Haha...I don't know how to bake."_ she remembered and stood in front of the table, a little perplexed. Cullen smirked and crossed his arms when he saw Natalia's gaze. 

"Let me guess, you don't know how to bake an apple pie?"

" I do! Of course I do! It's just... been a while. A little long ago-" she said quietly and looked awkwardly embarrassed. 

"Sweet, well, fine, i'll show you." he replied in love and took some apples, which he first washed in water. 

"Hold on - You can bake?" she asked in wonder and her eyes grew big with disbelief.

"Do you remember the strawberry cake for Leliana's birthday?"

"YOU baked that?" 

Cullen hummed laughing in agreement.

Stunned, she leaned on the edge of the table and looked over at him speechlessly. 

"You are full of surprises." 

"You could help me peel the apples, I'll prepare the dough," he continued and handed Natalia some apples. She was fascinated as he mixed the ingredients and kneaded the dough - he was in his element. But she had to be careful not to accidentally cut her fingers because of all the gawking. 

_"Well...now I know why he is so good at kneading"_ she thought dirty and looked impressed at his hands. Cullen rolled out the dough and placed it in the mold. "Are you finished with the apples, my love?" - "Y-Yes - here," she answered and placed the slices of apple like scales in the mold. 

"I always put something special in it, so the cake tastes even sweeter," he added and took out a jar of honey from the shelf. He carefully drizzled some of the honey on the apples and then sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on top. Meanwhile, Natalia rolled out another part of the dough and carefully placed it on the filling. 

Cullen couldn't wait to take the last step, to cut the dough with light slits. But as befits a gentleman, he handed Natalia the knife. 

"No, you'd better do that or the cake will explode because of me," she joked and made a friendly gesture to refuse. Cullen smirked in excitement like a little boy and prepared the cake for the oven. Then he carefully pushed the mold into the hot oven and clapped his hands clean of the flour. 

"So...and now we'll wait a while," he remarked and it became embarrassingly quiet. 

_"Damn, I have to be more spontaneous...okay think...think Nat'..."_ she brooded and suddenly had a flash of inspiration. She moaned inconspicuously and grabbed her stomach. 

"Cullen, I have to confess something...I just ate some of the dough...I think my stomach is going crazy." she moaned slightly theatrically. 

"Natalia?"

"Yes?"

"I was watching you the whole time."

"Oh." she fell silent and rubbed her neck in shame. Cullen chuckled and waved his index finger back and forth. 

"You can't trick me that easy! I know you wanted to escape again," he joked. Natalia defied and crossed her arms - but she immediately thought of a new excuse that Cullen could not follow. 

"Yes, well...but I need to go around the corner,you know-" she acted.

"Oh, well, in that case...I'll wait here. But don't you run away again like yesterday, I know you're fast."

"I'll be back, I promise!" she said resolutely and left the kitchen while Cullen leaned against the edge of the table, arms crossed, observing the oven.

__________________________________________________

"Well I don't have much time. I need wine, a blanket and the presents...maybe some more candles for later? And grapes? Oh Andraste..." she mumbled slightly desperate and ran straight to Dorian. Varric didn't escape Natalia's strange behavior and he watched her with drawn, astonished eyebrows. 

"Dorian, I need your help."

"Nat! How nice that you are here! How can I help my dearest friend?" he asked joyfully and twirled curiously at his beard.

"I need wine - good wine," she said shortly.

"But Natalia, it's still too early, and besides, we've decided to suspend our wine evenings for the time being until you're well again," he asked in surprise and put a book by Brother Genetivi back into the bookshelf. 

"I need it for a special occasion," she murmured softly and approached Dorian's ear. "Today is Cullen's birthday. But don't tell anyone," she whispered on.

"Ahh! You want to plan a surprise? How romantic I think I'm gonna vomit.Anyway - It's a good thing I keep my favorite wines here," he said proudly and took out a bottle of Tevinter wine from the corner behind his majestic armchair and presented it to Natalia.

"Dorian, you are truly a magician! You have something good with me, thank you very much," she said with relief and rushed back to the main hall with a broad grin.

"Well, she's in a hurry. Where were we, Genetivi," he remarked and smiled mischievously.

And so Natalia dashed through the main hall to her headquarters. Varric stared at her as if he had just seen a flying nug and crushed his head what the hell Natalia wanted with a wine bottle. As fast as Natalia rushed away, she came back with a woollen blanket and her leather bag where the wine bottle was, and raced out of the main hall. Shortly before the stairs she stopped and thought about it.

"Well...I think I have everything so far! Where should I put all this...hmm..somewhere where we can be alone..." she pondered and looked over to the mage tower. Without hesitation she rushed there. Cassandra saw Natalia racing past her at full pelt, and a fleeting "Hello Cass'" slipped from her mouth. She spun around, completely perplexed, and watched as Natalia entered the tower with sack and baggage. 

"Maker...she really cured herself very well, I have to give her credit for that," she quietly remarked to herself and continued her training.

Cullen was already suspicious of Natalia's absence and mumbled to himself. "That it's taking her so long... unbelievable. The cake is ready now," he sighed crossly and carefully opened the oven with a thick cloth and took the cake out to cool down. He was a bit sour, his eyes spoke volumes. "Where is she?! She better not try to mingle with the soldiers! I hope no one eats any of the cake," he thought and left the kitchen.

Annoyed, he stomped through the main hall and looked around. He heard someone clearing his throat and turned to Varric. "If you are looking for Nat - I have no idea. She just rushed off with seven things," he said and shook his shoulders cluelessly. Cullen became increasingly angry by the second. "Just you wait ... that smart fenneck if I catch her," he said viciously and walked out of the main hall. Arriving in the courtyard, he glanced around again and took a look at Cassandra. She noticed immediately that Cullen was looking for Natalia and made the search easier for him when she wordlessly pointed to the mage tower. He nodded his thanks and ran quickly to the tower. He scoured every floor for her and could find no trace of her. Now Cullen was not angry but furious. 

"She promised me." he grumbled on and climbed up the last few steps. When he arrived there he saw a broad, dark red blanket, some pillows, candles and a bottle of wine lying around. 

"What the-" he asked himself in bewilderment and heard a panting that grew louder from time to time and turned around. 

"Oh..you are here..I think I took a little too long after all." Natalia gasped and held the apple pie in her hand. She leaned against the stone wall for a moment and tried to calm her breath. Cullen continued to look at her in perplexity and waited for her explanation.

"Surprise!" she said, grinning slightly broken as she proudly presented the cake. 

"Surprise? I-"

"Happy birthday Cullen! I wanted to surprise you with something more spectacular, but you didn't make it easy for me - actually it's my own fault because of my injury." she admitted slightly chuckling and put the cake on the blanket before she rubbed her neck. 

"You didn't have to do that! You look so pale on your face, is everything alright?" he asked worried.

"Yes everything is fine! I just ran a little bit through Skyhold! But I brought some more things with me - sit down!" she asked him joyfully and sat down as well. Natalia took a few things out of her leather bag: two plates and cutlery, a scroll, grapes and cheese cubes which she quickly prepared in the kitchen and a gift that was wrapped. 

"As I said before, you didn't make it easy for me. But a few weeks ago I found something that you might like. I hope you like it," she told him and handed him the flat, handy gift.

"Thank you I...I don't know what to say-" he thanked with excited eyes and his anger vanished in no time. Carefully he opened the gift wrapped in red satin and couldn't get out of his astonishment. It was a book - but not just any book.

"'The Trebuchets from Thedas' - I have been looking for this book for years! Where did you find it?" he asked with excitement and grinned over both ears. Natalia shrugged her shoulders proudly.

" I bought it from a historian in Val Royaux. You always rave so much about Trebuchets, I thought that a little history can never hurt." 

Without hesitation, he leaned her over and thanked her with a long, joyful kiss on her lips. Her cheeks blushed and she glanced uncertainly at the book.

"I hope you can do something with it," she said shyly and Cullens beamed in approval. 

"I still can't believe you've organized something for me. I'm a little overwhelmed right now, to be honest. No one has ever done anything like this for me before," he said sheepishly, rubbing his neck. 

"I wanted to prepare something nicer but..." Natalia interrupted disappointed and felt Cullen's index finger lift her chin.

"Us, alone, a delicious cake, good wine and such a beautiful view - it's perfect. This is more than I can imagine." he said joyfully and smirked lightheartedly. 

"Maybe we should cut the cake...don't you think?" she asked and gently smiled over to him. Cullen nodded and cut two pieces off which he put on the plates. Both tasted and Natalia couldn't get out of her rapture - the cake tasted delicious and sweet.

"I am still thrilled that you are such a talented baker Cullen."

"And I am thrilled what a smart fox you are. I didn't know that you knew about my birthday. And that we both bake something together- for my birthday - it was really fun," he chuckled and took off a piece of his cake. Curious, he stared at the scroll, which lay conspicuously next to Natalia. He nodded at it and asked: "But that's a poem by Varric, isn't it?

Natalia burst out laughing, put down her plate and took the scroll.

"Haha Maker no - or do you like poetry?" she asked cautiously.

"Not really." Cullen laughed.

"Well...I don't think the second gift will surpass the first, but I wanted to give you something personal as well. I've actually had this scroll in my hands for a while, but I didn't know when to give it to you," she explained, handing him the scroll, embarrassed and with reddened cheeks.

Cullen also put his plate aside and curiously took the scroll. He slowly pulled the ribbon with anticipation and unrolled the parchment, his eyes glistening with excitement.

"You drew this? I did not know that..."

"Well, I have my hidden talents, too," she giggled. It was a drawing of Cullen's favorite animal - a Mabari sniffing a flower. He couldn't get out of his grin and his eyes sparkled like those of a little child who is just having the best und lighthearted time of his childhood.

"Thank you very much. It looks really beautiful, especially because it comes from you." he thanked her again and pressed her gently to himself.

"I may have proceeded a bit chaotically, but I'm glad you like it," she said, slightly peeved.

"I love it. I love you, with all my heart." he whispered and kissed her cheek. They both lingered for a while on the observation deck, watching the beautiful horizon and how the sun was slowly drawing to a close.


	21. Commander's orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia and Cullen enjoy the rest of his birthday on the obseration platform and it gets pretty hot during the chill night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty chapter - You have been warned ;-)

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

The sun was coming to an end and the stars above Skyhold were slowly twinkling in the sky one by one. Cullen and Natalia continued to linger on the observation deck and lit the off-white candles around them. Arm in arm they observed the small sparkling lights like the torches on the courtyard and the stars, which made the sky magically spellbinding. The big moon enlightened the outlines of Skyhold and made some mountains visible in the horizon, the cracks, the bumps that made a beautiful mountainous landscape.

Cullen gently stroked her shoulders as she cuddled up more to him like a cat to its catnip. His soft touches made her heart jump around and her skin tickling in excitement. The silence that slowly settled in the courtyard and only the birds could be heard chirping softly from the branches and the roof brought both of them an unaccustomed peace and perfection. 

"I would have rather expected that you would slip out of my hands again, Trevelyan," he chuckled slightly impishly looking over to his Inquisitor.

"Not on your birthday after all, what do you think of me? Tomorrow it will go on!" she joked and played with his fingers.

"I think we should open the wine, don't you?" she suggested and Cullen nodded. He opened the wine bottle with just one pull but looked for the goblets to pour the wine. With a questioningly seeking expression, he looked around himself. 

"Oh damn...the goblets! I completely forgot them because of all the rush,ugh...I'm so stupid!" Natalia muttered and scurried angrily through her hair.

"Clumsy is more like it, but that's what I love about you." Cullen reassured her with a saucy grin. "Well, then I guess we'll just have to drink from the bottle." he added untroubled with a slightly high pitched voice and they both sat down on the blanket again. 

Cullen handed her the wine bottle but Natalia pushed it back slightly with her fingers in his direction. 

"It's your birthday, you step forward." she added with a gentle wave of a smile.

He smirked over both ears and took a small sip from the wine bottle before Natalia did the same. The scowling expression on the faces of both spoke volumes - unpleasant volumes. An unpleasantly sour taste, dry and also slightly bitter, spoiled the palate of both. With a heavy and hesitant swallow, both flushed their throats and coughed their breath freely. 

"Holy Maker, what's that?! Does darkspawn taste like that? Probably. Dorian, I'm disappointed!" Natalia added sarcastically annoyed while still panting slightly. Cullen laughed in amusement about her acting rage.

"The wine connoisseur par excellence did not give you wine from his homeland but from Kirkwall. The wine there has never been good there." Cullen remarked grinning as he looked at the label.

"Oh Dorian...well, I guess that's it for the drink," Natalia noted with a sarcastic sigh and shrugged her shoulders, smiling over to Cullen.

Cullen first glanced over the candles, which gave off a soft, warm and cozy light which embraced them both with its warmth. He then glanced at his Inquisitor who bashfully looked to the side. It was awkwardly silent. Both struggled with bringing topics into conversations.

"How are you actually doing? The injuries I mean?" he asks cautiously with his soft voice.

"Better." she paused. "Cullen... I want to thank you. I haven't had a chance to do this yet and it's been bothering me for days. You take care of me so lovingly and I feel much better and that only because you give me the strength for it. You left your duties and I feel bad because I know how much you love to work and I didn't want to bother you."

Cullen glanced at her bashfully, rubbed his neck. “Oh, I just want you to feel better. My duties are second prior.” he chuckled awkwardly and smirked with one corner of his mouth. 

Both were alone and undisturbed. For her the perfect chance to take care of Cullen. She felt his restraint in the last days which was very remarkable. But she didn't want to make him wait any longer and what is more romantic than two loving people under a starry sky with delicious food and candles around them?

Natalia nestled up close to him and played with the cords of his blouse. A mischievously wicked look flashed in her eyes as she glanced at her beloved Commander. She slowly approached his ear and Cullen felt her warm breath and her soft lips touching his earlobe; smelled her perfume which was scented with amber and lilies. Overwhelmed by his senses, he left a heavy gasp of breath.

"Commander, oh my Commander...what else do you wish from your soldier?" she whispered nastily with a deep but yet soft tone into his ear, gently stroking his blond curly hair.Her almost melodic voice made his skin tingle and he had a tingling feeling in his gut. He looked into her grass green eyes and bit his lips longingly. Damn - when he looked at her she melted like butter. That craving look, hungry for more. That wicked smile - Cullen also enjoyed this little game with her.

"Lie down...that is an order" he groaned deeply and gently put his hand on her neckline, asking her to lie down. Sometimes Natalia thought that Cullen exactly knows how to weaken her with his words and gaze. She leaned her neck on the many pillows that lay on the blanket and gently caressed Cullen's arms, giving his battle scars some attention. He carefully subdued her and rested both hands on the blanket. Her hair spread out around her and her eyes flashed with a weakened but longing desire for her Commander made him feel a bit erratic.A little uncertainty, he glanced briefly to the side and faltered with his words.  
"I do not want to hurt you...the injuries-"

"I'm hard at handling. Don't worry, if it doesn't work anymore I'll tell you, don't be shy my love." she assured him with a slyly whisper and pulled him closer to her. She saw how his surprised expression flamed up with desire, how he wickedly lifted the right corner of his mouth and heard her moaning softly.

Gently both lips touched each other and their tongues whirled in desire, demanding more. Cullen softly panted for air groaning; his hot breath enveloped her lips. While he supported himself with one hand, he laboriously unlaced the lacing on his linen pants with the other hand. A slightly annoyed grumble resounded from his lips as he pulled the cord impatiently. Natalia's lips separated for a brief glimpse and glanced at her Commander as she put her hand on his, helping him with the lacing - her gaze never drifted from his amber eyes and she impishly smiled at him, biting her lower lip for a moment. Her eyes expressed "Let me help you" but her lips said "I don't want to wait". 

Without more words he unlaced her pants quickly without much effort and his kisses travelled from her hill over the side up to her décolleté. Natalia relished every single one of his kisses, but the ground was so hard that she secretly gritted her teeth to suppress the pain. As his lips brushed her cheek, he felt the hard tension in her face and pulled worriedly away from her.

"You are in pain," he exclaimed quietly with worry in his eyes. Natalia supported herself with her elbows and took a short breath. "It's all fine," she answered. "I think it would be easier if we were standing," she remarked leaving a wicked smirk. He nodded and stood up and extended his hand to her, slowly pulling her to him and clasping her to his warm, well trained body, pressing his hips against hers. She felt her arousal build up between her thighs and her high cheeks getting hot. 

"You are in pain," he exclaimed quietly with worry in his eyes. Natalia supported herself with her elbows and took a short breath. "It's all fine," she answered. "I think it would be easier if we were standing," she remarked leaving a wicked smirk. He nodded and stood up and extended his hand to her, slowly pulling her to him and clasping her to his warm, well trained body, pressing his hips against hers. She felt her arousal build up between her thighs and her high cheeks getting hot. She took his hand and led him around the corner. From that angle, no one would catch the two of them at their fling. She bent with her chest to the cool wall and felt Cullen's hand brushing on the sides of her inner thighs. 

He stroked her inner thighs with a slow, circular motion - His hands literally glided over her skin. "Damn you are wet...that makes it all the easier for me to.." he paused in a whisper and sucked lightly on her neck. 

"To what?" she asked, panting -no,she literally begged for his answer- and felt his hand sliding to her neck and pressing slightly.

She heard his slight snicker which tickled her earlobe. “To finally fuck you my dear Inquisitor” he whispered wickedly while entering her folds.

Natalia felt his hard manhood sinking deeply into her. He shifted his hips slowly with intensive movements and went deeper into her what made her panting for more. His hands moved to her waist holding her carefully but firmly. She supported herself with her forearm on the stone wall and turned her head to the side peering at Cullen. He noticed her fiery but longing eyes gazing at his - She wanted more, she asked for him. He slowed down and leaned in front of her brushing her ribs gently with his thumbs. "Am I hurting you?" he questioned with caution. "No...on the contrary. Do what you want with me," she moaned as she looked at him mischievously smirking. 

His thrusts became more and more powerful and he felt his excitement literally boil over. Cullen gripped her long brown hair and slowly pulled her down taming her.   
"pull harder..pull harder" she groaned begging - but she loved every second of his movements. Her moaning, her bittersweet suffering and whimpering for more turned him on, he had to control himself but longed for her climax. His hips rolled faster, and he groaned with difficulty. Natalia lost her control but she pleaded, whimpered his name and giggled softly for pleasure. 

Again he reached back against her ear and nibbled lightly on her earlobe. "Say my name again. Say my name again." he commanded with his deep voice, hungering for pleasure that gave her a tingling feeling between her thighs. She felt his thrusts suddenly become stronger and more determined, his hips colliding with hers. 

"Cullen...Cullen..." she wailed louder and braced herself against the wall. Suddenly they both heard a creaking sound around the corner like a lock was opening. In shock they both stopped, standing frozen like deers who saw a threat from afar. A soldier entered the viewing platform and looked around. 

"Damn..." Natalia muttered silently and panted. Cullen knew exactly what her problem was - Well, it wasn't really a problem. He covered her mouth with his hand and listened carefully to the soldier's footsteps. Cluelessly, he kept looking around and saw the blanket and the food lying there.

"Did the magicians make themselves comfortable again huh? And then don't even tidy up! " he muttered, scratching his head.

Cullen glanced at his Inquisitor who was suffering from her impatience. He couldn't help it, how often he has the opportunity to tease her. He smirked angrily and bit his lower lip, pressing Natalia's body harder against him. His thrusts were slow but he enjoyed it. He felt her tight and warm; his hand travelled under her blouse to her breast and pleasantly massaged it passionately.

"Damn...I'll come in a minute...he's doing it on purpose" she thought to herself and her cheeks became hot with lust - her eyes squinted in bittersweet anger. He didn't stop - he just didn't stop and you could even see that he was having some fun teasing her. 

"Hmm...I must have misheard that. Those damn crows, Maker, they drive me crazy one day." the soldier grumbled on and left the observation deck. They heard the door closing and Cullen peeked through the window to make sure they were undisturbed for now. It was pretty dark inside but couldn't see the silhouette of the soldier fading in the dark shadows. He kept squeezing her mouth with his hand, pressing her tighter against himself. This risk of being caught and his adrenaline made him feel an inexplicable surge. He continued to please her with his movements as she felt his heavy breathing on her neck, his soft kisses and biting her neck. 

She moaned and roared up, felt her body sink into itself after that intense climax - but Cullen held on tight and didn't stop. She pulsated inside and Maker, he enjoyed this feeling inside her. Natalia gasped softly after Cullen's hand went from her lips to her waist and burst out groaning. A relieved bawl wandered from his lips, his tense muscles relaxed and he buried his head in her neck, leaving a gentle snicker. 

"Well, you had fun, didn't you?" she asked mischievously but still exhausted. "Admit it, you loved it too - maybe even more than I did." he chuckled and slowly slipped away from her as he kissed her cheek. "Hmm...yes." she agreed with a smirk. Both put on their pants and sat down on the blanket.   
Natalia laid her head on his chest and both looked up at the starry sky. The cool wind calmed them both. Relaxed, she listened to Cullen's heartbeat which was still pulsing with excitement.

"We should repeat this" she glanced up at him and smiled in relaxation. Cullen turned to her in perplexity and shook his head slightly. "But...we almost got caught? I mean it was very exciting but..." - "No," she chuckles "I mean this. Just watching the stars at night...alone," she added and tickled his chin.

"Oh," he cleared his throat bashfully and put his arm on the back of his head. Both stayed silent and continued to observe the stars. "I hope I didn't hurt you" - "Maybe a little but I enjoyed it. I like it when you're a bit...well...wilder." she assured him and continued to cuddle his warm body. "Oh, well.." he paused and brushed her head. Suddenly he heard a gentle cackling from her lips and raised her brow in surprise. 

"Who do you think this soldier was? I mean you know them better than I do."

Cullen also laughed.

"Hmm...let me think." he brooded, putting a finger over his lips.

" It can't be Jim, his voice is too high. Someone who is so angry could be either Soldier Phillippe or Soldier Alexander. The two are always very hot-headed." he thought. As his hand wandered down to hers, he felt her goose bumps and pressed her closer to him. 

"Are you cold? I think we should go to bed slowly as well," he suggested. Natalia nodded and both slowly stood up. She blew out the candles while Cullen put the little items back into the basket, Natalia rolled up the blanket and they both sneaked out of the tower quietly. The courtyard was empty, only a few patrols stood at the entrance. 

When both stood in the middle of the yard, they looked awkwardly to the side. Natalia took the basket and smiled approvingly. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you," she tangled and kissed her beloved. "Me too," he whispered smiling and watched as she almost reached the stairs.

"Natalia?" he asked.

she turned around and her ears pricked up. Her eyes flashed curiously over to him. 

"You meant...you meant I could do anything with you today-" he mentioned in an awkward stutter. 

"Yes?"

"Well... I would like to have you with me tonight. If it's possible, I mean-" he said quietly and put his hand behind his neck with his reddened cheeks.

"I thought you would never ask." she smiled and ran to him full of delight.


	22. Intruder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen trained some new recruits and noticed a suspicious soldier observing him and Natalia. Her past is returning to her but with what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> This Chapter contains part of violence such as assassination, innuendo to rape and physical violence. If you're sensetive to these topic please skip this chapter.

  
_Artwork by Felandaria_

Cullen had many duties to fulfill. From time to time, he himself instructed the new recruits and explained the effects of Lyrium to them, if there were any who had previously served as Templars. Although he was still in rehabilitation, he wanted to show his new recruits that they too could master this path - especially not alone.

"By all means, do not completely stop taking Lyrium, it would kill you. Dose it in smaller and smaller quantities. You will feel considerable changes in the next few days, perhaps even pain. If so, please go to the Sisters, they will help you stabilize your condition. But you should know that I will not spare you. If I do, I will only complicate your path," he explained, and the former Templars listened carefully. "Now, everyone grab your sword and shield and do some warm up exercises." he demanded them and watched the further procedure. 

When he looked to his right he saw Natalia coming back from the stables. His smile spoke volumes, his eyes sparkled with delight. Natalia, too, could hardly contain herself and gave him an open, warm smile.

"Good morning Inquisitor, I hope everything is alright with you?" 

How he would love to kiss her now and lift her up.

"Formal, are we? Good morning Cullen! Yes, the ride with Akan was good, but we will have to take another route soon, I notice he is getting a little bored." she chuckled.

"How are our soldiers doing?" she asked further with interest and both looked to the new recruits.

"Well, we have seen enormous progress in the last few days. I have considered sending them to the exalted plains, but we will discuss that later," he said determinedly. He peered briefly at the soldiers, who were training in a concentrated manner, and used the moment to talk to Natalia in person. 

"How are your injuries?" he whispered worriedly.

"Oh, they are almost gone. Meanwhile I'm training with Cassandra again. One thing I have to give her credit for, she doesn't touch me with velvet gloves, but I'm not complaining," she whispered back and glanced at Cassandra who was talking to Varric - probably another discussion about one of his new chapters of "Swords and Shields".

Cullen, meanwhile, glanced in the other direction and watched one of the soldiers at the stables. Curiously, he looked at him and observed his behavior. He sat on a tree stump and carved something out of wood. His long raven-black hair was tied together to a horse's tail, one or two strands fell into his face. The soldiers had their breaks but this soldier seemed pretty distant and not very collegial.

"Cullen?" 

Natalia's soft call woke him up and he quickly looked back at her with questioning eyes.  
She hadn't stood beside him for a long time, but was with a young soldier who had fallen to the ground. He quickly went to the two of them and took care of them. 

"I stepped wrong with my foot. I can continue," said the young soldier resolutely and tried to get up with effort. Natalia supported her and knew directly that this training would not work out.

"Cullen what do you think?"

"I'm going with her to Aidan's. He probably has some ointment for the sprain. Can you-" he demanded to ask.

"Of course, no problem," Natalia replied naturally and saw Cullen walk with the soldier to the medical supply tower where Aidan and other healers minister to injured people every day. Back to the soldiers, she watched their training. She saw how motivated these people were to give their best for the Inquisition and their lives and felt proud - she was proud of her Commander; he broke his addiction to lyrium, grew beyond himself and built a strong army for the Inquisition. Natalia smiled briefly as she thought back absent-mindedly to her first encounter with Cullen. _"I still don't understand why I didn't like him at first. I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't gotten together."_

“Block with the Shield!”, “Watch your steps!”, “Well done! But next time try a different angle to attack!” she corrected the soldiers during her thoughts.

Cullen returned alone a few minutes later and stood next to his beloved. She caught a little grin as she gazed up at him. "Why are you grinning?" she asked slyly. "Oh, I guess I should worry about my position. You were heard up to Aidan. You are strict but the troops are doing well." he chuckled. "If you want, we can swap if you like," she replied and laughed as well. Cullen gently but discreetly stroked her shoulder and looked back at the stables. The mysterious soldier was out of reach - Cullen had an unpleasant premonition. _"Something is wrong here,"_

"Well then, I must also devote myself to my duties. See you later-" remarked Natalia and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. Cullen blushed and the sudden kiss caused him to stutter softly. Two soldiers overheard the farewell and almost glanced over to the Commander - to see him perplexed and blushing was worth its weight in gold. He turned to the gawking soldiers and pulled his usual stern expression which made the two of them freeze the blood in their veins. No words were needed to understand what Cullen was commanding.

__________________________________________________

In the afternoon Natalia sat with Dorian in the library and read books about the old elves and their myths. She never really had the time to deal with this topic, but since she met Morrigan she had to quench her thirst for knowledge. Dorian watched Natalia as she became absorbed in the book but still seemed concerned. "If you keep wrinkling your forehead like that, Vivienne will put a face mask on your face again.” Dorian said sarcastically and Natalia looked at him and chuckled.

"I love cheese, but it has no place on my face. Thanks to Vivienne I had to wash my face several times to get rid of the smell.”

"At least you looked more refreshed at that moment than you do now. What's bothering you?", Dorian asked and looked smilingly over to her. Natalia sighed.

"On the one hand, I want to trust Morrigan. But on the other hand, I won't get the feeling that she's hiding something from us. That she is planning an intrigue against the Inquisition I rule out but-" she pondered.

"I can reassure you, I already had this thought after the Halamshiral. I need not worry you. Should she attack you, I will protect you - we all will. And I say this not only because you are the Inquisitor, but also because you are very close to me.”

"Thank you, Dorian. I really appreciate it. But do I really look that old?" Natalia asked slightly worried and Dorian started to laugh. "By the holy Andraste, yes, you look very old. Almost as old as the Maker himself. You are a beautiful young woman and the few little wrinkles around the corners of your mouth only make you more charming," Natalia turned red in her face. "Oh don't look at me like that! Even I can't say anything nasty with that look," Dorian said and both started laughing. 

Meanwhile, Cullen sat in his office, forging new tactics and using lists to coordinate supplies for the recruits. He heard a knock at his door and asked to come in. Cullen's gaze did not take its eyes off the list and wrote down some notes. "Is there any new report?" he asked in passing. He waited for an answer but the soldier didn't say a word. He looked up at him and saw Jim's chalky, shocked face. His left hand was shaking, with the quill in his hand. "What is it?" Cullen asked impatiently. "O-one of our guards is..." - "Is something wrong?" he asked further insistently. 

"Dead." Jim said, stammering faintly. Cullen got up without hesitation and followed Jim. Both made their way to the main gate and over to the eastern battlements. The patrol there stood motionless and distressed beside the body covered with a tarpaulin. "What happened?" Cullen asked seriously worried. "Soldier Alexander...we found him like this. He has no clothes on, his pulse is no longer beating," the soldier stuttered explaining and began to panic slightly. Cullen suspected what might have happened and his heart stopped in fear. "Shit, Alexander.... Shit! We have to close the gate - now!" he ordered almost yelling and Jim ran without hesitation to the guards who were responsible for the gate. "We have an intruder on Skyhold. Inform Leliana immediately, we need to locate the person. Make sure all new recruits are assembled in the courtyard." Ordered Cullen further. "And what about Alexander?" the soldier asked cautiously. "Bring him to Aidan he will examine his body. But do not hesitate, we must act quickly!"

"Oh damn! I forgot I wanted to see the new soldier at Aidan’s! She sprained her ankle during training. I'll come back later." Natalia recalled hastily and put the book on the table. "But don't be late for wine tonight. After all, you invited me!" reminded Dorian with a chuckle. "Don't worry, this time I'll be on time." she laughed and left the library.

__________________________________________________

On the battlement she ran through Cullen's office to the northwest battlement. One door further she was almost at the medical supply tower when she suddenly heard the gates close. Curiously, she stopped and looked from the distance. She saw a crowd in front of the closed gate and could hear the babbling from afar.

"What is going on there? Why are there so many soldiers?" she asked herself and tried to open the door to the next tower and noticed that it was blocked. Several times she tried to open it with force by pushing and pulling, but the door did not open even a gap. "What the-" she wondered and turned around and saw a hooded soldier standing in front of her. She squinted her eyes to peek his face but it wasn't necessary when he disguised himself by taking the hood off.

"No...No this can't be." she stuttered in horror and walked backwards a few steps in fear. Her breath stopped, her heart was pumping wildly in panic. 

"I was counting on everything. Except you, Jorah." she said in a broken, horrified tone. She watched each step and her eyes flashed a slight panic, instinctively reaching for her dagger, which was always attached to her belt. "Natalia...good to see you at last. I was wondering what happened to you. I am impressed. Forgive this sudden visit," Jorah explained.

He has changed in the last few years - his medium-length black hair was tied together in a ponytail; his ice-blue eyes, which shimmered slightly yellow, were the first thing Natalia noticed. His pronounced cheekbones and prominent chin were clearly highlighted - His face was much leaner and more tired than a few years ago. He no longer wore a full beard; instead, only stubble was visible. Natalia noticed that Jorah had a scar across the bridge of his nose that extended down to his left cheek. He was a slender, young gentleman of average height.

"I'm sorry that-" he apologized in a deep but gentle voice and approached Natalia. "You almost let me die in Ostwick! And now you show up with an apology? After four years? Are you still in your right mind?!" Natalia yelled furiously and held her dagger even tighter to herself. Again she examined him more closely and noticed his robe.

"Where did you get these clothes. What have you done?" 

"What an assassin does," he replied with a calculating grin.

"You disgust me. Let me guess - did someone hire you to kill me?" she continued. She would love to cut his throat to avoid hearing his voice, but her curiosity was too great.

"Well...on the one hand that, but on the other hand because your dear uncle had extended the search for me in the last years. I thought I would allow myself a little fun and make him even angrier. He should have died then, the bastard." he provoked with a self-satisfied grin, his eyes flashing in self-confidence. 

Shut the fuck up, you have no right to talk about him like that."

"Oh I haven't? I can do anything, my dear - I can get anything, anything I want. Even after all these years," he answered wickedly and approached his ex-fiancée. 

Meanwhile Cullen gathered all new recruits together and searched for Natalia. He scrutinized every new recruit with Jim but none of them hat raven black hair tied into a ponytail or a significant scare on the face. "Shit...I knew it!" he realized and left the troop.

"Where is Natalia?!" Cullen asked in a slight panic as he walked through the courtyard and saw Dorian coming toward him. He grabbed him by the shoulders and shook the Tevinteran in tension. "Dorian where is Natalia?!" - "She went to see Aidan, something about a soldier," He paused.

"What the hell is going on here? What is all this?!" he asked in surprise, but Cullen didn't answer. He let go of Dorian in a hurry and ran to his office. 

_" Bloody hell, this guy...this guy is definitely not one of us! Shit, Natalia, I have to protect you! Hopefully I'm not too late!"_ he thought as he nearly ripped the door open and took his sword with him.

__________________________________________________

"So tell me what happened to you the last four years and you didn't have time to track me down?"

"Well, how do I explain? After the Ostwick incident I had to go into hiding and fled to Antiva where I worked for a time for the crows. I established a new identity and have been on my own for a year. The Crows and the Ostwick Spy Guild worked closely together, so a transition was not a problem. I have murdered, robbed - and used it to finance my life," Jorah explained in a loose tone.

"Nothing more? That's it? No lover?" she was surprised and glanced skeptically at him. Jorah laughed mischievously .

"Oh no. I simply could not. At first I didn't think about it that much because I was convinced you were dead. After a few days I returned to the scene of the crime and your body could not be found. So I thought you were either alive or the soldiers buried your body. But two years ago I was in Denerim and saw your brother's grave there. I knew that your wish was to have a grave next to him. But since you didn't have a grave, I looked for you. Since last year, I have learned who the Herald Andrastes is and who saved the people of Haven," Jorah continued.

"And now you are here. How will you ask for my forgiveness? Do you want to work for the Inquisition?", Natalia asked cynically not avoiding the eye contact even for a second. "Natalia, please. I have thought of you every day. I wondered every day whether we could be reunited some day," said Jorah gloomily.

Natalia felt drops of water on her skin. It started to rain. "If you hadn't stabbed me back then, I might have become your wife. And that would be foolish," she said, distancing herself step by step from his advances. Suddenly she stopped and felt the blocked wooden door behind her. He approached her and gently touched her shoulder. "Don't touch me" she wanted to say, but the shock and fear made her fall silent. They looked deep into each other's eyes. His blue-yellow eyes triggered in Natalia a feeling of hope and revenge at the same time. _"No..Natalia he is your enemy. He didn't deserved any good feeling from yours. He hurted you."_ she reminded herself. He smiled at her crookedly and brushed her cheek. Jorah leaned against her ear and she felt his breath.

"On one hand I would like to kill you, but on the other hand I can't because I long for you...you are fascinating...you always have been," he whispered. Inside, Natalia woke up from her fear and had a plan. Right now she must not give in.

"Then we shouldn't be standing in the rain right now, should we? We can make up for the four years," she suggested and smiled mischievously. "With pleasure, Lady Herald," Jorah replied and pulled his dagger at Natalia's neck faster than she could pull hers out. With force he squeezed her wrist and she dropped the dagger in pain.

"Ugh...Why the dagger?"

"You love danger. Why not?"

Natalia's heart was racing but tried to stay calm and regulate her breath. She knew that he despised her profoundly. She knew that he wanted to eliminate her. She gave him back a cramped smile. "You know me too well, Jorah," she replied subtly sarcastic. 

Jorah slowly moved his hand to her hip and approached her crotch. The dagger lightly touched her neck. With his right hand he opened the lacing on her trousers. If she had fought back now it would have been over for her. Natalia knew that sooner or later the guards would search this battlement - especially if they knew there was an intruder on Skyhold. Her mission now was to distract Jorah by any means necessary. "Although I hate you Jorah, you have done it to me. I have waited for you every day." she lied to him in a naughty whisper and Jorah glanced over to her for a moment. "Oh really? Well, I'm here. And I look forward to hearing you scream with joy again," he replied. Natalia felt a slight pull on her neck. The dagger cut slightly past her skin. The rain became heavier, it stormed slightly. Her hair was completely drenched and Natalia shivered slightly - How much longer can she stand this disgusting monster?

 **"Step back right now or I'll kill you with my bare hands!"** both heard a male voice roar. It was Cullen. He ran angrily toward Jorah and grabbed him by the collar with an enormous pull. With his naked hands he grabbed the dagger and pulled it out of Jorah's hand with force. The deep cut didn't bother Cullen - he was full of adrenaline, anger and rage - he knows no pain. Jorah stood there frozen in shock and his eyes started to get big. He saw Cullen's fury on his face and could not take his eyes off his threatening, almost vengeful eyes. Cullen gritted his teeth and clenched his hand into a fist. He frowned in rage and focused on Jorah. It seemed as Cullen was close to kill him - that monster. Natalia stood there frozen and for a few seconds hardly noticed what had just happened.

 **You dare to touch her?! To see her again?! To kill her?! You will not harm a hair on my wife's head!"** Cullen roared and struck Jorah in the face several times. The blood mixed with the rain and flowed down to the stone floor. That was the first time Natalia had seen Cullen so angry. She tried to free herself from her frozen state. Cullen continued to strike at Jorah.

His eye was already puffy and his lips torn open. "Natalia should have killed you! You dirty bastard! Do you really think she's that naive?!"

 **"CULLEN!"**

Natalia cried out in trembling panic and Cullen looked over at her with heavy breath. "Enough! He is not worth it!" said Natalia yelled and ran towards him. Cullen let Jorah fall to the ground and turned to her. At that moment, the mercenaries followed and Cullen ordered, "Arrest this man. Immediately! Take away all his weapons and destroy them!" Natalia was still in a state of shock and could not stop trembling. Both were completely soaked, the rainwater dripping from his lower lip and the tip of his nose, his vision watery. He carefully grabbed her shoulder and wiped the wet strands of hair from her face.

"I knew he wanted to kill me. I knew it,I..I fucking knew it." she stuttered in horror.

"Everything is fine,that is why I am here, for you Natalia. I already sensed that something was wrong. Are you hurt? Is everything okay?" Cullen asked worriedly in a soft caring tone and hugged Natalia in the rain to calm her down. She buried her head on his chest in relief and pressed it tighter and murmured. "Yes, it's all right," she replied and looked up at him sobbing. He noticed the cut on her neck and froze for a moment.

"Don't worry, it's an easy cut. It'll heal."

"He'll pay for it, I pray to the Maker," he almost cursed. She stroked his cheek, wiped the water off his face - they didn't want to leave. Both enjoyed this moment in the rain. Natalia clung tighter to Cullen's fur coat as he stroked her gently over the head. His calming voice, his warm soft hand caressing her made her feel safe - her heart was still pounding fast but she finally felt her body relaxing in his arms. "It's finally over...Cullen, it's over," she said and burst into tears crying - Cullen pressed her closer. The drops of water slid down his face to his lips, which shimmered slightly through the rainwater. "This man does not deserve you. By the Maker..I would never have forgiven myself" he whispered and kissed her forehead.

Her hand slowly moved to his and she felt something warm flowing along her fingers. "Cullen...you are bleeding..." she noticed and looked at his hand which had a deep cut on the inside surface. 

"Cullen we need to treat this," she said worriedly and looked up at him with a worried look. 

"It's all right, it doesn't hurt. But we really should go. We're completely soaked, I don't want you to get sick. Come on,"


	23. The verdict of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the shockingly unexpected event, Natalia now had to judge someone she once loved. This marked the end of an important chapter in her life. Cullen changed her mind and realized that a new chapter had begun for him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ** SPOILER**:
> 
> This Chapter contains a scene with suicide content. It's only a few sentences so I will warn you in the story as well so you can skip it!

After this shocking incident, Natalia and Cullen reached the courtyard and were on their way to Natalia's quarters. Full of worry and uncertainty, Dorian stood impatiently at the door of the throne room and watched as Natalia's ex-fiancée was led away and Cullen and Natalia ran towards Dorian. She looked distressed at Dorian - all she wanted at the moment was peace. "I'll...I'll go ahead," said Natalia shivering and went to the quarters alone. 

"What happened?! Is she all right?", he asked in shock. "One of our patrols was murdered and this man just tried to get to Natalia and-" Cullen reported.

"No, don't say it. This bastard would be best pilloried. Did they know each other personally?"

"I-I honestly don't know. I'd like to ask her, but I'd rather wait until she's ready. Dorian, I'm sorry but I have to take care of you. Excuse me." Cullen answered.

"No, no, perfectly understandable. If anything, I'm here," Dorian assured him and Cullen nodded in agreement and said goodbye. As he entered Natalia's headquarters, he quietly saw her sitting on the sofa almost apathetic. She did not move, her gaze fixed on the charred wood from the last fire. Cullen sat down with her and put his warm hand on her shoulder.

"It's over," he whispered gently. She glanced at him and nodded. She turned her gaze briefly to his hand and let go carefully.

"Wait here," she whispered and took a bandage and a wet towel from her bath. Carefully she cleaned the deep cut and heard Cullen hoist and grind his teeth.

"Forgive me," she stuttered and wrapped the bandage around his hand, trying to tie the knot as small as possible. "That should work. Is the bandage too tight?" - "No, it is just right, thank you," he thanked her with a kiss on her cheek, a relieved smile was apparent. 

"I've never seen you like this before." she said.

"How?" he asked.

"So serious, so angry. Did you mean what you said to Jorah?" Natalia asked curiously and in her voice a spark of hope could be heard. Cullen raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"You won't touch a hair on "my wife's" head," she added, lightly smiling.

Cullen blushed and breathed heavily. "I-I was in rage...I could not have forgiven myself for losing you. Everything depended on me at that moment."

"No. The emphasis is on "my wife," " she replied tenderly and sat on his lap. Cullen looked unsettled and his breathing became heavier and deep - he knew it was a very bad timing right now to do other "things".

"Excuse me. It was foolish of me. I should not have asked you that question. I was just surprised to hear it" she apologized and brushed through his still damp hair. Cullen smirked and kissed her. "I only want you. I want to protect you no matter what comes," he whispered and pressed her to him. "May I ask you a question as well?" he asked cautiously. Natalia already guessed what it was all about - "whom" was the better word. She stood up and took a dry towel that she had put on the bed before. Carefully she dabbed her hair dry. 

"This man...he is familiar to me - Actually, he was my ex-fiancé." she said embarrassed. Cullen stood up and his gaze said that he had more question marks than before. She sighed.

"We were both stationed at Ostwick. The scar on my rib-" she paused.

"Yes? Did he do this to you?" His eyes were flashing and his eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"Yes. He used me. He betrayed us all. What you heard then about the incident at Ostwick and Markham - I was there. It's hard for me to talk about it so I've kept it to myself for now. My uncle almost died, I defended him. Jorah seized the moment and - well," she continued. Cullen was speechless and shook his head in bewilderment.

"After that incident, our house looked for Jorah but it was too late, he was out of the picture. According to him, someone wants me dead and he took this job to kill two birds with one stone. He is a psychopath," she continued, leaving a startled smacking of herself.

"You know what he said? He said he enjoyed making my family angry by killing me." 

Natalia put the towel down and sat on the bed. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No, it's all right, I should have told you at some point. He is in our hands now, I finally feel safe again after all these years. If it weren't for you..." she interrupted and thought about the horrible scenario. 

"The way he touched me and... his words. He disgusts me utterly. I am ashamed of him - I used to be his fiancée! How stupid I was then." she hoisted herself in disgust and convulsed. Cullen shook his head in disagreement. 

"You are not stupid. Who would have thought he'd turn out this way? You are safe, I will protect you. I want to be there for you and I can imagine that it's not easy. But you can let go now," Cullen explained and sat down and took her in his arms. 

"I love you more than anything, Cullen."

"And I love you, my dearest. I'm just glad you're--" he interrupted and gave a soft sob. His otherwise so determined, strong facade crumbled slightly and he let his feelings run free and broke out in soft tears. Natalia caressed his back and worriedly kissed his temples. "Me too..." she whispered and hugged him closer to her.

__________________________________________________

Two days later all gathered in the main hall. Natalia sat on the throne and was looking very earnestly and determinedly over to the hall. The funeral of soldier Alexander had taken place yesterday. Alexander was a lonely man - no family, his family was the Inquisition. He was loyal to the Inquisition and one of the best in Cullen's eyes - the harder it was for everyone to say goodbye. The mercenaries brought Jorah to her in chains. He looked up at Natalia, exhausted and hopelessly sad. The otherwise confident, energetic assassin stood there like a miserable fool in front of her. Never in her dreams would she have thought to see Jorah like that. 

"Lady Inquisitor, before you stands Sir Jorah Niel. You are already aware of the private events. However, we have been able to obtain more information. Sir Jorah had worked for Samson and had also coordinated the Red Templars on the Storm Coast. The judgment is yours, Lady Inquisitor-" Josephine summarized. She couldn't help herself either, and for a moment she looked over at the former Assassin in disgust. 

Natalia leaned back and spread her fingers in earnesty and glanced down at him. The last days have strengthened her - Her confident but pious manner could be felt throughout the room. After all these years she was allowed to do justice - probably the most unpredictable feeling she could imagine. 

" You have tried to kill me - twice. I must say, your talent as an Assassin is more than offensive to all guilds throughout Thedas. You tried to rape me, You wanted to overthrow the Inquisition. Do you really think I'm that naive? I too have changed in recent years, Jorah. You wanted to repent, now you have that chance. You may stay - but in your cell. We want all information about Samson Plan in the Abor Wilderness. Then we will hand you over to the main general in Ostwick. He will decide what to do with you - I think my uncle would be amused to see you again after all these years. I would negotiate with him so you don't have to stick your neck out. If you resist, you will die by my hand," she said in a deep, strong tone.

"I would rather die by the hand of my former fiancée than betray my captain," he said angrily and looked up at her in rage. " Oh , now you show loyalty? You are a fool. You're afraid to die, Jorah. But good. If you will not repent, my sword shall be your punishment."

Outside, everyone gathered and waited for the Inquisitor and the former assassin. It was drizzling slightly but nobody wanted to miss this moment. Jorah knelt down on the hard wood. His arms and legs were shackled. Natalia stood next to him, holding the sword under his chin and directing his head towards her.

" Twice, Jorah - Two times you tried desperately and never made it. And you found it funny. Now still?" she asked rhetorically and looked into Jorah's eyes, which were drenched with fear and despair. Natalia looked over at Cullen. He nodded and looked serious. She drew the sword back to her and heard Jorah breathe a sigh of relief and the crowd suddenly became silent.

"You really thought I was making it easy for you? You will suffer. Every day. I will not kill you. You will have to do it yourself. If only you hadn't rejected the offer," she said monotonously and left. One heard some disappointed shouts - but others understood why Natalia did not decapitate Jorah. The mercenaries took Jorah to the rearmost dungeon, where he had to hope that one day it would break in and he would fall off the cliffs. 

**TRIGGER WARNING**

Two weeks passed and Natalia stopped by Jorah every day. She observed him from a safe distance and felt his remorse getting stronger day by day. He mostly sat in the corner and tried to eat and drink nothing, but the fear of death was just too great, so he reached for bread and water after all. After 15 days Jorah took his own life. He strangled himself with his last shirt he wore. Natalia found out about it and went to the cell. The sight of his body left her cold but deep in her heart, she felt a hint of remorse. "I loved you when you were not a traitor. I loved you when I was alone. I loved you when I was dying. But you, you loved only yourself."

**TRIGGER END**

__________________________________________________

Cullen witnessed Natalia sobbing slightly as she climbed the stairs to the main hall. Worried, he walked towards her and took her hand. "Come with me," he whispered caring and she followed him out of Skyhold. All the way, she did not let go of his hand - She already sensed where Cullen was leading her and she felt her heart lighten as she left Skyhold. Every now and then she looked at him - his determination was clearly written on his face and every now and then he caught her gawping with a mischievous smirk. The last days the sky was covered by grey clouds, sometimes it was very stormy but the sky recovered slowly and light sunrays let the snow glitter on the path. 

After a while they both arrived at the said place - the lake where they kissed for the first time. "It's been a while since we were last here," she remarked, marveling at the sight of the lake surrounded by conifers. Cullen sat down on the rock that stood right by the lake and Natalia joined him. 

"I thought maybe a walk here would do you good," he commented and gave an embarrassed chuckle. He took her hand and stroked the back of her hand with his fingers. "The cut is healing quite well, but we need to change the bandage soon," she said as she examined his hand where he had cut himself a few weeks ago. The wound did heal quite well, but it needed some more time and the scar will probably be deeper than expected. 

"Well, then I have a scar with a story, that's something." - "You know I have a weakness for scars, don't you?" she said mischievously and gave a soft, long lasting kiss on the scar that adorned his upper lip. Both looked over at the frozen lake and Natalia snuggled up in Cullen's fur coat. 

"I can't believe that he...well." she sighed.

"He chose, Natalia. You can look ahead now. How do you feel?" he questioned cautiously. 

"To be honest, I feel relieved that it's over. For years I lived with this fear and I knew that one day he would return - just not right here." she realized and straightened up to gaze Cullen in his amber eyes. Before she could say anything, she felt his warm hand caressing her cheek - his gentle, reassuring smile made her heart jump. "I am glad to have you my love. No matter what has happened, what will happen - I will stay with you." he whispered and gently smoothed her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes smiled, leaving gentle lines - she was more than grateful to the Maker for having Cullen by her side.

His eyes shone with bliss and satisfaction. For years, the Commander searched for a refuge, for a way out of his suffering. All the deceptions, his blinded views and the mistakes that were made as a result. Cullen always had the feeling of being alone, that no one would stand up for him - not after all the mistakes he had made. However, he never expected a stubborn but warmhearted woman to warm his heart and make him feel accepted as he is. He wanted to give this feeling to Natalia as well. 

"I love it when you beam like this," Natalia remarked and put her head in the palm of his hand, and saw how the otherwise serious Commander weakened again and his cheeks blushed. 

"Thanks Cullen - for everything," she whispered.


	24. The Soldier, the King and the Queen

_Artwork by Felandaria_

The mornings became increasingly cooler, almost frosty. The Skyhold was surrounded by beautiful golden yellow trees, which shone beautifully richly through the sunrays. Natalia woke up smoothly by the cool breeze and turned to her Commander, who still slept soundly. The work still waited patiently for the two of them, so she had time to admire her lover sleeping and babbling. Most of the time Cullen lay on his back. His mouth was slightly open and his otherwise well-groomed pomp was slightly disheveled by the nightly back and forth. Little curls whirled above his head and glimmered slightly golden. His scar shimmered slightly through his three-day beard. From time to time Natalia heard him mumbling or even snoring a little bit at night but she didn't mind, quite the contrary. She was relieved in one way or another because it gave her the sign that he was okay, that there were no bad effects of the Lyrium - except for the nightmares, of course. But since the capable Commander is sleeping regularly, the nightmares have also become less frequent. 

"mhh..no..." he moaned softly. Natalia leaned forward worriedly and observed further. 

"Sera..give them here...the pants..." he mumbled on and Natalia puffed through with relief. She gave off a cheeky grin as she shook her head slightly. For a moment she looked over to her little onyx bracelet that Cullen had given her. She examined it closely and stroked the smooth stone with her index finger.

_"Hmm...I guess I should visit you before, right Gerrick? "_ , she thought. Soon is the day of memorial for all soldiers who fell through the fifth blight. Although more than ten years have passed, she still misses her brother deeply. But in her current position as an Inquisitor, this year's anniversary of her brother's death was especially painful to imagine - who knows if she will survive the battle against Corypheus and will be able to visit the grave. She was ashamed of never being able to visit her brother's grave and thus say her final farewell - but it was his wish that Natalia would accomplish her soldier training and then help Ostwick afterwards. She sighed gloomily and glanced over to the broken roof where she admired the pink sky.

Cullen smacked quietly and rubbed his eyes. He would not trade his first glance for anything. He glanced at Natalia's naked back and her chestnut brown hair, which shimmered slightly amber in the backlight. He slowly straightened up and kissed her from her shoulder gently along her neck. She panted softly feeling his warm body touching her back.

" I wake up and you immediately steal my breath with this sight." he whispered wickedly. She turned her head to him and smiled. Cullen's slightly sleepy but nevertheless very attractive look got her going.

"Ah...the Commander finally woke up from his dream. You look really cute with these hairs." she remarked as she ran through his slightly curly hair. He defiantly frowned and his eyes widened, twirling his hair with his hands.

"No, it just looks messy! Don't tease me" he grumbled and heard Natalia's giggle before she kissed him. "Now you look even sweeter," she added and looked deep into his eyes. His cheeks blushed as he watched her wicked looks and suddenly beamed a smile and arched an eyebrow. His eyes wandered further down her arm to her bracelet, on which she played nervously. His smile faded in concern. Natalia also watched her bracelet and sighed.

"Soon it will be Memorial Day in Denerim. I would like to go there. Who knows if I will ever come back," she explained and looked at him gloomily. Cullen bent to her. "You will return. I know that. But if you have the wish to travel to Denerim, I would like to fulfill it." His soft, deep and soothing voice calmed Natalia again and again. Without further words he slowly pulled her to himself and lay down in bed again. The fresh cold was another reason to keep themselves even warmer. He covered his Inquisitor and brushed her arm under the blanket. She snuggled up to him and stretched her neck to give him a kiss on his scar. A muffled giggle came over his lips.

"That would be nice if this could be arranged. I have no visits in the next few days, perhaps we should-"

Cullen slightly tilted his head and looked at her. 

" -just go? Of course."

In surprise, she straightened up and propped her elbows on the bed.

"When did the Commander become so spontaneous?"

"Believe it or not, but there are other sides to me, inquisitor," he said cheekily.

"Then I am curious to see which other sides you will show me - how you will show them to me," she said playfully.

__________________________________________________

Josephine had her hands busy. For days she had been writing letters to all the aristocratic houses in Ferelden. Natalia visited her and noticed the delicate vase with fresh roses, decorated with golden ornaments.

"These are very pretty roses, Josephine! Are they from our garden?" 

"Oh, those? Yes, they are really beautiful," she said, touched with embarrassment and looked away. Natalia knew from the gossip in the tavern that Josephine and Sir Blackwall had been meeting secretly over the past few weeks, mostly when Natalia was out with Cullen or Leliana.

"What's going to happen?"

"Pardon?" asked Josephine and played unsuspectingly.

"With Sir Blackwall. Will he stay here with you?" asked Natalia again and grinned smartly.

"What makes you think that-"

"Josephine." Natalia interrupted and leaned in front of Josephine's desk.

"Even Leliana knows that you are secretly meeting with Sir Blackwall," she continued to whisper.

"I don't know if I may be honest. I admire him, although his actions were not what he had intended. I would be happy if he would stay. But we would like to discuss this only after the fight against Corypheus," whispered Josephine sheepishly. Natalia straightened up again and folded her hands in joy.

"Well, I'll come back to that later. In any case, I would be happy for you both. Actually I'm here because I wanted to announce my absence. Cullen and I will be traveling to Denerim for the memorial day - for a private occasion. It's coming at very short notice, but we'll be leaving today," she continued, suppressing her grief by distractingly brushing her hair to the side. Josephine nodded and agreed. "Thank you very much, Lady Natalia, I will inform the others. We have a messenger in Denerim, if you stay away longer, please let me know," explained Josephine and Natalia said goodbye. She looked back at the vase with the crimson roses and stared at them in love as Natalia left her office.

Meanwhile, Cullen had already prepared everything for the trip to Denerim together and saw Natalia walking towards him in a red cape and a big brown backpack. 

"There you are. Shall we get going?" 

"Yes, Josephine is informed," informed Natalia and mounted her stallion Akan. Cullen rode a black stallion with a dark red mane and a braided tail. He looked over at the Inquisitor and nodded with a smile. Both rode out of Skyhold. Some servants wondered why the two disappeared so suddenly, but Leliana knew before anyone else and arranged a little surprise for Natalia and Cullen.

__________________________________________________

The march to Denerim took several days and both had enough time to talk about many topics. They stopped for a last rest just before Denerim. The evening dawned and the stars slowly lit up. Both stopped in front of a forest, which stopped at a river. Cullen prepared a campfire while Natalia unhitched the horses.

Both sat around the campfire later and watched the crackling wood. Natalia had something on her heart and knew that this topic was not yet on the agenda. She watched as Cullen, slightly exhausted from the trip, looked at the fire and rested his elbows on his knees. Hesitantly and slightly nervously, she tugged at her fingertips - was it the right time? Is it too early? At some point she has to tell him. 

"Cullen? "she asked quietly. His head turned to her and smiled slightly exhausted. At that very moment she felt uncomfortable and her guilty conscience caught up with her. Hesitantly she bit her lips and looked worriedly at the fire. 

"Do you have something on your mind? Is it because of Denerim?" he asked concerned and sat down closer to her. She shook her head.

"No...but--I know it's a foolish question, but I need certainty. We haven't been in a relationship too long, but-" she stopped and glanced over at Cullen. His puppy eyes shimmered beautifully through the fire like gems.

"Well...are you planning to start a family?" Natalia asked embarrassed and left a suffering sigh. She was expecting wonderment and this was engraved in Cullen's gaze as if it were written in stone. His eyes grew large and in amazement he lifted his brows. He needed a moment and cleared his throat quietly rather than continuing.

"I-I don't know for sure to be honest. On the one hand I wouldn't be averse to it, but the current conditions in Thedas and our position would allow us to do so, I guess," he replied uncertainly, poking around in the fire with a stick.

"So would you like to have a family?"

"Well, yes."

Natalia stared sadly at the fire and tried not to sob. She was frozen. It felt like she was just wasting his time.

"Natalia, why are you asking me such a question?" Cullen asked further. It was hard to tell from his voice whether it was astonishment or a slight dismay.

"I don't want to take up your time."

"But you are not."

"Cullen,I...I don't know if I can have children. According to Morrigan, the Mark did take possession of my body. ...but it may have also rendered me barren, according to Morrigan."

Her voice was very flat and sniveling when she said these words to her beloved one, trying to avoid his eyes in shame. He shook his head and took her right into his arms.

"I want to stay together with you - two or three of you, it doesn't matter. I am very happy with you and you are an important part of my life," he whispered in her ear and pressed her closer to him. Natalia snuggled up closer to him and sobbed softly into his chest. For both of them the day at the fire ended - alone.

__________________________________________________

The morning drew near and the first rays of sunshine gently woke the Commander. Yesterday's incident made him think about it, but Cullen was convinced he wanted to stay with his soldier and he wanted to show her that. He snuggled up to Natalia and kissed her bare shoulder. She blinked out of half-sleep and rolled over to him and the first thing she saw was his crooked, sleepy smile.

"Good morning, Inquisitor."

"Good morning, Commander."

They smirked at each other like lovebirds and kissed for the morning. On one hand Natalia was relieved about Cullen's words yesterday, but her doubts came to her at night, but she didn't let them show. What was important to her was that Cullen now knew everything about her and could make up his mind. They both got ready and saddled the horses. They were clearly relaxed and had more time together than necessary. Together they enjoyed every second, every ride, every breath. A few hours later they finally arrived in Denerim. The city where the Grey Wardens Freydis and Alistair put an end to the archdemon and now rule over Ferelden. The city was rebuilt in the last years and trade flourished. The inhabitants seemed visibly satisfied and full of joy. But Natalia knew that even after all these years, events have caught up with the people again and again, especially now on Memorial Day. Cullen looked over at Natalia with concern as they walked through the marketplace towards the memorial.

"You never visited his grave?"

"Sadly, no. I wanted to, but I couldn't - my duties always came first," she replied depressed and stood at the gates. They entered the memorial and searched for Gerrick's grave. On many graves there were gifts and flowers. Cullen noticed one grave, which was covered with white lilies. He bent his upper body to be able to read the engravings better. When looking closely he read the name - "Gerrick Trevelyan".

"Natalia? I found his gravestone"

Natalia ran towards him and glanced at the gravestone. Her whole body trembled, she was petrified because only now she realized that all this really happened, that her brother died in battle.

"Gerrick Trevelyan, mercenary of the 4th troop from Denerim" she whispered in a shaky undertone. He clung gently around her.

"Do you want to be alone?"

She had to hold back her tears and could barely get a word out and gave a faint nod.

"If anything happens, I'll be in front," Cullen pointed out to Natalia and kissed her on the cheek before he walked to the entrance. 

Natalia took a closer look at the grave. _"The white lilies look beautiful and the gravestone was well cared for. I guess mother and father were here a few days ago."_ she thought and felt a heavy weight on her chest - she could no longer hold her tears and cried.

"Gerrick. Why did you have to die back then? I could not say farewell. We wanted to fight together - side by side. I wonder what would have become of you. I'm sure you would have made an excellent commander, if not Travis' successor in the division. Perhaps you would have fought for the Inquisition. I miss you terribly, and I'm incredibly proud of you. I don't know if you are in the void or if you can even hear me - but I have a wonderful man by my side. I think you two would have become good friends. He was once a Templar and joined the Inquisition" she interrupted sobbing and glanced at her bracelet with a slight chuckle.

"He gave me this bracelet. Because he knew about you. I wear it with me every day, you know? Gerrick, I want to make you proud, no matter what happens," she whispered sniveling. Suddenly she felt a gentle warm breeze and got goose bumps. She felt a familiar, comforting aura and couldn't stop crying because she knew in that moment that Gerrick could hear her. 

"He was very brave," said a gently melodic female voice next to her. Natalia turned to her left. It was Queen Freydis Theirin, the wife of King Alistair, former grey warden. Natalia's eyes grew large and she bowed quickly.

"Your Highness. Forgive me."

"Oh no, Lady Inquisitor," Freydis reassured the Inquisitor and giggled lightheartedly.

"Sir Gerrick and I had not spoken much, but I heard only good things about him. Especially how much he misses his younger sister and wants to make her proud. You should be proud of him, Inquisitor Trevelyan."

"I am, more than that. Thank you, Your Highness. It honors me," she thanked and bowed again. "Come with me. I see that Commander Cullen is already waiting for you. I have not seen him for years. Leliana has already informed me of your arrival and invites you to our estate, unless you have any further plans, Lady Inquisitor.

"I would be honored, Your Highness."

"You don't have to call me by my title. In my eyes, we are equals. Just call me Freydis," Freydis added, and both ran to the exit of the memorial. Cullen saw Natalia overflowing with tears but with a gentle, relieved smile and took her in his arms without saying anything. Freydis walked to Alistair and held his hand as he gazed at her in love. Alistair's eyes turned to Cullen and Natalia and he grinned over both ears. 

"Cullen! You've finally gotten a thicker coat, it suits you much better than when you were in the circle of the magi," Alistair joked and laughed lightheartedly as he gently patted Cullen on the shoulder. He rolled his eyes slightly bemused by the bad play on words and grinned impishly at the king.

"Commander Cullen, it is good to see you again after all these years, even if the occasion is not particularly appropriate," said Freydis to Cullen, who bowed to the queen. 

"Queen Freydis. The honor is all mine."

"Alistair, your puns are somehow appropriate here," she said dryly.

"Anyway, I've already offered Lady Trevelyan a visit to our castle. The two of them had a long journey here," she continued, smiling over to her sulking king.

"N-Naturally! It would be our pleasure if you would stay with us for a few days. However, we have to move up to Redcliffe soon. We could travel together and reminisce," Alistair suggested enthusiastically. Cullen and Natalia nodded and they headed for the castle.


	25. Dinner's served

In the evening Alistair, Freydis, Natalia and Cullen sat together for dinner. Countless candles lit up the dining room and the worn, slightly tattered banner of the Grey Wardens hung over the mantelpiece. It didn't match the noble decor but exactly this banner reminded the royal couple of their common adventures against the Darkspawn.

"I hope you like our Fereldan stew," Alistair remarked and picked up a spoon and blew gently before he ate. "Cullen, tell me - how have you been doing these past few years? I heard you were stationed in Kirkwall?" Freydis asked curiously, resting her chin on the back of her hand.

"Yes, unfortunately, events changed and I had to leave Kirkwall. Thereupon I joined the Inquisition."

"Yes, I remember - A disaster. But that's in the past. Kirkwall seems to have slowly recovered from the events," Alistair commented and continued eating.

"May I ask you something Freydis?", Natalia asked cautiously and put the spoon down next to the plate.

"Go ahead."

"You have defeated the Arch Demon. Were you afraid of death?"

Cullen and Alistair looked surprised but slightly shocked when they heard the direct question. Both sensed that it could either end in an awkward silence or in a real catfight.

After the queen also put down her spoon and dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin, she looked seriously towards her husband, whose forehead was already wrinkling and sweating with fear of Freydis. But the queen was not angry about Natalia's brisk nature - who would not like to know this? 

"Yes, Alistair performed a ritual with Morrigan and we both didn't know if it would work. It was a..."

"Very questionable ritual," Alistair interrupted and cleared his throat in embarrassment. Freydis overcame a humming chuckle as she thought back to Alistair's reaction at the time.

"I was aware that the attempt could fail and that my life would also end with the death of the archdemon. We still couldn't thank Morrigan - without her, I or Alistair might have been dead," Freydis continued, eating her stew.

"Morrigan is currently on Skyhold. She has supported us in the Arbor Wilds. Her son, Kieran, is there as well," Cullen stated and Alistair's face instantly turned pale when he heard "son" from Cullen's lips - he knew Kieran was his biological son. After 10 years of hearing his name, it was an uncomfortable emotion. Freydis noticed his reaction and secretly took his hand under the table. Kieran was a secret and should remain a secret - for his own sake. Tensed, Alistair smiled to Cullen and Natalia.

"I hope Morrigan is well. Perhaps the day will come when we will meet again. When I saw her disappearing through the Eluvian back then, I thought I would never see her again. But I'm glad she's all right." Freydis smiled unconcerned.

"I assume that Leliana is still in contact with you", Natalia hacked along, and the king and the queen nodded approvingly.

"Yes, through our messengers we are in constant contact with Leliana. She seems to be doing well so far, but she doesn't seem to know which way is the right one for her at the moment. She has always been very..uncertain about her views but I am sure she will do the right thing," Alistair commented.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door. Someone was trying hard to open the door and slowly but surely - a little girl with chocolate brown, straight, shoulder-length hair came through the door and held an old, slightly worn out plush nug in her hand. She seemed to have been 3 or 4 years old. Her eyes sparkled maroon - like the proud father's who looked at his daughter and smiled over both ears.

"Mama, I can't sleep. Dragon-" she murmured dreamily to herself. Worried, the queen stood up and ran to her daughter. She knelt down to her little princess and took her hand. "Lysande! You cannot sleep? Come with me, I will put you to bed and read to you. What story do you want to hear?" she asked in a gentle voice, lifting Lysande up to her. "Sten and sword! Sten and sword!", she said in joy and her eyes glistened at the thought of hearing this great adventure. "But dear, I told you the story yesterday - " Freydis sighed with a smile. "Very well. Excuse me, I'll put Lysande to bed quickly and come back later," she excused herself and carried her daughter to her room. The three of them heard Freydis and Lysande still talking.

"Surely you don't want to hear the story of Papa as he-"  
"No! No! Uncle Sten! I see dad every day, boring!"

"She clearly gets her temperament and impatience from her mother. The charm and the enchanting saucer eyes of mine," laughed Alistair and looked very proud.

"I thought gray wardens were infertile," Cullen remarked in surprise and looked at Alistair. The king chuckled.

"Well, that's not quite true. Our depravity reduces the chances of procreation. But not completely."

"Lysande is a very pretty girl. She's just like her father but mentioned a dragon? Did she mean the Archdemon?", Natalia asked in concern and lowered the spoon at the edge of her plate. Cullen sensed that her concern was of a different nature, so motherly and caring. 

" Thank you, Inquisitor, I hope she keeps my sense of humor as well. Freydis can sometimes be very strict and bitter. Lysande has been having nightmares lately, about the Archdeamon. We suspect she has some of the corruption in her, and we're concerned for her life. We have already asked magicians and healers for help but unfortunately the investigations were unsuccessful," he explained anxiously and dabbed the corners of his mouth clean with a napkin.

"Couldn't Morrigan help? Or Solas?" the Commander asked as he glanced over to Natalia.

"Solas knows more about spirits and souls. Maybe, would you like to visit Skyhold? I think Morrigan would also be happy about your visit as well," Natalia suggested with a hopeful smile.

"It would be an honor to meet the Inquisition outside the battlefield and letters" the King responded grinning. 

A short time later, Freydis returned relieved. "Excuse my absence. The little one sleeps peacefully. I see you have already finished eating - I wanted to take a walk through the garden before nightfall. Will you accompany me, Natalia?" she asked and Natalia nodded in agreement.

"Well, then we'll leave you gentlemen alone. I think you two have a lot to talk about," Freydis laughed and left the dining room with Natalia.

__________________________________________________

In the royal garden Freydis and Natalia walked towards a fountain. The garden was decorated with beautifully blooming red roses.

"Forgive the monotonous selection of our plants, but I love roses. In those days, Alistair gave me a rose on our adventures and this garden reminds me of that beautiful moment."

"No need to apologize your highness. It's wonderful when flowers have a special meaning for someone."

They both walked a little way in silence and looked at the rose bushes and the garden.

"Your daughter is really adorable. Come all her father's way."

"Thank you very much. I was worried that we could never be a family. The gods have answered our prayers."

"Right, you're an Avvar, you don't believe in the Maker," Natalia remarked and Freydis nodded approvingly. 

"Actually, the Grey Wardens keep a low profile when it comes to religion because we act on a neutral level, but this has changed over the years. Well, now it's my turn to ask direct questions-" laughed the former Grey Warden and both continued to walk through the garden.

"Forgive me for asking earlier."

"No, all is well Natalia! I think it's good that you are so brisk, sometimes it's necessary. Now for my question: You and the Commander hm?" she asked mischievously and nudged Natalia's shoulder with hers. 

"I saw how he took care of you this afternoon," she added.

"Well, I had never expected it myself, especially since we didn't get along at first. But in times like these, anything is possible!" Natalia quietly laughed, slightly touched and embarrassed.

"Cullen is a good man. When I met him, he had just finished his Templar training and was stationed in the Circle of Magi here in Ferelden. Alistair and I saw how he suffered in the Circle when it was out of control. I felt very sorry for him because he had to go through so much. Nevertheless, it is commendable that he did extremely well through the ten years. He seems more confident and is a very handsome man," the queen sniggered.

"Please don't say anything to Alistair, or I'll be allowed to listen to it again." she whispered humorously to Natalia who also hummed chuckling. She looked at her little bracelet and played fondly with it.

"Cullen is more than that. We have already experienced a lot together and I am glad to have him at my side not only as a consultant but also as my beloved. He has changed me to someone better."

"You two look really adorable together, too! When are you going to marry?" Freydis asked as if she was about to enter the house. Natalia choked unexpectedly and had to take a deep breath.

"Oh sorry! The question was probably a bit too personal," Freydis apologized and was startled for a short moment, holding the Inquisitor's shoulder worriedly.

"No, no, everything's fine.We...to be honest, I don't know. We are focusing on Corypheus and the Inquisition at the moment," Natalia replied waving her hand forgivingly and gazed thoughtfully at the fountain. The fountain was decorated with typical Fereldan ornaments and a marble lion statue adorned the center.

"The way Cullen is staring at you all the time, I think it will be soon," Freydis explained, and saw that Natalia's mind was somewhere else. She blinked up.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, never mind! Let's go inside, it's getting fresh," Freydis suggested and both returned to the estate.

__________________________________________________

While the Hero of Ferelden and the lnquisitor were strolling in the garden, Cullen and Alistair allowed themselves a training round of sparring. They had just finished the round with a clear victory on the part of the commander of the Inquisition and dabbed their bodies, sweaty from exertion, with towels.

"You have slackened, Alistair." the Cullen laughed victoriously.

"Unfortunately, the negotiations and visits from the nobility have left me little time for proper training. Excuse me if I have underchallenged you Cullen. Nevertheless, don't underestimate me, I will win the next round!" Alistair said with a grin and put his doublet on again.

"But not only nobility. Freydis and Lysande are keeping you on your toes as well, I see," he remarked and straightened his hair by combing it smoothly with his fingers.

"Ha ha, yes, indeed. But they make me happy, very much so. We try to take time for each other as often as possible. Sometimes it doesn't work out but we have found a balance in the meantime."

"The Inquisition keeps us busy too. Sometimes there are several days when I don't see Natalia. Either I have to take care of my obligations or Natalia has to pay visits. I worry that this could destroy our relationship," Cullen explained, frowning. Alistair smiled understandingly.

" I have already noticed that. And you both enjoy your time here in Denerim right now, I can see that. But sometimes it's the little moments that keep a relationship going, you know what I mean? Finding a balance is difficult. But when you love each other more than anything, you hold on to it."

Cullen agreed with a nod and kept listening to the king's words. 

"Back when I was newly appointed king, by the Maker, things got rough between me and Freydis because we hardly had any time for each other. But since our little one was born many things have changed for the better - at least no more chairs are flying out of the window," he joked.

"I would like to go one step further. But I don't know if this is the right time. Maybe it is still a bit too early." 

"Cullen." Alistair paused and grabbed his shoulder in a serious gaze.

"I was made King from one day to the next. I did not wanted Freydis to continue risking her life as the Grey Warden. That is why I asked for her hand in marriage at short notice. I too wanted to wait, but circumstances practically forced me to do so. I do not regret it, not in any way. There will never be that one perfect moment," Alistair advised, grinning hopefully afterwards.

"Women love surprises. Do it when she least expects it," he added with a wink and they both left the gym and Alistair gave Cullen another pat on the back. 

Night fell and Natalia changed her clothes. She lit the candles at the side table and waited longingly in bed for Cullen. The guest room was rustic but still had its elegant charm with oak furniture. The beds were covered with batiste and damask curtains embellished the stained glass windows. After a short time the door opened and Cullen also came into the guest room in his robe, freshly showered. He brushed through his damp hair and looked astonished when he saw Natalia already lying in bed. 

"Natalia? You are already there?" he asked in surprise and examined her evening gown. It was a simple red linen shirt, a bit too big for the petite lady. Natalia didn't like to sleep with pants so she usually wore robes that at least covered her bottom.

"Yes, it was getting a little fresh. You look so thoughtful. Is everything alright?" Natalia asked in concern and stood up. Cullen walked the last few steps towards her and hummed a light, satisfied giggle from himself.

"Yes - " he said and took her delicate hand and led her to the bed where they both lay down. The two were still wide awake and enjoyed the evening conversations - sometimes they walked so long that you could already watch the sunrise from the windows.

"Now it is. But still I have something to tell you." he paused and supported himself with his elbow at the side and stroked her shoulder.

"I am happy with you. The last days alone with you have been very...unusual." 

there was a brief awkward silence as Cullen re-sorted his words and stuttered softly.

"I-I mean, unusually beautiful, so-"

"I understand Cullen, don't worry," she chuckled and Cullen breathed a sigh of relief with a light smile.

"I see you so rarely on Skyhold that I want to enjoy every second with you here in Denerim. I -"

Natalia couldn't stand it any longer and surprisingly kissed his soft lips. His eyes grew large and shone with joy when he saw her cheeky grin.

"I see it the same way you do, my love. But why change words when..."

Natalia - Always hungry for affection from her Commander. Cullen only laughed mischievously and pressed her tightly to himself while kissing through the night.

__________________________________________________

The next morning Cullen and Natalia were waiting for Alistair and Freydis. The horses were already saddled and ready to ride. But the royal couple did not come in pairs.

"Good morning, excuse our late arrival but Lysande insisted on coming along," said Alistair and put his hand on the back of his neck in a somewhat sheepish manner. Lysande's temperament was sometimes a little scary for the otherwise confident Alistair. But never would the King deny his Princess such a wish.

"I want to go to Aunt Leliana! I order daddy! Right now!" shouted Lysande full of anticipation. Freydis chuckled and stroked the back of Lysande's head.

"Yes, but first we must go to Redcliffe, my darling. We could look there for a present for Leliana there?"

"Yes! Aunty loves shoes!" said Lysande and her eyes shone like little diamonds.

"Such a sight makes the morning all the more beautiful. I'm glad that Lysande is accompanying us," said Natalia and smiled to Lysande who was teetering back and forth with joy and held her nug plushy securely in her arms.

"Then we'll be off. It will be a long journey," Cullen said in a subtly serious and impatient tone and got on his horse. The little princess could hardly escape her amazement when she saw Cullen's great majestic stallion standing before her. Her eyes were big as she thought that Cullen looked like a true knight. 

"C-Commander? May I ride with your horse?" she asked nervously and looked insecurely to the ground. Cullen was very surprised and glanced at Alistair and Freydis, who nodded in agreement. Even more surprised were probably the two parents of the little one about their insecure appearance. Cullen got off the stallion and bowed to Lysande with a proud smile on his face.

"I would be honored, Princess."

Lysande shone like a sunshine and her smile caught everyone's attention. Cullen picked her up and put her on his stallion. "Hold on tight, Princess!" he said in laughter. This sight brought Natalia and a pleasant feeling in her stomach, rarely did she feel such bliss. _"He would make a great father,"_ she thought at that moment and the corners of her mound went down when she thought about their talk a few days ago. "No, not now." she sighed quietly shaking her thoughts off with a smile and then got on her horse as well. Together they rode to Redcliffe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far, it really means a lot to me <3
> 
> I have decided to skip the planned chapter but don't worry! You will get to know what happened with Alistair's and Freydi's daughter in future! I want to finish this story first before I start with the Warden ones!


	26. Avvar's dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition was invited to a special occasion at the Avvar's in the frostback basin. A celebration of the old gods, especially the gods of the dead. Natalia, Cullen, Cassandra and the iron Bull travelled to the Frostback Basin. Natalia got the opportunity to open the celebration but it wasn't what she actually had expected.

_Artwork by me_

"Come on, boss!" he shouted provocatively to her, clenched his fists and took the basic position with full ambition. Natalia swung her stick and smashed into Bulls chest. He just smirked and swayed slightly up and down.

"That was all?!"

"Bull, if you believe that, you're completely wrong." she laughed viciously and swung out again. With all her strength she struck him again with full force against his bare chest.

"Ahh! That's better, boss! Take your anger out on me!" he said contentedly. Bull laughed carefree, but he felt the blow hitting him and gritted his teeth subtly in pain. Natalia put down the stick and strutted towards the Iron Bull.

"Thank you, Bull. I feel much better," she said, knocking on his chest. He felt a stronger pain and brushed his teeth. Natalia shrank back and gently patted his chest.

"Excuse me. I guess I was a little too harsh?"

"Oh no boss!" he chuckled and patted his chest. Both saw the Ambassador running toward her - her face predicted good things and she looked more than satisfied to the Inquisitor.

"Lady Natalia? Forgive the interruption but I need to talk to you for a moment."

"Did you want to strike, too?" quipped the Iron Bull. All he got in response was a shy, mute laugh. Secretly, Josephine actually wanted to try out the striking exercise, but she knew that in her position it was not her place. 

"What's the matter Josephine?" Natalia asked curiously and leaned her hands expectantly on her hips. Josephine held a parchment which she rolled up in front of Natalia.

"Our alliance with the Avvar of the Stone Bear Hold has paid off through your efforts a few months ago. Svarah Sunhair has invited you to one of their festivities. According to the invitation it is a day of remembrance of the dead gods. You are allowed to bring some company," explained Josephine as she read the invitation joyfully. Natalia raised her eyebrows in surprise and glanced over to the Iron Bull.

" Bull, would you be interested?"

"With pleasure! I have a "little something" to do there as well," he said cunningly and Josephine shook her head in bewilderment.

"Josephine, how about you and Cullen joining us? You're almost fused with Skyhold here," Natalia suggested chuckling.

"I'm flattered, but I still have some negotiations to represent." she rejected with a smile.

"It's a pity, but I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities."

"Very well, then I will inform the Commander. The celebration begins in two days, so it would be ideal if you could leave already this evening. We'll see you later." the ambassador noted and said goodbye while writing something down on her writing board on the way to her office. The Iron Bull glanced innocently at Natalia, who crossed her arms in front of him and looked at her suspiciously.

"What is it? Do you remember the redheaded huntress there? I wanted to talk to her about something."

"Yes, of course Bull," she rolled her eyes and patted him on the shoulder with a small burst of laughter.

In the evening Natalia, the Iron Bull and Cullen were already waiting outside the gates for Cassandra. Akan already shook his head restlessly and impatiently. Natalia walked to her steed and stroked his nose reassuringly. "It's okay, Akan. Cassandra will be right there." 

The Seeker came with her mare on a leash and looked over to the group with a guilty conscience. "Sorry I'm late. I would be ready now," she apologized and grabbed her forehead. The rest just nodded their heads sympathetically and the four traveled to the Frostback Basin. The night was quiet and the wind calmer than usual. The troop reached the Frostback Basin after barely a day. Just before they reached the village, Cullen had a question burning under his fingers and he looked over at his beloved during the ride. 

"And why do I have to go with you, if you have the Iron Bull with you?" 

"Don't pretend to be innocently my love. During the mission a few weeks ago, you were very ambitious in the matter. I know you're interested in their culture, so..." 

"And I know that you're quite taken with Avvar's attire and expect me to wear it one day."

"That too," she said dryly and winked cheekily at him. Cullen blushed embarrassed and looked quickly ahead.

"Cute." she giggled softly.

Before the bridge to the village of the stone bear tribe a young hunter was already waiting and seemed slightly nervous.

"Inquisitor Trevelyan. We are glad to see you. I am Bjorn Tovensteyn, speaking on behalf of Sunhair, and I am to convey her thanks for your appearance. I will lead you to our guest cabins. The horses can stay here, we will take care of them."

__________________________________________________

"Thank you for your hospitality Bjorn. The honor is all ours and we are happy to be a part of your celebration," Natalia replied and nodded smiling. She saw that the young gentleman peered over at the big iron bull every now and then. She also turned around briefly and looked in his line of vision. Tensed, Bjorn stuttered and tried to justify himself.

"Have you never seen a Qunari before?"

"N-No..I..."

"Don't worry I won't bite you unless you hurt Natty," Bulle joked and heard Bjorn's forced and frightened chuckle. Natalia shook her head with a wry grin and calmed young Avvar.

"Don't worry, he's only joking."

"O-okay..well, then I'd better lead you to the huts," he said and the group followed him.

The Avvar preferred to keep to themselves, but regarded the Inquisition as friends of the stone bear tribe and greeted them with a nod. Some, like Bjorn, were amazed by the iron bull. The Chargers were known everywhere, especially among the Avvar. To see a real "legend" in their small village was like a blessing. Arriving in front of the huts, Bjorn opened the wooden doors.

"The festival begins as soon as the first star is seen in the sky. We have already prepared your clothes for the day. They are lying on your beds in the hut. For your Qunari though...well, we didn't expect that-" Bjorn tried to explain, but he stammered and looked over to the bull in shame. "Don't worry, Tovensteyn, I'll patch something up," the Iron Bull added, laughing and patting him lightly on the shoulder. Bjorn had to be careful that he didn't fall to the ground right in front of the Inquisitor and tipped slightly forward. " W-well th-then I won't disturb you any further. We are looking forward to your arrival, Inquisitor," said the young hunter and said goodbye.

The group entered their huts and Natalia looked at the bed. The hut was furnished very rustically, which was to be expected. There were different furs everywhere and there was a small fireplace in each hut. On the bed were some scraps of cloth, furs and jars of paint. "Interesting," she mustered and took a closer look at the pieces of clothing, or rather "scraps" of cloth. Cullen observed Natalia and looked skeptical.

"I-You want to wear this?"

"Yes of course! It's a little bit of cloth but if this is Avvar tradition, why not?"

He flushed and was a bit overwhelmed with the light clothing when he looked at his own. For him it was more than unusual not to wear armor during a mission and especially to see Natalia so lightly covered in public did not fit him very well and he made a doubtful expression. Natalia observed his clumsiness and was giggling. He looked over at her and lifted an eyebrow questioningly.

"Is something wrong?" - "No, no. Don't worry about me. Try to look at this as a kind of time-out. You don't have to wear armor every day and honestly, I'm curious," she explained and chuckled like a little girl. He smiled softly crooked and brushed across her cheek.

"Typical for you but good, I'll go and change. I'll see you later, my dear." he said and kissed her forehead before he went to his hut.

Natalia changed her clothes and later wore loose grey cotton pants. These were decorated with simple geometric embroidery and she wore a bearskin sash around her waist. She also wore a brassiere of dark blue linen, which was wrapped around her breast with braided leather straps. Her body was decorated with the tribal symbols. She used the dark blue and white color which she also applied to her face like lines. Cullen explained to the group on the way to the Frostback Basin which symbols are applied on which occasions and what they mean - of course the Commander is not at all interested in the culture of the Avvar. In order not to freeze too much, Natalia also wore boots wrapped in fur and wrist warmers. These were fixed with ivory white, thin jute ropes, which were knotted together at the back and arms.

_"Well, I think that should work"_ , she thought as she lowered her head to take a closer look at herself. Natalia wanted to see herself, but the Avvar did not use mirrors. Suddenly there was a knock at her door - it was Cassandra. She was dressed similarly, only with the difference that she wore a large black piece of fur over her shoulder. 

"Natalia, I thought you'd already finished. The feast is about to begin."

"Cassandra! You look so...unusual. But in a positive sense! Like a warrior," said Natalia and mustered her astonished.

"You flatter me. I thought the clothes were too thin, but they warm better than I thought. The Iron Bull is also ready and is already waiting with the Commander at the fairground," she continued. Both of them made their way there. Cassandra examined them more closely and smiled.

"I bet the Commandant won't be able to resist you, the way you look today." - "Oh, stop it or I'll start blushing. I'll be glad if I can get off these ropes," said Natalia and laughed.

__________________________________________________

In the middle of the square was a fireplace that had not yet been lit. All around this fireplace were furs and food. The torches around the fireplace were already lighted, and the villagers were chatting and eating and drinking. Natalia turned around and saw how the Bull was talking to his petite red haired huntress. She shook her head impishly. The Iron Bull wore his usual clothes and in addition to that a war paint of the Avvar and a large piece of fur on his right shoulder.

" And I thought he was joking at Skyhold. Oh Bull, I guess you won't be seeing any more today," she giggled cheekily and Cassandra agreed with a silent chuckle as well. Natalia was very excited to see Cullen in his new clothes and looked around the crowd in sheer excitement. When she saw him from further away, she stopped in shock for a moment. She saw a blonde-haired, well-built woman talking to Cullen and touching his arm, pining over him and giving him lustful, flirty looks. It was hard to tell whether Cullen returned these flirtation attempts or not. Out of jealousy and doubt, Natalia checked again if her clothes fit properly and grumbled annoyed as she pulled on the ropes. Again she looked up and clenched her hand lightly into a fist, which Cassandra did not go unnoticed.

"Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, thanks for asking, Cassandra. Let's keep moving," she replied monotonously and walked down the small slope with Cassandra. On closer inspection, Cullen was wearing dark blue, almost black loose trousers and brown boots wrapped in fur and leather straps. Around his shoulders was a huge, majestic piece of fur which was attached to the ends with large, round brooches and a chain. He also wore, like the Iron Bull, the war paint of the Avvar in light blue and dark blue tones. 

"So you know how to battle huh?" the blond beauty asked, and her eyes sparkled as she looked up at him.

"Y-Yes. I-"

"I could show our weapons later, if you know what I mean-" she whispered shamelessly for lust.

He felt visibly uncomfortable next to the woman and saw Natalia coming towards him. He sensed that she did not like this sight. Nevertheless he examined her and he liked Natalia's clothes more than he had expected. He knew how she felt - this feeling of jealousy came over him in the hut earlier in the day, thinking that Natalia would be spoken to in this way by someone.

"E-excuse me. I need to see the Inquisitor for a moment," he said and took her hand off his arm. Cullen already had to jog slightly because she was running through the exuberant crowd at a fast pace. Finally, when he reached her after carefully pushing some guests aside, he approached Natalia's ear. 

"It's not what it looks like -" 

He fell silent as she turned around, expecting her usual terrifying looks - but Cullen was very much mistaken. Calm and with a wry smile, she glanced at him and shrugged her shoulders without further words and walked on. 

_"Is that a good sign or a bad sign?"_ he asked himself unsuspectingly and ran after her silently. The blonde watched this moment the whole time and also saw that Natalia looked at her in a challenging and angry way - like a lioness defending her babies. She hummed laughing and looked away.

All of a sudden the residents heard a drum sound. Sunhair and Storvacker came out. Behind them, residents drummed to the beat and all the others sat down. The four of them imitated this and also sat down on the floor. "We are here tonight to honor the dead gods. This is a special night, because we have friends from the Inquisition among us. The Inquisitor herself, Natalia "First Thaw" Trevelyan and her companions Cullen Rutherford, Cassandra Pentaghast and the Iron Bull," greeted Sunhair and the villagers cheered. 

"May the dance of the dead begin! First Thaw! - You have the honor of opening our festival. Our huntress Vestenwalde recently performed a heroic deed that has brought pride and honor to our village. She wanted to open the ceremony with you. Step forward," said Sunhair and Natalia stood up. Knowing it would be disrespectful to hold back, she walked to Sunhair and watched the blonde woman from earlier stand up as well.

_"Great."_ , Natalia thought and rolled her eyes in agitation as she exhaled.

"You will compete with your bare hands. Whoever falls to the ground or leaves the ring first has lost, and the winner will ignite the fire of the gods," explained Sunhair. Natalia was eager to win, but she knew she had to be realistic here. The sparring sessions with Cullen have always been an excellent training - even if it sometimes took a bit of " extra time ". 

The two of them entered a ring, which is marked with a colored marking. The drummers started to drum in a slow rhythm and the singers knocked rhythmically with the torches on the floor.

"So, Cullen, two women who must compete against each other. Don't miss a second of it. Blondie was very taken with you, let's see how Natalia does," the Iron Bull whispered to him and Cullen swallowed nervously.

In the ring Vestenwalde approached Natalia and whispered: "Your blond fighter in front is very charming. I wouldn't miss something like that. I'm a very good hunter you must know." - "Oh, yeah? Well, then show me how much you desire him," stated Natalia, acting unimpressed. Vestenwalde was struck by the cool manner of the inquisitor, but was not deterred and smiled mischievously challenging.

"Let the dance begin," called Sunhair and lit the torch in her hand. The women circled slowly to the rhythm of the drumbeats. They looked deep into each other's eyes and gave each other threatening looks. Vestenwalde was the first to try to attack Natalia by grabbing her upper arms. Her reflexes were fast and she swerved to the side with a half turn while Vestenwalde stumbled slightly forward. The residents and guests were quiet and watched intently, holding their breath in some cases with tension. Vestenwalde tried again and snapped the knotted ropes on Natalia's upper arm and pulled her down with enormous force, causing her to lose her balance. Natalia grabbed hold and countered with a grip on her blond braid. Vestenwalde felt the pull, bawled briefly and turned around. She slapped Natalia's wrist with the flat of her hand, so that she let go and both of them were short. "You are good, First Thaw," panting Vestenwalde.

"I know, you do good as well." Natalia also replied slightly tired and smiled cheekily. 

Cullen focused on Natalia and thought about their training together in Haven. He saw how Natalia watched her breathing and rhythm, how she gracefully avoided Vestenwalde's attacks and countered with fluid attacks like a snake.

He nervously bit his lips. "Don't sweat too much Commander, otherwise your painting will come off," Cassandra mentioned dryly, and Cullen deliberately did not look at her out of embarrassment.

The mood was very tense and the inhabitants could not take their eyes off the two warriors. Vestenwalde tried to impress Cullen with her strength and speed. She ran towards Natalia and raised her fist, but the moment she wanted to strike, Natalia suddenly ducked and stretched out her left leg. She squatted down and made a half turn to the rhythm of the music, like a dance, hitting Vestenwald's ankle. She rolled over, lost her balance and fell with her back to the ground. The masses held their breath, were speechless about this turn. Natalia stood up gracefully like a gazelle and reached out her hand to Vestenwalde.

"Well fought, Vestenwalde. You have earned the title of best hunter."

"Thanks for the fight. You defended your man very well," Vestenwalde replied and shook Natalia's hand slightly disappointed of herself.

The crowd cheered and Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. "Ha ha, well, you picked a very good warrior, Cullen! HA!", the Iron Bull shouted to him and patted gently on his back.

" First Thaw has won! The gods have spoken!" called Sunhair and the crowd rejoiced again. She handed the torch to Natalia and she lit the big fireplace. The fire blazed and rose in rapid speed.

__________________________________________________

"Honor the gods with food, drink and song," cried Sunhair cheering and the celebration was opened. Natalia returned to her group slightly breathless. "Well done, Boss! The training was worth it," said the Iron Bull and laughed. Natalia was quiet and smiled shyly. Cassandra glanced over at her and noticed that she needed a moment with the Commander. Inconspicuously, she looked over at the bull and cleared her throat. 

"Ahem!"

Completely perplexed, Bull looked at Cassandra and then at Cullen and Natalia. 

"Oh yes! There ahead there is beer and mead! Yeah.. Mead, tasty - Come with Cassandra, let's drink some beers. I introduce you to Iowana. She's a hunter, too," he said excitedly and lifted Cassandra over his shoulder.

"Hey! I am not a toy!" she cried out and the bull laughed without comment. 

The masses and the music drowned out the embarrassing silence that prevailed between the couple. Nervously he peered over at his warrior. Inconspicuously insecure, Natalia glanced briefly at Cullen and then at the crowd, where residents were dancing in the fields.

"Would you like to come with me?" Natalia suddenly asked and Cullen's heart stopped for a moment. He nodded and they both left the turmoil.

They searched for a quieter place by the sea, not far from the fairground. Both sat down on the cliffs by the water and watched the waves crash against the cliffs, the sound of the sea echoing through the air.

"That was...very impressive." Cullen commented. and looked over at Natalia but she remained silent and continued to observe the sea. He sensed an unpleasant tension between the two.

_"Should I have rejected Vestenwalde? Should I have been more direct? What happens now?"_ he thought nervously and imagined all kinds of scenarios. Either she leaves him wordlessly or gives him a slap in the face - anything was possible. He scratched the back of his head in a state of uncertainty.

"Y-You look incredible. I don't know what to say to that," he added nervously and Natalia looked at him skeptically with a lifted eyebrow.

"Really! I didn't think you would attract me with these clothes,but I-" he stuttered and mumbled from her iron gaze. Her eyes lit up, she turned to him and leaned in front of him while she seriously narrowed her eyebrows.

"What did you think of the fight?"

"H-how," he asked confusedly.

"Have I improved?" she asked further in a monotonous, serious undertone - almost primal, and continued to approach his lips. She narrowed her eyes, which were sparkling with curiosity. Cullen's breath became heavier by her amazonian appearance and he hummed with relief, smiling briefly.

" By all means. You hit very well." 

He felt the tension in Natalia's eyes and thought she was about to attack him like a fury. She leant back upright again and looked at the sea again.

"Good. You... you look very good too. No wonder Vestenwalde found you attractive. Most likely even without war paint and all the fur," she said quietly and bit her lips slightly in pain.

"Are you jealous?" he asked impishly and put his hand around her. "N-No! No way I-" she talked herself out of it frantically, but her honesty made her fall silent for a moment.

"All right, then. Yes," she admitted bashfully.

Cullen smiled wryly and kissed her tenderly. He stared into her eyes and touched her lips with his fingers.

"I only have eyes for you. And you have proven that you are serious about us. I love you. Forgive me for letting this happen, it was foolish. Next time--" he said and continued to kiss her passionately. Natalia calmed down and let his kisses completely take over. She stroked his hand while he kissed her neck with his warm, tender lips as they moved back to hers. Both looked into each other's eyes in love and smiled embarrassed. They climbed down from the cliffs and walked a little way.

"We should go back to the others, don't you think?" he asked softly. "We should, but we don't have to. Maybe you want to compete with me," she asked cheekily. Cullen laughed, lifted Natalia up and carried her on both arms. "Maybe in a few hours. I wouldn't mind but my warrior should celebrate something first," he grinned and laughed. Natalia giggled and put her arms around his neck while Cullen carried her back to the fairground.


	27. A little bit of paint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Feast of the Dead of Avvar was still in full swing, but the otherwise so reserved commander felt the urge to show his beloved a slightly different side of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Kinky Smut Chapter - You are warned  
> 2.) Yes I know, there are already many Avvar Cullen smut fanfictions and my God I love them all. But I also wanted to write one once haha.  
> 3.) Yes, Cullen is more dominant here than in the other chapters. I wanted it that way so if you don't agree with that, you can skip this chapter.
> 
> And last but not least a big thank you to my good friend Freethemages for the BETA reading and for your help.

_Artwork by me_

The darkest night dawned and the inhabitants of the Stone Bear tribe were still in a cheerful festive mood. While Cassandra competed with the strongest of the strong in a round of arm wrestling and wood crushing, there was no sign of Bull and his red haired beauty. Meanwhile, Cullen and Natalia sat around the campfire and watched as the residents danced carefree. Cullen could think of nothing else but Natalia's fight today - How gracefully and flexible she dodged the attacks, how graceful and firm she appeared. Her movements, the strained sighing. He glanced over to her and smiled. 

"My little lioness...I am glad you are enjoying this," he raved. His eyes wandered down to her well wrapped bust further to her thighs, which were squeezed together. Her hand lay on one of the thighs and she felt Cullen gently caress her palm. Her gaze turned to him, a satisfied grin was visible. 

"Damn" he thought to himself - how he would like to pounce on her now. His heart was pounding rapidly and the blood in him was seething with excitement. Natalia looked back at the dancing inhabitants, but Cullen didn't want that. He wanted her full attention. Uncertain, he gnawed briefly at her lips and his fingers ran down her wrist to her thighs. For a brief moment, he heard her heavy, startled breathing - his fingers went on, further to the inside of her thighs. They were in public and yet she tried to pull herself together to avoid attracting attention with her excited moans. A warm breeze surrounded her earlobe and it was like magic - Her full attention belonged to Cullen alone.

"You enchant me."

"Oh, am I?" she grinned cunningly over to him. She scrutinized him in his avvar clothes, his upper body decorated with the slightly smudged war paint.

"You should freshen up your paint, huh?"

Cullen checked his chest and arms, and in fact the paint was a little smudged. 

"I guess I'll have to go to the cabin for a bit, but it would be foolish to leave you here alone. I see others have their eyes on you, my love," he murmured and his fingers wandered unnoticed between her legs.

"That's why you're coming with me. Now." 

His deep, longing voice, those gold sparkling eyes - Damn. He was truly enchanted. She felt the blood heat up her cheeks, the warmth flow through her whole body, almost numb with arousal. For some reason he felt strong, confident - almost like a real barbaric Avvar warrior and Natalia couldn't figure out exactly what it was. His fingers slowly slipped from her skin to her hand and stood up with her - as if hypnotized, she pursued her lion and both of them sneaked to the hut.

"What got into him?" she thought as they approached the hut step by step. Cullen was always determined, he knew what he was doing. Although he showed insecurities in their relationship from time to time, which didn't bother Natalia at all. But he seemed like a changed man. Was it the clothes? The festival of Avvar? The alcohol? His grip was strong when they both ran to the cabin, he wanted her - right now.

"Cullen?"

"Yes?"

"What are you gonna do?"

He just laughed sneakily. That little, slightly vicious laugh only confused her even more. Without further words, he opened the door and let Natalia go through first. Confused, she stood in the middle of the room and watched Cullen sit down on the chair like a barbarian, one leg resting against a box next to it.

"I don't understand." She stuttered confusedly and Cullen, too, was beginning to understand that she was rather confused by his sudden behavior. He sat upright and cleared his throat uncertainty. Ashamed, he glanced to the side and rubbed his neck. 

"Maker, forgive me. I actually imagined it differently. I just wanted to show you that I'm also a little...well..."

"Be more dominant?"

He nodded embarrassed and saw his beloved standing in front of him with his chin turned to her.

"I thought that was cute."

"Cute?" he asked sulkily. Without warning, she sat on his lap and put her arms on his shoulder.

"My lion can do otherwise? Show me. I know it," she demanded with a smirk, tilting her head slightly to one side. Cullen did not let her say this twice.

"Stand up," he spoke in a deep, demanding voice and examined her in her avvar clothing. 

"Get undressed. Slowly," he ordered and Natalia did what her Commander asked her to do. Slowly, she released the ropes on her arms and slowly took off her clothes. Cullen relished the moment and rested his head on his fist to the side. After a few blinks Natalia stood in front of him - completely naked, as he ordered. Cullen bit his lips with pleasure and hummed to himself chuckling. With his index finger he pointed to the ropes lying on the floor and then took Natalia to him without a sound. She picked up the ropes and walked to her Avvar warrior. She felt his firm grip on her waist as he pulled her to him and buried his head in her neck. His hot breath, the dark, rough roar he gave off before he nibbled her earlobe.

"You will beg my dearest. You will beg for more."

"Is that so, Commander?" she asked cheekily playful and like a beast he quickly overpowered her. The hand on her neck, the other on her cross which he pushed towards him. 

"Don't get cocky, Trevelyan." Cullen bared his teeth.

Shit he was hot. She loved to tease him, she loved the risk. Suddenly, he grabbed her curvy hips and lifted her up. After a few steps he threw her on the bed and bawled softly when he saw her lying so weak on the bed. 

"Don't move." he ordered and quickly fetched a crucible. He took some paint from the pot and rubbed his palms with it. Then he took her hands and rubbed them in as well. She looked at him in wonder.

"I'd love to see all the places you'd touch on me as I ravished you. We'd both be covered by the end. This is our warpaint."

he declared determinedly and bent her over to her.

"I'd leave no place untouched. I'd take my time exploring every bit of you. My fingers, my tongue, outside and inside of you."

Only a moaning "fuck" came out of Natalia's lips. The lion was impatient and wanted to finally taste his beloved lioness. His hands cupped her cheeks, blue stripes appeared on her rosy flushed cheekbones while he brushed them with his thumbs. Their tongues twirled intensely, passionate. A soft pant came from Cullen's lips as she felt his hot breath on her lower lip. The longer and wilder he kissed her, the more for air both gasped. Her hands grabbed his shoulders, his flexed muscles. Her in blue paint covered fingertips brushed through his hair down to his neck. He cupped her breast, pushing her gently yet firm away from him. Cullen took the ropes which lay on the bed and prepared them. Teasingly with a wicked smile he pulled them in front of her, preparing to tie her. 

"Your hands on the back." he groaned quietly as she laid her hands on her back as he ordered. He tied her wrists together simply, but very tight and made a double knot. Now she was under his control - there was no way to free herself.

Slowly he kissed her lips, smeared with blue paint, further down to her cleavage, nibbling her nipple first. He heard how she gasped, how she purred in delight. His bites grew stronger, but not too much, because he wanted her to enjoy it - not suffer. Slowly he kissed his way down to her navel, then down to her inner thighs.  
With each kiss, her body twitched briefly as she groaned his name and gasped for air - that was only the beginning, he thought. His fingers slowly drove teasingly to her inner thighs. With some force he pushed her legs apart. 

"Mhh how wet you are, how outrageous. That's not proper, Trevelyan. But still, it would be a waste not to taste you - every single drop," he said impishly as she felt his hot breath on her crotch. Slowly he ran his tongue across her temple. She flinched briefly when she felt his tongue playfully circling around her clit - How much she wanted to pull his hair right now. He moaned with relish - damn how sweet she tastes. While he was sucking passionately on her he put his finger inside her cunt and pumped more of her nectar out. 

"Damn Cullen..." she moaned relentlessly, almost suffering - but she enjoyed being under his control. His gaze did not drift away from her, as his eyes laughed wickedly at her. For a moment he lifted his head up.

"You enjoy it too much," he said and stopped pumping into her. Demonstrative he licked his fingers clean and grasped again the soft flesh on her hip bone and turned her on her belly. His firm, clawed grip as he raised her butt briefly made Natalia squeal.

"You will scream. You will beg. Beg for more." he said determined and entered her with a slow push. He leaned forward and grabbed her with her hands tied together. Each of his pushes became more vehement, more primal. He pushed deeper into her until his cock disappeared inside her.

"Fuck, how tight you're my dear. How wet even. Naughty."

he growled and his fingers brushed her peachy butt teasingly. 

"I will fuck the hell out of you," 

She turned her head to the side, he saw her eyes flashing green like her anchor on her hand, challenging and waiting for more. The corner of her mouth shaping a wicked smile to him.

"Then do it finally."

Suddenly she felt a hard spank clashing against her cheek as he thrust harder into her. He pulled her tied wrist with an abrupt movement to himself and heard her whimper, clenching her teeth. 

"Your precious little butt needs some color as well...some blue paint, a little bit of red hm?" he said and spanked a bit harder again. And again. And again. She begged after every thrust, whimpered his name while he pulled her wrists to him in a constant rhythm. She felt her coming almost to the climax, her cunt squeezing in delight while Cullen's cock thrusts her steadily, crying out for more. He recognized her whimper came more often and louder - He knew she was ready to scream for him.

"Oh no, not yet."

He pulled himself out of her and helped her stand up from the bed. Her cheeks flushed red, her body weakened and her lips swollen, committed for more.

"On your knees," he commanded. Natalia knelt in front of him and watched him enjoying his hard cock. Cullen languidly stroked his erection, enjoying the way Natalia’a eyes were hungrily fixed on him. She always looked so beautiful on her knees. His hand pumped from his base to the tip slowly, and he circled the head of his cock with a cupped palm a few times before stroking downwards once more. He gripped himself there, as he stepped forward and pressed himself against her soft, wet lips. He couldn’t wait to feel them envelope his throbbing member. Her lips were welcoming as he pressed himself inside of her mouth, groaning. 

"You'd love to hold it right now, too, wouldn't you?"

"Maker, yes. Yes..." she moaned desperately and glanced up at her Commander. He gently stroked his tip over her wet, soft lips.

"I want you to taste yourself, it would be too bad if you missed it." 

He kept a grip on himself until he was nearly all the way inside, creating flutters in the back of her throat, and then his hands moved to tangle themselves in Natalia’s hair. "Look at me," he instructed and her gaze didn't wander from him for a second. His hands stroked gently over her head, slowly pushing her further and further toward him before his cock slowly disappeared into her. His hands guided her back and forth, sometimes slowly, sometimes a little quicker. Natalia moaned, slowly gasped for air. Her tongue played around his shaft, she felt her saliva dripping onto her thighs and mixing with the blue paint - but her gaze did not leave his hungry, longing eyes. 

"Good girl." he said and rewarded her with an enjoyable smile. She tasted his pre cum and moaned with relish as she enjoyed it, like Cullen savored her tongue and the vacuum around her. He too was almost ready to fill her and pulled his dick out of her. Cullen knelt down and kissed her passionately while his fingers brushed down around her waist to her hands and he untied the knots from her. Before she was free, she put her arms on his cheeks, stroked his chest and left soft blue streaks on his body.He helped his beloved up and led her to the bed again. At first he laid down with his hard manhood while she stood uncertainty in front of the bed. 

"Ride me." he whispered groaning.

She nodded without hesitation and sat on his lap. She slowly entered him and sighed when she finally felt him inside her again. Cullen enjoyed the sight of her, so full of color and the way she rolled her hips up and down; her hair completely tousled and her demanding, equally dominant look to him, how she cheekily bit her lips. With a humming laugh he pulled her to him and kissed her.

"Come for me."

"Fill me up." she replied cheekily.

A soft, mischievous humming came over his lips and he pressed Natalia firmly to himself. He panted while pumping himself inside her faster and faster. His thrusts get more primal, more animalistic - uncontrollable. He gripped her slightly swollen, flushed red cheeks harder as he thrust deeper inside her. Natalia whimpered uncontrollably, begged him fucking her faster, screamed his name with a pleased groan as she reached her climax, bit into his neck with delight.

Cullen felt her squeezes, her twitching and how tighter she got and so he got faster. He buried his nails into her flesh, moaned desperately into her ear. A loud yet deep and husky groan overcame his lips as he pressed himself as deep as he could inside her. 

"Fuck..Maker.." he growled like a beast as he slowed his tempo and sucked on her neck. Their bodies slowly went limp and Cullen was like a tamed lion. He hugged Natalia tightly and kissed her lips , her forehead, her whole face delicately and caring. Suddenly, the Inquisitor giggled briefly and, questioningly, Cullen tilted his head to one side, arching a brow.

"You have some face in the paint." 

"So do you." he chuckled and continued kissing her untroubled. His amber eyes sparkled in complete satisfaction, but he noticed that Natalia was a little worried.

"Is everything all right? Was I too inconsiderate? Did I hurt you?" he asked with worried puppy eyes. She stroked his cheeks and smiled.

"No, quite the opposite. I enjoyed it very much. It was wonderful, I'm just very exhausted."

Cullen smiled in relief and pressed her back to himself.

"Then my lioness will get her well-deserved sleep. I will protect you no matter what. I love you."

Wretchedly, he pulled her blanket over him and covered himself and Natalia before they both fell asleep covered in color and with tousled hair.


	28. Long time no see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia and Cullen travel to Ostwick to ask the Trevelyan family for help against Corypheus. But what Natalia does not expect is someone she has not seen for many years. Cullen has travelled to Ostwick primarily for the same reason but also to talk to the Lord personally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more focused on Natalia and her family so if you're more interested about what Cullen is up to just wait for the next chapter!
> 
> Also thank you so much for reading my fic, it really means a lot to me <3

"Ostwick has not changed in the last few years..." she was amazed after she passed through the gigantic entrance gates of Ostwick. The inhabitants had been talking about the announced visit of the Inquisitor for days and at first thought it was a rumor, but it came true when Natalia and Cullen rode together through the main street. 

The fight was more imminent than it was over, and yet the two of them watched as the residents cheered, even bowed. She smiled tensely, should she wave? No, that would not be her style. Natalia was modest - she knew that she was a little more familiar as a herald now, but she also knew that this didn't last long and that she would get her old life back some day. Cullen glanced over to her and was not surprised when he felt Natalia's insecurity and saw it in her eyes.

"Is it the people or the visit that makes you so nervous?"

"Both, actually. The last time I was here... that was 3 years ago? Four maybe."

she tells him and she feels her heart pounding, no, almost racing. Nothing has changed in Ostwick - the streets were clean, the residents happy and content, the walls intact. But when she remembers what happened to her a few years ago, and above all the fact that she never really thanked her uncle, her guilty conscience gnawed at her heart. 

They reached the Trevelyans' estate. It was not too big, not too pompous, but still full of grace and elegance which was clearly visible through the large, curved windows. The façade was covered with spots of ivy, which formed crystal wreaths on each leaf edge during the winter. A young stable boy took the two horses directly as the inquisitor and the commander dismounted from them. Natalia thanked them and they both ran to the front door, where a guard stood and opened it for the couple.

As they entered the main hall, Natalia was overcome with a comfortable, reminiscent feeling. The indescribable smell of home, of Ostwick. The main hall was simply decorated, in the middle was a large, dark red carpet with an golden embroidery of a horse. On the other side of the hall there were stone stairs to the other rooms and in the middle there were large yellow and red shimmering stained glass windows which were decorated with large bordeaux red curtains. Next to each door were magnificent bouquets of green flowers, Embrium and Vandalaris.

Natalia saw her parents eagerly waiting for her in the middle of the hall. She ran towards her parents with a racing heartbeat and literally fell into her father's arms. The firm, hearty hug of her father gave her the feeling of home, nostalgia and security. He put his hands on her upper arms and proudly admired his daughter.

"My child, how happy I am to see you again at last!" 

Natalia nodded happily and turned to her mother and fell into her arms as well.

"My child! We haven't seen you for so long, thank the Maker that you made it here unharmed."

Georgia glanced forward briefly and acted surprised when she saw Cullen standing before her.

"Oh, the Commander is here too? Nice to see you again," she greeted Cullen with a heart-rending smile.

Uncertain whether he should bow to the couple or shake hands, Darius came towards him and gave him a short, firm hug. Too familiar for the fact that Natalia hadn't yet told her parents about the official relationship between her and the Commander. 

"Commander - good to have you here. I am glad that you are accompanying Natalia, the roads to the free marches are not safe at the moment and then the snow and the cold..."

"I thank you for your hospitality my Lord, but I think that Natalia could have perfectly defended herself," he laughed. 

"Indeed, indeed, Commander. Well, then I would say let's get straight to the point," the Lord suggested and went straight to the council chamber.

Although Cullen and Natalia were primarily in Ostwick to visit their family but also to ask for support against Corypheus. The Inquisitor went ahead with her mother and talked about the trip to Ostwick while Darius talked to the commander a few meters further back.

"I have learned of your ambassador's victory in the Abor wilderness, and you are to be commended for your strategy and planning."

"Thank you, my lord, I am honored and I appreciate your words." Cullen thanked him and peered briefly at Natalia. She was engrossed in her conversation and would probably not notice anything of Cullen's current plans. Cullen leaned carefully over to Darius.

"However, I would have to talk to you later in private, if you have the time," he whispered.

"Of course, Commander," the Lord replied with a discreet nod.

The four of them were now standing just outside the council chamber and Natalia looked at the door in wonder when she heard a clearing from the other side. Slowly, she tensed the door handle and opened the door to the council room. In front of her stood a man who was a little taller and older than Darius. He wore a gray full beard and his black hair was shoulder-length, the sides gray and slightly wavy. The man supported himself with a wooden crutch, his left leg was missing and was replaced by a wooden prosthesis. His eyes were filled with tears that rolled down his face when he finally saw his niece again after so many years. 

"Travis!" she called and ran into her uncle's arms. She has not seen him since the incident at the Markham border and a reunion was more than necessary. She felt a great weight of sorrow and homesickness fall from her as she began to sob softly in his chest. Cullen saw how happy she was, how relieved she was to see her uncle again - he too had to hold back his tears and grinned over both ears.

"Natty! My goodness, you haven't changed much, your hair is much longer than before! We haven't seen each other for far too long!"

"Travis, I'm so glad... I'm so glad you're okay." 

Completely overwhelmed by her feelings Natalia didn't know whether to laugh or cry - whether to scream for joy or sob. Natalia calmed down and wiped the tears of joy from her face. Her cheeks were red with shame from Cullen, he saw her now in her most vulnerable moment, but she pulled herself together and took a deep breath with a grin on her face.

"Well then, now we are finally complete! Wonderful! If you want to talk about everything later, we can start planning," Travis said and they gathered around the council table.

__________________________________________________

Georgia was busy preparing for dinner while the rest of the Trevelyans and the Commander discussed further procedures. More than an hour had passed and the joyful mood turned into pure earnestness - because it was not only about Theda's safety but also about Natalia's. 

"Well, my soldiers will defend you on Skyhold. We will send the troop out at the same time as you leave.

"Who will take command?" asked Natalia Travis as she pulled a map of Skyhold and its surroundings from her leather bag.

"Cory."

Natalia was not surprised and briefly chuckled to herself.

"Let me guess, he insisted?"

"I figured he's one of the most capable in defense and already knows Skyhold - but yes, he asked me to. Several times."

"Tsk, it was obvious." Natalia laughed briefly and laid out the card. 

"It is important that the path to Skyhold is secured - and the river bank. We have already set up sentries and camps there. Our soldiers change their locations every week," Cullen commented, marking the camps on the map with a pencil. Natalia loved it when Cullen was so serious and determined and could not take her eyes off him. Cullen, too, peeped at her for a moment and gave her back a gentle grin.

"Okay, I'll pass this on to Cory. But what about Natalia?" Travis asked and both he and his brother looked over at her with a slightly concerned gaze. She knew exactly what was coming and warned Cullen already with an annoyed eye roll. Darius did not escape her obvious gaze and put his hands seriously on the table.

"Natalia we have to think of you too."

"Father I can take care of myself."

"What about your wound?"

"It has been healing for years, Father."

"A-and if you beat Corypheus? Do you know what happens then?! We don't know how much power this thing has!" his voice rose in concern.

"Your father's right, Natty. And most of all, we don't know what power that anchor has on your hand." Travis added.

Natalia smacked annoyed and also put her hands on the table, looking slightly menacing but confidently at her father. That was exactly the look of the Trevelyans - menacing, confident and with a small, wicked smile.

"I do not know. The important thing is that Thedas will be safed - not I. Don't worry, I will defeat him and not die. I know the anchor, I know how much power it holds."

Oh Natalia, you don't know how wrong you are, you will regret those words.  
Darius gave in with a sigh and stood up. 

"Very well, I believe in you my daughter. We will pray to the Maker that you return safely. But do not put yourself in unnecessary danger."

"Oh, this has already happened," she said provocatively. Her father did not poke any further but shook his head.

"Maker... but we're done now."

"I think so. In an emergency, Cory will contact Natalia." said Travis and smiled at her optimistically. 

"Well, I guess you two have a lot to talk about. Commander - how about I invite you for a game of chess? It's a long way to dinner," suggested Natalia's father and gently patted Cullen on the shoulder. 

"With pleasure." Cullen accepted and left the council room with the Lord. For a last moment he glanced over at Natalia with a smile but still she saw that his eyes spoke another language - they were full of fear and worry, justified. Cullen didn't know what would happen after the battle either, and that's exactly what had been worrying him for weeks. 

"So, you're the Inquisitor now," Travis stared at the window and saw the beauty of Ostwick, the horizon and the seashore, his hands behind his back. Natalia stood beside him and joined the sight of her home. 

"Yes. I did not choose it."

"And yet you go through with it, successfully. People talk, have hope. Natalia, I never thought..." 

Travis remembered what happened a few years back when they both fought at the border. That icy look of Natalia - full of fear and shock. How they both fought and killed one after the other - and then still lost. And later in the tent, how she almost snapped and her eyes were full of greed for revenge. After Natalia had recovered somewhat from her injuries and the war, she was in the house for a few months. She had to go to rehabilitation, was not allowed to fight - her skills were rusting and even a healer advised her not to be used as a soldier again. The chances were bad but Natalia was determined to continue - with success. He heard Natalia humming to herself. She also thought about all this for a moment. This disgusted and horrified humming gave him question marks.

"He was there. On Skyhold."

His eyes went into shock, his heart dropped in his pants. His blood stopped in his veins as if it was freezing. Natalia's gaze did not leave the window.

"Cullen saved me. Jorah was locked up." 

"That was his sentence? Imprisoned for life? No decapitation?" he asked in horror.

"He killed himself." she continued in an icy, monotone voice. Travis' shocked expression spoke volumes when he heard her say such things. The Inquisition also changed Natalia - she was no longer looking for the revenge or justice of those days, she wanted to leave people to their own devices. Silence overcame, the only thing that could be heard was a slight echoing in the hall, even the birds and the servants could be heard echoing through the windows and walls. The room was illuminated by the blood-red sun, the sea in the distance glittered in the distance, it began to snow.

He turned to Natalia again and smiled. "Rumor has it that you have a thing with the Commander. Is it true?" 

She hesitated, but it wasn't a rumor, much more an open secret.

"Yes, for almost a year."

"A year? I only heard the rumor a few weeks ago," Travis marveled and saw how Natalia was secretly happy, the little smile of love betraying her. 

"And you are happy, I guess - so am I. You deserve only the best. Cullen has changed a lot since Kirkwall, Cory told me."

He nudged Natalia slightly on the shoulder. "And I guess that makes you kind of innocent, doesn't it?" 

Embarrassed, she giggled to herself and her eyes sparkled over to him.

"I hope in a good sense uncle. But...Cullen has changed me too, I am happier," she continued.

"What do you intend to do later? After Corypheus?"

Natalia looked thoughtfully for a moment but found no concrete answer. She never really thought about what would happen afterwards - if she survived, of course. With her index finger she tapped her lips and thought.

"To be honest, I don't know. I don't even know if I would return here to Ostwick or stay on Skyhold."

Travis beamed a smile over to her.

"Do you want to leave Skyhold?"

Natalia considered this question - Skyhold, a place she has built with others, where she has a bed of her own, where she tends the herbs in the garden, where her horse has a stable and feels comfortable and her new, small and chaotic family keeps her on her toes. She has her peace and quiet there and yet it is alive with people who are important to her. Her eyes lit up with all the wonderful moments she thought about.

"No. I think it's my home, Skyhold has made its mark on me but if Cullen is thinking of returning to Honnleath, I'll follow him."

Travis hummed to himself, chuckling. This romantic, naive thinking - that's how he knew her and his father. He was the same in his younger years. Sometimes Natalia was too willing to take risks, but in this case the general of the Ostwick army was sure that Natalia had finally found her happiness. He turned to her and touched her shoulder. 

"I am pleased for you, Natalia, I really am. But please be careful, you know why."

"I know, but Cullen makes me very happy - I trust him blindly. He has never let me down once and he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with." she smiled proudly and secretly played with her bracelet, which Cullen had given her as a gift. She watched her uncle and her eyes fixed on his leg, which he lost.

"What happened to your leg? A war wound?"

Travis suddenly laughed and Natalia recoiled slightly confused.

"You could say that. I slipped off a cliff in Rivain two years ago and the leg was gone." 

"And you can laugh about that?" she asked confusedly.

"Well, considering "how" I slipped off the cliff - but I'll tell you about that some other time, maybe later at the dinner," he continued joyfully. 

"I will never understand your sense of humor, uncle, that was too gloomy even for me."

They both left the council room and walked around the estate a little before dinner began, arm in arm like back then at the borders between Ostwick and Markham.


	29. Good enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my friend Girstandstill for doing the Beta reading ❤️

During the chat between Natalia and her uncle, Cullen and the Lord walked through the main hall of the estate towards the library. On the way there, Darius had already spotted Cullen's jittery, insecure posture - an unusual sight since Darius actually knows the Commander as a thoroughly confident and determined gentleman. Cullen's heart was beating with excitement, because his plan decided over many things - about himself, about Natalia and their relationship. Cullen turned around abruptly when he noticed the lord standing behind him shaking his head.

"Commander, I don't really feel like playing chess. How about taking a little time out in the fresh air outside?" he played.

"Gladly, I think it would be more appropriate after this meeting."

Darius nodded and they both went back to the garden. The garden wasn't very large, but there were a few corners where we could take a breather during a break. At the back of the garden there was a small pagoda which stood near a river. All the way across they didn't change a word and Darius also started to get nervous about the Commanders matter. Cullen tried to get something out of his lips and fill that awkward silence, but his thoughts circled around his head.

_"Damn it, how do I ask him? Maybe I shouldn't ask him - no that would be foolish. How do you actually do that with the nobility? No, I'm doing the right thing."_

"So...here we are, sit down." interrupted Darius Cullen's thoughts and both sat down in the pagoda and watched the river flow by.

"You meant you wanted to talk to me about something?"

Cullen cleared his throat and tried to find the right words.

"It's about Natalia, my lord."

His hands sweating with nervousness, his eyes unable to focus on anything -  
Cullen's heart slipped right into his pants as he thought about his Inquisitor. Nervously he cleared his throat again and blinked away several times. Darius knew exactly what it was all about and laughed to himself.

"Oh, Cullen... you're a little late with that. We already know about Natalia, that was hard to miss on Skyhold. And after what happened on the Halamshiral, we learned through our friends." the Lord chuckled shortly and tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

Damn it, Cullen had forgotten all about it - neither of them had really made the relationship official in front of Natalia's parents, which only makes the whole thing more difficult. But what else could he do? When would be the next opportunity? He pulled himself together and looked seriously at Darius.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, we-"

Darius interrupted him by patting him on the shoulder.

"Do not worry. Natalia has always been more discreet when it comes to relationships. You are not to blame for anything, and Natalia is not to blame either."

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief when he watched the lord smile so carefree and selflessly. He straightened up and his serious expression was still full of happiness and hope.

"My Lord," he paused briefly and folded his hands.

"Natalia is the best thing the Maker has ever given me. She has taken care of me more than I actually deserve and is a wonderful and strong woman. I want to protect her, I've wanted to protect her since Haven, since we saw each other, and so..."

Cullen breathed in for a second but his gaze did not stray from Darius' expectant shimmering eyes.

"I came to ask your permission to marry her, my lord."

There was a brief silence. Darius was a little surprised and so his surprised expression spoke to Cullen. 

"F-forgive me if this is so sudden I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Don't worry, you're not doing it." Darius said understandingly.

Both of them glanced back at the river. Darius also had to think about it a bit and again all you could hear was the splashing of the water and the birds chirping on the roof of the pagoda. In Cullen itself there was an inner restlessness, as if his stomach had been turned several times and his thoughts made his head feel heavy as lead.

"It would be foolish not to ask your permission. Perhaps this is the last chance to-"

Cullen declared sadly no, he could not complete this sentence. The pain is too great to think about what will happen to Natalia in the end. The Lord watched him and puffed softly for a moment.

"That's right. She is so confident but unfortunately she has always been like that and has been disappointed so often. From me as a father, from her home, from that bastard...and yet. Just like you, I don't want to imagine it, let alone think about it. I suppose you would have chosen a better time to do it, too."

Cullen nodded silently and tugged thoughtfully at his leather gloves. For a brief moment a weight fell from his shoulders and he breathed quietly.

"If you are really sure that Natalia is the one you want to take as your wife; if you are really certain that you can give my daughter a better life, then do it. I won't stand in your way, Cullen. To be honest, I haven't always heard good things from you, especially about Kirkwall. But you take care of my daughter, you never take your eyes off her and even back then at dinner you showed me that she is everything to you. Such love and care from a man is unknown to Natalia".

Darius explained further and smiled over to the commander, patted him gently on the shoulder. For Cullen a burden fell from his heart. He felt his body warm with joy, that slight grin he gave the lord said more than just gratitude. 

"Nevertheless," Darius added with a serious expression and Cullen listened attentively. 

"If anything happens to her for which you are to blame, you can be sure that we will not let you get away with it.

Despite the threatening undertone, Cullen nodded sympathetically to the Lord.

"Thank you my lord, I appreciate this very much. You have my word."

"You keep her nicely in check - Your peace and serenity inspire me. My daughter can sometimes be very quick-tempered, can't she?" laughed Darius.

"Yes but that's what I love about her. I love everything about her," the Commander replied slightly sheepishly. 

"I am happy for you both, and I mean that seriously Cullen. Don't wait too long with it, though. There is never the right time. You have to create that perfect moment for yourself."

"Thank you for your advice, my Lord." 

The lord felt a sudden cold shiver go down his spine as he saw the dark clouds on the horizon. 

"I guess as quick-tempered as Natalia is, as quick-tempered will be today's weather. I suggest we go back before the storm starts," Darius suggested and both did not hesitate to return to the estate. 

____

The dinner was a real treat for the family. There was a lot of conversation, especially about the meeting of the Inquisitor and Cullen. Both were relieved that Natalia's family now officially knew about them from these two and that they no longer had to hold back but could deal with the whole situation in a relaxed manner. Travis, too, told about the time during Natalia's absence - his time after the betrayal, his injury, which he had gotten by an accident but also that he had been on the road a lot in all those years and had had great adventures.

Just before nightfall, Cullen leaned against the window frame in the bedroom and picked something out of his pocket. It was a ring of silverite - discreet, without a gemstone but with a floral engraving. He thought about Darius' words as he looked up at the window and saw the trees swaying back and forth in the storm.

"If I am really sure..." he mused softly. He was torn - Natalia is his everything, the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But can he offer her what it takes to be happy? Can he be the man who can make Natalia happy, after all that he did back then? What if he relapses and the longing for lyrium is stronger than the love for her? 

Sorrowfully he continued to look at the ring, tormented by remorse. He remembered when they met in Haven. She proved him wrong - he fell in love with her. And what happens afterwards, after Corypheus - Could he remain faithful to her even after death? Does he want anyone after her death?

Immersed in thought, he woke up suddenly and quickly hid the ring in his trouser pocket when he heard the door handle. Natalia entered the guest room, she noticed Cullen's eyes were clouded when she saw his worried puppy eyes.

"Cullen? Is everything OK?"

She walked to him worried, gently stroking his arm. The rain hadn't stopped since the afternoon and a thunderstorm was brewing again. Both only heard the windows clink and the rain crashing against the glass. 

"Yes, don't worry." he lied, adorned with a convulsive smile. Natalia shook her head in disbelief.

"Cullen you are a miserable liar," she remarked with a cheeky smile.

"Natalia, I don't know..." he broke off.

"What's wrong?"

Cullen couldn't look her in the eyes, he felt wrong, vulnerable. He bit his lip, tried to suppress his feelings and tears. Natalia put her warm hands on his cheeks and gently stroked them with her thumbs. He sighed and glanced into her eyes for a moment.

"I am not good enough for you. I have made mistakes."

Natalia looked at him in bewilderment. 

"W-What do you mean? Cullen, what are you talking about? I don't understand."

She carefully wiped away a tear that slowly rolled down his cheekbone.  
He took her hands and lowered them.

"Natalia, I cannot give you the life you deserve. I am addicted to lyrium, I treated the mages badly back then - I treated you badly. And I don't want you to..." he sobbed and looked down.

Natalia shook her head again and put her hands on his cheeks again, carefully turning his head towards her and brushing the strands of hair off his face.

"Cullen look at me please," Natalia asked carefully.

Her eyes sparkled, also filled with tears but she smiled.

"I love you as you are. We have all made mistakes but they have made us who we are. You fight relentlessly, are always caring and show me every day that it is worth surviving. You have come so far, you don't need the lyrium and you know it. In these difficult times it is you who bring me happiness and joy. You make me happy. Every single day."

Natalia leaned forward and stole a kiss from his soft lips. Slowly her arms fell gently on Cullen's shoulders, her fingers running through the back of his head and his light curl twirling around them. She fell into his arms, feeling how tightly he embraced her, how deeply his fingers clasped around her.

“I’m scared..." she admitted and began to cry. She desperately grabbed for his linen shirt, baring her teeth.

"I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of death."

For the first time, Cullen felt her fear as she trembled and whimpered softly as her breath grew heavy with panic. Over the last few months, her otherwise safe and confident manner was just a shell behind which a woman with fear and worry and vulnerability hid. 

"You will come back. You must come back, I know that the Maker will protect you. And whether he does or not, I will always be at your side." he whispered into her ear before continuing to kiss her and hold her tighter to himself. A sudden knock at the door sent a cold shiver down Natalia's spinal cord as she was startled for a moment. 

"Yes?" Cullen asked, but the door didn't open.

"Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know that the tub for Lady Trevelyan is ready." said a servant through the door and Natalia glanced over at the door. 

"Thank you very much, I'll be on my way right away," she replied half-loudly and glanced back to her love. 

_“Should I ask him? Would this be...too intimate? I mean we already slept together several times but..”_ she considered.

"Cullen?" she hesitated, filled with uncertainty. He tilted his head questioningly, stroking her cheek gently. 

“Uhm..nevermind. Sorry I just-”

“Tell me, my love. What’s on your mind?”

Cullen noticed her cheeks flushing crimson red as she glanced away in shame. 

“Would you like to...join me?” she stuttered bashfully. Cullen’s cheeks turned red as he cleared his throat in timidness. 

“I-I mean if you wish to-” 

She smiled in relief and without any words she gently took his hand and carefully opened the door and looked if the way for the two was clear. The chances were low that the two got caught. At Skyhold the others would probably gossip about these lovebirds and for now it was their chance to get more intimate. 

“Good, I think we can sneak out now.” she whispered and the two walked through the hallway to the bathroom. Hastily Natalia opened the door and both sneaked in. The bath was already prepared and the tub was full with foam and rose petals.

“Uhm…” Natalia wondered when she saw how romantic the bathroom was decorated. Beside the petals, some vases with roses and candles stood aside. Cullen saw a letter on the side table and gave it to Natalia.

"I'm a little surprised, is this how you wanted it decorated?"

"No, actually it's more than unusual," she said and opened the letter. 

"Take the opportunity. - Darius and Georgia.What does that mean?" Natalia asked herself and glanced questioningly over to Cullen. 

_"Damn it, he arranged it for us...and Georgia now knows about it too," he thought as his heart slipped into his pants and he panickedly looked for an excuse._

"Um...maybe your parents just wanted to do something good for you?"

Natalia rolled her eyes in bewilderment and put the letter aside. Slowly she undressed and took off her top. While Cullen took off his trousers, both of them heard a slight jingling sound over the stony floor. Cullen's eyes widened in shock as he saw the ring roll across the floor from his pocket.

_"Fuck"_ he thought to himself and looked panickedly at Natalia, who couldn't see the ring because of the top. Cullen quickly leaned forward and grabbed the ring and put it back in his pocket. 

Natalia now stood torso-free with her back to Cullen and looked around.

"Did you hear that?"

"Did you hear what?"

"A tinkle."

Cullen laughed briefly in an unsettled state and ran towards her and stroked her shoulders.

"I don't think you heard right." he whispered and kissed her back. Natalia gave a relaxed sigh and enjoyed his soft lips on her skin. His hands slid slowly forward to the lacing of her trousers and opened them for his Inquisitor.

Quickly she forgot the previous tinkle and brushed across his arms, helping him to slowly take off her trousers. Cullen kneeled down and kissed her back up to the cross, also giving Natalia's scar on her ribs some attention. She slipped out of her trousers, turned to him and took his hand again, leading to the tub.

Carefully she felt the warm water and both of them slowly got in. A bit uncomfortable and touched with embarrassment they sat opposite each other in the tub. 

"It...is really beautiful." Natalia remarked sheepishly as she glanced at the Commander with the foam and the single rose petals on his body.

"Really? You seem a little nervous."

"It's a little new for me. And then there's the whole decoration..."

Cullen smiled understandingly and held her hand. 

"Me, too... but I love having you near me. You look so beautiful with all that foam and roses, my love."

Natalia let herself be seduced by his melodic voice and his tender touch and kissed him through the warm haze that rose.

She turned around and leaned against his wet chest and let herself go completely. She closed her eyes and sighed with relaxation. 

"I don't want to get out of here anymore" she sighed contentedly and held his hand in the water, stroking the back of his hand.

"Likewise." he agreed and stroked the sweaty, wet strands of hair from her face. His other hand stroked her thigh and at last the commander could switch off completely. Every fibre of his muscles relaxed and he put his head back into the neck and moaned gently. 

"I want more of these moments with you, Cullen. I hope someday it can be." 

"Dearest..."

He kissed the back of her head and kept stroking her, but when he thought about what might happen after the fight with Natalia, it left a bitter taste.

"I'm sure we'll have more time for each other at some point. Someday all this will be over."


	30. Bad timing - Or not?

_Artwork by LJ Creative_

The civil war in the Exalted Plains has caused severe damage to the local people and its nature. The Inquisition needs more recruits and thus helps the inhabitants to gradually build up their villages with supplies and protection. Nevertheless, the Inquisitor also had to make sure that no further rifts formed, the inhabitants have a hard enough time as it is already.

Natalia washed her in blood and dirt splattered armor before ending the successful day after clearing the path from monsters between two villages. She laboriously scrubbed the dirt away with a wet brush and watched the Commander talking to the recruits. She never missed his secret glances at her and every time she caught him doing so, she smiled - But Cullen just looked away, without any smile, not even his famous blushing. But what Natalia has also noticed is that since their visit to Ostwick over a week ago, Cullen has behaved strangely distant. 

"Hmm, he doesn't really seem to be making eye contact with you," Dorian remarked and sat down next to Natalia with a leather flask in his hand, sipping on it. She did not comment on this statement but focused on cleaning her armor in silence.

"Not so talkative today?"

"Oh, Dorian, as much as I love talking to you about just about anything, I'm a little tired."

"I understand, would you like a sip of wine?" he offered and handed her the bottle which she took with a shy nod and also sipped briefly. In disbelief Dorian shook his head and took the bottle and snapped the brush to himself.

"I can see that something is wrong. You're not tired at all."

Natalia sighed slightly annoyed and put the armor aside. 

"Cullen has been behaving strangely since Ostwick. So distant. I asked him about it but he always avoids it and always pretends to be busy. I know he has a lot to do but as soon as I'm near him he acts strange. I don't know what to do anymore, maybe it's all going to his head a bit."

"It's understandable if he' s busy. But he shouldn't neglect you, Natty."

She agreed with a nod and heaved a sigh. Dorian took his little, sometimes annoying, fox firmly in his arms and shook her shoulder slightly.

"Talk to him when he has a spare minute."

Again she glanced over at Cullen and noticed him entering his tent. "I won't let the moment be taken away," she replied and ran quickly to his tent while Dorian sipped his bottle while watching and enjoyed his wine by the campfire. Natalia carefully pushed the entrance to the tent aside and watched Cullen sorting the papers. Silently, she crept up to him and hugged him tightly from behind. Cullen spooked and turned around hastily - His eyes grew large and a short gasp for air made him look terrified. Natalia also shrank back a little and looked at him with terrified eyes.

"Can't I surprise you just once?" she asked intently.

"Natalia, forgive me. I wasn't expecting you."

"Cullen what's wrong? Since Ostwick you've been so distant..."

Cullen's snapped gaze spoke volumes but she was actually right - it was something indeed. He tried to avoid the subject by turning to his papers but the Inquisitor was quicker than him and blocked his way to the papers.

"Oh no. I will not be shaken off like this."

"I know..." he sighed.

"Then why don't you tell me what's wrong? Am I too much trouble? Is it all going to your head? Talk to me, please. Even when we're in bed together, it feels weird."

Cullen grabbed his forehead in despair and tried to explain himself. But the long silence was answer enough for Natalia and she walked past him disheartened.

"Natalia I-" 

Cullen walked towards her and catched her hand firmly. "I want to stay with you. I love you-"

both heard it getting noisier outside - the clanging metal, screaming and shouting. They left the tent without further ado and saw the soldiers reaching for their swords and the inhabitants taking refuge. 

"By the Maker what is happening?!" Natalia asked in panic and ran a few meters ahead when she saw a giant demon standing not far away.

"Shit, that's all I needed!" she cursed and without hesitation she ran to her sword. Now was not the time for relationship problems and not for any preparation. Without armor Natalia ran to the Demon but Cullen grabbed her hand quickly pulling her back to him.

"Are you completely insane?! You can't fight that thing without armor!"

"Cullen we don't have time! We gotta take him down now!"

"Yes, but you don't have to die either," he shouted angrily at her and tugged at her arm - an act of concern and distress. Natalia, however, as stubborn as she was, broke free of the Commander's firm grip and rushed to the Demon. 

"Maker, she is insane!" he muttered bewildered and ran after her. Natalia stopped a few meters behind a rock in front of the demon and looked behind him as the green particles of a rift passed the demon. On closer inspection they realised that it was not just any demon - It was a demon of pride. "Shit. This is even a special kind of demon. He is...bigger," Dorian mentioned and looked over at him with big, stunned eyes. This Demon was not bluish as usual, but had a reddish skin. His eyes were also much bigger. "By Andraste's tits - Here?!" asked Varric in indignation and prepared his crossbow Bianca for battle. He glanced to his right and looked even more aghast as he saw Natalia standing beside him without a breastplate. "Are you crazy?!" - "Perhaps? Varric we don't have time now-" she said briefly and got ready as well. The Demon turned around and discovered the group. Natalia shrank back. 

"Damn it, it saw us. Cullen, Cassandra - we surround him and attack from all sides. Dorian and Varric keep at a distance," she explained and threw a bottle of healing potion at Cullen.

"Just in case."

"All right. Let's finish him off. I got your back," Cullen said severely and the group used the tactic. Before Natalia ran to the Demon, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder and turned around. 

"Don't do anything rash. Do not overdo it."

she nodded determined and they both set off. Natalia took too great a risk, but she must not lose any time, not when a demon is about to slaughter an intact village.

Cullen drew the demon's attention to himself while Cassandra attacked him from behind. Natalia tried to disturb the rift and stretched out her arm to the rift. She felt an uncomfortable heat in her hand that she had never felt before - A corrosive feeling, as if something was eating away at her inside and devouring every fibre.

"Argh!", she cried out for a moment and brushed her teeth. "Concentrate, Nat" she murmured quietly to herself and tried to disturb the rift with a pulling gesture - with success. Natalia managed to disturb the rift and turned over to Dorian and Varric. "Now!", she cried out and ran back to the Demon. Varric shot explosive bolts at the Demon with Bianca while Dorian conjured several fire spells. 

"Damn, he's too strong!" Cassandra shrieked and continued to attack him. Cullen swung his sword and with a clean cut, hit one leg of the Demon. Natalia ran after him and slipped her sword against the wound. The Demon, however, regained his composure and gathered his strength. "Shit," Natalia screamed and moved away from the demon, focused and ran after her while the others tried to attack the demon further.

She tried to get a lead with a sprint - She was in good shape and the Trevelyan itself was agile, she puffed for air in short bursts and felt in her hand that her focus was fully charged and turned quickly towards the Demon. Natalia stretched out her hand and summoned a pull. Again she felt this heat, as if her hand was burning inside out.

"Argh! No, I'll keep up" she screamed and the Demon now had her completely in his sights.

"Shit..." 

Cullen cursed watching Natalia having troubles. The power of focus was too strong and Natalia struggled for control with her last ounce of strength. The anchor grew stronger and turned against the Inquisitor.

"N-no! Stay there!" she yelled at the anchor. The Demon reached out with his hand - he was about to crush Natalia with one move. This was Cullen's chance to catch up with the Demon and deal him a blow. He drew out with his sword again and jumped towards the Demon and hit him with a good swing. During his jump Natalia felt that she was losing control and cried out. The suction became too strong and exploded and Natalia and the others were thrown away by the heavy explosion.

She landed hard and dragged through the gravel. Confused, she slowly stood up and felt the pain on her hand. The anchor had Natalia under its control for a moment. She examined her hand more closely and felt the lightning tugging at her nerves and light greenish flashes of lightning surrounding her fingers. The pain quickly subsided and she looked at the square. The monster lay motionless in the middle, almost charred. Cassandra and Varric slowly stood up and helped each other up.

"What the hell happened?" Dorian asked himself and grabbed his head in pain. Natalia continued checking around and saw a motionless body lying not far from the fight.

"No..."

Her heart stopped and she felt a cold shiver run down her spine.

"Cullen!" she cried out and ran limply to him. She knelt down in front turning him towards her. He lay there, motionless and scarred - his fur coat was scorched. "No! Cullen!" she whimpered in tears and bare her teeth in sorrow and rage. She laid his head on her lap and couldn't not stop crying. Carefully, she stroked his soft, honey-blonde hair and wiped the dirt from his scratches - With her fingers she carefully felt his lips and felt a slight breeze. 

"Cullen?"

Her eyes widened in hope and she checked his breath again - he was still alive but unconscious. In panic, she quickly turned her head over to Dorian and trembled all over her body. "Cullen is alive! We must get him to the camp immediately!" 

Dorian immediately knew what to do and rushed over to them. He helped her carry the Commander to the camp. His feet dragged lightly across the floor and Natalia bit her lips with effort.

"You will not die. It's still too early for that, Commander," she murmured with exertion. It was only a few more metres but for both of them it felt like an eternity. Dorian and Natalia themselves struggled with their wounds, so Varric and Cassandra ran ahead with their last ounce of strength and reached the camp.

"The Commander is badly wounded...we...we need a bed...now!", Cassandra panting in exhaustion, leaning her arms on her knees. The soldiers ran to Natalia with a stretcher, which could be seen not far away and immediately took care of Cullen, putting him on the stretcher and running at a fast pace to the camp. Natalia herself was at the end of her tether, but she did not want to stop. With her last ounce of strength she reached the camp with Dorian and she sat down on the ground.

"Inquisitor! What happened?!" Harding asked, who was returning from another mission. The Inquisitor needed a short moment and slowly gasped for breath before she could utter a proper word. She looked up at Harding exhausted and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"This monster...this monster was almost impossible to defeat. I released my anchor and could barely keep it under control. At that moment, Cullen attacked the monster and the anchor broke loose at that moment. It came down and we all fell to the ground. The Commander was closest to the monster and I saw him lying unconscious," she explained, broken and glancing over to the tent. She ran over to it and started crying when she saw Cullen lying on the camp bed. "Damn it, it's my fault," she whimpered softly and sat down to watch over him. Hours passed but Natalia didn't leave his side, not even to have her own wounds treated.

Cullen slowly opened his eyes, blinking, and supported himself with his elbows. With a crooked smile he glanced over at Natalia.

"Thank the Maker, you are alive!"

she whimpered softly and held his hand tightly against her, worried.

"Why did you do this? You saw that I was not in control of the anchor."

Cullen carefully reached her hand and gazed at her warm heartedly.

"This monster was about to attack you. I told you I would never let anything happen to you. I swore to myself. And you were without armor-" he tried to explain and bared his teeth in pain as he suddenly felt an uneasy pull in his ribs. Natalia pressed him gently against his chest on the cot so he wouldn't have to exert himself further and stroked the back of his hand. "I know it was stupid...but there was no time, it all happened so fast."

Cullen shook his head and snarled.

"Never do that again, Natalia. I beg you.”

She nodded in remorse, biting her lips.

”Did you think I was gonna die?" he asked.

"I'd be lying' if I said no. I didn't want to."

she answered, her heartbeat freezing as he looked away slightly disappointed.

"How bad is the pain?" she asked, further worried.

"It's okay. It's just several bruises. I landed badly, that's all," he explained and tried to calm her down. Natalia was more than relieved that Cullen was conscious. Slowly, she leaned in front of him and hugged him gently. "I could not have forgiven myself, Cullen. Now I'm the one that's gonna take care of you." she whispered to him and smiled.

"Get some rest... if there's anything, please let me know. I will take care of you," she said gently, stroking his arm. Cullen felt himself falling slowly - Her tender touches on his arm gave him the feeling of security and safety - never before had he felt the feeling of closeness like with Natalia. With all his strength he tried to keep his eyes open and saw how his image of her slowly vanished. Cassandra and Dorian peered secretly through the tent 

"She has to take care of herself too," said Cassandra.

"She looks obviously worn out and exhausted, I hope her hand doesn't hurt too much, it didn't look very healthy earlier," the Tevinteran commented.

Dorian quietly entered the tent and carefully grabbed Natalia's shoulder. "You have to get medical attention as well, Natyy. I'll look after him until then," he whispered. She turned to him and stood up slowly.

"All right. But please say something if you notice anything suspicious," she said and Dorian nodded. She left the tent and saw Cassandra already waiting for her outside the tent. 

\----------------

"Does it hurt?" Cassandra asked while disinfecting Natalia.

"No, it's just slight scratches and bruises," she replied dryly.

Cassandra knew Natalia very well and knew that the injuries she suffers from were not physical. Her sad look as she bit her lips in remorse and her eyes were milky with sadness betrayed everything.

"Natalia, you don't need to reproach yourself. It was just a bad moment and you didn't know what to do with the anchor," she explained and dried the last wound. Natalia looked furiously at her hand. The anchor felt warm but didn't light up.

"This thing only causes me trouble. It had nearly cost Cullens life. " she growled in anger.

"If Cullen's better tomorrow, we're leaving - don't want to stay here any longer" she ordered.

"If you like, I can finish Cullen's last chores here and travel to Skyhold a little later."

"You don't have to, we--"

" I’ll do it. Don't worry, Natty."

Natalia took it and gave her friend a great big hug. 

"Thanks, Cassandra. You don't know how much this means to me."

Cassandra took the hug and pressed Natalia to her.

"You've got enough to go through and that's what friends are for."

\----------------  
In the evening Natalia sat alone at the campfire and observed the flames tangling and dancing around. The playing flames had her attention - with sparkling, flashing eyes she stood up and went to the fire.

" I don't want this thing any longer-" she whispered as if almost mesmerised and held her left hand to the fire. She approached the flame piece by piece and felt her skin getting hotter. Natalia bit her lips in pain and moved her hand closer to the fire. The anchor flashed slightly and the pain became more intense, but she did not flinch.

"This heat... I don't want you anymore," she said in pain and led her hand deeper into the fire. 

"Stop!” a serious voice came from a distance. Instinctively she twitched and held her hot hand to herself and turned seeing Cullen standing outside his tent. Angry, almost wrathful, he stared over and rushed towards her. Natalia burst into tears and fell to her knees.

"Cullen I can't do this anymore. Hurting you was the last thing. I never meant to hurt you. This anchor has me under control!" she whimpered and squeezed her left hand convulsively. Cullen couldn't watch this - he hated it when she cried, but he knew she sometimes needed a harsh tone to pull herself together. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her up to him.

"You will listen to me now, soldier," he said seriously and stared deep into her eyes with arched eyebrows. Natalia held her breath in fright, stopped crying and examined his amber eyes more closely, how menacingly they flickered through the fire. 

"You are not to blame for all this. You did what you had to do. I am still alive because you took care of me all the time. I could have died in the ruins even then - I could have died from my addiction to lyrium. There were many moments when this was possible. But you... you have shown me that life is worth living. Especially when you have someone at your side whom you can trust completely." Cullen explained and his serious tone faded with a soft, gently crooked smile. Natalia's heart raced faster as she continued to look at his face and her cheeks blushed as they smiled at his beautiful lips adorned with his scar. He stroked her gently on her hot cheek and smiled with content.

"I carried it around with me for weeks, wondering if there was a perfect moment for it. Every day I thought about making this moment perfect...forgive me if I was strange to you about it. But this, this is the perfect moment," he continued, taking something out of his pocket. He knelt down in front of Natalia and held a ring in his hand.

"Natalia Fae Trevelyan - marry me."

_"What? Maker, what?"_ she asked herself perplexed as she saw her beloved kneel before her with a hopeful smile.

Her heart was beating uncontrollably and her whole body began to tremble with excitement. She couldn't hide her smile - she didn't want to. "Commander Cullen - I want to marry you. Now. " she replied and Cullen stood up in wonder.

"Now?"

"Well, if this is the perfect moment, let's make the most of it, don't you think?"

"You got a point."

"Follow me, I know where we can continue this. Nobody needs to know," Natalia giggled and took Cullen's hand and disappeared with him through the undergrowth into the forest.


	31. Nubulis, 9:41 - the month it all began

She didn't let go of his hand, not even for a breath of a second, as they walked to the place Natalia mentioned with a broad grin a few minutes ago. The deepest night had fallen, making one wonder how the two of them were supposed to see anything of their own spontaneous ceremony in the gloom. Cullen's eyes did not stray from her, butterflies buzzing excitedly in his stomach. He could hardly believe the bliss and anticipation of what was to come and grinned from ear to ear. Nevertheless, one thought clouded his mind, which he only mentioned hesitantly.

"The Exalted Plains aren't really the nicest place to get married right now, Natalia."

She stopped short and turned to him with an uncertain expression.

"If you want we can wait and choose a nicer place-" she stammered further insecurely. The thought of Natalia getting married right away made Cullen smile slightly when he saw her worried look, how nervously she tugged at her fingers and gnawed lightly on her lower lip. 

"I just mean you deserve a perfect wedding." he coaxed. Natalia shook her head.

"Well...Where we're going I think it's very nice. And we'll probably have to have another official wedding either way at the urging of my family. I think your sister Mia would be furious if she only found out about this through letters."

"Yeah, that's right." Cullen laughed and continued to follow her. 

Not too much time passed and they were both standing on the edge of an old ruin, which was decorated, no - almost covered, with ivy vines. The ruin stood directly on a gigantic lake that looked as if it would be endless because of the moonlight. Mountains adorned the horizon and flowers the olive green ground. They stood facing each other, their hands holding. Cullen gently stroked her cheek as he gave her a soft, carefree smile.

"Are you sure about this Natalia? I just want you to be happy." his words poured like hot butter.

"I don't need a pompous wedding to be happy with you. That we both stand, alone and alive-" she paused for a moment and giggled up.

"That's all I need to be happy." she added determinedly.

As modest as Natalia was Cullen couldn't understand why she was so simple-minded about it. He smiled dreamily at her, examining her almost flawless face - her high cheekbones, her auburn hair and her prominent lips; but he saw something that would only make her more beautiful for that moment. He slowly let go of her hand and walked a few metres further. Curious, the Inquisitor peered after him and saw Cullen picking something off the ground and returning. Gently he stroked the strands of hair on the right side behind her ear and tucked an embrium behind her ear - smiling contentedly, Cullen marvelled at how the flower flattered his bride-to-be. The delicate green-hole golden shimmering blossoms and the glowing red centre only made it prettier. Embarrassed, Natalia glanced to the side and bit her lips doubtfully. 

"Natalia?" he asked worriedly, tilting his head to one side.

"I don't really have anything suitable on. I think a white dress would be more appropriate." Buckling her head, she chuckled softly insecurely and carefully fumbled with the delicate flower.

Cullen tipped her chin towards him and looked into her eyes again with a reassuring smile.

"No matter what you wear, you always look adorable."

Incredulous, she looked away briefly with a sly smile,

"Charming!" 

"Even with scratches and covered in blood?"

How sarcastic she was sometimes - more often, he thought to himself and smiled.

"Even with scratches and full of blood." 

Again they both held hands and looked deep into each other's eyes, hungry and impatient for a kiss that would finally seal their happiness. Cullen's heart raced as he pulled the ring from his pocket and turned Natalia's hand towards him. His shimmering golden eyes sparkled like topazes as he looked at her - Cullen didn't want to mess up the moment with any stuttered lines and paused for a moment before he began. But before he could recite his vows, he realised something essential was missing - his ring. 

_"Damn."_ he thought to himself. Natalia felt his hand suddenly tremble and inclined her head questioningly.

"Natalia I do have a ring for you but-" he stuttered slightly. Natalia put her warm hand on his and reassured him with a sly look.

"I knew you would notice."

"Excuse me?" he asked, perplexed.

Natalia's hands wandered behind her neck as if she were trying to untie something. Untying the knot effortlessly, she pulled out a ring, attached to a leather strap. Cullen couldn't get over his amazement - was this real or magic? As if she had planned all this. She laughed when she saw his eyes open wide and his jaw drop in amazement. A little abashed, she explained herself to the commander. 

"I must confess I too have been saving this moment for a long time. I wanted to ask you back in Ostwick but I never really dared - and then you beat me to it now." 

Her voice, so soft and soothing and yet so embarrassed, made Cullen's heart soften and his cheeks flush as he saw the silver ring held in her hand. Slowly he too had to chuckle in admission.

"Then...we should continue this, shouldn't we?" he asked with a wry smile as Natalia nodded. Again, he straightened her hand.

There was silence for a moment, the sound of the water lapping softly and the cool wind hissing softly between the leaky walls of the ruin. After all the commotion, they enjoyed this quiet, unforgettable moment - memorising everything. Cullen cleared his throat.

_"You only have this one moment, don't screw it up."_ he reminded himself before he began.

"Never in my life did I think I would meet a woman like you. You have shown me that all the struggles are worth it, that you are worth fighting for - For this one moment and for the ones to come. I hereby swear to honour and love the Maker and Andraste until death do us part. I will fight by your side and protect you no matter the cost."

Cullen slowly slid the ring through Natalia's ring finger, trembling slightly with flustered nervousness, and dreamily stroked her knuckles. Her heart racing wildly, she couldn't stop smiling as she realised that the commander who initially hated her was now going to be her husband - a wonderful husband. Natalia now took Cullen's hand and looked deep into his eyes, trying not to burst into tears herself. 

"Do you remember Haven? Our first encounter? Standing here, with you - it's so surreal and yet I enjoy every second with you. In Haven, on Skyhold - here. And I want to enjoy more seconds with you - no matter where we go. You have become a part of my life, you make me happy every day. Never would I have dreamed of this moment - But you are here and I want no one else. I hereby swear to honour and love the Maker and Andraste until death do us part."

She slipped the silver ring through Cullen's ring finger. With secret anticipation, he eyed the ring and was amazed by the engraving. 

"Nubulis, 9:41" - the month it all began." she whispered to him with a proud smile.

Their gazes never wavered, their grins of youthful yet wonderful happiness making everything around them fade into oblivion. Cullen gently caressed her cheek over to her ear. His other hand moved to her waist which she gently guided to him. With his fingers he guided her chin to him. She felt his breath tremble with pleasure and finally his scar, his warm lips on hers. Falling, she let herself fall into his kisses, pressing herself against him. His kisses were careful, gentle and full of passion as his fingers buried themselves in her soft auburn hair. She gently held onto his neck, kissing him further - Natalia's hot breath wrapped around his lips, tickling his scar. A brief smile came over him before he gave her one last kiss and looked at her with bliss. 

"I love you, Natalia."

"And I love you." she whispered, cradling her head in his hand as her sparkling eyes looked up at him.

"Natalia Rutherford...how does that sound?"

"Wonderful." he whispered deep in embarrassment and hugged her to him.

Arguably the biggest fight was yet to come, but the two of them didn't care. For this one moment, Cullen and Natalia didn't want to think about Corypheus, about the tragedy in Haven or the dangers that only awaited them. Arm in arm, tightly embraced, the two stood by the lake, hesitant to leave - However, it was the middle of Verimensis and the cold was slowly seeping into their veins. Cullen felt his newlywed vehemently resisting the cold and the shivering.

"I know you want to linger like this longer. But we could continue this whole thing in the tent, what do you say?" he asked, hugging her tightly for warmth.

"Together? In the tent? The others-"

Cullen's index finger interrupted Natalia's words as she felt it on her lips and looked up at him in surprise. 

"Are going to talk. They have been for months." he reassured her and gently kissed her forehead. 

As he had done in the battlements, he took off his fur coat and put it over Natalia's shoulders. She thanked him with a kiss on his lips.

"But what about you?"

"Don't worry, my love." he paused for a moment.

"Maybe we should get you a fur coat as well." he chuckled and took her cold hand and they both walked back to camp. Along the way they both watched the snow slowly trickle over them. Astonished, the inquisitor raised her hand hoping to feel a few snowflakes on her palm.

"Strange that it snows here? It hasn't snowed here for centuries?" she wondered.

"Then I guess this day is even more special now huh? Maybe it's a sign."

With a slight, heartfelt look, she glanced over at her commander and nodded.

"Maybe."

Arriving at the camp, they both crept quietly and light-footedly into the Commander's tent, which was closer to the fire. Quietly, they both scurried into the warm tent, which was simply and provisionally furnished with a cot, some furs and a table. Cullen lit the oil lamp on the table and felt a wonderful tingling in his stomach. When he turned around he felt Natalia pulling him towards her, demanding a kiss, two kisses - so many that she lost count.

Their passionately demanding kisses led them to the narrow cot where they both tried to squeeze in somehow with difficulty. An effortful, low groan and grumble overcame the two until they finally lay comfortably arm in arm.

"Are you comfortable?" asked Cullen as he stroked the back of her head after she snuggled against him. Natalia nodded wordlessly and pressed her head harder against his chest. She could hear his heart racing with excitement.

"I can't believe we are married now...this was my greatest wish." she whispered as she looked up at the commander. 

"I wanted to ask you a little earlier to be honest, even in Ostwick."

Natalia ran it all through her head, analysing whether she might not have missed the signs then. Pondering, she hummed to herself.

"Do you remember our bath together at your family's house?"

"Yes?" she said, slightly puzzled.

"Well, I asked your father for his blessing before - When you were talking to your uncle. I almost didn't stop that request." He chuckled softly, unsettled.

"Almost? Not prevent it? Because of the romantically decorated bathroom?"

"No, more because of the ring. It rolled out of my pocket and well...I wanted to be a little more prepared about all this."

Natalia remembered the jingle as the ring rolled out of Cullen's pants then and she gave an "Ahh" as she finally understood the connections.

"And I thought I was paranoid," she mocked, tickling him lightly on the waist. They both talked for a while longer, reminiscing until Cullen realised that Natalia was slowly falling fast asleep in his arms.

Only a few hours passed and they were both awakened by the clang of metal. Panicked, Cullen startled, his breathing fast and heavy, his eyes wide. Natalia was startled as well and looked up at Cullen. Half asleep, she cupped her hand over his face and his gaze finally shifted to her instead of the tent.

"Cullen, it's all right. The mercenaries are just gearing up for the march."

"For the march?" he asked in a hoarse voice, confused. 

"Part of the squad is travelling back to Skyhold - including us."

"Why us? There's work to be done here!" he said in a huff, watching Natalia stand up and tie her hair on the side.

"Cullen," she knotted the hair tie.

"In case you haven't noticed, you're wounded. We need to get back, we can't take care of you adequately here."

Cullen hummed defiantly but he wanted to avoid any discussion, especially as a newly married couple. He too stood up and picked up his linen shirt from the floor.

"All right." 

he pulled the linen shirt on and they both left the tent. As Cullen pushed the curtain away and gestured for the Inquisitor to step forward like a gentleman Natalia stopped slightly startled when she saw Cassandra, Varric and Dorian standing in front of her with their arms folded and a cheeky grin.

"Oh."

Astonished, she looked at the commander who was also standing beside her without question. 

"Well, have you lovebirds finally slept it off?" Dorian asked with a wicked laugh and folded his arms.

At first they both feared that the unofficial wedding had been overheard by someone, but it didn't seem that way. Inwardly, they both breathed a sigh of relief and watched for a brief moment as the camp almost emptied out.

"What time is it?" asked Cullen, stroking his slightly curly hair in a befuddled manner.

"Late enough to leave. We're just waiting for you two, Curly!" Varric laughed.


	32. Once and for all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story between Cullen is not over yet, don't worry! But anyway I will do a little creative break for now and I wanted to say thanks to everyone who is reading this fic and gives me feedback! I really appreciate it a lot <3

It was all so sudden - only a few days after the troop had returned from the Exalted Plains, it was now an eye for an eye against Corypheus. Natalia didn't have much time and quickly put on her armour. Too many thoughts were buzzing inside her head - What happens afterwards? What will happen to her? But no matter how it ends she knew one thing very clear - she must stop him, no matter what the cost. Frustrated, she tried to tighten the strap at her back and pulled at it with nervous haste.

"Damn it!" she groused.

"Let me help you-"

Cullen slowly lowered her hand and pulled the chest plate strap tight at the small of her back. She turned to him and nodded her thanks.

"We don't have time, quickly-" he ordered and they both ran out of the fortress at a fast pace. 

Though Cullen's demeanour was determined and as if he were keeping a cool head, he was teeming with fear for the future. This sudden attack reminded him of those days in the Circle and of what had happened in Kirkwall. Many things went wrong, but not this time, he thought to himself.

As they walked through the courtyard they saw all the Havens survivors, the nobility, the mercenaries - how their gaze did not leave the Inquisitor. Some prayed to the Maker, the others shouted encouragement. Natalia was overcome by a queasy, panicky feeling, and as if that wasn't bad enough, her anchor began to tingle. Inconspicuously, she suppressed the pain and stood in front of her stallion. Clueless of what was to come and with fear in her eyes, she looked over at Cullen - they both knew that this could possibly mean a farewell forever. They both never wanted to imagine this moment but there was no way out and they knew it. In a brief, silent moment, Cullen grabbed his Inquisitor's shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

"I know you will come back."

His firm determination in his voice, those hopeful glowing eyes reassured her for a split second - she felt how right he was, emboldening her. Natalia nodded and turned to her horse, now was no time for sentimentality or romantic long-winded hugs. But before she could sit on the saddle she paused briefly. "This may be the very last time I will see him. Maker, grant me this one wish." she thought and quickly returned to Cullen, grasping his hand tightly. She quickly pulled him to her for one last kiss. Probably the last tender touch of his lips, Natalia memorised every last fibre, looking up at him and examining his rather serious yet wonderfully sparkling puppy eyes, the scar above his lip, the stubble accentuating his jaw; his coiffed yet slightly wavy blond hair.

She had to pull herself together not to burst into tears and laughed tensely. It felt like she was leaving her heart with him, like she was sure it was going to be goodbye forever. 

"I love you, Cullen Rutherford."

Cullen saw her eyes fill with tears as she spoke his name but before he could answer, Natalia turned away from him and mounted her horse. She looked at him one last time and felt a wrenching pain in her heart - but she had to go. She rode at a fast gallop with the others to the temple. Cullen watched her disappear into the distance. He felt numb, as if he had just lost her forever. 

"I didn't want to let you go. I need you."

he turned as Jim tapped him gently on the shoulder - The mercenaries were waiting for his command. Cullen straightened and looked briefly at each soldier. 

"We have been preparing for this moment for a long time. Corypheus will be sending hand camps to attack Skyhold. We must protect them at all costs - each and every one of you will help defend our new home. Some of you will guard the courtyard, others the bridge. We must not fail the Inquisitor and we will not!" he loudly stated and the soldiers roared in approval before taking their positions. Cullen ran to the gate where Commander Cory Gregor was already waiting for him. He could tell Cullen was determined but his concern was written on his forehead. Cullen also saw Cory's worried expression, but he tried desperately not to let his feelings show. And yet he asked hesitantly.

"Do you think she'll survive?"

Cullen sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I pray to the Maker every second. She's been through enough so she should survive this too. If she doesn't, I don't know what's left for me."

Cory patted his shoulder encouragingly, with a soft hopeful smile.

"That's right. Let's do our best, I have to protect 'her' too, after all."

Cullen looked over at the redhead in puzzlement with a mildly startled look on his face.

"Not Natalia, by the Maker, Cullen what do you think of me?!"

He languished over at Cassandra for a moment and Cullen followed his gaze. His gawking was hard to miss and Cassandra looked over with a slightly disgusted sigh. They could both hear the bawling inside already. 

"You really don't let up do you?"

"I love a challenge, and so does she." whispered Cory mischievously, refocusing on the fight ahead. Cullen just shook his head in bewilderment and drew his sword as he saw the first Templars, who were infested with red lyrium, from the distance.

"Soldiers! On them!" the Commander shouted and with a rush and war roar they attacked the red lyrium infected Templars. They slew one Templar after another. Blood flowed over the cobblestones of Skyhold, arrows and bolts shot from the upper walls. Cullen was not yet in top form but he gave everything to defend their home. 

"For still being injured, you cut a fine figure, Cullen!" commented Cory as he pulled his sword from one of the slain Templars. Cullen heard him, but he didn't want to waste his resources and focused fully on the enemy. He was panting for air - it just wouldn't stop. There were more and more Templars, if not Abominations, and the fight had been going on for a while. 

"Damn it it won't stop!" he yelled in frustration as he blocked an attack with effort. Suddenly he saw fireballs and lightning disabling the Templars. Vivienne just snapped her fingers and the Templars fell to the ground. Together they cleared the bridge. Cassandra finished off the remaining Templars with clean, flexible cuts and watched for a brief moment into the distance. 

"There are fewer of them! Cullen we're almost there!" she shouted over to him and with full conviction of winning this battle, the Commander took the last of his strength and finished off the remaining Templars with the others. Their home was safe - for now. Suddenly they heard and felt an enormous force shaking the bridge. Cory killed the last remaining enemy at that moment and looked up to the sky. The rift flared up, pulsating with green lights. It became silent. Not a sound, only the wind howled faintly.

"By Andraste's tits-" whispered Cory, stunned.

"Is it over?" 

Cassandra glanced at Cullen who wiped the blood from his face.

"Fuck." 

His trembling whisper made even Cassandra shiver in concern. No one knew if the Inquisitor survived. Such silence was rarely a good sign. 

\---------

Dorian and the rest of the troupe waited in front of the wreckage, hoping that the Inquisitor had not been killed by the shaking. Full of worry, fear and impatience, they were on the verge of looking for her themselves. 

Natalia stood up slowly and looked to her left at Corypheus's corpse. "Damn, damn you." she thought to herself as she eyed his charred remains and the broken lyrium crystals. She breathed a sigh of relief and glanced up at the sky and thank the Maker she wasn't on the Other Side - On the ground. 

" Fuck, I'm still alive. I'm still alive." she gasped softly in relief and looked down at her hand which was flickering slightly greenish but she felt no pain. It was finally over and who would have thought that she would be allowed to see all this. Behind a stone archway she saw Solas slowly disappear into the shadows.

"Solas? Solas!" she called and he stopped. Slowly she limped to him in pain, but stopped when she saw him disappear into the shadows without another word. 

"Shit...shit!" the Tevinteran cursed, banging his staff against the ground in frustration.

"Now calm down-" Blackwall said and saw Dorian turn to him with an appalled look. 

"Bloody hell, Blackwall! We've been waiting here far too long already-"

his cry died away as he heard the crumbling of the stone archway. They peered intently as a silhouette slowly emerged. With a slight scuff, Natalia looked to her group. Relief was literally written all over her face - the way she was smiling over both ears and her eyes were glittering. Dorian ran to her and squeezed her tightly.

"Woooow Dorian, take it easy, I still want to breathe! Don't kill me!" she chuckled and hugged him tightly as well. He eyed her exhausted face, looked at how bad the injuries were and was amazed. 

"Thank the Maker, you're alive! It's finally over!" 

"Yes, finally. Let's go back. I want to go home." she remarked quietly and the troop set off to finally share the good news in their new home. Throughout the march Natalia was quiet while the others talked loudly with joy and relief at what had just happened. Natalia's only concern at the moment was whether it was really over or whether this could be the beginning of something far worse. Every now and then she looked at her hand and felt as if the anchor had come loose from it. 

"But you're still here." she murmured softly, wondering if she felt any other changes in herself. No weird tingling, her skin was rosy as ever, she hardly felt any pain - it all seemed fine.

"Ehh if you keep frowning like that you'll soon be the second Coryphificus!" Sera commented, patting Natalia's shoulder for comfort. She smiled over at the cheeky elf and looked ahead when she finally saw the gates of Skyhold. It was only a few metres until she could end the chapter for herself and start a new beginning. 

The final steps to Skyhold were diminishing and with each step Natalia's heart raced in excitement. "All these struggles, what I've brought upon myself and sacrificed...and now to finally be home with Cullen...I can't believe it." she realised, still stunned in her mind, and already saw her beloved Commander standing at the stairs, along with Josephine and Leliana. She forced herself not to burst into tears, but every time she glanced up at him it was harder and harder for her. Cullen turned as he heard the clanking of armour and could not believe his eyes that his prayers had been answered. A quiet, disbelieving "Maker" crossed his lips and he ran down the stairs without hesitation. The two were separated by only a few metres and it felt to both of them as if their hearts were about to explode. 

He caught his beloved tightly in his arms as she broke down in tears before him. He didn't let go and pressed her tighter to him, leaving a soft sob of his own as he buried his head in her neck. 

"I'm alive, it's over...it's finally over."

"I knew you'd come back."

He whispered to her delicately. Natalia felt his fear as his trembling lips gently touched her skin. The people around them fell silent, allowing the two of them this small, heartwarming moment before they stood up and climbed the stairs. Leliana and Josephine bowed to their inquisitor who also gave them a quick hug.

"The stage is yours," Josephine said joyfully, gesturing to the crowd looking up at Natalia. Still overwhelmed by everything that had happened a few hours ago, she paused for a moment and straightened up. 

"Less than a year ago, we stood here with nothing. Your home was destroyed and we had to flee for our lives. I saw the fear in each of you - The hopelessness and anger. But we found this place and we built something here - Together. Together we strengthened ourselves with the knowledge that one day we will fight back. And that day is exactly here."

Natalia paused for a moment and looked over at her friends, who gave her an approving nod. 

"We have finally defeated Corypheus. We are no longer in danger. We have avenged the fallen!" she cried out, raising her sword to the sky. The crowds roared and cheered, weeping with joy and overwhelm. She looked proudly at her advisors and lowered her sword.

"And without you, we would never have come this far." 

She thanked them. Everyone had worked towards this moment and there had been many sacrifices, but Natalia knew there was still much to do. She straightened up again and waited for the crowd to lower their voices once more. 

"Still, there is work ahead of us. It is my personal decision to return to Haven. We are rebuilding Haven - Together. For those who are fallen. What the Hero of Ferelden accomplished in Lothering many years ago, rebuilding it, we can do it to. But now, let us celebrate! This night is yours!"

\--------------------------  
There was not much time to prepare a feast, but the chef did his best to serve the inner circle. Meanwhile, Natalia joined the former inhabitants of Haven for a freshly opened keg of beer, music and to help prepare the meal. It was something simple, they took whatever was lying around and roasted sausages, meat and vegetables. Others also cooked vegetable soups. Natalia saw Leliana waving to her at the entrance from a distance and ran there. She followed Leliana on to the main hall, which was magnificently decorated with candles and wonderful food and desserts. 

"You did all that in such a short time?"

"Well, when you were talking to the villagers, some time passed. We were afraid you'd eat without us." the spy joked and ran ahead of Natalia. Everyone was already waiting for her and of course there was an empty seat between Cullen and Cassandra. She sat down and briefly gazed at each of them.

"I still can't believe we're all...almost all, sitting here."

"That's right where's Solas?" asked Dorian curiously, swaying his wine goblet casually from his wrist.

"We don't know, but we'd better discuss that tomorrow," Leliana interrupted charmingly, leaving Natalia to speak. 

"I've already said everything in the courtyard but - I'm glad we're sitting here. You are not a troupe. These months you have fought by my side and I can think of no better friends than you."

She raised her wine goblet. 

"To you! To each and every one of you!" 

Everyone toasted each other, cheered and rapped on the tables. It's been a tough few months for everyone - but the struggle was more than worth it for this long-awaited evening.


	33. Second Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months have passed since the victory against Corypheus and Cullen and Natalia's big day was approaching. They couldn't keep their secret wedding on the Exalted Plains a secret for long as Cassandra shrieked with joy when she saw the ring on Natalia's finger during the banquet after the victory of the Inquisition. The second, official wedding made a big splash among the nobility, overwhelming disappointment that the Commander would now officially be off the market. Natalia's parents organised the celebration on Skyhold on a small scale with the ambassador.

"So, is it sitting a little better now?"

"Yes, thank you Josephine."

"Fine. Then we're done. I hope you like it."

Josephine slowly led Natalia to her huge mirror, and Josephine was more excited than Natalia herself already was.

"I still can't believe you got married in secret. There goes all that excitement and joy!" the Ambassador commented.

Natalia chuckled.

"That's where you're wrong Josy. I'm more excited than before."

Natalia saw her reflection in the mirror and her excited look spoke volumes - she was wearing a slightly falling, plain white dress with silver floral embellishments around the neckline. Her hair was as always laid open to the side, though Josephine added a few braided strands and pinned white lilies to the back of her head. Natalia examined her dress more closely and grinned from ear to ear. Josephine spotted another important detail and presented the Inquisitor with a small, discreet bouquet of white lilies and green arrangements. 

"As you asked, I have tied on an embrium as well. I also hope you like the dress, it was difficult to track down a silent tailor." she chuckled.

Silence reigned for a moment, Natalia could hardly put her joy and satisfaction into words. Despite already having her dream wedding and actually hating dresses, she secretly felt like a princess, which is a very rare moment for her - maybe even the first real one in her life.

"It's perfect - thank you so much Josephine for your efforts. I am overwhelmed!"

Josephine smiled contentedly over at Natalia and ticked something off on her clipboard. "Very well then, I'll fetch Lord Trevelyan. Raise the flag on the balcony as soon as you are ready so we can assemble in the courtyard." the Ambassador declared, leaving the Inquisitor's quarters with satisfaction.

Meanwhile, Cullen was already standing excitedly in front of his keep, nervously looking towards the Inquisitor's balcony and courtyard. Neither wanted a too extravagantly decorated courtyard and decided on pots of white flowers leading to the altar. Behind the altar was an archway with green ivy vines and red roses. Skyhold's residents were already gathered in the courtyard waiting for the bride and groom.

"Now don't look so austere, Commander!"

"I'm not looking austere at all, Dorian." he scowled.

"Oh yes you do. And how - you look so stern that a strand of hair has already fallen on your face."  
Dorian laughed cheekily and crossed his arms jauntily. Cullen peered over at his strand of hair for a moment, unsure, and stroked it back carefully. 

"Better?" "Haha, you need to put more of that pomade in or it won't work, let me help you."

Dorian styled Cullen's unruly curls and noticed Cullen watching him work. He cracked a sly smile and looked deep into his eyes.

"Oh is this the moment we realise there's more between us and we secretly flee Skyhold and spend the rest of our lives together?"

"Why not?" Cullen asked back wickedly.

This was his chance to finally shut the cheeky Tevinteran up for a moment - successfully. Dorian blushed and cautiously took a step back. For a second he was unsure but covered it up with a chuckle.

"You're getting better at sarcasm."

"I'm learning from the best."

Dorian smiled over at him and patted him gently on the shoulder. They both walked to the courtyard and Cullen watched the crowd. All eyes were on him. Arriving at the altar, he tugged his suit into place. He glanced over at Dorian, who nodded at him and went to join the usual group.

"What a pity. I thought you two were getting married." - "Well..where love goes, Varric - where love goes," Dorian sighed sarcastically and smiled cheekily at him. Cassandra was already having to hold back her tears, while Vivienne gave her a tissue in advance. Sera and Blackwall were both unfortunately unable to be present, but left them a small gift with a letter. Sera was active again as Red Jenny and Blackwall helped with the reconstruction in Adamant. For the Iron Bull this moment was a rarity - the first time he saw two people officially getting married, while Krem already had an inner countdown, when his boss will get sentimental. And Cole - Cole made people calm down and forget their worries for a moment. Especially Natalia's mother, who was already waiting for her and her father full of nervousness and was about to faint. But she was not alone in this feeling.

"They'll be right with you, Lady Trevelyan. Just a moment."

"I know Lady Rutherford but - "

"- just call me Mia, my Lady."

Mia interrupted with a soft smile. Mia glanced over at her brother standing nervously and saw that his strand of hair was once again out of place. She waved her hands back and forth and Cullen saw her fidgeting around. Mia pointed with a cheeky grin at his lock of hair, which he again smoothed back with an annoyed sigh.

\------

"Natalia? Are you ready?"

Natalia adjusted her hair ornament one last time and turned to her father with anticipation written all over her face and nodded.

"You getting married in secret was your idea, wasn't it?" he scoffed, grabbing her shoulder.

"Yes, but it was a decision we will never regret." she chuckled, still slightly embarrassed. 

Darius eyed his daughter one last time before they walked down the aisle. It was a bittersweet feeling to give his only daughter into the hands of another. The Lord realised that Natalia was finally happy again after all the years she had suffered through pain and hatred. She seemed more liberated, carefree and her eyes sparkled like gems in water.

"We have to thank the Maker that all this is finally over. I am proud of you Natty."

"Dad now stop it or I'll cry." she sobbed with a broken giggle and carefully wiped away her tear. He let go of her shoulder and ran to the balcony. From above, the tense crowd could be seen and felt more than clearly. Darius waited until Josephine looked over at him and raised the flag of the Inquisition.

"It's time." she remarked and walked over to the Commander. He stood at the altar with the new divine, nervously jittering back and forth. He thought Josephine was about to relieve him of any tension, but she only made him wriggle more with the news. 

"She'll be here soon," she whispered softly to them both and ran to the stairs leading to the main hall. The residents and servants did not miss this brief moment and they gradually fell silent, curious and eagerly waiting for the Inquisitor. The guards opened the large, wooden door and Natalia walked slowly with her father to the altar. She climbed slowly, step by step, with full grace, her gaze never straying from Cullen for a second.

"By the gracious Andraste..." he marvelled softly, his jaw almost dropping as he saw his spouse walking towards him in such beautiful splendour. Natalia smiled from ear to ear and every step made her heart race more and more - just like a few weeks ago, maybe even a little more than that. Darius glanced proudly over at his wife Georgia, who was already wiping tears from her face with a handkerchief. Arriving at the altar, everyone paused for a brief moment. Despite the fact that the two had already been more or less practised for this moment, they still looked quite nervous and clumsy. Darius broke away from his daughter and placed her hand on Cullen's.

"I know my daughter is in good hands with you, Cullen. May Andraste watch over you too." the Lord whispered to Cullen with a smile and joined his wife. Cullen and Natalia looked into each other's eyes, feeling the moment like a veritable deja vu. 

"And here we are again, Commander, this time with an audience." she quipped softly, stroking the back of his hand gently with her thumb.

"And once again you enchant me and take me off the rails".  
He enthused softly, glancing at his bride, whose eyes were fixed on his hair with a slight grin.

Cullen followed her gaze and noticed the stubborn strand, which he tried to sweep back again. With a gentle squeeze of his hand, Natalia stopped him, and a little irritated, he looked at her, understanding that he was too worried about looking perfect for her. Her content, calm smile in her grass-green eyes made him understand that he looked more than perfect as he stood before her. Ready to begin the ceremony, the two looked over at Leliana, who nodded her approval and let the ceremony begin with the following words:

"We have gathered here today to honor two people" Leliana paused briefly and smiled.

"- 'Once again' to join together for eternity. It is my honour as Divine and friend of the two present to perform the wedding ceremony. I now ask you to take your vows."

Cullen glanced back to his wife.

"When I saw you then, I never thought I would be able to take you as my wife someday here at this altar. And even less can I believe it will happen a second time."

he laughed softly to himself and Natalia couldn't help laughing a little either. The guests also chuckled softly.

"We have been through a lot together and proved to the builder that our love can survive any obstacles. After all that has happened, you are here and the reason why I am the happiest man in Thedas. I, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, hereby swear to honour you and show my endless love for you until death do us part."

She glanced at him, smiling and full of conviction - He flushed and left a tiny smile. He took her hand and put the ring he had put on her ring finger earlier in the Exalted Plains on her finger again. Natalia unconsciously stroked the back of his hand and her eyes glittered with satisfaction. Now Natalia took his hand and placed the ring in front of his ring finger and looked up at him, 

"You have given me the strength to survive, to fight for all of this and it was all worth it for this one moment. I have known for some time that I had to fight for you and I will continue to fight for you until the day I die - no matter the cost."

Cullen heard her firm resolve, yet he felt her hand tremble with excitement as she slipped the ring into his finger. They both glanced at Leliana, who couldn't stop grinning with delight and nodded slightly.

"I now declare you man and wife. May Andraste watch over you."

Cullen stroked her cheek gently and guided her to his lips.

"I love you, Natalia."

"And I love you, Cullen."

Their warm, soft lips met - he slid his arm slowly down to her waist and hugged her tightly. Natalia put her hands gently to his face. They both forgot about all the people around them and felt a surge of relief. 

The crowd slowly clapped louder and louder. Tears of joy came, cheers and even flowers were thrown around. Dorian smirked and looked over at Cassandra, who was already taking the second handkerchief and sobbing with joy.

"Varric you need to write that down!" she remarked in dismay when she saw Varric applauding instead of diligently writing everything down as he usually did.

"I don't need to write down this moment, Seeker."

"B-But Varric! This-"

"...This is a moment I will not soon forget."

She gazed at him gravely - but understood him and smiled up with a sob.

The bride and groom walked together to the main hall - the crowd following them attentively. They could not take their eyes off each other and their hands always stayed together. The main hall was festively decorated and all the delicious Fereldic and Ostwickan food was already arranged. The candles were ablaze and the bard and company were ready to entertain the crowd with joyful song and sound. They walked over through the gate to the throne and turned around. The crowd looked and listened attentively, even Josephine did not know what was about to happen. Natalia took a deep breath and looked up at her husband with shining eyes. Cullen was not particularly good at swinging speeches, he thought - especially when it came to such personal occasions. She smirked and glared back over at the crowd.

"We want to thank you all for coming. This is an incredibly important moment for us and we are happy to share it with you all. May the feast begin! “ 


	34. Timeout

  
_Artwork by Aveny_

"I can't believe they would go that far."

"Neither can I. Just unbelievable." Natalia added.

Cullen and Natalia were on their way to Honnleath - Forced to. Since the wedding, the Inquisitor and the Commander had only been working, finding no time at all for their honeymoon together. At that moment, they both felt it was rather secondary, as the salvage in Haven and the negotiations in Redcliffe were of higher priority. The Inner Circle was more than aghast but still not surprised that the two had not even thought of getting officially married in the hope that they secretly would. Cassandra could not watch this any longer and decided to go on strike with the Inner Circle, should natalia and Cullen not finally take a holiday - at least for a weekend. 

The two of them could already see the gates to the small village and Natalia felt Cullen getting queasy. He was generally a quiet man with a talent for keeping his composure, but this time he was exceptionally quiet. Natalia stopped just outside the gates, which Cullen noticed and turned to her with his steed. 

"Is everything all right?"

"I was just about to ask you that. You seem very tense, is everything alright? Is it because of your siblings?"

Cullen sighed in agreement and dismounted from his horse.

"That's what I thought. But I think it's better if we finally visit them huh?"

"That's what I'm afraid of, to be honest. I haven't seen them since the Circle, apart from Mia."

Natalia understood what Cullen was getting at. He had often promised his siblings to visit them, but it never worked out. He was plagued by a guilty conscience and was already counting on his siblings' resentment. Natalia dismounted and walked towards him. She took off his glove and meekly took his hand.

"Don't worry about it, really. I've spoken to Mia. And I think they're all rather happy to finally see you again, because I would be if Gerrick was still here and managed to return after quite a few years."

He smirked over at her and brought her chin towards him.

"You really know how to take the fear out of me, my love."

Their lips a hair's breadth apart, the electric, pleasurable tension between them as if they felt an inner crackle. So close to a kiss and they were both interrupted by a shout.

"Cullen!" Mia shouted, running up to the two of them joyfully. 

Cullen blushed with embarrassment and saw Natalia shrug her shoulders with a smirk. With a flourish, the older sister rushed to her little brother for a hug and squeezed him tightly. Cullen's heart slipped into his pants, the weight on his shoulders lifted for the moment, and he squeezed his sister tightly. She eyed him for a moment and shook her head in disbelief.

"Your sword and armour - seriously Cullen? This isn't a battlefield."

"Told him so." added Natalia from the background and it wasn't long before she too was hugged tightly by her sister-in-law. 

"Natty! What a pleasure to have you here! I know Honnleath isn't very big but we have delicious food!"

"I bet you do! The cupcakes at our wedding were already super yummy."

"And you actually don't like sweet things." Cullen added with a chuckle and saw Mia grinning almost triumphantly.

"Well, that must mean something then! We Rutherfords know frilly cakes!" 

For a light-hearted moment they all laughed briefly before heading through the gates to the village. Honnleath was indeed not particularly large, but Natalia felt as if she were in Ostwick. The joyful people, this light-hearted down-to-earth atmosphere and the beautiful sunny weather welcomed her. Except for Rosalie, the Rutherfords lived in a small farm on the edge of the village. Cullen was amazed at how much the small village and especially his home had changed. He stopped in front of the house and paused for a moment.

"So much has changed...you rebuilt the homestead yourselves?"

A short "yes" came from the stables where Mia and Natalia kept the horses meanwhile. Back when Cullen left Honnleath as a wee lad to begin Templar training, the homestead had been quite run down. The façade was crumbling and had holes in it. The field was patchy and not used at all and the stable was rotten and empty. He felt strange, as if this was no longer his home - more than 18 years had passed. Mia patted her hands clean and leaned on Cullen's shoulder. 

"After the fifth blight, the place looked terrible. Branson and I got together with the former villagers and built everything up. The Arl of Redcliffe supported us in this. I don't think we could have done it without him."

Cullen felt a tugging in his heart that only made his guilt worse. Mia didn't miss his bitter expression and she patted his shoulder with a smile. 

"Come on, Branson and your nephew are waiting for you."

Cullen nodded and turned to his lover. He took her hand and together they entered the small house. It was typically Fereldan, rustic and practically furnished - even a small fireplace had been added over the years. A little boy - probably six years old - ran up to Cullen and shouted his name with joy, the little boy literally jumped into his arms.

"Aland!" Cullen hugged his little nephew with a grin of pure joy. Natalia's eyes didn't stay dry and she wiped the little tear from her face with her finger. 

"Cullen - you're finally here!" greeted Branson and they both hugged each other strongly. His younger brother glanced at Natalia and grinned. 

"And a pretty lady you've got with you too! My name is Branson, Mia has already told me a lot about you." he extended his hand to her and Natalia shook it cautiously as she was surprised by an endearing, familiar hug. 

"Where's Eva?" asked Cullen confusedly, looking around. 

"Oh, Eva's in Redcliffe with Rosalie - running some errands. But they should be back tonight."

"Well I think you want to get some rest. Come on, I'll take you to your room." Branson suggested and the two followed him. Along the way Cullen remembered every step, every nook and cranny and right where Branson directed them was Cullen's former bedroom.

"Here we are. It doesn't look exactly the same as it did then, but...well take a look for yourselves. Just come down later then! We'll get dinner ready in a minute." 

"Thank you brother." the Commander thanked him and waited until Branson was on the lower floor. He hesitated a little before pressing the door handle. He let Natalia go first, who looked around in surprise.

"So this was your room-"

"Yeah, it looks..not really different. Or maybe I just don't remember what it looked like then." 

Beside the new walls all furniture stood at their old place. Cullen noticed his old wooden chest. Opening it with full curiosity he couldn't help but be amazed and showed Natalia the things he kept here for many years.

"I can't believe all these things are still here."

he said, almost tongue-tied, and took the items out of the chest. Next to all the books and the wooden sword was a cloth bag, which Cullen took first and opened. He didn't remember exactly what was in it and was all the more astonished when he took it out. Natalia sat down next to him and smiled - Cullen smiled from ear to ear, as if he had just been given his favourite toy like a little boy. He pulled out a leather brace - obviously it wouldn't fit the now grown-up Cullen.

"This was given to me by my father. He was a saddler and he made this leather brace out of some scraps back then, for my training. Oh, what else do we have-"

he interrupted himself full in excitement and dug out something else - an envelope, which was sealed with wax. Cullen remembered with astonished wide eyes what the letter was. Natalia continued to peer over at him curiously.

"So it looks like you know what this is?"

"Yes, I wrote this letter. But I don't know if I should open it. I only know roughly what I wrote in it."

"And what if I may ask?" asked Natalia cautiously but still thirsty for information. Cullen looked at her impishly and put the letter back in the bag.

"That will remain a secret."

"Cullen Rutherford and 'secret' ?" By Andraste's ankles, for THAT to come out of your mouth."

"Well..." he said cheekily, kissing her bumpy nose. He put the bag on the bedside table and meanwhile stripped off his armour. Natalia shook her head in bewilderment - that he would tease her like that, he must have actually been home. 

\------------------------------

In the evening, the five of them sat at the table and talked about the past years. Branson works as a blacksmith in Honnleath while Mia calls herself a baker. They waited for Branson's wife and Rosalie who joined them not too late. Besides the heart-warming hugs, Cullen learned that Rosalie had met someone in Denerim and will probably move there - also to study alchemy. In addition to the delicious stew that Mia had prepared, there was also a freshly tapped beer from the brewery not far from the homestead. The residents knew each other very well and supported each other. Rosalie and Eva went to bed a little earlier and little Aland finally had to be put to bed too. With all the tales the two of Cullen's siblings listened to attentively, Natalia saw that Cullen was not feeling particularly well. He was acting his usual self, but his cramped laughter gave him away. Mia took a good swig of beer and set the mug down on the tabletop with gusto. Her mischievous, cheeky smile left nothing good in store for either of them.

"So...now that the little one and Eva are asleep...how are things with you two? Will we get a second nephew or niece?" she slurred slightly and propped her head on her palms.

"Mia, you're out of your mind." remarked Branson sassily.

"I know I know...I do. Sooooo?"

Cullen cleared his throat and looked unobtrusively over at Natalia, hoping she would answer. She too wasn't sure what to say - should she lie or tell the truth? She hesitated, which made Mia fidget impatiently.

"I think I asked a little too soon!!! I'll ask again next time okay?" she laughed. 

"Thank the Maker." thought Cullen to himself, sighing quietly in relief.

Branson shook his head in bewilderment and lifted his older sister from her chair.

"By the Maker you can't even stand on your own two feet. Guys I'll take her to the bedroom sometime, sorry about her behaviour."

"Oh don't worry about it Branson. She's always been so direct. I think we'll go for a walk around the yard and then go to sleep," Cullen suggested, looking at his wife who nodded in agreement.

"Very well. Then we shouldn't see each other, sleep well!" said Branson and carried Mia up to the room. Cullen and Natalia left the house and walked through the fields. Both Cullen and Natalia were not feeling very well and the two of them sensed it. He looked up at the sky and was amazed at how clear the stars and moon shone over them. 

"Cullen?"

He glanced down at Natalia and held her hand as they continued walking.

"Is everything all right, then? You don't seem very pleased."

He sighed and grabbed the back of his head. He knew he couldn't keep anything from his wife and faltered a little.

"A lot has changed. Not just Honnleath but my family. I think it's the first time we've all been at the table together in over 15 years, but I didn't feel like a part of them."  
Natalia halted Cullen for a moment and looked him in the eyes. It broke her heart to hear this and to see it in his honey golden eyes.

"You have been away a lot, you never had the chance to return. But I can see from your siblings that they love you very much. The way they talk to you and look at you. You are and will always be a part of them." 

she reassured him and gently stroked his cheek. He put his hand on hers and gave her his smile. Natalia chuckled.

"That's better."

"But what about you? I know that question Mia-"

"It's okay Cullen. Really. I just didn't know how to answer. But sooner or later I'll have to tell them. I'm more wondering if you're happy with this situation."

Her smile faded into helplessness and sadness as she gazed into his eyes. Cullen shook his head impishly and kissed his lover deeply. His hands moved to her waist, pressing her tightly against him while his other hand tangled in her smooth brown hair. His lips released hers for a second as he admired her beauty for a second. 

"If I wasn't satisfied, we wouldn't be here together now would we?" 

she hummed sheepishly and kissed him again. How they would both like to sneak into the stable and continue there, but they heard a low yowl. Surprised, they turned to look at the thickly overgrown field. Instinctively Cullen pushed Natalia behind him and drew a dagger from his trouser pocket. 

"Wait here."

"No?"

"Natalia-"

"Sorry but a dagger? Forgotten I have a glowing hand?" she laughed shortly and he relented. They both ran through the cornfield following the yelp. It grew louder and louder and both prepared to attack. Cullen brushed the plants aside and was about to attack but froze.

A small mabari lay lonely and alone in the field. Natalia steadied her hand and it stopped glowing. Instead of attacking, she carefully knelt in front of the mabari pup and softened.

"Aww...there little one? Are you lost?"

Carefully, she held her hand in front of the pup as he sniffed her curiously. It wasn't long before she saw his tail wagging back and forth in joy. Carefully and gently she stroked his head and slowly squealed with excitement. Cullen knelt down too and let the mabari sniff him.

"Aww Cullen! Look how cute..." Natalia eyed the mabari more closely and was wrong for the moment. "It's a she! Oh Cullen she likes you!" she said, holding his hand excitedly. The usually serious Commander also grinned over at the little pup.

"Yes, it looks like it." he eyed the little one more closely and his joyful smile quickly turned to concern when he noticed the injured back paw.

"Natalia, look, the little one has hurt herself."

Natalia also looked and was full of worry. She carefully took the puppy and picked her up. The cub whimpered again in pain and Natalia soothed her by stroking her.

"You poor thing...all alone without a home and then injured too. Cullen, do you think the mother is around here?" 

Cullen stood up and nuzzled the puppy's nose. 

"I don't think so. Mia said earlier that wolves roam at night. The little one was lucky. Besides, Mabari would protect her pups at all costs and carry them away."

"You know about Mabari?" she marvelled and glanced at him. Cullen looked away sheepishly.

"Well...no...I've never had one. But I've read something about them."

Natalia softened when she saw Cullens puppy eyes.

"Well, I guess you have a Mabari from now on then. Do you think we can keep her in the house for now?"

"I think so, but we should keep an eye on the yard in case the mother does show up," he suggested and the three of them left the cornfield. On the way to the farm, Cullen observed Natalia's caring and motherly manner. She protected the little one as if it were her own child. Every noise made her flinch and she protected the puppy against her chest. Once inside, she carefully put the puppy down and the little one yipped softly to herself. 

"Psht," Cullen said, petting the puppy for comfort while Natalia prepared a bowl of water and some meat. They both heard the creak of the wooden stairs - it was Rosalie. Still half asleep, she rubbed her eyes and could hardly believe her eyes.

"By the Maker, I thought I was dreaming. You have a mabari?"

"Only a few minutes ago, sorry if she woke you," Cullen apologised and continued to look after the puppy. Natalia approached them both and put the bowls down. 

"The little one has an injury on her back paw and the mother is nowhere to be found. The little one was all alone in the cornfield."

"Let me see. I took care of the Mabari here in the village back in the day." Rosalie mentioned and looked at the puppy's wound. She nodded and looked up at the couple. 

"The puppy definitely needs to be nursed back to health, thank the Maker you found her. The wound I can take care of, it's nothing serious."

Cullen and Natalia breathed a sigh of relief. 

"I'll take care of it right away, the sooner the better." she continued, seeing Cullen's puzzled look.

"Aren't you going to sleep?"

"Cullen," she replied.

"I think you're the one who needs sleep. And desperately so. You've got bags under your eyes even the Maker wouldn't want. I was going to make you go to bed earlier. So, shoo shoo!" 

He scowled, appalled and a little offended, first at Rosalie and then at Natalia, who giggled and agreed, petting the puppy as she went. 

"Now go on, I'll help Rosalie and then come later."

Cullen sighed in exasperation - he knew this was one fight he wasn't going to win and went to his room. Once there, he changed into his sleeping robes, lay down in bed and tried to sleep. Suddenly he opened his eyes and quickly fetched the bag from the bedside table. He rummaged out the ancient letter and broke the seal. With full curiosity about his former self, he read through the letter. It was messy, partly with spelling mistakes but not difficult to decipher. It looked as if little Cullen had written this letter when he was 7 or 8 years old.

_"Dear Macker,_

_I want to have lots of Mabary dogs one day and for my family to be happi. I want to be a knigt one day and serve Ferelden with my Mabarys. I want my mum and dad and my siblings to stay healthy and I want to meet a beautiful princes who also likes Mabary._

_Cullen."_

He smirked softly to himself and folded the letter closed and looked out of the window. Despite the fact that unfortunately not all of little Cullen's wishes had come true, he was still more than happy with how his life was now.

"Thank the Maker."


	35. Between Straw and flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty chapter, you are warned :D

In Honnleath there was the annual village festival which is celebrated at the transitional period between spring and summer. The preparations were in full swing and Natalia and Cullen also helped by setting up the stalls with the other villagers. The little mabari had recovered in the last few days and brought a bit of a stir. During a break, Cullen sat by the porch and thoughtfully watched the little one play in the field. 

"Phew...there's only one more stand to go and then we can finally get ready," Natalia remarked in passing, wiping sweat from her brow with a cloth. The brooding Commander didn't escape her notice and she sat down with him. 

"Are you all right?"

"The mother still hasn't shown up and Mia can't hold the little one, neither can Branson."

Natalia sniggered and then held his hand.

"Cullen you know that Mia and Branson can very well keep the little one with them - they'd rather leave her to you though."

"We don't have time for a mabari and besides, I don't know if you-"

He faltered - Cullen was right. Despite Corypheus being defeated there were still some negotiations to be done and they were both well occupied. Whether there is still room for a mabari is questionable but Natalia laughed confidently.

"Cullen, even Andraste would see how much you want the little one with you - and I want her with us too. We have a lot to do but we are definitely less on the road like we were then."

she kissed her Commander sweetly and leaned her head on his shoulder. The puppy romped around the field and hopped around the patch, sniffing curiously at the turnips still in the ground.

"What do you want to name them?" she asked in passing. Cullen pondered and hummed thoughtfully to himself. In fact, it was not so easy for either of them to come up with a name for the little one and they continued to ponder. 

"How about Tali?" he suggested, glancing over at his love who nodded in agreement. "A beautiful name." she remarked and they both heard Mia call out to them both. They turned and walked towards Cullen's sister who came towards them with a big grin on her face.

"The preparations are ready! We're off tonight then we should get ready!" noted Mia, latching onto Cullen's arm who stared at her, puzzled.

"What the-"

"Oh Maker, Cullen, you really need to come here more often my goodness. I sewed your party clothes, you definitely don't fit into the old ones anymore. Come on!" she urged him and before the Commander could resist Mia dragged him back to the farmhouse. Natalia giggled, touched. Mia had already shown her her clothes this morning and Natalia also got up to get ready. With a whistle she called Tali to her, it took a few times but Tali ran happily to her new mum. 

"Well, let's get ready, what do you say Tali?"

\---------

Evening was falling and the mood was already starting to get into high gear. Bright orange and golden lanterns lit up the small village of Honnleath in all its glory. There were beer stalls, food booths but also play stations for the children - like a small fair. Cullen briefly helped Mia with the baked goods she was selling and waited eagerly for his beloved.   
Nervously he tapped his fingers against his thigh which didn't escape Mia's notice.

"I think I can manage on my own, there's still some baked goods left until we can close our stall anyway. Where is Natty anyway?"

"I think Natalia should be here any minute, I haven't seen her since noon today."

Mia looked at him, slightly stunned yet full of curiosity, and leaned boyishly against the wooden post.

"Interesting."

"What is?" asked Cullen as children laughed in the background and the bards sang and played their ballads. Mia gave a short laugh.

"EVERYONE calls Natalia "Natty" or "Nat" - except you. Why?"

"Hmm now that you mention it..."

it never occurred to the Commander before that he had never called Natalia by her nickname "Inquisitor, Soldier, Natalia" - Everyone knew that Cullen was always a bit more reserved when it came to that but the fact that this also applied to his wife surprised him just as much. 

"I honestly don't know."

Before Mia was about to answer him again in a cheeky way they heard a sudden cheer from the other side. Curious, they peered over to the axe-throwing stand and just rolled their eyes. 

"Bet Branson broke any records again?" 

"For sure." Cullen laughed cheekily and watched Natalia walk towards him. His heart pounded faster when he saw her in her costume - a wreath of flowers adorning her hair, a linen dress embroidered with red ornaments where the necklace with Cullen's lucky charm flashed out from time to time. The dress was very simple, no low neckline, loose short sleeves and it went down to her knees. Cullen also wore a plain linen shirt with red embroidery on it and dark brown cotton trousers. The only thing that was ostentatious about his outfit was the silver belt buckle which had embossed floral patterns. He saw that Natalia was holding a flower wreath in her hand and without much objection - even though he didn't want it - she pulled the wreath onto his golden blond hair. 

"More festive already!" she commented with a chuckle. The three of them heard a bright bell ringing from the barn. Mia jumped up, wedged herself between the two lovebirds, latched onto their arms and ran at a fast pace to the barn. She walked so fast that Cullen had to hold the wreath of flowers on his head.

"Mia now slow down!"

Mia didn't hear her brother and almost dragged them both to the barn. Once there, they could already hear the musicians playing festively and there were also a few people on the floor, dancing joyfully and peppy with each other - including the siblings and the rest of the family. 

"So, off you go!" cheekily Mia urged them to dance. Natalia and Cullen recoiled cautiously - they weren't the best dancers and knew that even a stick would cut a better figure. Mia put her arms on her hips next to her sassy grin. 

"Cullen, come on. Now don't be like that."

He rolled his eyes, slightly peeved, and felt Mia almost push them both onto the parquet floor. Somewhat awkwardly they glanced at the other dancers and eyed the steps. Cullen, usual as always, analysed the steps and the order. Suddenly he felt Natalia lock an elbow and whirl around with him.

"Natalia I don't know, I mean we-" he uttered slightly overwhelmed and looked over at her rather they changed direction and circled counter clockwise.

"Cullen it doesn't matter!" she laughed carelessly and they both practically drifted. They circled back and forth, criss-crossing, a thigh slapping and hand clapping in rhythm to the crowd and music and all over again. Cullen felt himself becoming more relaxed and light-hearted, more confident in what he was doing. The fereldan folklore got louder and faster and so the two of them adapted to it until the big bang came and the masses cheered. A little out of breath, they looked at each other and laughed and as sudden and spontaneous as the dance together was, Cullen was suddenly overcome with the need to kiss his lover. He cradled her cheeks gently guiding her to him and kissed her passionately.

"I love you Natty."

Natalia's eyes grew wide with her surprise

"Natty? Wow Cullen, I'm speechless. You're finally using my nickname! Can I call you Curly then?"

Cullen knew she was joking and laughed as he stroked her cheek. The relaxed mood in the barn loosened him up a little much too and so he approached her ear and whispered.

"I would rather enjoy hearing my name more often from you later, my dearest."

Natalia felt her cheeks flush and getting hot as she gazed over at him a little awkwardly - Cullen's cheeky yet charming smile taking hold of her at all times, he sometimes knew how to make her weak. It took a while, but Cullen opened up to Natalia more and more over the last few months, becoming more confident with his intuition. 

"How charming you can be sometimes huh?" 

Cullen hummed a laugh and leaned in front of her again. 

"You look adorable in that dress, and the way you dance - how can I not desire you?"

She felt her blood almost bubbling in her body, that electric feeling of attraction - the desire to slink away with Cullen and give herself fully to him.

"That was wonderful Cullen! I didn't know Templars learned to dance!" Rosalie remarked stunned, suddenly joining them. His confidence had all but disappeared and the typical, shy and somewhat awkward Mr. Rutherford emerged. 

"Well, we were rather impulsive." defended Natalia mischievously, watching the occupants leave the barn. Rosalie's curious look was not lost on her.

"We always do a nightly procession for the children with lanterns and music before they go to bed. After that, the party really gets going! Do you want to come?" 

"Thank you Rosalie but I think we'll stay here, we'll watch the lights in the distance." Cullen kindly declined, noticing Natalia's slightly confused expression on her face. 

"We?" she mused, slightly miffed, but before launching into a discussion with Cullen she remained silent, smiling. Rosalie shrugged her shoulders smiling carefree.

"Very well, I'd like to take your Mabari though if it's alright with you...um...what's her name now anyway?"

Perfect, Cullen thought to himself and said quite proudly, "Tali. Her name is Tali."

"That's a beautiful name! Well I have to go now, Tali has always been with Branson and his family, time for the little one to see something else. See you later then!" Rosalie said goodbye as she made her way to Branson, waving fleetingly at the two behind her. 

Natalia looked mischievously over at Cullen and propped her arms on her hips.

"We?"

"Come with me, I want to show you something. We need to be alone for that though."

\---  
Cullen led Natalia to the stables and helped her climb the hay bales and wooden beams. It took a moment and the two were a little out of breath when they got to the open roof and sat down. From this height you had a good view of the lake where you could already see a few weak lights glowing over the lake in the horizon.

"That's so beautiful ..." Natalia commented amazed and leaned softly on Cullen's shoulder.

"As a child I liked to be here when I wanted to be alone."

His hand slipped to hers stroking the back of her palm with his thumb.

"Tell me ..." he started nervously and Natalia glanced over at Cullen tilting her head slightly to the side in curiosity.

"Now you've got to know my family too. What do you think of them?"

“I didn't expect your family to be so ... lively. On the other hand, you are very calm. "

"I thought so ..." he said slightly hurt and looked back at the view. He felt her soft warm hand on his cheek as she directed his gaze back to her.

"Cullen, I didn't mean that -"

"I know, darling." he replied with a touched smile and put his hand on hers.

“It's just ... I've missed so much. I'm wondering if my position will make me miss other important moments. "

“Cullen, no one is blaming you. And you have experienced many beautiful moments. And this - isn't that a moment? "

she asked him and saw a muffled chuckle on his lips when he looked away, embarrassed.

"Yes you are right." he answered and kissed her lips gently. Again. And again. Both felt how hot blood flowed through their veins, as they had been demanding one after the other all day. His soft moan was like music in Natalia's ears. Cullen's hand slid gently under her dress, every touch he made felt so electric and warm. He slowly overwhelmed her and the Inquisitor leaned against a bale of straw. Her wreath of flowers slipped off her head as she reached up to Cullen catching for another kiss.

His digits slid to her waist and hooked onto her underwear slowly pulling them down. Cullen's lips touched her cheeks and gently slid down the back of her neck. A deep moan came over Natalia and her fingertips caught in his golden blonde hair and also stripped his wreath of flowers from his head.

"Are you lying comfortably?" he asked in a whisper and his lover nodded in agreement. His fingertips brushed the loose strands of hair from her face before he slowly entered her. His gaze never left her for a second - he wanted to see how wide her pupils were, what a smile of satisfaction she gave him. He took the time to examine her and his fingers slowly slid past her neck to the cleavage. He felt her pulse, how quickly it rose the deeper he entered her and smiled softly over to her. Cullen leaned in front of her and groaned in satisfaction as he penetrated Natalia completely and kissed her lips tenderly. Slowly and intensely, Cullen rolled his hips and carefully lay down on Natalia's chest. Both felt that the clothes were in the way and they would have liked to tear them off, but there was a risk that they would suddenly be disturbed. He gasped quickly before kissing his lover passionately. Each of his thrusts got Natalia's blood flowing further and further and the urge to cling to him. Her fingers buried themselves in his slightly tousled hair, she literally reached for them.  
Natalia felt his hot breath rhythmically on her delicate skin. He looked her straight in the eye and smiled mischievously, almost in triumph, that his scar on the upper lip became more evident.

"Good to see you enjoying it." he whispered and buried his face in her neck. Natalia's arms went under Cullen's arms, pressing his body against hers. His thrusts got faster and faster as he felt her nails through the shirt on his back. Cullen groaned deeply in her ear as if it were a request to keep clawing at him - and so she did. Her hands quickly went under his shirt and finally she felt all the scars that adorned his back. Like a map, her fingertips brushed for a vacancy.

She felt his controlled, quick thrusts - how primal they became. Natalia could barely control herself and gave Cullen what he secretly asked for: Her muffled moan was like a melody in his ears, as she almost whispered begging for more by moaning his name over and over. Her breathing was uncontrolled, as if she were about to break out. Cullen rolled his hips more slowly when he realized that Natalia was about to climax.

"Turn around." he asked her and she listened to the commandant's order.

Natalia lay with her stomach on the bale of straw, a little awkwardly she wriggled back and forth because of the prickly feeling. With both of his hands he prepared her pelvis and she felt his hard shaft entering her deeply again. Natalia couldn't stand the uncomfortable feeling of the straw any longer and instead leaned on herself and groaned loudly when it hit her sore spot.

"Everything OK? I - ”Cullen asked with wide eyes worried but she shook her head frantically.

"Yes, please ... go on, it feels this way ... so different ..." she panted and Cullen continued satisfied. Her moans got deeper and more animalistic, she was already growling, Cullen was taking care of her so well. His thrusts got faster again and he felt like he was about to come.

"Damn I have to hold back ..." he whispered hard but he couldn't stop, he didn't want to.

"I want you to come first but .."

Natalia turned her upper body slightly to the side and tried to look into his eyes. Her slightly embarrassed look, her red flushed cheeks and pursed lips which were about to tell him something.

"Come for me, Cullen .." she demanded in a lustful voice.

He felt her fingertips push against his shaft as she helped something and they circled her clit. Cullen couldn't hold back any longer and the way she asked and glanced at him, he grunted uncontrollably in pure delight.

"Fuck .." he moaned and his thrusts became looser and uncontrolled. Natalia could hardly pull herself together either and felt how Cullen got caught in her auburn hair with a grip and pulled it lightly. He tried with the last of his strength to bring her to climax. He groaned and screeched from the effort and felt how it tightened around his shaft.

“Ahh! Damn it! You feel so good .. ”he whispered and heard his lover gasping for air. It wasn't long before Cullen was rewarded with her deep scream of climax. Her body winced and her pelvis moved away uncontrollably and unconsciously. Just as her voice got quieter and quieter, so did her body before she sagged inside. Slowly and out of breath she lay down on the bale of straw and felt how Cullens slowly pulled his shaft out of her and pulled up her pants before he lay down next to her.

Both completely out of breath gave each other a long, deep kiss and looked dreamily into each other's eyes.

"That was ... that was different." noted Natalia out of breath and grinned contentedly.

“I'm happy about that, I also thought it was very nice. Maybe we should try out our stables at times. " Cullen quipped and kissed Natalia's forehead. After a while the two heard the residents coming back and quickly straightened up and climbed down from the roof. Both looked at each other and straightened each other's hair before something was noticed. Cullen peeked briefly around the wooden pole to see if the way was clear and led Natalia out of the stables. The residents gathered around the bonfire and sat down with food and drink. Mia looked around curiously and staggered over to Cullen and Natalia before she spotted them. They joined the rest of the family and Tali hopped right into Cullen's cross-legged position.

"And how was it?" Natalia asked Mia curiously and stroked Tali.

"Wonderful! Next time you have to be there, it's always a feast for the eyes. " enthused Cullen's older sister, handing them both the beers. The siblings and the Inquisitor toasted and each took a good drink. While Cullen and Natalia were talking to Branson, Rosalie noticed a missing detail and leaned against Mia's ear without being noticed.

"The wreaths are missing."

Mia turned her head mischievously to her Sister and giggled softly.

"I know."


	36. What remains

  
_Artwork by Levikra_

Several months passed after the council meeting in Val Royeaux and they were not the easiest for the former Inquisitor. The fact that she is now much more limited in combat hit her hard at first. But instead of moping around and feeling sorry for herself, she tried to come to terms with the situation and already managed a few everyday things with just one hand. They were small successes, but she was happy and grateful for each one she managed. It was Winter - Natalia sat in her quarters and talked to Dorian about this magical communication crystal she received from him. 

"Thank the Maker for having me home at this time of year," Dorian said with a relieved chuckle.

"I hate to say it but I actually envy you. This winter is the coldest I've experienced so far. Cullen even repaired his office roof because of it,can you believe?" she laughed lightheartedly and watched through the magical hologram as Dorian sipped a goblet of wine in amusement.

“After how many years? Three? Four?”

“Three...Damn, time flies.” she commented stunned. She leaned forward, closer to the hologram.

"Tell me, how's the bracelet coming along? Have you made any progress?"

"Indeed. Maevaris and I are as good as done but I think the final steps I need to work out with you to make it work." the Tevintarian answered proudly, leaving a smirk of triumph on his lips.

When Dorian learned that Natalia had to amputate her arm, he was more worried than she was about herself. For weeks he had been trying to design a bracelet together with the sorceress Maevaris that would magically complete Natalia's arm. The magic in Tevinter is definitely more advanced than in the rest of the continents of Thedas and since Dorian started working more closely with Maevaris, the two of them had achieved a lot that Alexios had only dreamed of - A revolution is coming.

With a sarcastic grin she leaned back gesturing with her hand.

"Hmm I take it you won't be coming to Skyhold?" 

"I'd be mad if!" quipped Dorian. He noticed Natalia struggling with something inside her and his laughter faded away like an echo. Concerned, he looked to her.

"The pain again?"

"Yes...it's bearable though. Meanwhile, I can't eat anything anymore. I feel sick and worn out."

"Then I guess I'll come over after all. I'm not a healer but maybe it has something to do with the anchor - side effects maybe." 

Dorian guessed, watching Natalias give a wide, tense grin like it wasn't the world - He just shook his head in bewilderment. He heard the door open on Natalia and her grin suddenly became more genuine and her eyes sparkled with joy. Curious, he hoped to see the former Commander in the hologram, but he was bitterly disappointed. 

Natalia waved Cullen over, but he didn't dare for a very specific reason - not only had he just come out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist, but Dorian would hardly recognise him with his slightly longer beard and curly hair, and might even be frightened. Cullen just shook his head with a shy smile and Natalia answered Dorian with an apologetic shrug. 

"Cullen now don't be shy, by the builder." Dorian pouted. 

"Maybe next time." Dorian heard Cullen speak in the background. 

"Alright, I've got to pack my things right away either way. I'll see you in a couple of days, you won't be able to hide then. See you then Natty and if anything comes up call me."

"What you want to leave already? So suddenly?" she asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, the sooner the better. So I really have to go now, see you!" made Dorian briefly and before Natalia could say goodbye the hologram disappeared with a blink.

"That was...weird?"

Astonished, she looked at Cullen who stood behind her and stroked her shoulder.

"Indeed. Actually, he's always the one who stops you." He remarked, humming a soft laugh. Natalia felt the strange knot in her stomach hit - However, she tried to suppress it, because for a few weeks Cullen had also been struggling with the side effects of the Lyrium. It wasn't the urge for it but rather the pain that came from time to time and sometimes put him out of action for several hours. Even last week he had feverish dreams and sleepless nights - but he fought through it well and she didn't want to ruin that for him. 

She pulled out a map that was lying on her desk and read it through briefly. It was a list of the former Templars who had arrived on Skyhold a few days ago to fight against their Lyrium addiction. There were also names from Cullen's side that were familiar to him. 

She turned halfway toward him and proudly grinned "I think it's great that you want to help these people, and more and more Templars are coming to Skyhold."

Natalia also spied a slight, proud crinkle on Cullen's lips. She leaned back and put her head on her neck, glancing up at Cullen and brooded.

"I just wish things would progress to some extent with Solas. We have to help him."

"It will, but first we have to take care of you." he replied, leaning in and kissing her bumpy nose.

Despite the more or less big bang in the negotiations, the two were finally able to recover and move on to new things, but the search for Fen'Harel continued on the side. Besides Dorian, Vivienne, Cassandra, Blackwall, Sera and Cole also left Skyhold. Sometimes they came back to visit or stayed for several weeks. Varric was very busy in Kirkwall but the two have already arranged a future meeting once Cullen and Natalia return to visit in the Free Marshes. The book Varric wrote about them actually sold better than expected, especially in Ostwick. Cullen was never too keen on the idea, mainly because he was sometimes described in a very elaborate and fanciful way. Natalia, however, even secretly supported Varric a few times - but which chapters she was involved in is a secret among dwarves and humans.

Mother Giselle returned to Skyhold to support Cullen in his new task. She saw it as her duty to help the Templars, and the new Divine - Leliana - also supported them. Josephine returned to Antiva and regularly sent the two letters that finally seemed less formal. 

While Natalia reminisced and looked dreamily at the desk, Cullen prepared and dressed warmly - his armor and familiar fur coat, underneath a well-lined doublet, dark brown leather pants and black boots. She awoke from her daydream and surveyed the blond's backside with a cheeky grin as he pulled on his boots.

"Natalia-" he admonished with a cheeky grin and Cullen could feel her blushing.

"Ugh," Natalia heaved a sigh as she suddenly felt another seizure and her eyes went black. Drained of her strength, she propped herself against the edge of the table and slumped briefly - it didn't take long for Cullen to run to her and catch hold of her.  
His eyes widened with concern as he brushed strands of her hair behind her ear. Slowly she gained composure and a firm footing.

"I'm fine, I was just dizzy," she reassured him with a cramped smile. He shook his head in bewilderment. 

"You stay here today. I'm putting Mother Giselle in charge for the day."

"No Cullen, it's all good, really. Please, go help these people. i'll be fine." 

She thought for a moment and looked to him again.

"Though I think some fresh air would do me good." she added.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and Cullen kissed her on the forehead and helped her walk as they both left the quarters arm in arm.

\---

Skyhold was covered with a light layer of snow. The chilly wind hissed through the small crevices of the walls, yet it was bearable outside thanks to the sun. In the courtyard, Natalia sat on a bench not far from where Cullen stood and watched her Mabari Tali and Broder taking care of each other. When Cullen saw Broder in the Winter Palace, he had to take him with him and at first the two Mabari had difficulties with each other and attacked each other often, but now they get along fine and Tali even got pregnant. Natalia left a muffled but still touched laugh as she watched the two. 

"Well you're two of a kind to me. Almost like Cullen and me. Almost." she remarked, drawing the two of them meanwhile. With a wooden board on her lap, she was able to draw with one hand easily without the paper buckling. She rediscovered drawing for herself and was able to express more than she had been able to. "The deepest scars are not on the body but in the soul." she quietly whispered her uncle's words as he helped her rehabilitate back then. Corypheus also left his traces and drawing helped her to process them. Secretly she peeked over at her husband who was practicing with the Templars and talked a lot about his experiences. His commitment and the will not to give up any of the Templars gave him strength to continue, but unfortunately he had already experienced some deaths and blamed himself for his failure. But both Natalia and Mother Giselle encouraged him to continue, because some Templars were already making excellent progress. Due to the high stage, some Templars could no longer be helped and Cullen also learned to accept this. Again Natalia let her thoughts wander.

"I wonder what would have happened if he had not survived that fight. If I had insisted that he continue taking the Lyrium?"

She set the pen to the paper and shook her head.

"I honestly don't want to know."

She flipped the paper over. "Hmm...I could draw him now." she thought quietly to herself but she struggled with the idea. Things were not good for her and Natalia knew it. Since Solas had removed her anchor, her condition had deteriorated rapidly. But there were also days when she felt good.

"Or I'll write a letter. I think I will do this."

Again she peeked over at Cullen, who turned briefly and gave her a surreptitious smile before continuing. Natalia gave him a soft smile as well and wrote a few sentences, but was alerted to the strange purple light by Tali and Broder's growl. 

"By Andrastes-" she remarked in confusion, seeing a figure slowly emerge. Instinctively, she reached for her dagger which was attached to her belt.

"Cullen!" she called to him, and he too drew his sword and pointed it at the glowing spot. In surprise, they lowered their weapons when they realized that the figure turned out to be a well-known Tevinteran.

"Dorian?" Cullen asked in confusion, glancing briefly at Natalia who gave him a clueless look - their jaws had literally dropped to the floor. The magister patted his clothes and smirked.

"With the point of the sword in front of my eyes, yes, I'm received most fondly of all."

"Dorian!" cried Natalia, falling joyfully into his arms. He squeezed her tightly and gave Cullen a brief, friendly hug as well.

"I thought you were coming in a few days?" remarked Cullen with a surprised glance, watching as Dorian proudly puffed himself up and pulled out an amulet.

"Well I tried out my latest prototype and it seems to work. You seem to be doing quite well with the fresh cold air after all, puts a bit of color in your face." he remarked cheekily.

"You looked better in the hologram." she teased dryly, and Cullen bit his finger briefly to keep from bursting into a fit of laughter."

"Natty, sassy as ever. I don't know if Andraste can help you anymore." he also joked.

"Shall we go to the study room? We can talk better there, I've got some wine for you too," Natalia suggested and Dorian didn't hesitate to agree.

"I'll take care of the Templars, I'll see you later," Cullen said briefly and Natalia kissed him briefly before walking with Dorian towards the study. Tali and Broder listened to Cullen's whistle and followed him step by step back to his tasks. 

\---

Night fell and Natalia just said farewell to Dorian. It was not too hectic a day; thankfully, these were becoming rarer and rarer. But for Natalia it was a bit much all at once and she sat down on the divan in front of the fireplace, slightly exhausted. Still mesmerised by the magic, she carefully examined her hand.

"Fascinating that such a thing is even possible." she marvelled quietly to herself, examining the slight greenish glow around her hand. As much as she marvelled, she put the bracelet down for the day. She touched the magical gemstone and the bracelet loosened by a few millimetres - she placed the bracelet on the table and continued to watch the fire. It wasn't long before she heard the door clang at the bottom of the doorway. Cullen ran up the steps and gently and fleetingly kissed the back of her head.

"Sorry I wasn't there today. How are you?" he asked as he stripped off his armour.

"A little better. A lot happened today..." she said monotonously, almost lost in thought. Surprised, he glanced at her, expecting a story, as much as Dorian and Natalia always talked to each other - But Natalia seemed quiet, too quiet. The only thing he heard was a slight huff. Cullen took off his armour, rolled up his sleeves and sat with her. Concerned, he put his arm around her. His left hand gently caressed her cheek before his fingers grazed through her soft hair.

"Natalia please...tell me what is "really" going on. This morning didn't look like you were surprised by the pain."

She bowed her head and puffed, "Cullen, I don't know what's happening with me, I don't want to burden you. I haven't been feeling well for weeks and I don't know how much longer I can..." she broke off quietly, on the verge of tears for a moment. Natalia felt his fingers gently tilt her chin towards him. 

"Don't say that, please. You will never be a burden to me - Remember I made a vow. And I want to help you, but you must let me."

He kissed her soft lips and Natalia felt her body finally relax after all this time, like she was gently gliding across the water. 

"I was so focused on my work, I should have realised. I'm a bad husband." Cullen remarked painfully and saw Natalia shake her head.

She smiled sweetly "Now you're talking nonsense. I was deliberately hiding it. Seeing how much joy your new work brings you makes me very happy too, you know?"

She swept the slightly wavy strands behind his ear and caught a mild smile. 

"I love you. I love you more than anything and I want you to be happy. We'll get through this together."

Her soft and soothing voice made Cullen's shame evaporate. Suddenly they both heard a cautious knock on the door. Puzzled, Cullen got up and ran to the door. He waited a moment and checked to see if he had misheard. Again there was a cautious knock on the door and he did not hesitate to open it. 

One of the servants stood before him, visibly nervous and tense. She studied Cullen's gaze and was only more frightened to have disturbed the lion. Visibly flushed, she stuttered.

"Sorry to disturb you so late but..." she huffed tensely. Cullen raised an eyebrow questioningly, waiting for the rest of the message.

"T-The Mabari...it's time." 

His eyes widened in surprise as he glanced at Natalia who was already listening with her fox ears and running towards him frantically. Quickly she picked up her bracelet and the three of them made their way to the stables. On the way there, Natalia nervously put on the bracelet and Cullen discreetly watched. 

Once again the bracelet conformed to her arm and small particles formed and shaped her sleeve. Visibly impressed, Cullen watched the little spectacle and carefully grasped Natalia's magical hand. She too felt his gentle, cautious touch and how her fingers shimmered green and tingled slightly. Surprised, he glanced up at her and Natalia smirked.

"I'll explain later." 

It wasn't long before the three of them were in the stables. Tali was lying in the far corner of the stables which had been specially prepared for her with hay and blankets so that she would not be exposed to any stress. Broder ran nervously around the stables and barked when he saw Cullen and Natalia. Natalia turned to the servant and gently grasped her shoulder.

"Thank you so much for letting me know. Please rest, I sense you are very stirred up, we'll manage." she smiled and the servant also gave Natalia a smile before returning to her bedchamber. Cullen knelt down shagging Broder's fur and stroked him on the head.

"It's alright, don't worry she'll be fine." 

Broder barked in agreement. Cullen glanced up at Natalia and didn't make any big speeches. They both walked carefully and quietly to Tali. To their disappointment, they found they had missed the birth of little Mabari by a hair when they saw the bitch already licking her little ones clean. Natalia felt Cullen's nervous but relieved breath and saw his hand tremble slightly with excitement. Gingerly, she took his hand with both of hers and watched anxiously as well. Curiously, Natalia stood on her tiptoes and tried to count the puppies.

"One, two...three?"

"Wait there's one more." said Cullen and she heard a joyful, hopeful undertone come out of his voice. He pointed his finger at the small grey mabari crawling towards his siblings.

"Look at that...a grey Mabari! Two dark ones and a brown one." 

His eyes glistened with pride and happiness and Natalia was so moved by the sight that she wiped away a tear from her eye. On the one hand she was happy, but on the other she knew that Cullen would like to have a child himself, even if he never really admitted it. Again Dorian's words wandered in her head and he might be right. The symptoms are similar but why would Solas lie to her? Lost in thought, she stared into the distance and the corners of her mouth dropped. Meanwhile, Cullen patted and stroked Broder, who had just become a fresh daddy. He turned to Natalia and was about to say something, but her look worried him and he stood up to hold her hand.

"Are you all right?"

Natalia blinked up and smiled slightly tensely over at him.

"Yes. Yes I was just lost in thought, that's all. Now we just have to think of names for the four of them." she deflected. Cullen shook his head, grinning in bewilderment.

"Oh Natalia."

His arm encircled her waist and he pressed her to him, kissing her passionately. Her magical hand travelled up his face and caressed him gently. The slightly electric feeling on his skin was more pleasant than he had expected, but still took some getting used to. He took her hand and gently stroked the back of it. 

"So, how does it feel?" she asked cautiously.

" Beautiful. As always." 

She sighed with relief and kissed Cullen on the cheek. Arm in arm, the two watched the mabari. 

"Are you really happy? Even though I can't..." she asked sorrowfully. Suddenly her husband hugged her tightly and buried his head in her neck as she heard his soft whisper.

"I wouldn't trade this happiness, our little family, for anything in the world." 

Epilogue

A few weeks and the little pups were now romping all over Skyhold, giving Cullen and Natalia a good run for their money. When Cullen was alone and enjoyed some free time, he practised new tricks with the little ones, which he then proudly presented to his lover. His symptoms regarding the lyrium also weakened somewhat so that he was better able to help the other Templars even better, even to let go of the lyrium addiction. 

Natalia's suspicions were not confirmed when she confided in a healer. Due to the separation of the arm and the anchor's effect on her body, Natalia was very weakened. She took tinctures regularly and took things easy. For a few days she felt an improvement and could meanwhile continue her new sword training. Her magic hand was an enrichment and practically the perfect substitute to make everyday life more pleasant. There were still a few things she couldn't do well, but Cullen helped her wherever he could - whether it was the most mundane things or training. 

Cassandra also returned to Skyhold with Divine Victoria Leliana with interesting news regarding Fen'harel. The former Inquisition still had many questions and above all an important mission to fulfil - to stop her friend from destroying Thedas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to everyone who has read this far. My first big project is finally finished after more than a year. It was really hard for me to write this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all the BETA readers who helped me with this. 
> 
> It may be that I'll have to add one or two more chapters, but now I'm moving on to the next project and I'm looking forward to it. So I leave with a laughing and a crying eye.
> 
> Thank you so much.


End file.
